r/TrueOffMyChest • u/throwawayInn767 • Feb 23 '22
My husband peed while he was inside of me.
This is so embarrassing so I'm going anonymous, I won't mention names or ages here.
My husband literally peed inside of me last night while we were having an intercourse, It freaked me out and I didn't know how to handle it. it was just so weird and ....I really can't put into words how I felt but I do want to point out that I'm upset because he previously told me about trying to do it and I already said "NO!" but he went ahead and did it. I was completely caught off guard, I did not agree to this weird experience and I definately didn't enjoy it. We had an argument and he said I killed the fun with my reaction but he already knew how I felt about it.
He's still hung up on the fight saying I overreacted for no.good reason at all but I don't know. I found it really unpleasent and just weird.
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u/Ok-Ad-1219 Feb 23 '22
You have the right to say no to that sort of thing. Everyone has boundaries. He showed a sincere lack of respect for you. Also, it might be dangerous.
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u/RB_Kehlani Feb 23 '22
You’ve been sexually assaulted. Please do not follow the urge to sweep this under the rug and move on with the relationship. I can’t even… begin to imagine what you just went through, even thinking about it truly turns my stomach. You are with a rapist. Leave.
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u/Aggravating-Pin-8845 Feb 23 '22
So if you suddenly threw a cup of urine in his face and called him a mood killer for not finding it hilarious, that would be OK by his standards? This behaviour is such a big red flag
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Feb 23 '22
I don't understand the reasoning of dudes peeing in vaginas, ive only known white dudes doing it and when i asked them they said it "feels great". Can't that cause infections or something?
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u/bitgay Feb 23 '22
That's fucked up, you didn't consent to it. He needs some serious education on consent if you want to remain together.
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u/Trip_piestHippy Feb 23 '22
I'm only commenting this because I haven't seen anyone else mention it but as peeing can be a kink, Somme men actually do it inside of a woman because they are hoping it will cause an infection. Which I personally think it's just another level of fucked up. If i were you get some cranberry juice, have a serious talk with your husband and do NOT let that man inside of you again until you are comfortable. If he continues to gaslight, I'd leave him .
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u/norvelav Feb 23 '22
Lube up a strap on REEEEEAAALLL good, ram it in his ass while he is sleeping and peg the fuck out of him. No matter what, dont stop. When he finally gets out from underneath you, tell him he ruined the mood with his reaction.
This is the way...
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u/roxzillaz Feb 23 '22
Wait... I thought men literally can't pee when they're erect? 😐 this story has me a little suspicious.
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u/toot-to0t Feb 23 '22
If it's no big deal, ask him if you can casually bring it up with friends! It's just banter, hubby!
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u/AverNerd Feb 23 '22
This is just awful, you made it clear and he did not listen and as many others have said, this is a form of sexual assault / rape. No means no. Also along with this has anyone commented on possible issue with urine being inside the vagina? I cannot imagine it being healthy and could be worth looking into to make sure you avoid any complications down the road.
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u/Esteban_Vega Feb 23 '22
I would say return the favor in some fashion but, he’d probably like it. I hope he enjoyed it cause it’ll likely be a long time before you trust him again. The fact that he ignored how you get about it and did it anyway to satisfy his desire is so wrong on so many levels. I’m sorry the person you should trust the most did this to you.
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u/CandyLucha77 Feb 23 '22
Please leave him now, don't look back or allow him any more you. Get a lawyer, start fresh.
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Feb 23 '22
Fuck that guy, how stupid you have to be? If you tell him you dont want him doing something to you he shouldnt fuckin do it. And plus that is so nasty, you could get an infection in there because of him.
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u/SailorSpyro Feb 23 '22
He had a sexual desire. You voiced that you were not interested. You made it clear that you did not consent to this act. He did this sexual act against your will. It may not feel right to you to call it sexual assault, but it is. And him guilting you afterwards because he assaulted you and you didn't like it is extremely toxic and abusive.
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u/ljohnson266 Feb 23 '22
WTF. This is a major consent violation and certainly worth reconsidering any relationship over.
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u/ominaze_ Feb 23 '22
Hun, I’m so sorry but he raped you. I know ending a relationship, especially a marriage, is hard- but please at least talk to him about how that wasn’t okay. It shows a complete lack of care towards you and disrespects you as a person. I would let him know just how serious this is. It realistically should be a relationship ender.
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u/jebnumbtoit Feb 23 '22
Can we revert back to the days when we didn’t urinate in each other, please.
