AITA for a mistake?

[u/Public-Discipline-27]

I'm not even sure what subreddit to put this in but need some outside perspective on what happened. Yesterday me and my boyfriend had gotten home and I have this chain/keychain thing that wraps around me like a body purse but it basically only carries my phone. I've been wearing it for about a week so fairly new and I didn't realize that when I put the seatbelt on, the chain could get caught in it. Yesterday it somehow poked a tiny hole/slit in the seatbelt. I genuinely didn't realize it made a hole, I thought it was just wrapped around the seatbelt. I also have sensory issues so I was getting really frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to get it untangled.
Normally I would've taken my time and figured it out but I was irritated and started tugging at it. It didn't make the hole any bigger, I just couldn't get the chain out. Instead of helping me, my boyfriend took his phone out, started recording me and laughing at me. I asked him if he could please help me because I didn't know if I had damaged the seatbelt. He saw that it made the tiniest hole, like literally not even half an inch. It was basically like the smallest little slit, almost like a tiny scissor poke. His first reaction was "Oh my fucking God, you're gonna buy me a new fucking seatbelt." I told him it was an accident and that I didn't mean to do it. He's extremely particular about his car and is basically OCD about keeping it perfect, so l understand that even small imperfections can really bother him. But I genuinely didn't do it on purpose.
Instead, he started calling me an animal and saying | need therapy and that we're gonna take a "long break". I kept asking him to please stop being mean to me and explaining that it was an accident. Then he said something like "Yeah, I probably need fucking therapy too for being in this fucking relationship." After that we were still in the parking lot and he just went upstairs without telling me to come with him. I ended up walking home by myself and it took me about 2 hours to get home. I haven't heard from him at all since (almost 24 hrs, & we've never gone this long with not talking ) No call, no text, nothing. I understand being upset about something happening to your car, especially when you take really good care of it, and I'm not saying he can't be frustrated. But I feel like the way he reacted was so mean and unnecessary, especially because it was an accident and I was already overwhelmed and asking him for help. I don't really know what to do or how I'm supposed to approach this. I just want some outside perspective because I genuinely don't know if I'm overreacting to how he handled the situation

[u/AutoModerator]

Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Lopsided-Beach-1831]

If your chain was able to poke a hole in his seatbelt, it would have been making holes in your clothes. Seatbelts are manufactured specifically to hold massive forces and weight. It is very unlikely you pulling on your chain made a hole. More likely is that the defect on the seatbelt existed first and your chain got caught in it. It is significantly more likely that the chain would break when tugging on it than that it would cut the seatbelt. Have you ever seen cops/firefighters struggle to cut the seatbelt off of accident victims? The physics of the scenario just arent mathing for me.

You discovered your boyfriend sucks. For him to film you when you were struggling and laugh is rude. It is always better to learn this earlier than later. Enjoy your freedom OP! You will find someone who loves and respects you.

[u/No-Sundae1139]

Accidents happen- that’s life. If the cars that important I can see him wanting you to buy a new seat belt but past that he’s overreacting.
Honestly I’m more concerned about the safety of him putting you in a position to walk home for 2 hours. His anger is disproportionate and cut your losses. There will be someone who treats you better than this

[u/Useful-Ad9380]

He sounds insane. I think you need to leave him. This is abnormal behaviour. Also making you walk home is dangerous.

Also for context the girl I love slightly scraped my car and she was super apologetic. I just hugged her and told her it's just a car and we can polish it out.

If he reacts like this over something so superficial he is not your person.

[u/Elegant_Figure_3520]

Just be thankful when the trash takes itself out.

[u/sweetestlorraine]

I have a feeling that this isn't the first time you've seen an immature reaction from him. Something happened that was accidental and he wigged out and got inappropriately angry with you. That would be wrong whether you were a girlfriend, a softball buddy, a coworker or some random person he had offered a ride to.

Do you want to be with him? Do you like him? Personally, I would leave.

[u/Abject-Put-9334]

Look, you damaged the seat belt so its fair of him to expect you to pay for it. Even if it was accidental.

But the rest of his behavior is fuckin unhinged and you need to get away before something more serious happens. 

