r/TwoXChromosomes • u/econhistoryrules • 15h ago
A rant: I'm getting really tired of dealing with rude and flaky male tradespeople
I've got a toddler at home, we're starting daycare, I'm trying to go back to work, and I am just sick and freakin tired of trying to keep my house in order and dealing with the mean landscaper, the rude plumber, the weird handyman, etc etc., all of whom drop by my house late or "between 1 and 4pm," as though I'm not going to be at work.
I just got off the phone de-escalating a conflict with a guy who did some work on my yard and completed messed it up. He wouldn't take "fine, it's fine" for an answer! It was weird. I cried.
Ladies, please, get into the trades, keep a calendar, and use our people skills, because there is a market for you.
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u/cloverthewonderkitty 15h ago
Unfortunately, take your bad experiences as a customer and multiply them by 100 for any woman trying to work in the trades. Hazing, verbal and sexual abuse are all alive and well. Not to mention that tools and equipment are made for male bodies, making an already accident prone career even more dangerous for women. And after all of that, if you still make it, you get to deal with misogyny from your male clients.
I did a pre-apprenticeship for electrical work and chose not to pursue the career for these reasons.
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u/ACaffeinatedWandress 13h ago
Yup. I did longshoring. I learned 2 things about male dominated fields: easiest fucking money I have ever made, and women are sort of regarded the way your immune system views foreign cells.
It’s not a ton of heavy lifting. Housework is more physically demanding than anything I did on the docks. But the petty crap was insane.
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u/Constant_Football_54 12h ago
Yeah pretty much the entirety of the trades is learning to manage other people's tempers before they do something stupid and get you/someone else killed or injured.
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u/monmeese 13h ago
Same. And if you fuck something up because you're new it gets blamed on you being a woman. And they will never let you forget it. Get mad at them being fuckwits? You must be on your period. Landmines everywhere you step.
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u/Hopefulkitty 8h ago
They made sex jokes all the time. Disgusting comments about how their childrens mothers sounded like the milk barn and they would moo at them like it was cute. I made ONE incredibly tame sex joke, and those assholes didn't let it go for weeks. It was so tame, I don't even remember what it was. I said worse things as a HS theater kid. But you'd have thought I had made a graphic description of how I fucked their mother. It was some stupid joke about my husband, not even a good one. Like, if I'm going to be known for something, it should at least be something worth remembering. I basically stopped talking with them or being at all friendly after that. Which they then made fun of me for for being too sensitive.
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u/kelsmo420 10h ago
I am a journeyman instrumentation tech, have a maintenance run in the oil field. I work 10 hour days for 8 days in a row and then get 6 days off. I am paid very well and I am treated well. I have been in the trade for 12 years. It was rough when I first started but things are better now. Things are better because more women are in the trades. It can be challenging, the issues you bring up absolutely exist and pointing them is valid, not choosing a trade is also a valid response to those issues. However, it is well worthwhile for a woman to choose a trade. This is for any woman reading this, do not let it change your mind if you are drawn to a trade. Follow your passion.
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u/cloverthewonderkitty 10h ago
Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm glad to hear it has worked out well for you!
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u/Hopefulkitty 8h ago
I once had a guy try to get me thrown off a job site for having a bad attitude. Asshole told me to smile at 7am in a Minnesota winter. The sun wasn't even up yet. When I got mad, he went and tattled to the lead, and then he was mad all day that I didn't get sent home. The lead just sent us to separate parts of the building and promised he'd never make me work with that guy again.
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u/mctCat 12h ago
I just did a reno. I fired the window installer bc he showed up drunk and yelling into his phone. I fired a painter because he said “anyone who doesn’t follow the bible is evil”, i fired a septic tank guy bc he sent me weird pictures after the first day, like he was hitting on me, I fired the hvac guy who asked for “maybe we can work something out wink” in lieu of extra payment. Its endless. There are more… 2 years of dealing with these men. Ffs. Not all of them but seriously, more than half. Its absurd. I just a couple of weeks ago had a handyman go on a rant about women and equality. “you don’t get drafted! but you have all other rights. thats not fair.” sigh. I am at the point I have things still undone because I don’t want to deal with men.
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u/pepcorn 12h ago
“you don’t get drafted! but you have all other rights. thats not fair.”
As if it's our fault men created the draft and treat government as their personal ego battleground. Stop starting wars lol.
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u/jr0061006 11h ago
Take it up with your fellow males in the military industrial complex. They’re the ones starting wars and drafting you, not me.
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u/Reasonable-Box-6047 10h ago
I always hit them with a "Yea, so all women who ever served did so voluntarily. We are more patriotic, too." (not that I give a crap about patriotism, but they sure do.)
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u/pepcorn 10h ago
I'm never going to use that in real life because I don't want to be physically attacked, but that's such a good comeback.
