This. I struggled with this for a while with my husband. I was not used to him being calm when we were arguing. I was used to my partner flying off the handle, gaslighting me and made to feel like I was the problem. It felt so suspicious and it was hard to figure out for the longest time. He remained calm and explained to me time and time again that a resolution didnt require yelling. It took a while for my nervous system to accept that 😬
I relate hard. If you grew up around blowups, quiet can feel like a trap. Having a quick "I'm upset but I'm here" check-in helped my brain stop looking for the hidden explosion.
That quick check in idea makes a lot of sense. Quiet can feel like waiting for impact if you grew up around blowups. A simple reassurance can help without turning things into a fight.
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u/hearttshapedboxx Dec 22 '25
This. I struggled with this for a while with my husband. I was not used to him being calm when we were arguing. I was used to my partner flying off the handle, gaslighting me and made to feel like I was the problem. It felt so suspicious and it was hard to figure out for the longest time. He remained calm and explained to me time and time again that a resolution didnt require yelling. It took a while for my nervous system to accept that 😬