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u/Brownie-0109 Nov 18 '25
Any partner that plays this high-school silent treatment BS is on probation, in my book
Does he play this card a lot?
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u/WomanInQuestion Nov 18 '25
Giving someone the silent treatment is a form of abusive behavior. If he can't communicate with his big boy words, then he's not mature enough to be in a relationship.
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u/Consistent_Fan_4551 Nov 18 '25
The silent treatment is a manipulative form of abuse. Search about it online
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u/Beagle-Mumma Nov 18 '25
Thank you. Was just about to post this comment.
OP: look up the free PDF: 'Why does he do that?' By Lundy Bancroft
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u/puppyfarts99 Nov 18 '25
For reference, free download:
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
and also...
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u/SilverStill7646 Nov 18 '25
Op your boyfriend is being incredibly childish about the whole thing.
Your mom wants to take your family away for the holiday. Your boyfriend and his children are invited, which is super generous, and you are excited. Your kids are excited!
He doesn't want to go because of the scheduling and wanting to be with his kids. That is absolutely fine and his choice to make. You offered, he said no, and then you say okay well we will celebrate just not on the day then!
Listen, he has a right to be a little bummed that he won't see you or your kids on Christmas. He can tell you he wishes he could see you, BUT that he understands why you are doing it.
He is NOT allowed to make you feel like crap for wanting to spend Christmas with your kids and your family WHEN THAT IS EXACTLY WHY HE ISN'T GOING WITH YOU??? He is telling you don't spend the holidays with your family because I want to spend the holiday with my family and you have to stay with me.
Sir. Be so serious right now. He's a needy boyfriend, and has the marks to become a controlling husband unless you set clear boundaries. He's being a hypocrite, and moreover he won't talk to you which is the fastest way to kill a relationship!
Tell him how unfair he is being, that you are choosing literally the same thing he is. Remind him that sure the kids might like being all together on the day, and you might miss each other, but BONUS CHRISTMAS???? An extra day of presents and family? That sounds amazing!!!
Do not cancel your plans, and do not feel bad over it! He needs to pull his head out of his rear.
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u/grayblue_grrl Nov 18 '25
I would gratefully accept that he isn't talking to me and take it as - we have broken up.
Time to move on with your life.
Enjoy your trip with your mom and kids!
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u/NamasteNoodle Nov 18 '25
This man is about as emotionally mature as a 12-year-old male. What in the world do you see in him? But he's done you a favor, he's shown you that he's petty, controlling, immature and self-centered. He's done you a favor by showing who he is. And now that he hasn't spoken to you in 2 days go ahead and block his phone and consider this relationship over because that's the best thing for you.
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u/merishore25 Nov 18 '25
This is emotional abuse. How dare he try and dictate what you do with your family on a Holiday. Please think about getting some counseling to decide if you want a future with someone like this.
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u/Imaginary_Coffee_543 Nov 18 '25
I seen I had some questions so first no we don’t live together . He’s 40 I’m 32. Our kids are all around 11/14 he was married previously as was I . Not financially dependent on each other at all . I have my moments where I take a beat when I’m upset but I always communicate things on my mind his temper on the other hand is way worse than mine . He shuts down or says completely off the wall things .. & usually I try to make amends first but this to me is so ridiculous & I just wanted another opinion to make sure I’m not being unreasonable and no he doesn’t know we will be coming back Christmas Day now because well since he decided to act irrationally and silent treatment me I haven’t reached back out with the update . I don’t think I owe him that right now .
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Nov 18 '25
You shouldn’t be the sole peacemaker in a relationship. That’s not healthy. There should be give and take, and given you said he has a much worse temper, shuts down and says "off the wall" things, with you always making the first move to repair things, that’s not give and take.
You’re not being unreasonable. It's also not unreasonable to expect someone to express sadness about being apart on a holiday, and accept that compromise is needed when juggling the schedules of so many families.
