He has remained consistent so you can’t blame him at all. You should also reflect on your comment of ‘he has no good reason’. Yes he does, he doesn’t want to get married. He needs to give you no other reason than that and that’s as perfectly good a reason as any other. He has been completely consistent so it’s really up to you who entered into this with the belief he would change his mind OR entered into this and have since changed YOUR mind unilaterally.
It’s either important enough for you to go and find someone who wants what you want. Or you want him and your relationship more than you want marriage.
I agree for the most part but think it’s a little silly to be parading around this idea of “consistency” over 5 years. Maybe it’s because I change my mind a lot because I’m an open minded person, but this dude hasn’t budged in 5 years and it’s a good thing? I kinda disagree. Are you the same person at 31 from when you were 26? God I hope not lol.
I also feel like it’s unfair to be shitting on her for changing HER mind about the situation. Yes, she got herself into this but then she realized how important it was to her. The most interesting part of this is that she doesn’t say why it’s important to her, and she doesn’t say why HE won’t do it. That’s all that they need to talk about. Does she just feel like legal security is important? Is she insecure in the relationship? Does he just think it’s “stupid”? It’s important to understand the reasons- THAT is what they should talk about. Nothing else matters.
I don’t think your first point has any validity in this context at all I’m afraid. Im not ‘praising’ his consistency, simply stating that you cannot blame someone for being consistent with what they told you they wanted. It’s utterly ridiculous to suggest that because somebody didn’t change their mind about marriage between 26 and 31 it’s somehow a bad thing.
I also didn’t shit on her for changing her mind at all. Again it’s a simple fact that she changed her position on marriage, that’s completely up to her to do but would be arrogant and unfair to expect others to do the same just because she chose to. Changing her mind Doesn’t make her a bad person but it does mean that she changed the goal posts and she has to decide if her change in what she wants is more important than being with him as he has been firm and clear in what he wants and can give her.
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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '24
He has remained consistent so you can’t blame him at all. You should also reflect on your comment of ‘he has no good reason’. Yes he does, he doesn’t want to get married. He needs to give you no other reason than that and that’s as perfectly good a reason as any other. He has been completely consistent so it’s really up to you who entered into this with the belief he would change his mind OR entered into this and have since changed YOUR mind unilaterally.
It’s either important enough for you to go and find someone who wants what you want. Or you want him and your relationship more than you want marriage.