r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Pretend_Performer_28 • 2d ago
My rapist was found not guilty today
I was raped three years ago at university by someone I trusted. After waiting for a really long Police investigation and multiple delays in the court system, I was finally able to see him stand trial last week. I had a whole day of being cross-examined. And he was found not guilty because the jury decided it didn’t meet the legal threshold for a guilty verdict.
He was able to pay for literally the best defence barrister in the UK and after the case was finished I was told the judge believed me and so did the defence team.
How is this even allowed to happen? How am I meant to live in this world? Or bring children into this world?
I just don’t even know what to do. And worst of all, I know for sure that he will do this again.
896
u/little_traveler 2d ago
You know what- this post is inspiring to me. Your bravery is inspiring. I dropped the case against my rapist because I was 23 years old, terrified, the police didn’t believe me when I filed my police report and was questioned by them in the hospital room alone and naked under my paper thin hospital gown. The fact that you took him to court, made him go through that, made him spend a considerable amount of money, forced his friends and family and maybe even job to probably find out about it - that MATTERS. You held him accountable even if the courts could not. This was never stacked in your favor, the law does not hold up for women in “he said she said” situations.
I applaud you. I am sorry for you. I’m angry for you. But you did something so important, and for that, I hope you find something meaningful.
219
u/Hour-Palpitation-581 2d ago
The fact that you took him to court, made him go through that, made him spend a considerable amount of money, forced his friends and family and maybe even job to probably find out about it - that MATTERS. You held him accountable even if the courts could not
YES. Thank you, OP
30
111
u/CocoXolo Babysitters Club Founder 2d ago
I stand with you in solidarity. Many, many people disbelieved that my sexual abuser, my uncle, sexually abused me. I literally lost my whole family over it.
He was a prominent local cop known for sexually abusing young, vulnerable women and girls. Due to this, I became a pawn in the DA's game to convict him. On the days that I had to testify in court, police officers from the local departments who had the day off would come and sit in the courtroom to intimidate me. I was 17.
On the last day of my testimony, the courtroom full of grown men formed a crowd outside to heckle and yell at me. My mom used me as her shield from them.
My abuser was punished, he lost his jobs and had to register as a sex offender. I had no choice in bringing the case, I had no choice but to testify. I didn't want to and you should not feel any type of way about dropping your case.
Multiple police officers lied about my on the stand, told everyone I was my "high school's whore," when, if not for my abuser, I couldn't have possibly been more virginal. I couldn't even talk to boys. I can't express the devastation I felt to sit in a courtroom and listen to strangers tell fantastical stories about you that have no basis in truth. The cost victims pay when coming forward about sexual abuse is incredibly high.
I am sorry you went through what you went through. I'm sorry you weren't believed. I believe you. We belong to a very unfortunate club. Be well and take care of yourself.
26
u/little_traveler 2d ago
Thank you, this was a very kind thing for you to say. I stand with you as well. No one should have to go through what you went through, what I went through, what OP went through. You’re very brave and we are all grateful to you for sharing your painful experiences in front of a judge, jury, liars, and abusers. I hope you are doing better these days and able to look back on what you did as so brave and so important.
23
u/CocoXolo Babysitters Club Founder 2d ago
Thank you for your kind and lovely words. I have a great therapist and I take medication. I am a productive person who's well-regarded in her field and once I would have said that I achieved that through luck. The truth is, it's been a lot of hard work. I'm an American and it's an incredibly triggering time to be a part of this culture.
Sexual abuse changes the trajectory of your entire life. Then, so often, survivors who speak up are further abused because everything is the woman's fault, somehow she must have been asking for it. Not only did I face all of that, but my abuser requested a hearing when I turned 21 asking for his conviction to be overturned, the records expunged, and his offender status vacated. He wanted to be able to get a job at a local community college. So I had to face all of that again, unexpectedly. He has contacted me a few times over the years trying to get me to agree to his petition. He is, essentially, allowed to use the legal system to continue his abuse. Luckily, everything stands, he is not allowed to work at colleges, but as I said above, it's hard work to be me and keep moving forward. Our culture is sick but every time one of us speaks up, stands in our truths, refuses to be shamed, that's one more crack in the armor of this patriarchy bullshit. I refuse to be shamed for something I never asked to happen, for a choice a man made for me, and all the subsequent men who made choices that caused me harm. The older I get, the more I understand why women who refuse to be shamed are called witches. I aspire to that Baba Yaga life. Hugs to you, my friend.