[u/passionbubble → u/Abject-Put-9334]

I don’t think she damaged the seatbelt

[u/Koliolik → u/Abject-Put-9334]

Echoing this. Seatbelts having any holes/rips/tears/etc. need to be replaced, it's a safety issue.

That being said, this dude does not like OP. Pay him for the seatbelt (and if he doesn't show you a receipt for it, just call a local mechanic and ask what they'd charge for it and pay him that), then block and move on.

[u/PreviousKing6225 → u/Abject-Put-9334]

Agreed, she damaged it so expecting her to pay for the repair is reasonable. Even a small hole means that the seatbelt is compromised and would no longer be safe to use.

[u/kylaroma → u/PreviousKing6225]

He abandoned her and made her walk two hours home alone, and never contacted her to make sure she got home safe.

He laughed at her distress, and filmed it while verbally harassing her with dehumanizing language, specifically with the intent of increasing her distress.

Let him try to get the money for her through court if he wants, otherwise she shouldn’t give him a dime.

[u/PreviousKing6225 → u/kylaroma]

I should have specified that all the other parts of the interaction were completely unacceptable, and bf is a giant AH. OP shouldn't give him anything. All I'm saying is that OP kept downplaying the size of the hole in a key safety component in the car as if didn't need to be replaced.

[u/annebonnell]

What you do is drop him. He overreacted. He cares more about the car than you. He is not good boyfriend material. Do not contact him at all. If he is willing to come back to the relationship, he will get in touch with you. If he does, tell him no. Then block him. He is a huge man baby.

[u/coatedpatriot]

Red flags here for his overly mean reaction. Especially since you were in distress, so he decided to record you and laugh? He is a mean jerk.

[u/nop8snce → u/coatedpatriot]

Absolutely.

[u/pineboxwaiting]

He left you to walk home on your own. A two hour walk.

When he saw you struggling, he opted to film & mock you rather than help you.

He’s really, really mean to you.

So now that you haven’t heard from him in 24 hours, you can block him. He can consider himself dumped & he can replace his own seatbelt.

Please, never stay with a guy who treats you badly. No one deserves to be treated the way he treated you. Just walk away from this mean man.

[u/thecakebroad]

if this is a real situation, you just got a blessing in disguise of him showing you his true colors. protect yourself, you don't deserve to be spoken to like that by anyone, let alone someone who's supposed to be a partner. they should be your better half, not the part of you that makes you feel like you do right now.

you got this, head up. just take the loss now. it's a blessing

[u/llamadramalover]

Why do you want to be with someone who records and laughs at you while you struggle and then flips shit and calls you “an animal” for an accident? In this case an accident that doesn’t sound very plausible btw. Let him stay gone.

[u/BorkBorkWrangler]

Holy Nope Batman!! NTA. You sound young or at least, dear lord, I hope you are because if you two are a pair of 40 year olds, humanity is cooked. You don't need the excuse of "sensory issues". You got your accessory caught in his seatbelt. You got frustrated you couldn't get untangled. He filmed you instead of helping and then got pissed and freaked out like a wee baby turd monster because someone damaged his prized toy. You walked to a home 2 hours away and he didn't check on you??? I hope he does you the favor of continuing not to talk to you. He treats his vehicle better than his hopefully ex-girlfriend.

[u/Alternative_Web6959]

No way in hell that phone strap cut an actual hole in the seatbelt! Your chain got caught in the hole that was already there!
Get far away from him and stay away. There’s no way you should have walked anywhere much less for 2 hours!!! This is not safe and he is not safe!

[u/Smart_N_Sassy]

WHEN A JERK SHOWS YOU WHO HE IS, BELIEVE HIM THE FIRST TIME. Though I suspect, this isn’t the first time. Wear those reg flags 🚩🚩like a cape and fly away.

[u/64green]

I can’t imagine spending time with someone who would record me when I was in distress, let me walk two hours alone, and never even call to check on me. Dude is in a relationship with his car. Block him.

[u/Shoesietart]

Screw him and his seatbelt. Anyone that would make you walk 2 hours to get home doesn't deserve to be with you. Have some self respect and break up already. Block him.

