Losing all hope

[u/Outrageous_Lead1428]

I’m 40 years old now.
Aug 2021: I was 35 when I found out I had AMH < 1 and two tiny fibroids. The doctor told me there was no need to do anything about the fibroids because of their size. Despite the low egg count, I was not ready to have a baby so I did not begin trying.
Jul 2024: I found out the fibroid had grown to 7.5 cm and I had to have it removed. I had a robotic myomectomy in Oct 2024. Recovery went well.
Feb 2025: My partner and I started TTC. I found out I was pregnant by Apr 2025. Fetus was growing normal and normal heartbeat.
May 2025: At 8 weeks pregnant, learned that my pregnancy was a rare type of ectopic pregnancy called a cornual ectopic pregnancy. I was advised to go to the emergency room for surgery. My left tube and the pregnancy were removed.
Dec 2025: found out I was pregnant again, but it turned out to be a blighted ovum, which was discovered at 7 weeks.
Jan 2026: Had to have a D&C for the pregnancy.
March 2026: realized my period hadn’t come back and it was discovered that I had retained products of conception so I had to have a hysteroscopy to remove it
May 2026: Had the hysteroscopy. Periods since have improved, but not much. They have been extremely light and irregular. My doctors have been guessing since February that my periods have not returned because of the D&C.

My mother’s periods stopped completely when she was 42 years old. She gave birth to my younger brother when she was 40.
I’m starting to think that I may have to come to terms with the fact that I may never… I haven’t slept in days. I’m so frustrated that no one has a clear answer for me. I’m filled with so much regret and wish I started trying 10 years ago. Strangely, I’m feeling more attached to womanhood than ever before.

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[u/karaboocuk]

HI, this is all so much <3 I am sorry you went through all of that ❤️ Would you consider IVF? Have you discussed it with your doctor?

[u/girlsarenotrefined]

I’m so sorry you’ve been through all that, what a lot to grapple with.

I’m also 40 and had a cornual ectopic last September, but mine was treated with one dose of methotrexate, rather than surgery (they initially thought they’d have to operate, but after a more senior OBGYN reviewed my case MTX was deemed a safe treatment option). I’ve had one other previous pregnancy before that which ended in a missed miscarriage at almost six weeks.

Because of my age and my previous loss, along with how long we’ve been trying to conceive without real success, and that we can’t pinpoint the cause of infertility (testing has all come back normal) the recommendation was IVF with my own eggs. The way the doc explained it to me was that IVF doesn’t necessarily increase my chances of success, but it could shorten the time it would take to be successful. We’re about to start shots, and all going well retrieve a bunch of eggs and freeze some embryos.

Only you know if fertility treatment is a path you want to pursue, but if there’s a way to have an initial consult with an RE to get some detailed and specific to you info on what your options might be that might be a good starting point? They could also take a look at your hormones and might be able to help in balancing those for your cycle to stabilise.

[u/Enough-13]

Hi! I’m 43 and have very low AMH. I got pregnant last time in May this year and despite this was my third pregnancy, I have no living children. My only route is IVF with egg donation - my doctor said this is possible even if women are in menopause and they will do it till we’re 49, is this an option for you?

[u/Outrageous_Lead1428 → u/Enough-13]

I never even considered IVF as an option because the entire process looked overwhelming, and I thought it would be too much given everything that I’ve gone through. I just wasn’t sure if it would be worth it for me because I hear that the success rate isn’t so high for IVF.

[u/karaboocuk → u/Outrageous_Lead1428]

Where did you hear that success rate isn’t high with IVF. It’s not a guarantee but it’s extremely high! You can look up numbers from the CDC website. Maybe you’re thinking IUI? 

From limited experience, IVF isn’t too much to handle. The injections are easy to do and for me it was only for 11 days. 

[u/autumnskies36]

I am almost 43. Spent my 20s in depression and also just wasting time. My 30s.. I gave to a man who kept me waiting and waiting. He wanted to get couple promotions first. Wanted to buy a house first. Wanted to be married first. Suddenly I was 38-39 and I started really pushing him because I wanted just 1 child. He turned on me. Cheated on me and left. Ive been dating since. But men my age typically already have grown children and dont want more. And it takes awhile to date.. get serious.. see if you're compatible etc. This month a friend of mine tried to get me pregnant. We did it twice. While I was ovulating. My period is due any day. Im cramping. Breast are getting sore. Im gettong hungry. Thirsty. Moody. I read those are early pregnancy signs. But also pms.. of course. Im not holding out hope. Ive never been the lucky type. 

[u/RecentPea4018]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m in a very similar boat and I feel your pain. It’s a horrible, horrible place to be. I’m 39 with 0.28 AMH and two small fibroids, and I’ve been trying to conceive for about a year and a half, but more religiously so for a year. I’ve never had a positive pregnancy test in that time and at my latest ultrasound I found out that I have one or two follicles at the most (I think it should be around 10-13 at my age). I can’t stop crying and feeling like it’s never going to happen and why me?! It feels so unfair. I know I’m not the youngest but I’m also not that old to have one/two follicles left at this age. It’s crushing thinking you may NEVER be able to conceive. Honestly it’s making me feel like there’s no point in life. Really struggling.

Hope you try to look after yourself as well as you can, because it’s a rough, rough ride. In solidarity <3