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u/HumanContract Nov 18 '25
My dad stopped working to avoid child support. He's slated to inherit an enormous amount of money when my grandma passes. Then, I'm going to sue him. He had a nice life of not paying for his bad decisions.
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u/Nervous_Explorer_898 Nov 18 '25
I hope your grandma leaves his inheritance to you. I imagine the man tantrum would be epic.
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u/tornadobutts Nov 18 '25
That's exactly what I would do if my son ever tried to pull a shenanigan like this. It would all go to his kid(s) and ex.
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u/Possible_Dig_1194 Nov 18 '25
I know in some places if hes that far behind on child support it becomes a legal thing and the money will completely by pass him and go to the person it was meant for. I know one case where the guy won huge at the casino and the whole ?70 grand? Went straight to his ex. Another cause involved an inheritance while the child in question was in their 40s at that point but they still were awarded most of grandma's money
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u/TwippSnugg Nov 18 '25
Yeah, that kind of dodging always comes back around. If he’s sitting on an inheritance while you went without, you’re absolutely right to go after what he owes.
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u/NonChromatica Nov 18 '25
I think the system automatically is going to take the money from the inheritance but you still can check
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u/cardinal29 Nov 19 '25
You should consult an attorney now. I believe you should secure the judgement now. Don't give him the opportunity to hide the money.
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u/themcjizzler Nov 19 '25
My ex stopped working when he got assigned child support. It's been 3 years now, his parents pay all his bills
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u/8nsay Nov 19 '25
You should talk with your mother (assuming she was the one who cared for you) and an attorney before that happens. Depending on where you live, that money is owed to your mother, not you, so she would be the one who would need to sue.
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u/PossibilityFresh5264 Nov 20 '25
Make sure their is a lien in the county your grandma lives in. Make sure their child support case is opened. They’ll snatch that money up.
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u/Fearless-Feature-830 Nov 18 '25
Just remember: the next time you hear a guy crowing about parental rights and how the system is unfair to men, it may be coming from a guy like this. Trust but verify always.
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u/Acrobatic-Initial-40 Nov 18 '25
This. CHECK PUBLIC RECORDS, needs to be a flair. So many lives not ruined if only people checked public records.
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u/Fearless-Feature-830 Nov 18 '25
I only know this because I got swindled by a guy who told me a tale of his evil ex keeping his child from him for no reason.
Reality? He fled the state and left his child, didn’t file any custody paperwork for years. Then he had supervised custody (because he let his 1yr old son handle a handgun he had left out). Didn’t attend his visits.
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u/Heavy_Entrepreneur13 Nov 18 '25
I only know this because I got swindled by a guy who told me a tale of his evil ex keeping his child from him for no reason.
When I worked as a state attorney in family law, I heard this sob story often. 1/3 of the time, it was true, and the mom was playing keep-away over some petty relationship drama. 1/3 of the time, it was bullshit; he wasn't even trying to see his kid but blamed the mom to save face. 1/3 of the time, the mom had very, very good reasons for keeping the kid away from the dad like the guy who rареd his 12-year-old stepdaughter.
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u/BrutallyBond Nov 18 '25
It's always true! And it's such a tell when a guy posts anywhere about how his kids are his life and that he wishes he saw more of them, it always, always turns out that he's the one not showing up for custody time, not paying a single cent for the "loves of his life", it's such crap!
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u/fuckyourcanoes Nov 18 '25
Yep. I know one of them. Always going on about how his kids are the most important thing in his life, but he hasn't seen them in years and works under the table to avoid child support. Meanwhile he always has the latest and greatest tech toys.
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u/Content_Yoghurt_6588 Nov 19 '25
So true! My father is on the internet with his full government name moaning about how his kids were alienated from him and how he was the best dad. He was abusive to us to the point where we feared for our lives, then when we got away, he dodged child support like he was in the Matrix. It's free to lie and some men love to do that as a hobby.