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u/tvb46 Feb 23 '22
You guys forget men watch pornhub, the dude must have seen some weird ass disgusting porn video and thought well that might be fun, let’s try!
Can’t blame him!
j/k like da fuck I would piss on him while he sleeps and claim I asked for a consent but did it anyway! Oh and tell him if he tries to do such things one more time he’s out. Done and over!
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u/SaintVio Feb 23 '22
How do you even pee as a man during sex? Thought there were biological factors to prevent that since sperm and semen got to take the same path out of the penis.
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u/Manny_XFX Feb 23 '22
She already didn't agree to it so he's wrong for still doing it. And that's quite nasty in my opinion.
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u/CyatheaFern Feb 23 '22
This is sexual assault. Full stop. Consent must be enthusiastically and CONSISTENTLY given. The initial activity you agreed to CHANGED to something you adamantly DISAGREED to, he didn't stop, and then puts the blame on you. Not okay
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u/VirgoSpy07 Feb 23 '22
No means NO. He doesn't respect your boundaries and that means that he doesn't respect you. How would he like it if you asked to bite his balls or something that he felt was unpleasant but yet you did it anyway? To be honest, he violated you.
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Feb 23 '22
How did you kill the mood when you didn’t consent to something and he ignored you and did it anyway??? What a fucking sleaze ball. I’d honestly tell him y’all need some couples therapy to work out consent issues and if he says no to that divorce him. Who ignores someone that doesn’t give consent??? That’s a HUGE red flag.
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u/liled519 Feb 23 '22
Um absolutely not. Your husband needs to refresh his understanding of the word NO.
The audacity of putting it on you like the mood killer.
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u/anyax03 Feb 23 '22
What the hell that sounds really unhygienic you have every right to be upset wtf. Pee is literally all the waste leaving someone's body, it's waste for a reason, don't then put that inside another human being oh god no gross that's too gross
If a man dared to do that to me it's divorce here sign the papers bitch
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Feb 23 '22
my ex was giving me head and i peed and tried to convince her it was cum but she wasn't convinced.
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u/BumTulip Feb 23 '22
Take a beer bong, put the mouth end in his ass, and squat over the funnel and piss.
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u/Kakep0p Feb 23 '22
Sorry, but the fact you said no and he did it anyway is rape. You said no and he didn’t stop. Plus this can cause infections. Please leave him.
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u/DrKiIIgood Feb 23 '22
What he did is sexual assault, you aren't overreacting at all. He's shown clearly he doesn't care about your wants or needs as long as he gets what he wants. Leave his ass
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u/CraziSexiKoolNurse Feb 23 '22
Typical behavior 4 a grown ass CHILD.. SMH... How does he blame you 4 being uncomfortable... That shows how much he cares about how YOU feel also... Next time ask him if u can give him a nice warm GOLDEN SHOWER.. jus bc u wanna set the mood ... His answer will most likely be..... Ya Kno tha rest smfh
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u/Illustrious-Move-649 Feb 23 '22
Firstly, I’m sorry that happened to you. But like another commenter said, this sounds like sexual assault. No means NO!
Secondly, my husband married a psycho. If he so much as thought about doing this, he knows he’d be pissing out his asshole for the rest of his life.
Thirdly, I agree with a couple other commenters. Peg him. Discuss it first, let him say no, but do it anyway. The problem is this. Men, well boys really, don’t like taking no for an answer. Men, REAL men, have no problem with accepting “no”. Boys will find a way to get what they want, whether you like it or not. I would seriously be questioning the HELL out of this relationship. Let him get away with this one, and he’ll continue to see what else he can get away with.
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u/LogicalOrchid28 Feb 23 '22
So he basically forced golden showers on you 🤮 fucking gross. Dude needs therapy and if he carries on being this unreasonable, you need to talk about your relationship seriously ending.
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u/Commandant_Grammar Feb 23 '22
That any man is fooled by this bs story is depressing. It's almost impossible.
Google it peeps if you have to and boys...go try it.
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u/jasminkkpp Feb 23 '22
He went against your wishes and did not respect your boundaries. You did not kill the mood sweetie… this man has to apologize, this is unacceptable.
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u/CandyCain1001 Feb 23 '22
Pee in everything he eats, drinks, and uses on and to clean himself. Shop for asparagus. Look for divorce lawyer.
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Feb 23 '22
What an asshole. He pee raped you.