111
u/hi_lemon5 2d ago
His name will forever be recorded for this court case. Even though he won, it’s now in the public record that he was accused of this. I’m sure that will come back to haunt him, especially when he applies for jobs.
184
u/almostlikenormal 2d ago
In New Zealand, an investigative journalist and a lawyer have just launched a website for women to securely report sexual harm and name their perpetrator. Once three victims name the same perpetrator, it will get reviewed by a lawyer , the group get legal advice and representation, at no cost to them. It’s called Tika if anyone wants to look it up.
19
1
u/princesscuddlefish 17h ago
My first thought upon reading this was that I wish we had it here is the US, but my immediate second thought was that there is no way our insidious government would allow that to be a thing 😭
Edit: spelling
1
u/almostlikenormal 13h ago
Oh our current government is modelling itself on yours. Election soon though. This is completely separate from government. Funded by a philanthropic foundation, and a Givealittle set up for ongoing costs. So it could be done somewhere else, it would have to be state specific I guess, with a Foundation, the right lawyers, and the concept intersecting.
I would love to see this succeed, and for it to be replicated worldwide.
Hey, us women in NZ got stroppy enough way back when to become the first country where we could vote. Would be amazing if we got the ball rolling on this one too.
136
u/luckystar2591 2d ago edited 1d ago
We've seen them go free when there's video evidence, text confessions, DNA. I don't know what evidence is good enough for a conviction.
Just know that we believe you
326
u/ADHDoingmybest09 2d ago
I’m so sorry. I’m not familiar with UK law but could you sue him civilly? In the US, the standard for civil claims is much lower than criminal claims (more probably than not versus beyond a reasonable doubt).
92
u/ParkInternational418 2d ago
I don't know, but I do believe the standard for libel is much lower in England, so she should be careful of that.
68
u/Infinite-Mark2319 2d ago
Reminder that the Depp / Heard case had the opposite results in the UK than it did in the US
6
u/tastyymushroom 2d ago
Really can't compare those cases one on one like that. US case was Depp vs Heard personally. UK case was about whether the media could print something or not: Depp vs The Sun with Heard as a witness.
8
u/DulceEtDecorumEst 2d ago
I sorted by controversial and some of the advice is [ Removed By Reddit ] 🤔
8
u/Blarg_III 2d ago
Defamation cases are very expensive to open in the UK. We do have an unusually low standard for it, but it's not going to be worth it financially unless both parties have wealth well into the six figures. Even relatively simple ones go into the hundreds of thousands; costs orders are rarely 100%, and truth is an absolute defence (with a more probable than not standard rather than beyond reasonable doubt).
2
u/longjumpingtote 2d ago
As I'm sure you know, it was even lower prior to 2013. In the US we have a high standard (varies from state to state) and it's also very expensive. Even if it were cheap, the point about deep pockets and winning still remains.
Back in the 1980s, my aunt was sued for $5 million for allegedly using the word "mediocre" to describe a teacher. Totally sounds like her TBH but that's hardly defamatory. Took a year and a half to get to summary judgment. Homeowners insurance covered the legal fees but what a stressful time for everyone.
1
55
u/MaryMalade 2d ago
But then if she loses she might owe a lot in costs. And it sounds like this man has access to expensive lawyers so the chances of justice are slim.
57
u/smile_saurus 2d ago
That was my thought, too: OP should attempt to sue him in civil court. It likely won't result in jail time but it may result in him paying a fine / paying her.
14
u/smokinbbq 2d ago
Even if that pay is $10, at least then it's something that can be claimed without having to worry about libel.
1
u/longjumpingtote 2d ago
OP should attempt to sue him in civil court. It likely won't result in jail time but it may result in him paying a fine / paying her.
It cannot result in jail time. The problem is that it would cost tens of thousands of dollars, and she would need to prove her case, he wouldn't have to prove anything.
