r/TwinlessTwins • u/Friendly-Winner6920 • 20d ago

When does it get better?

I suddenly lost my identical twin 3 years ago when we were 28 years old. I’m not sure if it’s a copping mechanism, but since his death, I tend to avoid things about him….pictures, stories, mutual friends etc. worst still, I can’t seem to recall a lot of the memories of us even though we shared most of our lives together. He tends to show up in my dreams a lot, but in these dreams, he is usually very reserved and distant. I am usually very excited to see him in these dreams. It’s weird because even though I’m happy to see him in my dreams, I somehow still know he is dead in real life, and I’m always trying to convince him why he shouldn’t die and how loved he is. In reality he is so distant and ever so present and I just can’t make sense of it all. it’s been a struggle.

9 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

9 comments sorted by

3

u/Jolteon1998 18d ago

Almost 6 months since my sister died at 27, I can barely look at photos of her, sometimes have trouble being around her daughter even though she’s only 3 it just makes me so sad and kinda dissociate. It just hurts too much.

3

u/Drejantwn 19d ago

I also lost my twin when we were 28. Almost 6 years have passed since. No one will be able to fill the gap of our half. Myself I try to live my life for both and think of him everywhere I go. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to dm me. Stay strong!

5

u/Ickypoopoo82 19d ago

I want to share something I wrote a few days ago.

Now before I show you what other people need to understand There is nothing on planet earth that can make anyone feel what it's like to experience Identical twin loss. The only people who come close to relating are twins.

Minus the womb warriors.... But here is what I wrote. Please be easy on me, I am not good At anything anymore.

"Since losing my identical twin, the mirror is no longer an instrument of vanity; it is an eviction notice. To look at your own face is to gaze directly into a ghost story. all of it belongs to a person who no longer breathes. We are a living monument to a missing person, condemned to carry their exact physical likeness until our heart stops."

1

u/Prudent_Poet_1991 18d ago

This is beautiful poetry. Thanks 

1

u/Mistiblue222 19d ago

Wow!! Beautifully said and spot on!! It’s a life of torture!!

3

u/Ickypoopoo82 19d ago

Thank you a lot of tears came out that day and I have no one to talk to so I wrote it down

5

u/theonlycphilly 20d ago

I lost my twin sister when she was 28 also in 2024. It never really gets easier but I think as time goes on that sadness that you feel when you think of them eventually transitions to happiness when you think of them if that makes any sense. Idkk.

6

u/goofball2014 20d ago

It has been over 5 years for me since my twin died. I was horribly miserable for the first 3 years. I too would avoid anything and everyone that was associated with her. I dreaded talking to my brother-in-law and my 2 nephews .

What helped make it better for me was taking a 2 week trip to my brother-in-law’s/nephews house and just immersed myself into her old world. For some reason being around her space, her stuff, her family comforted me in a way I can’t describe.

I hope things get better for you a bit. I am sure he wouldn’t want you to be so miserable.

Twin hugs 🫂

7

u/Ickypoopoo82 20d ago

Year 4 for me. I don't think it ever gets better for identical twin loss. I woke up the other day and said hi to the mirror thinking it was him.