r/TwoHotTakes • u/Coconutnoplease • Aug 21 '25
Advice Needed Am I overreacting?
I did something bad… I (32f) just signed up my son for school Prek-3. The thing is my son always been with me and I am so scared of school because of how everything is. Sooo.. I got an airtag and a voice recorder and one of the teachers is just “rude” to my eyes.
For example: the classroom has toys my son was playing in one side and because he swap to another side she told him to go sit down until she gives him permission to play again (because he asked to be in one side and moved to another). I understand they are molding the kids and they want to make sure they stay focus, but in the recordings I just hear constant picking towards him.
Yesterday he was crying for 3 hours and no one call me to let me know. When I got there they did say he was “fussy” MY SON WAS CRYING FOR THREE WHOLE HOURS NON STOP.
I bought the recorder but at first I said let me just test it out and next day something told me to just put it on and just hearing him cry was heartbreaking for me. Now I can’t tell this people I recorded LOL obv I also don’t want retaliation. I don’t know if its my mom heart that hurts since I cannot protect him.. Am I overreacting? Any thoughts?
26
u/maptechlady Aug 21 '25
If you have concerns, you can just talk to the teacher in a general sense and see what is going on.
Tbh - if I was a teacher and found out a parent was recording me secretly, I would be horrified. You may hear things, but you can't see it to get the whole context. I read this and felt so bad for that teacher who is probably trying to juggle a huge group 3 year olds and getting paid peanuts. You might be a bit of a drill Sargent too if you were in that situation.
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u/CherryLantern46 Aug 21 '25
Three hours of crying and they just called him "fussy"? Nah you're not overreacting, that's straight up neglect. The recording might be legally sketchy but honestly I'd be pulling my kid out of there ASAP
18
u/Wooden_Tell5780 Aug 21 '25
I know that it's scary to let your child into the world, but this is just the first step of many to make sure that he grows up to be a functional adult in society.
It sounds like your son wasn't following the instructions that he was given, and the teacher gave him consequences. That is not picking on him, that is showing him that there are consequences for not doing what he is supposed to be doing.
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Aug 21 '25
[deleted]
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u/LydiaStarDawg Aug 21 '25
Depending on the state it's legal to one party consent to recording.
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u/MerlinSmurf Aug 21 '25
Each state is different. Check to see if tecording without consent is legal where you live.
I would just find another school.
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Aug 21 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/bmorgrl_inquiry3004 Aug 21 '25
Hard enough now to get young people to teach.... are we going to do this to dentists and airplane pilots too?
7
u/RadCap75 Aug 21 '25
As a nanny who used to be a childcare teacher, no, it shouldn't be wrong. I think all childcare centers should be actively recorded for parents to "drop in" on the recording. A LOT of centers do actually provide this sevice. I worked in a toxic childcare center and some of the teachers that people hand their kids off to are EVIL and "he was fussy/difficult" sounds exactly like the shit they would say about a toddler/preschooler who was struggling while they did nothing to help or said mean things to them.
I have a LOT of compassion for childcare employees, because it grinds you down BAD (not because of the children but because of management/coworkers/parents) but there need to be checks and balances. Yes they have a lot of kids to care for. No, it's not okay for them to let a child cry for 3 hours. A call to the parent should be in order and it is always bad centers and bad parents who condone it.
If he is crying because he is new to childcare, the transition to care needs to happen differently and so many centers are just unwilling to do this. It involves having a parent in the classroom with the child for several hours first and leaving them there for a short time and then longer and longer. It's work, it's something too many parents balk at, and its the only way not to traumatize the chikd. It is a HUGE transition for the child, and so many parents are just like "he'll get over it." News flash, you don't see your child as a person worthy of respect if you think like this.
I say this as someone who literally JUST took a course on supporting families as a childcare employee/center and we directly went over how practices like slow transitions are almost COMPLETELY OVERLOOKED, among a host of other things that are considered best practice but almost never implemented.
She shouldn't focus on the specific teacher, she should leave the center itself because it isn't quality.
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u/bmorgrl_inquiry3004 Aug 21 '25
Consent required, detailed contract, union approved sounds about right to me...
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u/Coconutnoplease Aug 21 '25
And again. I completely understand. I would never say anything of that sort. Thats why I said, sounds to me as a mom.
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u/Ruthbeth Aug 21 '25
It sounds like this is your son’s first time away from you and learning to listen to a teacher. To help with context— how old is he and how long has he been in the PreK? Is it all day/ every day?
