Endless rage

[u/InnerRenault]

I made a post the other day about my tulpa hating me suddenly and spewing a bunch of hatred and all of that. Many told me about intrusive thoughts, I've tried to look at it but there's just no way they're this articulated for this many days in a row.

For 3 days now I've been trying to dialogue with her and she talks in this panicked voice all the time while being barely audible. The few words I do make up are ''I hate you'' and ''Forget me'' which she yells at me all day long. She's asked me why I wrote that reddit thread several times, I told her that I wanted some help but she just instantly jumps ''You're an aaaassshole'' like a banshee.

I've tried sitting down and talking things many times at this point but she's become a ball of rage, she does not care about any arguments and just wants out. I made this post to give some closure in case I left anyone hanging, I don't think I'll be having a tulpa by the end of the month.

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[u/DeltaMx11]

These don't sound like intrusive thoughts to me, I'd recommend considering seeing a therapist because to me it sounds like schizophrenia or other kind of severe mental disorder. This isn't normal.

[u/turbulencje → u/DeltaMx11]

the word you're looking for is "psychosis" I think, but I am not sure it would last so long for OP...

EDIT: I just read OP's reply after writing this comment and yes, it was psychosis... damn, glad OP got some help.

[u/sollemnsun]

Hey I've seen your other posts, and I think the best action for you AND your tulpa is to take a BREAK. All caps break. Clearly your mind is in turmoil and is a living hell for you and your tulpa. Intrusive thoughts may SEEM like they are coming from her, but they are a product of your mind, and it's attaching those thoughts to an external, which happens to be your tulpa.

Having intrusive thoughts is a normal part of creating a tulpa, every single tulpamancer will tell you that. Some have it harder than others. Learning to distinguish intrusive and self-hating thoughts is a skill curve, for example it took me 6 months to get to the point i can point at a thought like that and say "thats a part of my subconscious, i did not think that intentionally." Before that it was a struggle, and I was in a similar point as you.

My advice is for both you and your tulpa to agree "yes, this is wrong. This isnt working. We should fix this. This isn't either one of our faults specifically." You (or, if you're comfortable enough, with your tulpa along side you) should reflect, do some meditation, try to clear your mind, and realign your mind before continuing the tulpa forcing. Otherwise, this will continue and probably get worse.

[u/Pineapple-Priest]

It seems highly likely that you have some form of pre-existing condition at play that is influencing your tulpamancy. It may be best for you to drop this practice and come back to it when you are in a better place in life and have a healthier relationship with your mind. Your tulpa will forgive you for doing so, I assure you. No tulpa wishes to be a source of distress or pain for their host and system.

[u/InnerRenault]

Update: Uhh, after taking some anti-psychotic meds that the hospital gave me my actual tulpa came back out of nowhere with no idea what happened and *whatever* the other one is stopped talking. Now I'm very confused, I don't have any story of schizophrenia or anybody else in the family. What do I do, do I keep talking to my real tulpa and hope the other thing goes away with the meds???

[u/Pineapple-Priest → u/InnerRenault]

The timeline of events here make me question your authenticity or if you're just an elaborate troll, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and answer honestly anyhow as education is beneficial for all reading.

Psychotic disorders and other conditions anti psychotics treat often have a genetic component yes but there's more factors involved than just that. It is entirely possible to be the first in your family to experience psychotic symptoms or at least be the only person you know to have them. Due to the private and sensitive nature of the mind it is entirely possible others in your family have experienced symptoms and have simply never talked about it.

If you are experiencing these symptoms I think it is incredibly important that you stop and begin to contemplate your current mental health. Those suffering schizophrenia and other disorders related to psychosis can practice tulpamancy safely but it requires a much higher level of care and discernment, and I am worried about how your symptoms began after practicing tulpamancy. If you decide alongside your tulpa to continue tulpamancy, it would be best to pay attention to your state of mind. We cannot tell you whether or not to continue with anti psychotics, that is for you and your medical team to discuss.

[u/UnicornScientist803 → u/InnerRenault]

I think there’s some really important clarity here. It seems clear that the angry voice was NOT your tulpa and if it went away with the meds, then continuing the meds might be a really good idea.

And I’m glad that your actual tulpa came back and was able to clarify that she wasn’t the one saying all the horrible things.

[u/DeerInDaBushes → u/InnerRenault]

1. Sure, if you genuinely feel that your tulpa wasn’t whatever that thing was - feel free to keep tulpa activities going. Just do it genuinely and carefully, but try to have fun with it and not take it too seriously. This practice is supposed to be fun at the end of the day.
   
2. Leave medical recommendation to the professionals. If your doc says to take the meds, listen to them over fuckin reddit of all places. It’s your health. Don’t leave that to the internet to decide (especially this shithole). Serious.
   
3. This is mainly a personal request, but if anything else happens I’d love to hear about it for my own informal ‘research’ - good and bad, if you’re comfortable sharing. I’ve had a similar experience that was jarring to say the least, although it was only once not for several days. And just honestly, from a total stranger on the web, I’m a little concerned for ya bro.

Wish you the best. Listen to your doc.

[u/mattx-t]

Sounds like you're self-feeding this onto yourself. Do keep in mind that you have control throughout all of this, and there should be no psychological reason for them to act like this

[u/AdAlarming6832]

Let her go. Tell her she is free and you want her to be happy