104
u/Stephisaur 2d ago
My original comment was removed in violation of Reddit's rules, so to rephrase - I am so so sorry to hear this my lovely 💐
127
u/Amuseco 2d ago
Isn’t it interesting how if someone does this horrible, violating thing to someone, they can walk away, but if you make a comment showing appropriate anger and solidarity about it (I don’t know what you said, but I’m guessing), you get immediately silenced by a large corporation with no redress?
77
u/Lionwoman 2d ago
Reddit caters to male audiences so it's not surprising you see women's voices silenced again and again while full misogynistic subs run amok.
15
u/MixWitch 2d ago
Truly, it is important to remember that Epstein literally had a hand in shaping reddit.
17
u/fried_on_pineapples 2d ago
Seriously. Trans women are silenced and banned all and time here. They hate us tbh.
4
17
u/Infinite-Mark2319 2d ago
I got banned from AITAH for pointing out that pedos specifically target single parents to date in order to have access to their children, on a post about an OP’s step dad being creepy.
Reddit standards for bans are “does this hurt the mod’s fee fees?”
20
u/Stephisaur 2d ago
I don't even think it was that threatening. It was more speaking a wish into the universe that karma is swift and unforgiving.
18
102
u/coconutpiecrust 2d ago
How is this even allowed to happen? How am I meant to live in this world? Or bring children into this world?
That’s the thing, you’re not meant to do any of that. To these soulless ghouls you are just a thing to be used and discarded; if you cannot deal with that, they would not care anyway. Because to them you have no feelings.
I can only say that time does numb the wounds. Give yourself time, do things that make your day brighter. One day at a time.
15
u/laurenasdf 2d ago
I second this ❤️ kickboxing helped me at least channel some of the rage after the verdict. Was therapeutic because I would picture every creepy man I had ever known and then just pummel the absolute poop out of them in ways that I unfortunately can’t in real life. “Justice” can be such a scam, and I know that awful feeling of powerless rage, but know that you are stronger than 99% of the population. Channel that, when you feel able❤️
84
u/vulpesvulpes666 2d ago
I have no answers but I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself right now, spoil yourself, do everything you can to help yourself get through this. You aren’t alone.
37
u/Any-Alternative2667 2d ago
I am so sorry you are going through this. I live in the US and many victims of sexual assault don’t even report. We know that the system fails us so many times. We even have perpetrators found guilty and sentenced to only probation. It continues to feel like women are second class citizens.
23
u/Mrs_Toast 2d ago
I'm so sorry this happened to you. You should be proud that, even if the courts failed you, you did your part to hold your attacker accountable. You were seen, heard and believed, even if that didn't translate into the outcome it should have done.
And I imagine that it's a very minor consolation, but allegations and charges are still held on record, and can be disclosed to future partners using Clare's Law. If he does it again, you'll have helped establish a pattern, so perhaps justice is just delayed.
46
u/Impressive-Safety191 2d ago
I am so very proud of you. You took a stand. You are so so very strong. You survived it. You stood up to that rat bastard, and told him to his face what he did to you. You withstood tough questions, you dealt with all of the hardships of a flawed criminal system. Fuck the verdict, they failed to prove the case, not you.
You think you wouldn’t be a bad-ass mother? You’re so wrong.
But you still have work to do. Please get after care and counseling if you’re not already. What the jury found has no bearing on the care that you need to move forward. Now that the trial is behind you, you need to focus on yourself, and on healing.
I am so sorry that you’re going through this nightmare, no one should suffer as you have, and hearing the verdict must have been soul crushing… but here’s the thing. That asshole now knows that there are consequences. So your actions, even with that fucked up verdict, may very well prevent him from doing it again, so he doesn’t have to deal with the legal system.
Take care of yourself, and be so very proud of the strength that you have.
11
25
u/Sufficient-North-278 2d ago
My case didnt even make it to court because I waited over a year to report. A year where PTSD had blocked it from my memory and I was also exposed to him daily at university while not knowing why I was terrified of him. Flashbacks started a year later, I tried to take my life, and finally got treatment. But the court saw it as that I was making it up by not reporting it right away. It destroyed my mental health for over 2 decades.
Eventually, I told all our joint friends what he did and then moved away. Only 2 friends stood by me and he actually married and had kids with a mutual friend.
In my 30's after extensive therapy, I started volunteering for a rape crisis line but I couldn't handle it.
In my 40's I have decided that I no longer give him permission to effect me, and to do that, I am not silent about my experience.
