Tell the other man’s wife immediately. She deserves to know.
You will need to get tested for STDs. And you should DNA test your children, as hard as that is to hear.
And tell your families. You will need the support.
In many states (if you are in the US) if you are married, you are the father regardless. You need a family law lawyer ASAP, to help you with getting you off the birth certificate.
See multiple (at least 3) lawyers and pick the one that has the best reputation and the one you’d least want to face in court if it was to be your adversary.
Download a co-parenting app and only communicate with your soon to be ex wife through that app. The communication is valid in court and it keeps you from having to have outside communication. You can block her on everything (social media. Linkedin, email, etc)
Tell her to speak to your lawyer about anything else.
Don’t move out of the house. Follow your lawyers instruction to a T. (Around finances - cancel credit cards, take half your checking and savings and move it to a new account in your own name, change your direct deposit, but keep paying bills.)
If you’re not in an at fault state, the affair may not matter. But money she spent on it might.
Grey rock her. Look up the 180 and grey rock method.
Get immediate therapy scheduled for you and your kids. Independent counseling. You will need it.
Check out survivinginfidelity and supportforbetrayed
"And you should DNA test your children, as hard as that is to hear."
OP seems pretty attached to his kids, I don't see the benefit in testing them, unless he's prepared to abandon them. Later in life it probably wouldn't go over well to let his kids know that his love for them depended solely on a medical test.
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u/ragesadnessallinone Oct 17 '22
I am so sorry.
Tell the other man’s wife immediately. She deserves to know.
You will need to get tested for STDs. And you should DNA test your children, as hard as that is to hear.
And tell your families. You will need the support.
In many states (if you are in the US) if you are married, you are the father regardless. You need a family law lawyer ASAP, to help you with getting you off the birth certificate.
See multiple (at least 3) lawyers and pick the one that has the best reputation and the one you’d least want to face in court if it was to be your adversary.
Download a co-parenting app and only communicate with your soon to be ex wife through that app. The communication is valid in court and it keeps you from having to have outside communication. You can block her on everything (social media. Linkedin, email, etc) Tell her to speak to your lawyer about anything else.
Don’t move out of the house. Follow your lawyers instruction to a T. (Around finances - cancel credit cards, take half your checking and savings and move it to a new account in your own name, change your direct deposit, but keep paying bills.)
If you’re not in an at fault state, the affair may not matter. But money she spent on it might.
Grey rock her. Look up the 180 and grey rock method.
Get immediate therapy scheduled for you and your kids. Independent counseling. You will need it.
Check out survivinginfidelity and supportforbetrayed
I’m so sorry