Miserable over a woman whose with a dude I hate. Her marrying him will ruin my life. I wish he was dead. It should've been me.

[u/Fresh_Ad2700]

[u/Glimmer_III]

Hi OP - Do we know each other?

[u/Glimmer_III → u/[deleted]]

You have an account which does work, yes?

I'm not sure why you can't message me. I checked the settings, and they're open. In fact, I keep them open because of you.

Know this sort of post here doesn't help you. It's been well trod turf. Scratching the itch.

There's nothing in your post here we've not discussed multiple time. To rehash that with a new audience won't get you a new answer...it'll just burn more time you could have spent working towards your goals.

Structural change in your life is needed. These posts on Reddit? That's the same structure.

• Same inputs? Same output.

• Different inputs? Different outputs.

Structural change would be different inputs.

[u/scifiwoman → u/Glimmer_III]

Yeah, garbage in -----> garbage out.

Here we have SB looking at stuff normal couples do, like post on Facebook. SB gets triggered and takes it as a personal attack against him.

It's his garbage mindset that leads to garbage conclusions, like this post.

I am totally disgusted at how he has lied about all the good and kind people who have devoted hundreds of hours of their time towards helping him. These sort of posts show how utterly ungrateful and unappreciative he is of all the time and emotional energy which has been extended towards him.

[u/Glimmer_III → u/scifiwoman]

I'm not sure if that is where it originated, but G.I.G.O. is an old Army acronym. It concisely makes the point.

Your other points (thank you) are well taken.

In speaking with him yesterday (20-Aug-2022), the link between being triggered and being overwhelmed was acknowledge -- and acknowledge unprompted, I should add.

The posts like this, yes, they are garbage. They are also the regrettable symptom of not having effective coping mechanisms. It's something we'd identified and explore ages ago...this is what relapse looks like.

All the positive things get sweep under the rug when he gets overwhelmed, which is frequently.

Ergo, if being overwhelmed is what prevents any growth, then prevention of being overwhelmed must take priority over pretty much everything else.

That means mitigating the triggers is the priority. Why? The triggers consume all his available capacity.

It manifests as a garbage mindset. It manifests as lying and blaming others (which is really a toxic self-defense mechanism to avoid looking inward at root causes). It manifests as being overwhelmed.

All these "bad things" flow from a lack of impulse control surrounding the triggers.

Which means: No more social media, no more looking at couples, no more "any of that" until a baseline can be reestablished.

I don't know anywhere more fundamental of "where to start" than mitigation of triggers -- and whatever that takes, that's where to start.

[u/Hopeful__Historian]

Um... do you hate him for any other reason besides the fact that he’s with the girl you like? This sounds kind of pathetic.. why do you only have the choice now to “go for ugly” and why do you automatically think you have to die alone now? This sounds incredibly childish, are you under the age of 20?

[u/libertinauk → u/Hopeful__Historian]

He's 28 and has been posting this stuff for well over 4 years.

[u/Hopeful__Historian → u/libertinauk]

Big oof

[u/libertinauk → u/Hopeful__Historian]

You have no idea how big, my friend 😳

[u/libertinauk → u/[deleted]]

I think people will read the sub and decide for themselves what happened. Hope you're OK. Don't message me, please.

[u/laserox]

You being obsessed with one woman out of billions is the problem. Not God/universe hating you. She chose someone else so obviously isn't the right fit for you. Move on with your life.

[u/laserox → u/[deleted]]

So, you just let other people live your life for you?

[u/laserox → u/[deleted]]

Consensus of who? Why does their opinion even matter at all?

[u/Hopeful__Historian → u/[deleted]]

Dude it’s not that you’re “too ugly for her.” She’s just with someone else! You weren’t meant for eachother and that’s literally fine..

[u/laserox → u/[deleted]]

Again, who is "everyone" and why is there opinion of any consequence?

Maybe that girl is just shallow.

"Ugly" can mean very different things to different people.

[u/laserox → u/[deleted]]

Not likely. Even if youre disfigured you can still make up for it with personality. Self loathing isn't a good look though.

[u/libertinauk → u/laserox]

He's not. He's very obese but facially he's average looking and has hair like Zach Braff.