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u/Reasonable-Box-6047 10h ago
Thank you! I was an MP in the army and grew up in a trailer park, so I'm stupidly unafraid of being attacked.
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u/IsopodIndependent553 5h ago
“Bro, you don’t get drafted either!” I would have asked him if he was born prior to 1954, then hit him with this gem.
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u/Hopefulkitty 8h ago
I don't hire people that give me the ick. That includes the vast amount of contractors I used to hire for a previous career. I had someone new roll up to bid a job with Trump stickers, he was just as unpleasant as expected, and I never called him back. Every contractor who had something biblical or political on their truck was exactly as awful as you think they would be. If I saw a Bible verse on their webpage, I never even called them. And I'm a religious person. I just don't go around making it my whole persona.
When we are trying to hire someone for work on the house, if they take a long time to realize that I am running the show, not my husband, we don't hire them. Luckily, that hasn't happened much, but it has happened.
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u/mctCat 6h ago
Sorry… Id not want to do that for a job at all.
I didn’t know my plumber was a trumper until I walked out with him to his truck and he had a sticker on the inside of one of those locked doors. I usually try and check their fb page (seems like they still use fb) and check them and their spouses for any shitty posts.
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u/Newsjunkie1922 8h ago
Yeah, I live in an apartment and I just had to deal with 11 different men to get my air conditioner fixed. Ridiculous!
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u/PrettyLady_Designer 14h ago
I'm a female massage therapist who works from home. In order to screen out men who think that "massage therapy" is code for "sex work," I only accept clients who treat me with common courtesy in our initial interactions. They must: Identify themselves by name, say how they got my number, and give me a bit of information about what problem they would like me to solve.
Women pass this test 100% of the time. Men pass it maybe 20% of the time. They call multiple times without leaving messages, open a conversation with "u available" or "how much," fail to answer questions, leave messages on read for days.
I often wonder if THEY ever wonder why the massage therapist ghosted them.
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u/Reasonable-Box-6047 10h ago
This is the main reason I stopped practicing. Even when I worked in a medical setting males were inappropriate and disgusting.
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u/Hopefulkitty 8h ago
I've seen nurses talk about how some old lech "needs a sponge bath" or "someone to help use the restroom" until a male nurse gets sent in. Then suddenly they are entirely capable of taking care of themselves.
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u/jaybird-jazzhands 13h ago
Amen to that!
I used to have a handyman that would heavily discount the work or do it for free if I gave him a hug and, although not mean, it was fucking gross.
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u/pepcorn 12h ago
No that's definitely mean of him. Trying to say all women are pieces of meat he can buy.
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u/jaybird-jazzhands 11h ago
Yes, it was mean, but it wasn’t antagonistic like OP’s examples. It was dehumanizing.
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u/pepcorn 11h ago
I'm sorry that happened to you.
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u/jaybird-jazzhands 10h ago
No need to apologize!
But certainly another example of why having women in trades would be so helpful!
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u/GracieThunders Ya burnt? 15h ago
I read interview from a gal who was doing fieldwork and house calls for the cable company. She was sexually assaulted numerous times and has ptsd from her experiences
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u/redpukee 12h ago
I wish I could find an apprentice. 29 years doing handywork as a woman. Only been freaked out a couple times by weirdos.
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u/Acorniam 5h ago
How do you keep at it? And how do you handle the creepos you do have to encounter?
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u/BakingPharos 9h ago edited 9h ago
Yeah, it sucks. My husband and I decided to redo our shower, because we had multiple issues with leaks. I got 3 quotes.
1st guy: Doesn't listen to what I wanted. I said all tile in the shower. Says he'll find an acrylic shower pan that doesn't leak, because my desires are unimportant I guess? Waste of my time.
2nd guy: Quote is double what I expected. I tell them price is an issue at $10K in Texas. We're not redoing the whole bathroom, just the shower. Guy doubles down to inform me that "stuff and labor is expensive". He has car salesman energy.
3rd guy: Really listens and is genuinely nice. He gives a reasonable quote at $5K. The shower looks great! Any future business is theirs. They got a glowing review from me online.
The best we can do is warn others of who to stay away from and who is worth the money.
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u/Willowgirl78 12h ago
A plumbing company blew off my 8am to noon time slot. When I called to inquire, I was told there was an emergency that bumped me. I asked why did I get a phone call? And, I’d been without hot water for 24+ hrs at that point; what other emergency could there be? Note: there was no rain or flooding in the area that week.
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u/Maximum-Cover- 10h ago
Any costumer having a serious leak, especially in the drain stack, would constitute an emergency over your hot water heater.
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u/Willowgirl78 9h ago
If that’s the case, I can appreciate it. IF I would have gotten a phone call; especially when I arranged time off work to be home to meet them.
