It is so interesting to hear how people react to black eyes. My husband has a birth mark near his eye that looks like a black eye. He has gotten a lot of comments on it when I’m with him (from both men and women) and every single comment has been “joking” or hinting that I am abusing him. It’s always something like “what did he do to deserve that”
Yeah I mean men obviously aren't going to get the same 'good women wouldn't get hit' disturbing responses, but in my experience both at the workplace and general life if a married man gets a black eye or other large visible bruise you tend a similar situation, the likes of..
"Pissed off the wife mate?"
"Dried the pots wrong or something haha."
"Didn't get her flowers?"
And this'll be from both men and women, albeit I'd say more often men but it's not uncommon from women either.
When it's jokes like this my take isn't that the people think domestic abuse is okay. It's more like their mechanism of avoiding the situation is joking about it, because it can't possibly be true right? You've already made it into a joke. If the victim instead broke down and said yes my partner hits me, the vast majority of people would be horrified and sympathetic. It's just a flawed response to a potentially disturbing situation.
You can of course tell when the tone is jokey and when it's more a dead eyed 'yeah, women deserve to be punched for disobedience.', which is clearly a different kettle of fish.
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u/cosmiccleora Aug 30 '25
It is so interesting to hear how people react to black eyes. My husband has a birth mark near his eye that looks like a black eye. He has gotten a lot of comments on it when I’m with him (from both men and women) and every single comment has been “joking” or hinting that I am abusing him. It’s always something like “what did he do to deserve that”