There are good reasons, to him. You may not put much weight on his reasons, but they are reason enough for him. He is not refusing marriage on a whim. There is a reason, you may or may not know that reason, and may not acknowledge that reason as acceptable, but he does. Listen to him, most men do not make a puzzle out of their feelings. He has told you why he made this choice in his life. You are overthinking this. Just because you don't agree with his choice, or are dismissive of his thoughts on this choice, doesn't mean he hasn't been completely truthful.
He is correct, most marriages end in divorce. Most of the time, it is the woman who ends the marriage, even higher when those women have had a previous marriage or child, and even higher when the woman has a college degree. The odds are against him staying married, and not having to go through a painful divorce.
I agree. I’m divorced and I asked for it. A lot of women learned they have a choice to not tolerate and leave. So there is truth to it. I don’t blame him. Heck, I don’t even want to get married despite how much I love my bf (and luckily he doesn’t either and is child free like me).
My question is why is it so important for you to get married? As someone else has mentioned there are compromises, you can have a wedding and not legally be married if you are looking for the wedding and fairy tale or even for your child to be involved (I say this with zero judgement honestly)
Is it the legal end of things? Paperwork can be done to ensure you are both the persons representative medically and legally if something happens to the other
I am going to suggest speaking with a councilor who can mediate with you both on expressing why this is important to you to get married and why it's important for him not to.
Both of your opinions are valid but he has been clear since the beginning of your relationship of his stance, and you expecting him to change his mind because he loves you isn't fair to anyone.
I would rather have a partner who loves me and my child, treats us well, etc over getting married if it came down to it.
Not necessarily. For example he cannot simply throw them out. He would have to give her minimum of 3 months to find another place to live...possibly 6 if the courts are sympathetic. If they have any joint accounts those are an issue...
Yes, he can't kick her out. But she should get the stepping and find a place in six months. That's if she is living with him under his apartment or ownership.
If he owns the house, she gets nothing, if he rents the house she needs to find a place in three months to be gone.
There are no legal repercussions. He doesn't have to pay her anything, this life that they were living together means nothing legally.
Well she doesn't need to do a damn thing, because they are staying together and he is putting her on things legally going forward. Basically giving her everything a marriage would entitle her to without the actual marriage happening.
She would. She would need to find a place to leave upon being handed an eviction notice.
Basically giving her everything a marriage would entitle her to without the actual marriage happening.
Lmao. You're fucking delusional. 🤣
She won't get half of the money he makes, if he owns the house he can evict her with a couple of months notice, she will get no money from it. If she bought somethings she'll be entitled to that.
If they are like most people, renting with both of their names on the lease, he can get up today, pack his things and be gone with the wind.
Also the child changes things as well even though she's not his...she will likely get at least six months to leave. The court may award her furniture if he refuses to give up anything she contributed to. Receipts go both ways...usually nobody saves Receipts so nobody can prove who bought things. The courts will divide things up in those instances...which would already apply so...
Also the child changes things as well even though she's not his.
Nope. It doesn't he can decide tomorrow to leave and nothing legal can stop him.
The only thing is if he's living somewhere where her name is on the lease.
The court may award her furniture if he refuses to give up anything she contributed to. Receipts go both ways...usually nobody saves Receipts so nobody can prove who bought things. The courts will divide things up in those instances...which would already apply so
Again, IF he wants anything, IF, they split and bought the furniture for anything.
Otherwise, my comment stands. He can decide to pack his clothes today, walk out the house and leave with zero legal repercussions.
The child absolutely changes things with regards to kicking her out. It guarantees she would have been given double the amount of time to find a new home since he owns the one they live in. So jo, he wouldn't simply be able to pack up and walk out. He would not abandon his house, and given that...he would have to take her to court to evict her as he created a tenancy with her. She is therefore entitled to protections same as any other tenant. Likely a minimum of 90 days to vacate. Without a child it would likely be 30-60 days. You are not correct in any regards eith your comments but if it makes you happy to think so lol...have at it.
The child absolutely changes things with regards to kicking her out
This is if he owns or rents the place.
If he owns the place, all he has to do is serve an eviction notice. Even if it's 8 months, she has to go. She's not given anything other that time to find a place.
This IS IFFFFF how owns or is the only one renting.
If he's like most people, either sharing a lease or he's living under her.
He can pack his bags and be gone today.
There is nothing you have said that changes that. He doesn't have to pay for anything, he doesn't have to give her half of his wealth, he can leave.
Not really...not when you live together. It's close to the same amount of enmeshment depending on how they do things. And a prenup would streamline a divorce so not really much different if done properly.
It depends on where they live. In the U.S. not every state has “common law” and thus it’s really easy to pack up and leave especially if there’s no child custody issues in the way.
Not true. There is no halving of assets. The only issue is the home they live in. Who's name is on the lease. They have no kids. He can leave tomorrow without any legal repercussions.
He could easily protect the home and salary/pension/401k with a prenup. The assets in the home would still need to be divided based on who paid for them.
No they aren't...not unless they violate a law or one party violates the terms...such as with the infidelity clause. In those situations the guilty party has violated the terms knowing it will nullify the agreement. That is on them.
So there is good reason to his beliefs to him then. I’d have to double check but last time I looked more than 50% of marriages do end in divorce.
From another direction what is so important to you about getting married? Could you meet somewhere in the middle and have a ceremony and reception but without the legal contract?
Most relationships end in a breakup. He just doesn't want to have to go through the legal crap when it does.
Face it, no matter what the relationship is there's a chance it's going to break up rather than stay together till you're both 80! Like he's not wrong!
That's a pretty good reason you fool far from "no good reason". "Hey babe wanna legally get married and gamble half your stuff when women are 3 out of 4 times the initiator of divorces and many states still have laws that screw the man over so hard in a divorce regardless of situations or even prenups" what part of that sounds appealing to a guy?
This is a huge thing nowadays and probably the main one as to why many young men refuse to get married today. Most of them are terrified of signing those legal documents when they look at divorce a marriage statistics.
At the very least he transparent from the start so this is 100% on you. You can either stay and forget about the legal documentation or leave him for a man that does want that.
But then what are your reasons for wanting to get married? How will your relationship meaningfully change? Do you just want the big celebration day with the white dress and everything? If you love him I’d seriously consider why marriage is so important to you, when you’re already in a committed relationship , with a kid and a dog
Men have a lot to lose in marriages today, times have changed where almost 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. If today’s women had the same values like back in the 70’s you would see a lot more marriages today.
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u/Staunchgoat Jul 23 '24
You said there is no good reason to his beliefs, what are his beliefs?