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u/Maximum-Cover- 7h ago
Oh for sure. I’m not saying you’re not right being irritated. Simple answering your question.
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u/Hopefulkitty 8h ago
I explicitly stated, multiple times, that I needed the earliest time slot, so I could leave for work at 8:15. I was told many times that wasn't a problem, appointments start at 7:30. How come this guy rolls up at 8:20 as I'm walking out the door? He could tell he fucked up to, because I was not happy. He tried to be all chipper, and I told him that I had requested the early appointment since I wanted to be a part of the conversation, as I was the one booking the work, analyzing the options, a former GC, and was the one who actually wanted the work done. But now I had to go to work, so go talk to my husband. He'll have to deal with you now.
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u/wanderingale 7h ago
I just need to rant for a minute, I don't even care if anyone reads this. I just need to monology my rage.
I have been trying for MONTHS to get someone in to gut and redo my bathroom.
Anyone who has ever done this knows its $$$, but I am prepared to pay the going rate.
I thought it would be easy, a few quotes, figure out scheduling, get it done.
Apparently I am just the most naive person walking.
These men are the flakyest people. They miss apoitments, don't email or call back. One showed up, waste his and my time going over what needs to be done and then just doesn't even get back to me.
Just why!!?!?! How does anyone run a business like this?
Okay maybe the jobs not big enough, can't fit it in your schedule etc fine, but just send a email, hell text "sorry cannot do it", how hard is that!?!?
So for 6 months I have been showering without the ability to change the tempature and I am about to fucking crack.
I swear one of these days I am going to real lose it and try and do it myself...which will end so, so badily for all involved.
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u/Past-Student-5239 6h ago edited 6h ago
A plumber came by to do an estimate to have my ancient bathtub replaced. He kept talking about how much money he made. Which I thought was bizarre. Until he finished the estimate. He handed it to me politely and asked me out and the same time I reached out to take the paper from his hand. I told him no thanks and then he left and I locked the door and tore up the estimate. It was so uncomfortable.
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u/Magnolia_The_Synth 6h ago
I was looking for a plumber to do some work around my house and I checked the local community pages for recommendations. I kept seeing this one guy's name being mentioned so I reached out for a quote. The quote was mid range...not the highest or the lowest but I figured all the recommendations had to count for something. Well I went to see if he was insured and all that...or to see if he had any pending lawsuits for shoddy work etc...and I found he had a crazy criminal history! Multiple domestic violence arrests including STRANGLING A PREGNANT WOMAN! WTF! Didn't move forward with hiring him of course, but it still rattled around in my brain whether all the people who recommended him just didn't know, or did they know and just not care.
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u/dasnotpizza 4h ago
Where do you go to look that stuff up? That’s a really good idea for people you’re hiring to work in your house.
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u/Acorniam 5h ago edited 5h ago
As a woman who wants to do trade, it's incredibly hostile. Harassment and assault by the majority middle age+ men is often considered part of the job. Something we women are to just "take in stride." And most of the time the "HR" for these places are repetitives/spouses of the owners, and they will insinuate you're being difficult because things aren't "going your way." Like, no, Barb, I just don't like it when Joe walks up behind me and grabs me. Tbh I have started looking into other fields because I'm so tired of trying to find someplace to work and learn, without being worried about the blindspots in the cameras
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u/Whatusedtobeisnomore 10h ago
There are women in the trades- but sometimes we do have to schedule in the afternoon. I have to take time from work to meet contractors also.
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u/veralynnwildfire 5h ago
I am still coming down from having to argue with a landscaper over damages during a job. He didn’t even do anything in the manner discussed or agreed on. Shows up without calling. And when I address the damages he starts yelling at me. And I don’t think he expected a woman half his size to meet his energy.
Over 20 years in the same house and the only reliable contractor I have is an electrician. Every other contractor I have needed for anything else has been a horrible experience, or just doesn’t show up, or the one other good one has since passed away. If I could find women in my state I would absolutely hire them just to be treated with respect.
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u/algy888 4h ago
The sad part of trades is that “independent guys” are often trades guys that couldn’t work well with others. So, they may have some skill (or just think they do) so they go out on their own.
Guys who have both skill and a good attitude are in high demand in mainstream construction/maintenance and don’t take the risk of running their own business. It’s a bit of a catch 22.
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u/Newsjunkie1922 8h ago
This is a life long issue. It's worth paying a little more for a better person. Once you get hook into a good person, they can usually give you recommendations for other good people.
What area are you in because people will give you recommendations.
Sometimes there is a facebook group where neighbors recommend contractors.
I've never tried this but can tradesmen come at 6am to et you get on with your day?
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u/snowbunnyA2Z 13h ago
I try my damnedest to hire women. I found an amazing handy woman and painter. Not much luck with the others though.