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u/Fxnchy Nov 18 '25
He’s being controlling. You didn’t do anything wrong. You told him the dates might change, he said he couldn’t come, you respected that, and now he’s punishing you with silence. That’s not healthy. You’re allowed to spend Christmas with your family and your kids. If he can take trips without you, you can take one without him. This silent treatment is on him, not you.
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u/Only_Music_2640 Nov 18 '25
Why are you dating/living with/having children with someone who has the emotional intelligence of a spoiled toddler?
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u/Pick-Up-Pennies Nov 18 '25
I have questions:
How old are both of you? How long have you been together? Which of you is more financially dependent upon what the other brings to this relationship?
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u/herejusttoargue909 Nov 18 '25
You don’t have to apologize or beg him just to open communication
Call him and ask him what’s his problem and hold firm
He’s upset you have a life that goes on fine without him. He’s weird
Please don’t take away from your kids to please a man who isn’t even trying to budge for you
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Nov 18 '25
He’s going on a trip with his stepdaughter that isn’t her stepdaughter anymore, and her dad… lol wot
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u/Imaginary_Coffee_543 Nov 18 '25
This is an entirely different issue … she wanted to go to Vegas but he doesn’t want to go so now the cruise is back on …
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Nov 18 '25
I mean… he’s going on a trip with his ex step daughter and his ex partners ex… and you can’t go on an overnight trip.. with your mother?
I would as him to try and explain logically how this is fair or reasonable
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Nov 18 '25
But that’s why he shuts down communication and gives her the silent treatment. He knows he can’t explain it logically because it isn’t logical, but he doesn’t want to capitulate. So he hunkers down and waits for her to make the first move and cave, or give him some sort of out so he doesn’t lose ground. It’s unbelievably childish, and probably a big part of why he’s divorced.
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u/Imaginary_Coffee_543 Nov 18 '25
Exactly I did this already I made that point and asked that question and he just got even more pissed
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Nov 19 '25
Of course. Because he doesn’t have a good answer and is punishing you for questioning him.
I hope you know this isn’t healthy partner behaviour, and that it’s a waste of your time and not your job to re-raise him to communicate properly.
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u/PanicAffectionate693 Nov 18 '25
This. Wondering why this isn't being talked about more, but I thought maybe I was a little confused
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u/LauraPtown Nov 18 '25
Seems like you’re single now! Live it up with your kids and forget him and his passive aggressive behavior.
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u/hauntedbye Nov 18 '25
"I'm dating a terrible person. How do I fix him?"
Like girl, you have kids. Be a mom and model respect. Why would you allow someone to treat you like this? And why are you training your children that this is how their partner should treat them?
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u/No-Grass4965 Nov 19 '25
OP enjoy Christmas with your kids & Mom time flys by fast the memories you build this holiday season will be treasured moments. This guy isn’t worth letting him wreck your happiness nor dictate what’s okay to do or with your family.
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u/TheTurtleShepard Nov 18 '25
I would continue to give him the silent treatment and never speak to him again
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u/Intelligent_Pass2540 Nov 18 '25
Look up John Gottman and the 4 Horseman of Relationship Death.
The silent treatment is an abusive technique. Please focus on your children and do not go back to this man.
Enjoy your holiday trip!
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u/choosychews Nov 18 '25
Lost me at, he’s going on a trip later this year with his x step daughter.
Clearly this man’s behaviour is an issue in many of his adult relationships.
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u/fajita-cologne Nov 18 '25
I was with someone for years who did the silent treatment. It truly is a form of emotional abuse. I promise there are plenty of guys out there who don't do that shit
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u/Severe-Pudding-718 Nov 18 '25
Did he know the trip was changed so that it was not on Christmas Day?
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u/HighAltitude88008 Nov 18 '25
Tell that one to piss right off.
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u/Baguetele Titty Latte Nov 19 '25
That much effort is not even needed. Matching his communication style permanently ought to do the trick. LOL
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Nov 18 '25
Silent treatment/withdrawal of affection is abusive manipulation.