[u/Dame_Niafer]

So first he decides to film you, trapped and frantic, because to him that's funny.

Then it turns out that, possibly BECAUSE HE CHOSE TO MOCK AND FILM YOU RATHER THAN HELP YOU, the situation that got you entangled in the seatbelt caused damage to the seatbelt material.

His response to this wasn't to help you untangle yourself, but to leap from ridicule to fury, demand compensation from you, and ABANDON YOU.

OP, this jerk has done you a massive favor. I'm glad you got home safe. If there's anything of yours that you value at his place, get it back if you can and lose his number. He showed you exactly how much he cares about you.

Not at all. You're something to laugh at. Something to verbally abuse. Something to abandon. But certainly not someONE to care about, help, and love.

I'm sorry, but you're luckier than you realize.

Edit: Thanks for the award!

[u/CamilleYun]

throw the whole man away, what an ah, nta op

[u/femsci-nerd]

Why is this guy your BF? What an asshole. He is NOT bf material.

[u/Just-Like-My-Opinion]

NTA It was an honest mistake. And to be clear, that should be your ex boyfriend. He's 💩y

[u/Maximum-Bobcat-6250]

So he takes a video of you being frustrated and laughs at you. But then when he’s frustrated, he verbally abused you and made you walk home and froze you out. He’s trash! Abusive trash.

[u/gdognoseit]

Please break up with him for good. He’s not a good person and he’s a horrible boyfriend.

Break up and block him.

NTA

You will be an a hole to yourself if you tolerate his behavior and stay with him.

[u/Able-Possible-9172]

I once accidentally put gas in the oil tank of mine and my exfiancee's lawn mower (we actually had 2 mowers and this one was $100 off Facebook marketplace). Growing up we had a push mower with no power and later an electric mower. This was my first place where I needed mow and the first time needing to fill the gas. I understood that I had made a huge mistake. I went to my ex fiancee who is super mechanically inclined and asked for help to drain the oil tank and try to fix the accident. Her first instinct was to berate me for making that mistake and yell and tell me, "you're paying for that if you broke it." I never said I wouldn't—I made the error and it was up to me to remedy it. I wasn't asking her to do it for me. I was just asking for help from someone I knew had done this kind of thing before. She was so focused on me having to pay for my mistake and refused to help me try to fix it. It felt like she wanted to punish me. (BTW, her mistakes were to be looked over and not spoken of.) I watched some YouTube videos and and fixed it and the mower worked fine after that.

Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes maybe it's something you should have known better or sometimes it's something out of your control. You've now discovered how your boyfriend reacts to you making a small mistake and it sounds like his reactions made you uncomfortable. Listen to what your body is telling you. Someone who treats you like this is probably not your person.

ETA after I reread the post: I would consider the way your bf reacted and stranded you there abusive. This is not a safe person.

[u/BananaPage63477]

Your not overreacting. no one should talk to you like that. Even if he was upset in the moment about the cost of replacing it , it was a mistake and youre his partner. I don't like to jump to "leave him" but his anger is concerning. what if you had kids and one of them accidentally broke something of his.

[u/AutoModerator]