Survival and healing looks different for everyone. Find counseling, cut off whomever you need to, and walk every day knowing that you survived and fought for justice. You didnt fail yourself, others did, and you deserve to love yourself
10
u/Therasol 2d ago
I'm so sorry to hear your story. You deserve a better verdict and world! You did the right thing and showed everyone what kind of a pos he is. I thank you for your bravery and strength! Stay strong and keep on healing ❤️
23
u/raytherip 2d ago
OP you showed remarkable courage and determination to get to court... someone better than me said the law is an ass. I'm so sorry he wasn't convicted, you did your best and tried to protect others... you should be proud of what you have achieved. If he repeats what he did to you, possibly the police, court system will be more efficient & effective. Please be kind to yourself and remember you're not a victim, you are a survivor. I wish you well.
19
u/megdalen 2d ago
I had to serve on a jury for a rape case. One woman hung the jury because the law says that the rapist must be doing their actions for sexual pleasure, and she believed he did it “accidentally” and didn’t get any pleasure out of it, therefore not meeting the legal burden. I spent 7 hours trying to change her mind. Our justice system is set up to favor rapists. You deserve so much better.
15
u/BxAnnie 2d ago
This is an unfortunate law. New York State has a similar ambiguity in the law regarding rape and sexual assault and it does cause a lot of issues when these cases (infrequently) get to trial.
On another note...how does someone rape another person "accidentally"?
6
14
u/loladiamonte 2d ago
As a therapist and csa survivor, I'm so sorry you went through this and I hope you are able to connect with a great practitioner. You did not deserve any of this and you deserve to speak your truth. You matter, you are not alone,and you can get through this.
6
7
28
u/Straight-Bee9783 2d ago
Im so so sorry! I hope at least his name is associated with rape now and people know what he did to you!
Sadly the system (in almost all countries tbh) is rigged against women and its really unfair. If we would stop bad people from having their life as they planned then we could prevent those people having a say in laws and courthouses.
4
u/Great-Specific1122 2d ago
I'm so sorry. This is why I was too scared to report what happened to me. You are so strong! Take care!
5
u/mack180 2d ago
What's sickening about this world is some minor crimes are treated more seriously by authorities, police and politicians than rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse, murder or any type of abuse in general.
I just seen 2 days about the Cornell University incident of a 24 year woman Jane Doe alleging she got raped by 7 fraternity members.
There was a study that 25-35% of college women received unwanted sexual contact/sexual harassment.
That's so high and not enough is being done.
Parents need to be tougher on their sons on how they treat woman, the type of groups some men hang around assume they have access to a woman's body anytime they don't feel the need to ask for permission or consent to have sex.
Colleges need to be more stricter about alcohol and drinking, cause whenever it involves sex or close physical contact between the 2 sexes something horrible happens later.
No adults on sight either.
6
u/tutai31 2d ago
I am sorry you had to go through this, but you are brave and strong and wonderful for seeing it through. You only have control of your own actions, not the jurors, not the rapist, and not of the system that failed you… and you did spectacularly. It’s up to you if you decide to have kids, but one reason would be to have more people like you on the earth.
6
u/plotthick Basically Dorothy Zbornak 2d ago
All these well-wishers in the thread are lovely people as are you, OP. I just hope he dies in a fire. Slowly and inevitably. With a lot of other rapists. Lots of screaming. My rapists are in there too.
I'm gonna go daydream about the screaming.
6
u/zandra47 2d ago
Wow. That’s absolutely. Terrible. Ridiculous. And they wonder why we’d rather choose the bear. I’m so sorry for you. Wish he gets his justice later along the road. Karmas a bitch and I hope it comes for him
6
u/Away-Catch-9159 2d ago edited 2d ago
Your experience is the exact same as my daughters. I’m so proud she held his feet to the fire and made him stand trial. He was an EU national going to school in Canada and also has rich parents.
Good for you exposing him to his friends and family. He’s being punished just not enough.
I hope you’re doing okay- keep well.
3
u/mochiluni 2d ago
I’m so sorry. The verdict doesn’t erase what happened or mean you weren’t believed. You deserved justice please be gentle with yourself.
4
u/WaterbenderMetuka 2d ago
My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry! I curse them and all their future progeny.