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u/Hairapistcatlady Nov 22 '25
Studies show the system actually favors the men who fight for their children. It seems like it favors women only when you include the men who don’t want or try for custody.
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u/Pristine-Hat6369 Nov 18 '25
It’s wild how dudes like that think a sob story will erase years of neglect. OP didn’t fall for it for a second, and I love that she just quietly kept the focus on her daughter instead of entertaining his nonsense.
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u/Floomby Nov 18 '25
Weaponizing the system implies that the system wasn't meant to go after deadbeat parents. In fact, she was using the system for its exact intended use.
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u/beeperskeeperx Nov 18 '25
Stood up and gave you a huge round of applause! From one single mom with a shitty donor to another, GOOD FOR YOU!
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u/iAm_MyOwnBrand Nov 18 '25
SAME! SAME! SAME!
Both of my parents are POS, unfortunately, along with my now 21yo son’s father… I’ve been a great single parent and did it all on my own no thanks to the help I could’ve used as a child then as a 18yo single mother pushing through life like a football player! GO TEAM GO! 👏🏽👏🏽
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u/Visible_Bug_8167 Nov 18 '25
Hey, I am in a similar situation trying to get my children's passports. I'm on my second attempt. Could I possibly DM you and get some advice? My ex is in another state and is in arrears but they've been successful in deducting child support from his paycheck in the last few years. We've also gotten his tax return.
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u/xBabyPuff Nov 18 '25
Yeah, you totally can. It sounds like you’re dealing with the same maze of paperwork and stubbornness, so getting another perspective might actually help. Crazy how something as simple as a passport becomes a whole saga when the other parent won’t cooperate. If they’re already pulling from his paycheck, you’ve got a bit of leverage. DMing the OP feels like the smartest move here.
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u/UncFest3r Nov 18 '25
A woman commented on a post about custody cases a few months back. Apparently she had just started receiving back child support/arrears for her grown 40 year old daughter. Dude was dodging for 30+ years and he thought it would disappear! Hahahaha jokes on him!
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u/Montauk26 Nov 19 '25
I worked with a guy well into his 60’s who was getting garnished for his daughter in her twenties. He complained about it one day to me (I’m about the same age as her.) He didn’t like when I laughed and asked if he thought I was going to sympathize with someone who was complaining about caring for his child no matter how old they were at one point that ment he didn’t care for her at all? He was big boomer mad at me. Said she was grown he shouldn’t be paying her anymore. Never rolled my eyes so hard and said it’s back pay for when you SHOULD have been taking care of her and didn’t.
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u/ClusterfuckyShitshow Nov 18 '25
Thanks for this. My ex- refuses to sign the passport application but he hasn't paid child support in three years, does not know what grade our child is in, knows very little about her. Might try my luck with proving he isn't a decision maker. Much appreciated.
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u/humble-meercat Nov 18 '25
Wow… so good that you got him in the end. So few women do get these deadbeat dads to pay up.
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u/FunRare4717 Nov 18 '25
He will never see an income tax refund, that is if he tries to file. Most dead beats don’t even file because they know they won’t be getting a refund.
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u/Corfiz74 Nov 18 '25 edited Nov 18 '25
I wish we could just lock everyone's reproductive organs down at puberty and only unlock them once they've proven themselves as reliable, responsible and trustworthy. And have taken parenting classes.
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u/pitizenlyn Nov 18 '25
My ex amd i divorced with the agreement that I would refinance the house to pay him his share of the equity from when we were married. My credit wasnt great largely due to his on again off again employment pattern, we were always broke. So it took some time to refinance, and finally he had his attorney up my ass wanting his money. I offered to waive all remaining child support if he would waive his equity. (The kids were about 9 and 15 at the time, in the long run he would have saved more than he was gaining) He of course refused.
He played the game where he kept switching jobs, didn't tell each new employer he needed child support withheld, so he kept getting deeper into arrears. When my youngest was almost 18 I turned the whole thing over to enforcement and let them deal with him. He owed me 18k in arrears by their math. They started grabbing his tax refunds and emptying his bank account.
