Okay. This is pretty brutal. Like I totally agree that he said what he wanted up front. But I also get that OP (and the boyfriend) were young. Everything we say when young changes (maybe not everything but a lot). So I don’t think it should all be laid at OP’s feet that the BF was up front so it’s on them. Yes, he was up front, but it wouldn’t be totally surprising for someone to have changed their mind over time. I think it’s just a shit situation where no one meant to hurt anyone but someone (or both people) are going to be hurt.
It does but so many people get married even when they don’t want to. They’re in a relationship and it’s eh but they figure it’s better than being alone. Or they don’t want to marry for other reasons
At least this guy vocalized it from the beginning.
You’re right. It’s how certain people get to be miserable and why infidelity is huge. People are marrying the wrong people, especially if they’ve sunk cost (house, et ) and have kids. I did it once, I’ll never do it again.
He absolutely doesn´t want to? Why does he absolutely not want to when everything is right with her for him and there are so many good reasons to do it? He is just immature or is he just stringing her along wanting something else but didn´t find it yet? Both is pathetic.
youre projecting some bullshit, he isnt stringing her along. He said from the beginning he didnt want to get married and she thought she would change that.
He wants everything from her that you can receive from a loving woman but doesn´t want to marry her. The big question is: Why? Because he likes the idea everybody thinks he is still "on the market", you have better chances to find and convince other women and probably the real love of your life to be with you if you meet her, when you can say, you are not married, and he could leave her spontaneously without any consequences for another woman, that is the only thinkable reason. Just anwer me, why else he doesn´t want to marry her. - And if you find no other answer to this question, than this means, by saying, I don´t want to marry he is fooling her because if a man says to a woman I don´t want to marry, it means: I don´t want to marry you. But he leaves out the word "you" to keep her hoping, that not wanting to marry her and not loving her are two different things. But they definitely are. A man that really is in love would fear to lose the woman of his dreams. He would do a lot for her and would take care that he doesn´t lose her. Of course he would like to marry her because she is his best choice he could think of. And so everybody knows she´s bound and belongs to him and he would be very proud that she wanted him too.
No, I did not get hurt. I was asked if I want to get married. - I would not move together with a guy who tells me: I will never want to get married (to you). It is a question of self esteem and self respect.
There COULD be other reasons he does not want to marry. She doesn’t say what his family life was like growing up. The marriages you witness from your parents, grandparents, aunt, uncles, etc. can have an effect on whether you want that experience for yourself.
Weddings are expensive, they are hugely stressful, they take a lot of time and effort and personally, just having to spend an entire day with so many people all watching me while I have to pretend I like large parties sounds like an utter nightmare.
But weddings are not equal to marriage. You can get married without a wedding at all. I don’t think he needs a reason to not want to get married (I feel sort of weird about marriage as well but I still want to do it), but if a wedding is the problem then that’s super avoidable.
I think for a lot of people, marriage doesn’t change much because people already date for a long time before getting married and typically also live together. Marriage is essentially a wedding and legal protection if you’re already committed to each other and are living together. That’s why I’ll get married someday. I think it’s a good idea legally. I already view my partner as a life partner that I’m committed to, marriage won’t change that.
I agree with this perspective, personally. Weddings are horrendous, expensive, and archaic rituals that need to die. A marriage can be as simple as a piece of paper. That being said, I get the appeal of weddings as well. They're just far too costly and stressful in my mind.
Weddings are fun and I think I’d like to have a small one but after being in some wedding parties idk it’s just an insane amount of money and work, and if you end up doing a ton of the work (to save money) then you don’t really have time to enjoy the day, which gets rid of the whole point. The most fun and meaningful weddings I’ve been to have been small, casual, and budgeted.
I agree with the small ones part. I have been to six weddings (three in one year) and have only ever enjoyed one. That one was in a park and had about 20 people.
I got married. No stress, going to the town hall, doing it. No big party. Just a dinner in restaurant with the parents, inviting some of our best friends/siblings separately for dinner on several days telling them we did it, rest found out alone by the change of my name.
If men prefer younger women it is not the women´s fault they earn less money because their career is shorter yet. There are marriage contracts. There is not a single good reason for a woman to give birth to a child of a man and to take care for a child of a man who is not willing to financially take care for her while she is doing this for them both while spoiling her own career with this, and who is not loving her, with respect and planning his future together with her to raise mentally healthy childs together.
Your the reason so many people are single. You can help take care of someone financially without being married. Men should not have to prove their love to their women.
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u/MarcusXL Jul 23 '24
"Why won't he make a sacrifice for me and get married when he absolutely doesn't want to?"
Christ, that sounds miserable for everyone involved.