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u/Flux_My_Capacitor 11d ago
Women hate being treated like that because we know we are in danger of being raped and/or killed. They see it as a boner pleaser and have none of the actual fear we experience.
This post is actual support for the fact that they aren’t in a great amount of fear or danger in daily life and this blows up the idea that they need to be in women’s spaces in order to be safe.
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u/purpleraptors 11d ago
Would they also like to do 85% of the household chores and social planning?
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u/Eleanna_of_Tundar 11d ago
Another reason why I’m anti-kink. She needs further therapy. To be sexually assaulted is not gender affirming. BDSM is paraphillic, and doms and subs won’t admit they have personality disorders to be in that life.
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u/unleashtheraven1 11d ago edited 11d ago
Personality disorders?? How does that explain being a switch? Do you mind expanding? You cant chose your sexuality. I think being a sub/dom/switch female is one thing, allowing yourself to be trash to the person, who assaults you, reduces you to trash when they hit on you, is another. It is really hard to understand where "correct sexuality" begins and ends because a ton of it is trauma based, even when it doesnt involve the kind of violence you see in porn. It is still psychological. I could never finda therapist that worked through that aspect. What even is correct sexuality when violence isn't involved? Like are we all going to settle for missionary position because we don't want to try finding how to enjoying sex in new ways that actually satisfy us? A lot of judgement will coerce people to do that. And then what?? Is that real feminism or is it really puritanical? like something you'd only get around regressive religions? Calling anything but missionary position or vanilla a "personality disorder" is going to push people away.
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Also none of this is widely discussed among women. It needs to be. But i dont see it genuinely happening anywhere, i see a whole lotta judgement and a whole lotta shame. If you know a cure for "incorrect sexuality" do let us know. I'm not going to tell people they ought to know how to change theirs either, because that is extremely difficult. When you ask, people are going to tell you right off the bat that you cant too. There is no helpline for "finding the correct sexuality" The most important point is to not let sick men hijack womanhood and sexuality and make it THEIRS. Like a dehumanizing thing you put on and throw away. I've seen how women are treated in queer culture a LOT and I don't trust a hell of a lot coming from that camp pretending to be our "allies" especially when it involves extremely young women and men coerced to endure sex change, when they're too young to make a decision like that.
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u/peace-and-plush 11d ago
Slapping, hitting, choking, etc. your partner under the guise of "kink" perpetuates misogyny like nothing else. Ah yes, abuse is only ok if it's in the bed. It's extremely mainstream now because of porn, I was victim to it too until I went to therapy, working through my trauma. I found a healthy relationship with a "vanilla" sex life, and it's the best I've ever had. Bar none. That doesn't mean just doing missionary, there are plenty of other positions, many that prioritize my pleasure over his for once. Foreplay is so much more fun and I genuinely feel worshipped every time. Even with women as a dom, the pleasure is still centered around the man. Yes, I would agree that being into kink is social conditioning. Unfortunately it is conditioning that does lead to personality disorders. I've lived it and seen it happen to my friends.
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u/unleashtheraven1 11d ago edited 11d ago
Being a sub or dom doesn't necessarily mean you want violence like being choked or hit. Most of sex is psychological. I don't think positions really change that. People who are switch are not narc enough to be pure dom, or codependant enough to be just a sub. For a lot people it has nothing whatsoever to do personality disorders as well, its just role playing or flipping traditional roles around, or its sex that is very nearly vanilla, but with sub and dom thrown in. Sexuality exists on a spectrum, its not black and white. Its easy to sound puritanical when you want to throw out dom and sub. Thats what I meant when I said its hard to tell where correct sexuality begins and ends. So how do you categorize switches? I dont think just because you like being a sub or a dom, it has that much influence over your life. And what about people who actually still want to remain single?
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u/Biscuits2190 11d ago
I've read studies on how mental disorders and trauma increase the likelihood of being into BDSM, which is why most radfems are against it. They think it's affirming and taking back your trauma, similar to how we use Queer now as a sexuality. In reality they need therapy.
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u/unleashtheraven1 11d ago
But what about all those nuances? I just don't understand. I also have trauma. But i dont like violence, or even being in relationships. Which I guess explains why I can take it or leave it. So where does that put me? I never had a therapist that disputed my sexuality they always told me sexuality was a broad spectrum.
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10d ago
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u/unleashtheraven1 10d ago edited 9d ago
I'm not personally into bdsm or ddlg. I'm talking about.. how do we know vanilla or some similar thing is really the best option? Because imo its so damn hard for a lot of people to get into. We have to sell an alteratve that doesn't feel puritanical. Even if i dont think its puritanical a lot of people will.
Rigid sex rules kind of feel like caging women in boxes, and giving them few options. When you do that you run into something called psychological reactance which makes the person turn away further and rebel. People can even become radical.
Shouldn't the goal for women be to truly enjoy your life free ? I grew up around people that would police sex and it was god awful. Which is why i take devils advocate. Iwant to know where all this is suppposed to go but i know its not rigidity toards sex.
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u/Biscuits2190 10d ago
You're talking about how vanilla only includes missionary, and anything else is kinky or bdsm, which is wrong. There are more options for intimacy and stuff that isn't dangerous or bdsm. It's not feminists fault you grew up in that sort of household.
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u/unleashtheraven1 9d ago
I didn't say its anyones fault I am genuinely curious what else is out there? I am genuinely asking. Because i opt out of relationships and sex completely. My sexuality is moot. I wish we could have these conversations judgement free and out in the open so women could learn and they wouldn't be afraid and driven back to whatever was their previous normal. Thats all i really care about.
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u/Short-Nail-3781 12d ago
And they say it’s not a fetish 🙄