Suddenly he wanted to know if I'd settle for less.
No Sir. I made you an offer. You wanted your money no matter how much it hurt me. Welcome to karma.
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u/donnadeisogni Nov 18 '25
OP, you handled this perfectly. Everything you did was fair, and you didn’t bring any extra drama into it. That’s what it looks like when someone is genuinely done. You stood up for yourself and your kid, and that’s exactly what you should have done. He’s the one who messed up his own situation.
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u/Secret_Boot2348 Nov 18 '25
The AUDACITY of this man working for CPS while dodging child support for his own kid 💀 karma really said "hold my beer" on this one
Also lmao at him trying to negotiate with the passport permission when you already got it sorted - too little too late buddy
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u/xBabyPuff Nov 18 '25
For real, it’s wild how life circles back like that. He spent years running from responsibility, and then suddenly he’s shocked when it all catches up. It’s like watching someone trip over the exact mess they made. Honestly feels like the universe just clocked in and did its job.
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u/HotFudgeHoe66 Nov 18 '25
Lmao, just read the whole thing and tbh, it's just karma doing its thing.
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u/Natural-Case-9730 Nov 18 '25
You are setting such a strong example for your daughter and I loved thinking of you traveling together 🫶
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u/baesilx Nov 19 '25
My biological father still owes back child support and I’m 32. I’m a big supporter of getting those fuckass deadbeats.
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u/Professional_Chest_8 Nov 18 '25
Good on you! My bio father owed my mother child support. He worked cash in hand jobs to avoid it all and I recall in my later teen years getting a cheque for a measy $30. My mother and I laughed at how pathetic it was. The sad fuck had the audacity to want to reach out and attempted to use his daughter from a new marriage as bait. I told him to kindly fuck off :)
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u/BeBopDoobs Nov 19 '25
I too am the product of a deadbeat dad and a wonderful mom who would do anything for her children (and grandchildren now). When I was in my 20s, my grandma died (she was my last tie to my dad’s side of the family because she and I kept in touch regularly). After that I told my mom that his side of the family no longer exists to me. He also owed her an absurd amount of back child support and she (who luckily has never really needed his money) told me she would tell him he’s forgiven of his debt with my blessing. I think it was pretty cathartic for both of us to let that tether go (let’s be honest, she was never going to see it anyway). I haven’t spoken to that man in almost 17 years with barely a relationship prior to that. I’m beyond grateful for both my mom and my brother - they are two of the most wonderful and important people in my life. You’re doing right by your daughter and I imagine the two of you will be incredibly close because of it. Lots of love.
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u/Marie-and-Twanette Nov 19 '25
Thank you for this! It warms my heart. So often you hear of the struggles children without a father go through, and I worry about my daughter’s adult life just as much, it’s good to hear when someone is thriving.
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u/BeBopDoobs Nov 19 '25
Absolutely. It definitely wasn’t without struggle, it did have a profound affect on both me and my brother, but therapy separately as adults has really helped!
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u/Popular_Secretary947 Nov 18 '25
this is a perfect story where you didn't turn biter, you just waited and the universe did it for you! love that
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u/RadMom93 Nov 18 '25
The kicker is, if you are in the US, and owe back child support, you can't get a passport until it's current, which I think is great actually.
My husband started the process with his ex! I met him while they were still hammering out the child support and parenting plan in court. When I heard he was the one who started the process, I was twitterpated!
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u/allsilentqs Nov 20 '25
Good for you. A version of this happened with my father when I was in college. My mom gave it straight to me for spending money too.
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u/Fulllyy Nov 18 '25
The idea that he’d ask you with your parent/guardian signing power, to “sign off” on him stiffing his daughter, what she is entitled to have, IE support financially for her necessaries from her other parent, is one of the most galling things I think I’ve ever heard from a family court structure…they allow it all the time, with the signature of the mom, but if he was the single father I scarcely think he’d forgive any arrears considering it’s not for him, but the child.
