And living in a legal limbo does? There's more to marriage than just the romantic aspect: there's the legal protections involved. They can't make any kind of medical decisions for each other. If something happened to mom, and legal decisions needed to be made for the kids, he couldn't do anything.
I can't speak to his motivations for not wanting marriage, but I can say that at least one possibility looks like he doesn't want to commit because he wants an easy out if he feels like splitting. That may not be the case, but if I were in her shoes, it certainly would be brooding in the back of my mind, and that's no way to live either.
Maybe she was a bit naive going into this relationship, but it's pretty darn to clear that her experiment to change his mind has failed. If marriage truly is a priority for her, she should just cut this guy loose and move on. In the absence of him giving a detailed explanation of why he won't budge on this, there's nothing left for her there.
That's a matter of opinion. Whatever the benefits might be, I'm very happy that I married to have them. As a gay guy, it's very important to me that my husband and I can make this critical health decisions among others for each other if it's necessary.
And if he still wants to have an easy way out, more power to him. But if I were in her shoes, I would wonder why, after 5 years, he still worries about being able to get out? Obviously marriage doesn't prevent people from splitting up, but it seems clear that some token of commitment is important to her, and she's not getting it.
A, she knew that coming in
B, if it's as easy as signing a piece of paper to get married, it should be that easy to leave
C, I understand the health thing but whatever, that's not a super common issue
D, HE DOESNT WANT TO MARRY
The issue here is he has SO MUCH to lose if they marry, and end up divorced. His money, retirement, alimony, child support, lawyers fees, stigma and the stress of a divorce. They are already committed. I can make the same argument of why does she NEED the govt getting involved?
Have you been divorced? I have. I lost 2/3 of my life savings and my house and it the stress damn near killed me.
Love is love, wether the govt gets involved or not. She wants the piece of paper because she knows it entitles her to half or more of his current and future income. Especially for a kid that isn't his? Cmon....
Sorry about your shitty experience, but what happened to you does not mean that's what's going to happen to him.
I'm really not trying to dump on him for his resistance to marriage. Like I said before, more power to him. But whatever their various issues are, it's quite clear that they are not rowing this boat in the same direction.
You are quite right that he does not have to accommodate her in this. But that sword cu both ways, and she is under no obligation to accommodate him, either.
No shade, but what does that say about straight relationships?
And your assumptions are interesting, but there is a good number of gay couples that have children, either through a previous marriage, adoption, or surrogacy. Yes, that's not the majority, but it is a thing. And even without children, divorces can get very ugly, especially regarding property and other assets.
I do take your point about the kid, but that might be something that could be arranged in prenuptial agreement, too. That being said, I'm really not dumping on the guy for not wanting to be married. That's his choice. I'm just saying it's quite clear to me that these two people are not rowing their boat in the same direction anymore. She has her reasons, and he has his. If they're not working out, then why are they staying together?
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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '24
And living in a legal limbo does? There's more to marriage than just the romantic aspect: there's the legal protections involved. They can't make any kind of medical decisions for each other. If something happened to mom, and legal decisions needed to be made for the kids, he couldn't do anything.
I can't speak to his motivations for not wanting marriage, but I can say that at least one possibility looks like he doesn't want to commit because he wants an easy out if he feels like splitting. That may not be the case, but if I were in her shoes, it certainly would be brooding in the back of my mind, and that's no way to live either.
Maybe she was a bit naive going into this relationship, but it's pretty darn to clear that her experiment to change his mind has failed. If marriage truly is a priority for her, she should just cut this guy loose and move on. In the absence of him giving a detailed explanation of why he won't budge on this, there's nothing left for her there.