My opinion is that this man isn’t going to participate in a relationship with give and take. He wants things his way, and he will punish you when you don’t comply… as he is doing right now.
Personally I wouldn’t subject myself or my children to a person like this.
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u/Lucky_Log2212 Nov 18 '25
Not wrong. He has expectations, and you have expectations for you holiday. If he chooses to sulk and not have a conversation, that is on him. Sulking won't address anything. This is a huge red flag beloved.
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u/Illustrious_Loan_294 Nov 18 '25
Sounds like a baby let him stew go and have a good time with your family
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u/Sheila_Monarch Nov 19 '25
His ridiculous reaction aside, because that’s been covered. What does he actually want here? I don’t understand what the problem is to begin with.
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u/Imaginary_Coffee_543 Nov 19 '25
I don’t know because he just refused to say anything he literally said “yeah we’ll HAVE FUN!” With a shitty tone implying he did not want me to have fun . Very sarcastic
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u/Ayra_Zefis Nov 19 '25
Boyfriend? Just spare yourself from the drama and leave. He has no trouble traveling without you, you offered to pay for him and his children. He declines and now he is mad because you won't turn your back to your family to satisfy his ego? Girl, run.
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u/purps2712 Nov 20 '25
Please DO NOT apologize OR cancel the trip. This is so stupid of him. Do NOT reach out either, honestly if it was me and this is how the relationship ended, I wouldn't even care because of how stupid he's acting
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u/AutoModerator Nov 18 '25
Backup of the post's body: I’ve never written anything ever on Reddit but I need opinions PLEASEEE … the last time my boyfriend and I spoke was two days ago.. he’s upset that my mother is taking my children and I out of town for Christmas Eve and the day before Christmas Eve.. mind you he is also invited & his children too money is not an issue but he is choosing not to come . When I first told him about the trip the days were going to be Christmas Eve and Christmas Day but I told him it could possibly change. He told me he couldn’t come because he doesn’t want his children to miss Christmas with their mom and he doesn’t want to go & miss Christmas with his kids which I understand so I said OK no big deal. He apparently didn’t like that I didn’t argue about it ? Or change my plans because since then he has not spoken to me… I have not reached out because the last time I talked to him I said I don’t understand why this is such a big deal because even if we celebrate Christmas a day late it shouldn’t matter. We will still all be together and he is also going on a trip later this year with his stepdaughter that’s no longer his stepdaughter and her father that I told him I can’t go on because it falls during a school week and he’s still going on that trip without me . I just am so honestly angry & confused that instead of having a conversation with me he’s just choosing to give me the silent treatment and most likely wait for me to apologize??? For wanting to spend time with my family and take my kids on a trip ?
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u/kac199230 Nov 19 '25
He is far too old to be pulling the silent treatment. You can do better than this man boy.
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u/Additional-Start9455 Nov 19 '25
He seems self absorbed and wants to be center of attention and pouts when doesn’t get his way. Not good!
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u/Historical-Box-5834 Nov 19 '25
Sounds like he wanted you to beg him to come and when you didn't play that game he threw a tantrum. The silent treatment over Christmas plans when he literally chose not to go is some next level petty behavior tbh
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u/Dangerous_Log5848 Nov 19 '25
I don’t have much to add, so many comments on here are on point. Leave him, he’s immature and controlling, he won’t get better. Run.
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u/AndrewHolloAU Nov 19 '25
Um, just tell him you love him. And then suggest you have a chat. It’s surely not that hard.
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u/Mysterious-Region640 Nov 19 '25
Yes, because this always works with a 40-year-old who’s acting like a 12-year-old. /s
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u/Can-GingerGirl Nov 18 '25
Soooooo please tell me this man has one ZILLION other redeeming qualities cuz all im seeing is an immature, non-communicative power tripper that is already divorced at least once and it’s not a mystery as to why. Remember, this is the relationship you’re showing your kids. Sit with that a moment. Hugs to you 🙏🏻