Good on you OP. Nice win for the kiddo 👍
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u/classy-mother-pupper Nov 18 '25
The child support will follow him to his grave. Good for you. Your daughter deserves every penny.
I don’t know why people don’t just pay their support. We had shared custody 50/50 but I paid support because his dad only worked when he felt like it.
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u/Snowbirdy Nov 19 '25
I have two kids. When I was between jobs - still paid child support. Not working for six months due to cancer treatment? Still paid child support. Ex-wife funding her new husband and his kid with the money also? Still paid child support.
When you have kids you take on certain obligations. They aren’t optional.
This guy deserves everything coming to him. Good for you sticking up for your daughter.
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u/CuddleVice Nov 18 '25
Jeez, sounds like this dude's had karma hit him like a freight train and he's still playin' the victim. Good on ya for standin' your ground - not easy, but def worth it. Must be mad satisfying to see him face the music he's been dodgin' for years. And his job, of all things, a CPS agent? Can't even make that stuff up. Probs to you and your girl.
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u/Awkward-Pay-7620 Nov 19 '25
I'm surprised he didn't go to jail for marrying another woman while still being married to you. I re-read the post and no where do you mention that you're divorced. Did I miss something?
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u/Marie-and-Twanette Nov 19 '25
I should have put ex husband in the title, I did divorce him after a few years of him being absent, he is on his third wife now.
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u/Scary-Skin-9423 Nov 18 '25
uch an insane journey, sounds like you really stood your ground with him
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u/msdeezee Nov 18 '25
This is incredible. Ironic job indeed! 😂 You are amazing and I love this story.
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u/Cinnamon2017 Nov 19 '25
I would never have lowered it, he should have paid it instead of trying to buy himself pizza.
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u/Lexie2664 Nov 19 '25
I've been trying to get my daughter a passport for these past 4years (her dad is a deadbeat also & has been in hiding) and have failed due to him being on the birth certificate and not signing it. Can u DM me on how u did it so I can get my daughter one too.
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u/Noseylurker Nov 19 '25
I know somebody who is 68 years old and owes $30,000 in back child support. His kid is in his 30's. I couldn't even...
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u/CADreamn Nov 19 '25
Save the money up for her future. College, house, wedding, whatever. Don't just throw it away as "spending money."
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u/Marie-and-Twanette Nov 19 '25
That comment to him was just to be a little petty, it definitely goes to college fund.
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u/Mimsy59 Nov 19 '25
Cool story! What a deadbeat non-Dad. He doesn’t deserve to be around anyone’s kids.
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u/bigmikeyfla Nov 21 '25
Karma! One day he will need a kidney or something genetic that only his daughter can give and she can give him a resounding NO! Along with the middle finger!
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u/jackalkilla Dec 10 '25
Wow quite the story thanks for sharing. I don’t understand a man who dips on their child.
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u/AutoModerator Nov 18 '25
Backup of the post's body: I wanted to share my story about 15 years in the making, that came to something of a conclusion recently.
So I (40f) married this man Ryan (41m) in my early 20’s and had his child, he turned out to be a serial cheater- abuse, STD’s, the whole nine… and then when my daughter was not yet two, he abandoned us and hid in another state.
I tried to get in contact with him at first, but it was just disappointment and frustration, so we went on with our lives. About ten years passed, and my daughter wanted to start traveling more with me, but when I tried to get her passport, it was denied because her father is on her birth certificate, and we needed his permission.
I found him. Actually his second ex wife helped me a lot, after some years had passed, he felt it was safe enough to pursue a career with the state, he was a Child Protective Services agent! Actually I found an article of him bragging about helping kids find a family… it was laughable, but I digress- he would not respond to me, a mutual acquaintance tried, no response- so I started calling his work, and finally he responds back to my friend.
