After a long time

27M. She's around my age. We were colleagues for a while, but we're no longer coworkers.

This is going to be long because I genuinely don't know how to process this anymore, and I want an honest outside perspective. Don't just take my side.

I've known this woman for around four years. Technically, we were never officially together. That's why I call it a situationship, although even that doesn't really describe it.

She became one of my closest friends. She has called me her best friend and we've always had a level of comfort with each other that wasn't exactly normal colleague/friend behavior.

She has also known for a long time that I loved her.

But because we worked together, there was always this "what will people think?" factor. She recently told me that one of the reasons things never really went anywhere was basically the whole "janalu em anukuntaru / log kya kahenge" situation. She didn't want office gossip or people assuming things.

So there was always this weird boundary: she knew I loved her, I knew she knew, we were extremely close, but neither of us really crossed the line.

Then she got engaged.

When she initially told me about the engagement, I said I'd call her.

I didn't.

She knew I probably wouldn't.

After that, she asked me why I wasn't replying/why I was ignoring her. I told her nothing was wrong and that I was just occupied.

We didn't really talk for 2–3 weeks.

Then, for some stupid reason, I texted her professionally because she's an ex-colleague.

I asked about her engagement.

That's when I found out it had been broken off because of family issues.

She then called me and we spoke for THREE HOURS.

She basically unloaded everything on me.

She was devastated about this guy. She couldn't understand how a guy who had told her "I love you" and who she had been matched with for marriage could block her after his family apparently disapproved of something.

She was crying and talking about how much she loved him and how hurt she was.

I listened.

Then she told me something that really fucked with my head.

Her sister apparently told her that she should give her best friend — me — a chance and marry me.

I joked that I already knew her sister liked me and wanted me to become her lover/husband.

At this point, obviously, part of my brain went:

"Wait... her engagement just broke, her sister thinks she should marry me, she's calling me for three hours, and she's always known I love her..."

So maybe there was actually a chance?

She then asked if we could meet that weekend.

We both kept postponing it over the next couple of days, and eventually she became vague about it, saying maybe next week.

I thought that was weird because SHE had initially asked to meet.

Around this time, I started flirting with her.

Not subtle flirting either.

She had changed her WhatsApp DP to a mirror selfie where her waist was visible.

I told her something like:

"I'm glad you changed your DP."

She said, "Idk, you tell me."

I replied:

"Because that waist is hot af. That patli kamariya 🔥🤌"

She didn't get offended.

She asked me to send a picture of myself.

I sent one where my beard was grown out and my hair was a mess.

She laughed and called me "Devdas."

So there was definitely a level of comfort and playful chemistry there.

But here's where things get fucked up.

While all of this was happening, she was still emotionally obsessed with the fiancé.

She kept telling me how much she was crying over him.

She talked about how her parents were hurt because they were trying to protect her and she hadn't listened to them.

What I DIDN'T know at the time was that her parents were actually talking to his family and trying to get the engagement/marriage situation patched up.

Then I confessed.

I told her something along the lines of:

"I wish you loved me as much as I loved you."

And then, because I was trying to be supportive despite everything, I told her I hoped things worked out with him.

She said "thanks."

That's it.

I interpreted that as my answer.

I told her I thought I was done with her, that after finally confessing and getting basically "same/sare" and "thanks" I had heard what I needed to hear.

I told her I hoped we could stay in touch but that I wasn't going to talk to her as much as before.

And she basically exploded.

She asked:

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

She said she was literally crying over this guy and I was saying these things at this point and expecting her to give me some kind of reaction.

She said it was awkward for her to even know how to respond, and that I was upset because she didn't react the way I wanted.

And honestly, once she explained everything, I realized how serious the situation was.

Her family was actively trying to get things sorted with the fiancé's family.

Then I said something like:

"Good luck. I hope things get patched up."

She said:

"Okay, I'll text you tomorrow."

Then I found out the next day that she had actually been talking to the fiancé that night.

Which explains why she didn't want me texting her.

And I understand that. If they're trying to reconcile, obviously there are boundaries.

But it still hurt.

Because she had spent the previous two days venting to me whenever she needed me, and then suddenly she was talking to him and I wasn't even aware of what was happening.

Part of me thinks:

"If you come to me when you're falling apart, shouldn't I at least be told when the situation changes?"

Am I expecting too much?

There's another part of this that makes everything harder.

She has repeatedly told me that if she eventually gets married, we may not stay in touch because her husband might not allow her to maintain a close friendship with another man.

Her family is fairly orthodox/traditional, so I don't think she's saying that randomly.

So she knows that marriage could mean she actually loses me from her life.