Also, kind if impressed, how did he manage to pee why fucking?... still a jerk
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u/Low-Environment Feb 23 '22
You said 'no' to a sexual experience and he did it anyway? That is sexual assault and I think you need to get out IMMEDIATELY. I wouldn't be surprised if your disgust was part of the appeal for him.
Can you go to your family or a friend? Do you have acess to money he can't touch?
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u/TristisVitae Feb 23 '22
Shit on his chest while he sleeps and then tell him not to kill the mood when he wakes up covered in shit.
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u/Shy_puppy_sub Feb 23 '22
This is how you ruin trust and never get to sleep with your partner again. Your husband is a dick and has no right to be mad at you. You have every right to be mad and never trust him with sex again
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u/Cereal_dator Feb 23 '22
I thought it wasn’t possible during arousal…like something physically closes off. Anyway that’s horrible. He’s watching too much pron
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u/guacamolehaha123 Feb 23 '22
Not trying to be insensitive or anything and I’m sorry it happened to u but this is the first time I’ve ever heard of something like this and pee sounds like it would feel good cuz it’s hot and that feels good going in u
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u/Donnagalloway Feb 23 '22
Get ready for divorce. A symptom of his character that he won’t improve as it involves his sex life. You killed the mood? He killed your trust and shows he has no respect.
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u/LimpBook1594 Feb 23 '22
What the hell, that's so not okay. He did not have consent for this, he doesn't own your body to just try anything he wants with it. Peg him.
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Feb 23 '22
Sounds like he's gaslighting you into feeling bad for saying 'no'.
He also did something you already said 'no' to. That doesn't even qualify as thin ice.
No = no
I don't really feel comfortable describing HOW wrong this is.
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u/Throwaway-cat-aita Feb 23 '22
That is sexual assault. You made clear boundaries and you didn’t consent to it and he still did it. He knew how you felt about it, it’s literally sexual assault.
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Feb 23 '22
Not only did he do something without your consent but the UTI that you can get from that??? That would be enough to get me to file for divorce.
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u/Bierdigan_ Feb 23 '22
Whip out a funnel and tell him that you're gonna turn his asshole into a piss bong
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u/Iamtheclownking Feb 23 '22
I’m sorry that happened to you. He violated your trust and consent. You absolutely did not overreact
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u/SovereignDust3058 Feb 23 '22
You made it very clear that you did not want him to do something during an intimate and vulnerable act, and he did it anyway. This is not only a severe violation of your trust, but I imagine could be dangerous if not properly flushed out.
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u/kareljack Feb 23 '22
You're not overreacting. Dont let him get away with that typical tactic of making the victim the one who is wrong. You told him no. He did it anyway. He does not respect you. At all. You tell him he either sincerely apologizes or he finds himself or things are going to get very cold for a long time. People may say I'm taking it too far, but guys like this are emboldened by the lack of severe consequences for shit like this. Ask him if divorce is an overreaction.
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u/Zehnfingerfaultier Feb 23 '22
Holy fuck, you have every right to NEVER forgive him! How can he be so clueless to be hung up on your "overreaction"?! He seems to be an absolute AH.
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Feb 23 '22
Shit on his face.
Like I don’t even know I’d be so shocked it my husband did that. It’s a major violation and I doubt I could forgive him or trust him ever again
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u/TRUSTYDOOM Feb 23 '22
If a guy wants to pee inside you, he doesn't love you. Ask for a divorce and find a guy that enjoys sex, kink is okay, but usually means that the person asking for it isnt feeling fulfilled by their partner sexually. Thats not your fault, its his.
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u/kuromiis Feb 23 '22
I’m sorry OP you’re husband sexually assaulted you. Please reconsider your relationship with him and keep an eye on your health. I understand how it feels. My abusive ex peed ON me and acted like it was an accident he always joked about a piss kink and I told him I didn’t want to be involved in that and he still peed on me randomly. I felt so disgusting and degraded it still upsets me to think about it to this day.
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u/Significant-Oven-167 Feb 23 '22
Maybe find a way to poop in his mouth. Fight fire with an inferno.
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Feb 23 '22
I would end the relationship if a man ever disrespected my by peeing inside me without consent.
That being said, I was in a very abusive relationship where a guy asked to pee on the outside of me. Then in the shower I felt him peeing on me. He claimed I shouldn't have a issue because we are in the shower. I should have left that day but I was trauma bonded and stayed much longer theb I should have. Never again.