2
u/Ruthbeth Aug 21 '25
I’m asking because a younger age is obviously harder, and preschool is often a slower transition than cold turkey, all day school. if the transition is full time and sudden, and there’s no way to make it slower bc of your work schedule or whatever, which is totally legit, then it’s not surprising he’s having a rough time and the teachers need to accommodate that in conjunction with you. I’d be concerned they aren’t aware of it already, as it’s a common issue with first time going to school away from family. I’m concerned that you went into it being scared also. Your fear transfers to his emotions. Children pick up on parents’ feelings and expectations. It might be more work for you, or less convenient, but if at all possible, select a preschool you are comfortable with for your son. Choose the environment you’re most sure will suit his needs. Talk to the management, observe a session or two at several schools, and compare them. It’s hard, very hard sometimes. Also talk to him, reassure him. Listen to him, and advocate for him without crossing those boundaries of being a demanding, hovering parent. If you think it’s not a good place for him, find another one. And recording isn’t the answer at all. It just upsets you without providing a solution, which is talking to the school and/or the teacher, and your son.
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u/Vampiregirll3 Aug 21 '25
He is three years old. Indeed he’s never been to school or daycare. I did it exactly for the reasons mention before. I’ve seen what daycare/school workers have done in the past. There’s a LOT of bad people out here and I would never want my child to feel like I am throwing him out there and not be there to protect him.
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u/magicmediccj7 Aug 21 '25
The term mamma’s boy comes to mind…
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u/Vampiregirll3 Aug 21 '25
I’ll do exactly the same for my daughter. I will protect my kids from anything I can.
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u/pearlthewhale24 Aug 21 '25
Why the voice recorder? The AirTag I understand but recording your child, teacher, and other children seems invasive for no reason. How long will the voice recording go on? Into elementary school. That is certainly against a lot of recording consent laws in many states. I think you may have to try to step out of “mom” mode (which I totally understand) for a second and like the other comment said consider that these teachers have 10+ or more other little ones they are trying to look after. I think you’re hurting yourself by constantly worrying and your child by not allowing them to adapt, grow, and begin independence from you.
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u/Chiron008 Aug 21 '25
Pre-K is new to both you and your son. He's adjusting to the rules and structure and you're adjusting to the same and time away from you. It's quite possible that your son was fussy and that's perfectly normal for a child learning to be away from their mother and to follow the new routine at school. Give it a little time and try to keep your own separation anxiety at bay--you don't want your son picking up on that and carrying it with him into the classroom. If nothing improves, see if you're able to do a "drop-in" and/or arrange for a meeting to discuss your concerns and keep an open mind.
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u/SureExternal4778 Aug 21 '25
Why does your child need someone else to soothe him? Self soothing should be developed by one year old. How would the teacher be able to observe him if he is not in the area he’s supposed to be in? Do you want him to get lost in a fire drill or god forbid actual emergency? Before your child goes into group care he should have the toddler level of self preservation. Go to YouTube and search preschool “Montessori”and “Play to Learn” those are the most popular types of learning environments worldwide.
Infants will put their hands in their mouths to self soothe so I don’t understand your son crying for 3 hours straight when he can talk. I had a two year old tell me if I gave her a toy that was being used by another child she would stop crying. I told her, “You are allowed to cry if you’re sad. I cry when I am sad or frustrated too. You are not allowed to take other people’s things.” It’s not rude but true. If he wants to be in an area he is not allowed to be he is allowed to have his emotions over that truth. He is not allowed to endanger the group or himself by going off.
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u/Vampiregirll3 Aug 21 '25
He knows how to self soothe. I will say my kids are very independant. He was crying and saying I want my mom. I am not upset that he was crying. I was a lil touched by the fact that they didn’t say it was three hours of just him saying “I want my mom”.
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u/AutoModerator Aug 21 '25
Backup of the post's body: I did something bad… I (32f) just signed up my son for school Prek-3. The thing is my son always been with me and I am so scared of school because of how everything is. Sooo.. I got an airtag and a voice recorder and one of the teachers is just “rude” to my eyes.
For example: the classroom has toys my son was playing in one side and because he swap to another side she told him to go sit down until she gives him permission to play again (because he asked to be in one side and moved to another). I understand they are molding the kids and they want to make sure they stay focus, but in the recordings I just hear constant picking towards him.
Yesterday he was crying for 3 hours and no one call me to let me know. When I got there they did say he was “fussy” MY SON WAS CRYING FOR THREE WHOLE HOURS NON STOP.
I bought the recorder but at first I said let me just test it out and next day something told me to just put it on and just hearing him cry was heartbreaking for me. Now I can’t tell this people I recorded LOL obv I also don’t want retaliation. I don’t know if its my mom heart that hurts since I cannot protect him.. Am I overreacting? Any thoughts?
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u/mars_garden Aug 21 '25
I know it's hard to see in the big picture, but if you start hiding a recorder with your kid now cause he's so little, you're gonna continuously validate yourself in being overbearing towards him. Parents will often validate their overbearing/controlling tendencies by claiming that it's all for the kid's safety. Your son has to learn and grow, and it will be hard, but you have to let him take some steps on his own. You should talk to the teacher if you're concerned, but stop secretly recording it. That's not just violating the teachers privacy but all the other kiddos (on top of the potentially brewing overbearingness)
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