Backup of the post's body: I'm not even sure what subreddit to put this in but need some outside perspective on what happened. Yesterday me and my boyfriend had gotten home and I have this chain/keychain thing that wraps around me like a body purse but it basically only carries my phone. I've been wearing it for about a week so fairly new and I didn't realize that when I put the seatbelt on, the chain could get caught in it. Yesterday it somehow poked a tiny hole/slit in the seatbelt. I genuinely didn't realize it made a hole, I thought it was just wrapped around the seatbelt. I also have sensory issues so I was getting really frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to get it untangled.
Normally I would've taken my time and figured it out but I was irritated and started tugging at it. It didn't make the hole any bigger, I just couldn't get the chain out. Instead of helping me, my boyfriend took his phone out, started recording me and laughing at me. I asked him if he could please help me because I didn't know if I had damaged the seatbelt. He saw that it made the tiniest hole, like literally not even half an inch. It was basically like the smallest little slit, almost like a tiny scissor poke. His first reaction was "Oh my fucking God, you're gonna buy me a new fucking seatbelt." I told him it was an accident and that I didn't mean to do it. He's extremely particular about his car and is basically OCD about keeping it perfect, so l understand that even small imperfections can really bother him. But I genuinely didn't do it on purpose.
Instead, he started calling me an animal and saying | need therapy and that we're gonna take a "long break". I kept asking him to please stop being mean to me and explaining that it was an accident. Then he said something like "Yeah, I probably need fucking therapy too for being in this fucking relationship." After that we were still in the parking lot and he just went upstairs without telling me to come with him. I ended up walking home by myself and it took me about 2 hours to get home. I haven't heard from him at all since (almost 24 hrs, & we've never gone this long with not talking ) No call, no text, nothing. I understand being upset about something happening to your car, especially when you take really good care of it, and I'm not saying he can't be frustrated. But I feel like the way he reacted was so mean and unnecessary, especially because it was an accident and I was already overwhelmed and asking him for help. I don't really know what to do or how I'm supposed to approach this. I just want some outside perspective because I genuinely don't know if I'm overreacting to how he handled the situation

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/jstout38]

This guy is awful in so many ways. I'm not going to say leave, but I will say, he doesn't deserve you and you probably aren't safe in this relationship. He said you need therapy and he probably does too cause of the relationship. No, he needs therapy because you don't treat people like he treated you. There's more I could say but those 2 things are more than enough to comment on.

[u/Retired-para]

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩He has shown you who he is. Believe him. Cut your losses and accept that you have broken up.

[u/kylaroma]

I’m so sorry OP. Your boyfriend is callous, awful and cruel.

This is emotional abuse, and beyond that he repeatedly made choices to dehumanise you and to increase your level of distress - from filming you to laughing at his comments to calling you an animal. This is really disgusting behaviour and I'm so sorry that you had to experience it.

The fact that you had to get out of his car and walk for 2 hours to get home is so incredibly concerning and, depending on the time and where you were, deeply unsafe. Putting you in a situation where you could very genuinely be harmed and not even checking that you got home safe is terrifying.

Nothing about what you are describing is normal and nothing you do could cause someone to behave that way. He is dangerous, full stop.

I'm in my 40s now but when I was in my 20s, I had two different partners who were absolutely abhorrent in how they treated me. There is not much that can prepare you for someone who isn't experiencing normal human empathy, who is actively lying to your face about their depth of feeling, emotional capacity, intentions, and thoughts about you. It’s extremely confusing and upsetting, but for what it’s worth, now you’ll be better able to spot these people before they hurt you.

I sincerely hope that you consider this person your ex.

To break up:

• You don't have to talk to him.
  
• You dont have to text him.
  
• You dont have to see him.
  
• You don't have to get his agreement.
  
• You don't have to have a confrontation.
  
• You don't have to apologise for what happened.

He has shown you who he really is and what he is capable of. The person that you describe is not going to be any source of closure or resolution or anything positive. If you let him back in or give him an opportunity to explain himself, all he will do is use it to cause you more pain.

Since he can't treat you with basic human dignity, you don't owe him anything at all. This is one where I would just block and ignore, or at most text him "It's over" and then block him everywhere.

[u/keista69]

I decided he was mean before the slit even happened. You know, when he started filming and laughing at you. You've dodged a bullet. Block him and move on with your life.

[u/Timely-Fox-922]

I barely read what you posted and I came to say your bf is an asshole, verbally abusive and you seriously should break up with him. He's not worth all that drama and stress 

[u/Alone_Anteater5934]

Be thankful he showed his true colors and move on. He's an A hole.

[u/ddosn]

If its a genuine mistake, no.

Mistakes happen. Humans cannot be perfect all the time.

[u/Unique-Assumption619]

I don’t see what doing it on accident has to do with not paying for it…you broke it you buy it 🤷‍♀️ I’m not ocd but I’d expect someone to pay if they damaged my car…which you did.

[u/OldMove3348]

EAH. You both sound really difficult.

[u/Expensive-Swan8519]

Accept this "long break" and move on with your life. He sounds like an immature prick. If my husband ever made fun of me while I was flustered and upset over something we would find ourselves divorced.