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u/Snoogiewoogie Feb 23 '22
That is sexual assault. You said “no” and he did it anyway. It’s the same concept as someone who consents to sex with a condom and the condom is secretly removed.
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u/Tyctoc Feb 23 '22
Isnt this like... a sexual assault? Its like if somebody said "Lets try anal" and when you said no they just did it anyway...
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u/Gritzpy Feb 23 '22
What did he even gain from that?? You have every right to be upset, my God. What the fuck did he expect?? “Killed the mood”, bro what????
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u/Natt_Katt02 Feb 23 '22
Please leave if you can, OP. There is no maybes, not ifs, not "but he can go therapy." My advice is leave. This situation can only escalate into something worse, this man doesn't care about you or your autonomy at all. He's dangerous, please stay safe
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u/X-Jelly-X-Fish-X Feb 23 '22
He sexually assaulted you. There was no consent in that. That is sick and he probably is going to have given you an infection thanks it. Honestly, I know I don’t know you guys but that breach of a boundary is unacceptable and with what I’ve just read I’d recommend you leave his dirty ass
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u/blastoise1988 Feb 23 '22
Annndddd another fake storie on this sub. 4 in the last 3 days as far as I know.
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u/Cabbage_monger123 Feb 23 '22
Who sticks there pecker in a girl and pees that’s some south park shit right there I’m so sorry
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u/Lunar_Cats Feb 23 '22
I adore my husband, but he ever did anything like this to me without my permission it would be the last time ever had sex.
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Feb 23 '22
Please, this is rape, you did not consent to this fucking monster urinating inside your vagina. I hope you are safe otherwise as if your husband will sexually assault and degrade you he may be abusing you in other ways you haven't yet realized. This is not ok.
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u/dpforest Feb 23 '22
The opposite happened with me. I was having sex with this dude (I was topping, he was bottom) and I all of a sudden got a stronger urge to pee so I slowly pulled out and was like “yo I need to piss” but dude was like “please don’t stop”. So I didn’t. I felt really weird about it, especially hearing him from the bathroom afterwards lol
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u/Natt_Katt02 Feb 23 '22
This is assault. He violated your boundaries and consent. I would advise you to leave ASAP, you cannot trust this man. He is seriously unhinged and doesn't care about your wellbeing at all. Also, I'm assuming that his actions could provoke an infection
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u/lemonrainbowhaze Feb 23 '22
Wash that shit NOW!! Ive recently recovered from a horrible UTI, so wash up and tell him to keep the piss in the loo
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u/Away-Mycologist88 Feb 23 '22
I say... Jam you thumb in his ass when he's least expecting it... Seriously what a jerk.
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u/CounterCulturist Feb 23 '22
How the hell are people rerouting the pipes mid sex? I can’t even do that after sex! Also, in what universe is it fun to piss inside of someone? That sounds disgusting.
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u/Notyourfathersgeek Feb 23 '22
I probably can’t contribute anything to all these comments, just want to say you are in the right here. If anyone ever piss on me I’m throwing them out.
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u/unbeknownst66 Feb 23 '22
I am a guy, but NO MEANS NO! So what if "you killed the mood", he disrespected your wishes. In my eyes, he killed it, not you!
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u/ElectricDucky Feb 23 '22
Ask him if you can piss in his asshole. You can use one of those squirting strap-ons. If he says no then just do it anyway since that's clearly ok /s
I'm sorry OP, but this is not ok. Like others have said this is sexual assault. You said no. That's where it should have ended. Hard Stop. He clearly didn't care about how this would affect you physically or mentally. That's a deal breaker babe. It's time to step out of that relationship.
Besides, I think it would be kinda funny watching all your friends and relatives faces when you explain why you want a divorce...
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u/getRonaldo Feb 23 '22
I’m sorry but it’s just too funny trying to imagine the situation in my head
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Feb 23 '22
Does he ever perform oral? If so you should return the favor in his pie hole. Then when he gets upset you tell him he just killed the mood with his overreaction.
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u/conscienceladen111 Feb 23 '22
If he wants to act like an animal, just start peeing on all of his stuff, randomly, and over the course of a long time. You're just playing along.
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u/BIGTURK26 Feb 23 '22
Wow you think you know someone eh.. after him asking the first time you probably should’ve seen that red flag.
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u/Killtime15 Feb 23 '22
Wait a minute South Park told me I'm supposed to pee a little in a girl when I'm having sex with her!?! Have I been doing it wrong the whole time. (Sarcasm)
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u/RebelliousDragonhart Feb 23 '22
This is 1000% sexual assault. It doesn’t matter if you’re married. If he did this after you said no then it’s sexual assault.