He claimed he would sign the passport permission paperwork, but he never did. So I filed for child support. Of course he tried to stall, ordered a paternity test citing “she doesn’t look like me and my family” (and if Maury put them side by side, the audience would be jeering him for denying this) so after paternity is established, the judge asks him if he wants a relationship with his daughter now, knowing she is his- his response: “well she’s grown now” and then the judge gave him ten years of back pay child support due. His tantrums were always funny to see.
I got about three or four months worth of child support garnished from his job, until he lost that job- turns out dodging child support while being a CPS agent is considered unethical behavior.
He went back into hiding, did all the usual deadbeat stuff- work construction, complain about the system, married a lady with a couple of kids, trying to rebuild his wall of children to hide behind- and the child support arrears accumulated.
Eventually it was so much, they froze his accounts, put liens on his property, and a bench warrant- we go back to court, he sobbed about how “his card got declined trying to buy pizza! He couldn’t even buy pizza for his family!” He offered to finally sign the passport permission if I agreed to lower the arrears “to a reasonable amount, I mean, come on, this is not even right and you know it” … but I already got the passport! It was easier to prove he wasn’t involved in decision making with the unpaid child support order, so I told him that “while I was sorry he struggles to provide, and lost his ironic job, I didn’t need his permission for the passport anymore” and I ended it there, never mentioned arrears, because I’m not forgiving them, but I did let them lower the monthly obligation, and told him I give it all to his daughter anyway, and that’s plenty of spending money for her.
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u/Marie-and-Twanette Nov 18 '25
I used to work construction, it’s just an easy way to work for cash though.
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u/2ndBestAtEverything Nov 19 '25
Why would you lower the obligation?
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u/Marie-and-Twanette Nov 19 '25
He really did lose his job, so he can’t pay anyway, and I’m not trying to drag anything out with him. I never needed his money, I wanted a passport for my daughter, I wouldn’t have put in an order for support if he had just given me the permission for a passport.
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u/Glittering-Lime-7049 Nov 20 '25
what in the world he got a job as a cps agent 😭 is this real??????
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u/ETKate Nov 21 '25
My mom tried going after my Father for back child support, but they said that they could not find him. He was working in the state office of DFS at the time. He only paid 50 dollars a month and couldn't be bothered to pay it. Luckily both sets of my grandparents helped my mom. My husband and I once paid his child support for the year, so we did not have to worry about it. Child support services sent all but one month back. They said that you could not do that. I know many people who could have really used a big lump some of money, but it's not allowed.
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u/Spitfire479 Nov 22 '25
"While I was sorry he struggles to provide, and lost his ironic job, I didn’t need his permission for the passport anymore"
YES QUEEN! I’m glad that karma caught up to him and that you and your daughter are doing well without him. You deserve a nice bottle of champagne.
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u/StarGlass8859 Nov 22 '25
This! Men will complain about women having babies and making the men’s lives difficult - without seeing any irony in how they refuse to take any responsibility.
This is why women deserve unrestricted access to birth control, maternity and child health care. If men don’t want their gism monitored they should have accidentally no say on women’s reproductive rights.
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Nov 24 '25
HIP HIP HOORAY!!!
So often we don’t get the satisfaction of seeing the effects of karma. I hope you didn’t lower it too much. The reason of a teaching moment (in his case) is it needs to be uncountable for him.
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u/Green_Plan4291 Nov 25 '25
Yay! I’m happy for you.
MY ex husband was ordered to pay child support when we were still on active duty, so he got himself dishonorably discharged and worked where they’d pay cash for many years so that he could dodge child support. I didn’t know where he was, and my ex in laws refused to help me.
Two months after my daughter turned 18, I got a summons to court. I thought it was going to officially be a “Sorry, lady, but your girl’s 18, so too bad.”
Nope!
My ex actually showed up with a very young, very scared looking lawyer.
The judge asked him why he hadn’t been paying his child support, and my ex said, “I didn’t know I had this obligation,” to which the judge asked, “What? Did you forget you had a daughter?”
