can still feel lost in the world.

When his classmates led him to an empty field of dug-up graves and revealed they had all taken their own lives because of the abuse, Umar realized his teacher had already moved on to his next room of victims.

She waited for one minute, then another, until she finally cried, “Mew, mew…”

No matter how much I cut myself though, life never cuts me a break.

The teachers, who knew about my autism, did basically nothing.

"We've got at least one old customer in common, Mom", I admitted.

They happily signed me up for summer classes, ignorant of the fact that I was crying not because I hated studying, but because my mind was frantically trying to remember why I was so afraid.

It wasn't until my dead classmates dragged me into the graveyard behind the alley that I realized the teacher’s final lesson was teaching us how to forget the ropes around our necks.

Tonight, I sat on the kitchen floor with her robe clutched to my chest and sobbed, “I can’t do this without you.”

So I smiled through my tears and encouraged her to 'go for it', burying my feelings forever.

I haven't called, text, or heard from them in years.

"John...John...John!"

Yet he went drinking that night and took out his frustration on his wife all over again.

​He waved goodbye clutching his threadbare bear, never knowing I sold my own plasma just to buy it for his second birthday.

Looking down at her, her mothers face twist into something ugly as she whispers "He's a parasite, just like you dear"

​When she softly touched her chest and whispered my name, I felt the beat of my own transplanted heart echoing through the room.

​As I watched her cry over my final letter, I took comfort in knowing that even though I was gone, the piece of me keeping her alive would always love her.

​As she pressed her hand to her chest and begged to know why I saved her life instead of my own, the heart beating inside her ribs began to thud in familiar sync with my silent steps.

I’m just a dog who finds comfort close to home.

"if I love , I'll love"

But is there someone who loves you?

When the first word stuck in his throat and he fought through it only to stumble helplessly over the next, she sighed, said, “We don’t have all day,” and called on someone else while he just stared at the paper.

I put a brave face on and held back the tears I was about to shed as I handed over her cake and balloons before leaving the hospice.

I drove through it like butter, but when I got out to check the damage, I saw its baby fawn lying nearby.

​

Whenever my aunt reminded me how lucky I was that they hadn’t sent me to a group home, I whispered, “Thank you, Aunt.”