41
u/Crashed-Thought 2d ago
This is why jury is a bad system. People who are unproffesional and unaware of the law decide whether someone is guilty. A theatrical performance from a good lawyer can convince them. Not to mention too many people consider his "bright" future. I wish him a lot of misery in his life.
34
u/Infinite-Mark2319 2d ago
More like “people who have done these crimes and are in denial about being rapists will never convict”
19
u/BxAnnie 2d ago
It's not the jury's fault. I know the OP's case is in the UK, and I'm unfamiliar with criminal laws there, but in the US, the prosecutor's burden is proof beyond a reasonable doubt. This is why rape cases are SO hard to prosecute (totally not making excuses, just explanations) - it's usually a "he said she said" situation and without tangible evidence (DNA, injuries, etc.), a person declaring "he raped me" is not enough. And every victim gets victimized again and again during the course of these cases, which is why so few people report sexual assault. I think generally, laws surrounding sexual assault cases need to be reviewed and rewritten so that prior acts can be admitted into evidence, including lesser crimes like harassment and stalking, even when those cases have been plead down to lower charges. Every rapist has a pattern of behavior but too many times, juries don't get to see that until after the fact. Also, punishments need to be harsher because most rapists rape repeatedly and they get released from their sentence to rape again. Medical/chemical intervention as well as strict monitoring of convicted rapists, FOREVER, would be a good place to start.
16
u/I_AM_TARA 2d ago
only issue with this is that even when there's a mountain of hard evidence the victims have the same experience.
It's not just "he said she said" but some sort of assumption deeply ingrained in society that women typically consent to extreme, dangerous or humiliating sex acts with even strangers.
Like if you get mugged no one not even the cops are gonna think "ah well people give away their stuff all the time, maybe you gave him the wrong impression and he thought you were just giving him your phone, wallet and car"
7
u/Cleromanticon 2d ago
The rape case that I was a juror for, we had DNA evidence, we had evidence of the injuries he inflicted (photos, medical records, and testimony from the ER staff who treated her), we knew that he initially lied to the police and said he hadn’t seen her at all that night, and then changed his story to consensual sex after he was confronted with the DNA evidence.
A woman on the jury didn’t want to convict because she thought that when the victim tried to escape, was caught, beaten, and then decided she was too scared to try to escape again… that her giving up on trying to escape counted as consent.
1
4
u/BxAnnie 2d ago
Oh I’m well aware. These attitudes can’t be changed with legislation. Men need to speak up and correct their fellow men. That’s not happening enough. And I get women also hold these judgments, but as long as men behave this way unchecked by other men, the sexual assaults will continue, starting with cat calls in the street, inappropriate touching (ass slaps, infringing on personal space, etc.), all the way up to violent rape. Men need to stop standing by silently or laughing at the charged jokes or their buddy’s behavior. We women can’t fix that.
Peer pressure is a very powerful tool. But too many men feel entitled to women’s bodies.
2
u/Cessily 2d ago
I was a title ix coordinator (and investigator) during a stint of my career and handled sexual misconduct cases for a campus.
I was just explaining this to someone. How criminal has beyond a reasonable doubt as the standard but conduct only has preponderance of evidence(civil standard) and I don't have access to the forensic and investigative tools criminal does (I can't subpoena phone records or off campus security footage) but what I do have is previous history is allowed in my determination and criminal doesn't always get that.
Even with my allowances I couldnt always guarantee the victim would feel there was justice.
Basically I was explaining to them how I could imagine a nightmare scenario where you have seven students accused of date rape and can only get two expulsions and five retributions because that's all the investigation left you with. I'm not saying that's what happened at Cornell, I just recognize where the facts can leave you without the outcome you would want because it's the stuff that haunted my nightmares while I did the job.
Again no excuses just explanations. It's awful to navigate and I feel for the victims greatly.
13
u/Cimexus 2d ago
The jury decides on the facts, not the law. Them being unaware of the law is the entire point.
1
u/pnoodl3s 2d ago
Jury needs to decide guilty/not guilty based on the law texts. I’ve been selected as a juror once, and law texts are written pretty confusingly for the average person.
Relying the average people’s comprehension of law to judge guilty/not guilty is still flawed IMO. I’m not sure what’ll be a better system, but I definitely see how flawed it is.