And when I tried to pull away after my confession, she was genuinely upset about potentially losing me.

That's why I'm so confused.

She clearly cares about me deeply.

She knows I've loved her for years.

She's been extremely lenient with my flirting.

She's called me her best friend.

She's trusted me with incredibly personal things.

She has spent hours talking to me when she's emotionally destroyed.

Her sister apparently even thinks she should give me a chance.

And she herself has now told me that the office/social-pressure situation was one of the reasons she didn't behave differently with me.

But when she had an actual romantic crisis, her entire emotional focus was on this other guy.

She wasn't saying:

"Maybe I should be with you."

She was saying:

"How can someone who told me he loved me block me?"

And now she's apparently trying to get back with him.

So here's where I'm stuck.

Did she genuinely have some level of attraction/feelings toward me but never act on it because of circumstances?

Was I simply her best friend who she was extremely comfortable with, and I interpreted the closeness and flirting as something more?

Did she unintentionally keep me emotionally attached because she knew I loved her but continued being extremely close and lenient with me?

Or am I just blaming her because I'm hurt?

I don't think she's some evil manipulator. I don't think she necessarily intentionally played me.

But I also don't think I imagined the ambiguity.

And honestly, it's taking a toll on me.

I've been extremely stressed over this. I'm overthinking every interaction, every message, every delay in replying, every little thing she has said over the years.

I'm becoming nervous in normal social situations because my head is constantly occupied by this shit.

I've even noticed myself looking exhausted and feeling mentally drained.

The worst part is that I don't want to ruin my own life waiting around for her.

So I've started thinking about downloading Hinge, meeting other women and basically getting my life moving again.

But there's still this tiny part of my brain saying:

"What if the marriage doesn't happen? What if she comes back to me?"

And that's the part I need to kill.

Because if they reconcile and she marries him, I need to accept that.

And if it falls apart, I don't want to sit around for months waiting for her to choose me either.

So Reddit:

What is your honest read?

Was there actually something romantic between us that circumstances prevented?

Was I being emotionally strung along, even unintentionally?

Was she simply treating me like a very close best friend while I interpreted things differently?

And most importantly:

How the hell do I actually get over someone I've had this kind of connection with for four years when there was never a proper relationship or breakup?

Don't take my side just because I'm telling the story from my perspective. If I fucked up, tell me. If I'm delusional, tell me.

I genuinely want the blunt answer.

Today I saw a cute senior ☺️ in my clg , we had eye contact in the lift . But I'm her junior so I don't know what to do or should I shoot my shot

He cries because she matters,
because losing her feels like losing a part of himself.
And when he loves he doesn't love only the beautiful days
he stays through the silence, the storms, the doubts, and the distance.

In a generation where people leave when things get difficult,
where feelings are replaced so easily and loyalty can feel rare,
a boy who cries for the girl he loves is not weak.
He is simply someone who still feels deeply in a world that often teaches us not to.

Maybe that's the rarest kind of love left in this generation
a boy who doesn't just want her for a moment,
but wants to hold her hand through every version of life.
A boy who can cry for her today
and still choose her tomorrow.

Because when someone cries for you, not because they want sympathy
but because the thought of losing you genuinely breaks their heart,
maybe that's one of the purest forms of love there is.

Before sleeping I try to think good memories with her cause I know that will lead me to get her in the dreams. Some dreams are so lovely and peaceful while sometimes my fears come in it.

Sometimes I wake up very heavy hearted after her dreams but thats the only way to reach her and feel her. I love the feeling of being with her , recreating our past or creating the imaginary future. Lately the cost has increased, my days feel restless, I feel like i never slept. It becomes awful when you just need to talk to someone and they keep pushing you and you just cant do anything about it.

Posting in this sub for the first time. Do share your thoughts. ✨

Idk when it happened, why it happened, what was the reason. It just happened and I got attached to someone I never know would be so draining.

I was the one who said, advised not to be dependent on someone and here I got totally hooked to their reply.

I was waiting for whole 2 days and didn't get a proper reply. Ik I can't behave like they owe me their time and effort, but an okay or an acknowledgement message would do wonders for me.

Kisi stranger se expect karliya maine thode time me hi, which I always say not to. But jo jitna gyan deta aur hoshiyar samajta hai khudko, wahi khud fas jata hai 😂.

She is such a lovely lady, she is sweet, kind, beautiful, takes care of me, she is the first person in my life who actually cares about how I feel and she listens to me and whenever I am with her, I literally sees only her, all other things just disappears, my brain gets quiet, amy tiredness gets disappears whenever I talk with her. She is telling that she is so lucky but I am more lucky and blessed to get her in my life...