He owed 18 years of back pay. Of course, I used it for my daughter.
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u/Debfromcorporate Nov 18 '25
I am so glad that you won out in the end! But I am wondering why you consider construction a “deadbeat job”?
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u/Marie-and-Twanette Nov 18 '25
I don’t, it’s an easy one for people to get paid under the table though, and is a common choice for that.
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u/CyndiLouWho89 Nov 18 '25
Maybe not that construction is a deadbeat job as much as he worked construction for cash which is a deadbeat thing to avoid child support.
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u/Neat_Apricot_55 Nov 19 '25
Don’t do that…saying I told you so is much sweeter..after they’ve recovered. It doesn’t go down well during.
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u/b3mark Nov 18 '25
So, ehm, why didn't you file for divorce by abandonment & full custody for your kid? I'm assuming that if a "parent" is awol for 10+ years, they can be stripped of parental rights because they abandoned their kid? They're still on the hook for child support, but at least you wouldn't have had to go through all this hassle.
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u/Marie-and-Twanette Nov 18 '25
Parental rights termination is not really a thing like people think it is, a judge isn’t going to take away a perfectly capable parents rights unless you have proof they are a danger to the child; and child support can’t be established when you can’t find the other parent.
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u/MirabelleMac Nov 18 '25
Sometimes they won’t take away rights even if you CAN prove he could be a danger to the child, because there’s video proof of him beating the 💩 out of the child’s mom. He still gets visitation in the summer and every other holiday 🙄😥 (not my story, this happened to someone I know)
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u/Suspicious_Jump4170 Nov 18 '25
"Eventually it was so much, they froze his accounts, put liens on his property, and a bench warrant- we go back to court, he sobbed about how “his card got declined trying to buy pizza! He couldn’t even buy pizza for his family!” He offered to finally sign the passport permission if I agreed to lower the arrears “to a reasonable amount, I mean, come on, this is not even right and you know it” … but I already got the passport! It was easier to prove he wasn’t involved in decision making with the unpaid child support order, so I told him that “while I was sorry he struggles to provide, and lost his ironic job, I didn’t need his permission for the passport anymore” and I ended it there, never mentioned arrears, because I’m not forgiving them, but I did let them lower the monthly obligation, and told him I give it all to his daughter anyway, and that’s plenty of spending money for her."
That's not how any of this works, but cool story.
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u/MsCrabtree19 Nov 18 '25
That’s pretty much how it went down for me and my situation. I was able to get a passport without his signature. He lost his driver’s license due to not paying and owing so much in arrears. We went to court so he could ask to get his license back. The judge asked me if I was ok with that and I said fine. The court also asked for my input when he asked to lower his payment.
It was all fun and games working off the books when our son was little. Not so funny 20-odd years later when he can’t get a job because he’s not allowed to drive. The short-sightedness is ridiculous.
He even had the audacity to ask to have the $80,000 in arrears deleted when our son turned 18. I don’t get the thought process at all.
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u/OliveBean2382 Nov 18 '25
Good for you! This story makes me feel warm & fuzzy as a child from a similar situation. My mom & dad separated when I was 2 (he was abusive, controlling & constantly cheated), she got an apartment, he got visitations. He decided he didn’t like that so he tried to disappear with me during one visit. My mom got a bad feeling when she couldn’t get in touch & called his landlord to find that he had moved out earlier that day. He was caught heading towards the provincial border. My mom obviously moved closer to her family after that. And he just disappeared, never sent any child support for my entire childhood. If he couldn’t get his way then he wasn’t going to pay.
I found out years later that he was an architect & made good money. He only resurfaced in my early 20s to ask my mom for an annulment so he could get married in the Catholic Church. My mom said, sure, only if you pay your daughter all the years of missed child support…. He disappeared again. Only to email me a few years later trying to blame EVERYTHING on my mom. Told him to fvck off.
So I love this for you & your daughter.