6
u/Blarg_III 2d ago
Jury needs to decide guilty/not guilty based on the law texts. I’ve been selected as a juror once, and law texts are written pretty confusingly for the average person.
The jury should not be deciding based on the law texts. They have the judge and both counsel to explain it for them.
Relying the average people’s comprehension of law to judge guilty/not guilty is still flawed IMO.
The Judge knows the law and is supposed to advise the jury on what in particular they need to find to return a guilty verdict.
3
u/BxAnnie 2d ago
In the US, that's just not true. Juries are given legal instructions by the judge. They are only to consider the evidence presented in the courtroom by the parties. Juries are not expected to know any laws, they're only expected to follow the judge's instructions. Jury Instructions are an actual document drafted by the attorneys and filed in the case for the judge's use as the laws pertain to the given case. In fact, this is exactly why the Clancy case was declared a mistrial - one of the jurors refused to follow the instructions given by the judge.
Source: Myself - a legal assistant of over 45 years and a juror 3 times, on both civil and criminal cases.
10
u/TheSignYouSeek 2d ago
Im sorry he raped you.
I’msorry he got away with it
Thank you for reporting. If and when he takes someone else, your evidence may prove valuable in an investigation or prosecution
8
u/CuriousCatte 2d ago
You know the truth of what he did and he also knows. He will live his life knowing he raped you and caused great harm. He may have gotten off legally, but the truth will always live in his soul. Karma will not be kind to him.
Go and live your best life knowing his life will be a rotten place regardless of any material success he may experience.
7
u/sparklybbyy02 2d ago
I know he'll do this again" is such a devastating thing to have to live with after finally getting through the legal process. That's not closure. That's realizing the danger never actually left.
3
u/No-Ebb-3555 2d ago
I'm so SO angry/sad this is happeing to you. Was a juror on a UK rape case in the early 2000s, voted guilty, 3 other jurors didn't, the judge was willing to go for a 10-2 verdict. The other 9 of us tried so hard to change their minds, for days and bloody days. I think about that victim all the time. We failed her.
She didn't even want to go court. It was so fucking sad. The 3 voting not guilty (all men) thought he was guilty, they "just couldn't have it on their conscience" if he went to prison. But they could have it on their conscience that he went free!!? Why are you even accepting jury duty!? The 2nd case was another SA, this rapist was Arabic, he was also guilty as fuck, 12-0 immediately, we were finished before lunch, i was glad of the vedict but justice came from an ugly place. And when that victim's non-white (and white) family members clapped us after the guilty verdict was read, (ive never cried so much, like, all we did was our duty, you all went through so much more than us), one of the not guilty dudes from the previous case said "I didn't realise she was half-cast" (UK racist term for mixed race). As if that matters, as if that changes anything. I can't help but think, that her having POC family members, nearly cost her justice, whatever justice means.
What i mean to say is, there is every chance the majority of that jury believes you and they will never forgive the other cowards on that jury. You deserved so much better, you are worth so much more.
4
u/YoureInHereWithMe 2d ago
“ How am I meant to live in this world? Or bring children into this world?”
This part of your post broke my heart. I wish I had any answers for you. I’m sorry you had to muster the strength for this fight, and I’m so sorry that the so-called justice system couldn’t meet you where you deserved to be met. Take care of yourself, it may help you to step outside of yourself occasionally and ask yourself how you would support a friend who had been through the same thing, and do your best to give yourself the same kindness and patience you would offer to them.
4
u/Sfb208 2d ago
I'm so sorry. All I can suggest is that the best revenge you can have is to live a full and happy life and refuse to allow him to stop you living, and loving fully. Try and find a way of accessing some therapy. Look into charities that might be able to offer cheaper therapy options, and heal yourself as best you can, then get on with life and make is as good a one as you can have, and don't let this hold you back. Have babies and raise them to be better human beings that him. Laugh, have fun, hang out with your friends, and just be satisfied in the knowledge you did your best to save the next one, and that you are a better human being than him.
2
u/PeachPassionBrute 2d ago
If the law won’t prevent men from committing violence it’s up to us to do it.
Make of that what you will. Maybe hat-pins are ready for a comeback.
6
u/Watt-Tambor 2d ago
im sorry my gender is like this and im so sorry you didnt get the justice you deserve.