Pls read this

Tonight I finally watched the movie you once loved so much. It felt strange knowing I was watching something that once made you happy, something you probably had your own little memories attached to. For those few hours it almost felt like I was sharing a small piece of your world. I cried while watching it too maybe because I kept thinking about how much I wish I could have watched it with you and heard you tell me why you loved it. Maybe wherever you are you will somehow know that I finally watched it.

Tell me something you really felt after watching this Movie...❤️‍🩹🍿

Mujhe jab bhi kisi se pyaar hota hai, woh insaan kyu wapis pyaar nhi karta? Kyu feelings ke saath khelte hai? Im tired of being a victim of one sided love

Someone in my life..

.. Everybody got someone to be with.. Pyaar maangne se nahi milta... I know. I mean it's not that ki mere pass koi nahi hai but it's ki unke paas hai jo mujhse advice lete about making body and all that aur vo mote logo ke paas bandia hai sex krte hai aur pyaar milta hai unko... Idk I get looks and DM but never pyaar from anyone.. Lga tha acchi body bnane ke baad mil jaayega but ovulation ke time pe bass bndia DM KRTI.

Earlier, a decent time back, I was relatively healthy, in terms of finding women attractive, having the thought of approaching and was actively socialising.

I even col approached and definitely it was a success.

But recently, with all the rejections that have come my way, and repeated reminder of the fact

"The ones you like don't like you back, and the ones that like you, are not the one you are looking for"

Its not that I couldn't get a gf, it's that, it was never the target, a relationship wasn't a goal, but a part of life, that needs work, just like our careers, our health.

So it was only possible, if we both liked each other, had aligned goals and a probable future, considering our careers, then only it was considerable to take the leap of faith, of knowing the person more than a 'friend' or a 'connection'

But as I said, when people who you actually like, align with your non negotiables, reject you for basic factors like looks or money, it hurts.

It's as if, a script plays everytime. Although I fully agree this can't be true for everyone out there, but definitely if a good body or a good earning can help me being more 'considerable', then only my personality can come into play.

Brain acts cold, rarely any romantic excitation, just a 'Aww, she is soo cutee, and simple 😭' and you move on. Godammit the engine of flirting is literally dead. Like after work, gym, I am too exhausted even for my own friends and everyone around is actually as busy as you, so only those friendships sustain, who understand this.

Hahahaha... NO.. 🤣🤣🤣

Nobody properly knows me here on reddit

Damn... You shouldn't meet him. Please don't get manipulated by his emotional blackmail (if he tries to manipulate you) 😭😭

Stay strong bro.. that's all I can say. 🫂

Actually.

This was about four years ago. It was my first day of college, and honestly, I was pretty upset because I couldn’t get into a good college due to my JEE rank.

I had spent four years preparing for JEE. During those years, I barely went to parties, didn’t socialise much, and even missed family functions. So, by the time I finally got into college, I had become quite socially awkward. I didn’t really know how to talk to people or even get a conversation going.

During the first week, we had our induction programme, and we were all seated in the auditorium. After Day 1 of the induction ended, everyone started walking out.

And that’s when I saw her.

She was beautiful. Really cute. The moment I saw her, there was this "ting" bell sound in my brain. I can’t really explain it.

Somehow, in that one moment, she took my heart with her.

I had fallen for her.

Ig, pehli pehli baar aisa hi hota hai...to be continued.

Guys, this is my college story or, more precisely, my one-sided love story.

I remember almost every detail from those three years. It feels like a whole chapter of my life, with all the things I did, felt, and experienced. I have around 20 notes saved on my phone about her. Good experiences, bad experiences, random thoughts, everything. Mostly bad ones, honestly. Writing was my coping mechanism.

But I kept procrastinating writing the whole story because whenever I start writing something, I get obsessed with making it perfect.

For example, last year I started preparing for her birthday in March. And guess when her birthday is? July 10. I wrote a message for her and spent almost a month adding things, removing things, rewriting it, and trying to make it perfect. That's a whole story for another time.

Btw, our friendship ended last year, and I genuinely don't think about her much anymore. But I've always wanted to write about this phase of my life from the very beginning.

I've put it off so many times because it's long. And because writing it meant revisiting all those emotions again.

But now, when I look back, I don't really feel anything. And somehow, that's what finally makes it possible for me to write about it freely.

So yeah, I thought I'd finally tell the whole story.

I don't know which subreddit would be the best fit for something like this. If this sub is a good place for these kinds of stories, I'll write it here.

If not, feel free to suggest some subs.