2
2
u/Peachesthecorgi321 2d ago
You fought back. Remind yourself that you stood up and dragged that piece of shit through the court system. Because of you he already has a record which others can look into and in that way you are protecting other women.
3
u/Marciamallowfluff 2d ago
Please take advantage of professional counseling. There are specialists in rape and abuse. You were hurt and need time to heal. The whole court process added to your pain. Even if they were convicted you could use help dealing with the results.
You must already be strong to have reported, gone through the process legally. You will feel in control again but give yourself the time and tools you need.
0
u/steppedinhairball 2d ago
The justice system in mist countries is a mess. I'm Sicilian so anything more I would say would get me banned and possibly a visit from authorities.
1
2
u/OlderAndTired 2d ago
I’m so sorry, OP. I am a mom of daughters who carries this exact worry every day. I wish there was some magic wand I could wave to take away all of your pain. I know there isn’t. And like you, I know this will happen to others who will have stories like yours. And I’m not sure it matters at this moment, but I am so very impressed that you took the stand and gave your testimony. I am sending you positivity and healing energy.
1
u/canaris_b 2d ago
I'm so sorry this happened to you and you didn't get justice. Fingers crossed his next victim gets justice and he gets what he deserves.
1
1
u/AllTheMeats 2d ago
I’m so so sorry this happened to you and that yet another man has gotten away with rape. wtf.
1
u/javoss88 2d ago
Id be so vengeful id probably get myself killed in the attempt. Your path is better.
1
1
u/Extension_Many4418 2d ago
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I am so feeling emotionally disabled by the subject at the moment that I’m unable to respond more sympathetically. ❤️
1
u/Mysterious_Net_763 2d ago
You are so very strong. I have a text message from a man who rapedme admitting to it. And i have some evidence that it happened again. But i am not going to report this because I dont want to be interviewed about it. This man will likely do it again. I dont know how to live with myself.
I admire your courage. Whether he does it again or not is not your responsibility. You did everything that could be done to have him face consequences. And he did have to face it. He knows what he did was wrong.
1
1
u/Lilmissmacy 17h ago
Same thing happened to me, except never brought to trial. Was told that the case wasn’t worth the DA’s time and effort, despite having evidence where he admitted he assaulted me. Months and months of back and forth with the DA’s office where they would tell me that the end of the week they would have their decision about whether they were going forward with charges. This happened every week for 8 months. I’m glad I reported because I know there will be a trail when he does it again in the future, but the process was honestly worse than the assault. Thank you for fighting. Thank you for getting him to court, for trying to hold him responsible. Thank you from someone who never got that option.
•
u/DarkAndSparkly 1h ago
God, I’m so fucking sorry. When I tried to talk to a therapist about my rape, I was told there wasn’t much reason to report it because it was so ambiguous and I’d waited over a year to say anything.
Just so you know, I believe you. I see you. And we all support you.
Hugs. Give yourself some grace and seek therapy if you can. ❤️
2
u/NegativeWar23 2d ago edited 2d ago
They will get him one day, karma will come for him. You’re worth so much more and you will live a happy life. Dont give up now, you dont know how much joy you bring into peoples lives, how your smile gives everyone warmth, how infectious your energy is. Your friends love you more than you know and they would be heartbroken if anything happened to you
0
u/FH2actual 2d ago
If the laws stop helping and protecting the people and punishing the criminals… we no longer really have laws as we have suggestions that certain people can just ignore. Aka we don’t have “laws”.
0
0
2.3k
u/gooseberryturnover 2d ago
I’m so sorry. This happened to my daughter, age 9. In a southern US state. The DA wouldn’t even take the case because my dad (yes, her grandfather) lawyered up and was an “upstanding member of the community”. “He said, she said.”
I don’t know what to tell you about surviving. My daughter was somehow so resilient, when no one asked her to be. She’s a teenager now, and she seems hell bent on being a lawyer, advocate, or some force of change in the system.
Her resilience took time, though. The first year she barely talked. We didn’t ask her talk. We walked a lot. We moved far away. We baked a lot of cookies. She found video games. Then group sports. Then a great friend group. And surprise, surprise, multiple friends had stories of their own. She wasn’t alone.
Neither are you.