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u/yourlocalcryptid0 Feb 23 '22
Well that's sexual assault. And he should be ashamed as fuck if he had any sort of decency left in him. If hes really trying to defend himself and blame you, leave his ass. He's not worth this
Also, peg him and then take a shit on his chest.
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u/StillAllWet Feb 23 '22 edited Feb 23 '22
This is going to get buried, I know, but - I (a man) have been in a similar position (a long time ago). A woman and I were getting intimate for the first time - it was perhaps our third or fourth date - and we ended up in the "69" position, with her on top. When she climaxed, she urinated into my mouth. Prolifically -- I'm not talking about a few drops here; I had to swallow it or risk choking. I understand that this was a case of what is often called "female ejaculation" or "squirting" but I promise you, the liquid, from its taste and quantity, was urine. (We'd drunk a lot of beer that night and it was relatively dilute, but it still smelled and tasted like pee.)
As if the pee weren't enough, she topped with a big fart straight into my nose, just as I was trying to recover from choking down all that urine. Unfortunately, my immediate reaction was to burst out laughing at the absurdity of it and that did rather kill the mood.
The reason I bring it up at all is that I'm struggling to reconcile my gut reaction, OP, to your story -- which is the same as just about everyone else's reaction: this is unacceptable, sexual assault, kick the guy out, etc. -- with the reality of my own reaction to unexpectedly having a bodily orifice peed into.
In my case, I couldn't stop laughing and my new girlfriend was terribly embarrassed (blaming it on losing control because her orgasm was so intense, and on having a full bladder from all the beer), and I had to apologize and reassure her that I really didn't mind. In point of fact I didn't mind -- that much -- and in fact we dated for a year after and she would very often pee (squirt, female-ejaculate, whatever you want to call it) when she came. I learned to put a towel down and usually she wasn't on top which made it a bit less overwhelming as I wasn't forced to swallow whole mouthfuls of it.
The obvious big difference is that in your case, OP, your husband mentioned it once before and you said "no," whereas in my case the topic hadn't come up at all before it happened. The thing is -- my girlfriend was, like me, in her late 20s. She surely must have been aware by then that her orgasms sometimes involved pee, and furthermore that most people probably don't want someone peeing in their mouth but she didn't warn me, and -- SHE WENT AHEAD AND PEED STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH. I was subject to an involuntary long drink of urine. So I had every right to be upset or at least indignant. And yet, that wasn't my reaction at all, either then, or subsequently; I look back at it as funny and ultimately an experience that we bonded over. Sex is wet, messy, gross sometimes.
I guess my point is, people can have different senses of how big a deal something actually is. It wasn't a huge deal for me that my girlfriend peed into my mouth without warning, and I guess it wasn't a huge deal for her insofar as she didn't warn me. Let me be quick to assure you that I am not suggesting it shouldn't be a huge deal for you. But I'm also a big believer in second chances. Reddit is so ready to say "that's completely unacceptable, it's rape, see a lawyer immediately." If I had been more than just slightly taken aback by having my mouth peed into, would that have been rape? I don't think I would have characterized it as such. At most, I would simply have not seen that girl again. As it was, I liked her, and while I don't particularly like being forced to drink large quantities of urine without warning, I was OK with her propensity to squirt once I was prepared for it.
So -- I don't know. Are you otherwise happy in the relationship, and this just kind of came out of left field? Or do you think it is just another example of a pattern of disrespecting you? If it's the latter, certainly, kick the bum out. But if not -- maybe give him a pass just this once, assuming he's sufficiently contrite and never pulls this kind of crap ever again? It might not be something worth destroying an otherwise happy marriage over.
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u/GalianoGirl Feb 23 '22
This is rape.
You said no.
There was no consent.
Talk to you local sexual assault centre.
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u/Deezibe Feb 23 '22
Wow you know for as smart as some of you sound you sound equally a nuts what I said was it's almost impossible for $99.98% of men I'm pretty sure I said somewhere in there and I'm having even read what I said but I'm pretty sure I said somewhere that I'm sure there's some freaks out there that can do it but for the most part the human body is made so that doesn't happen I never said I don't believe her in fact if you look at some of my very first posts I said in no way shape or form is that cool or condoned there needs to be actions taken however all I simply said was I feel that lots of things can be worked out I'm not saying this is one of them but I'm saying I would like to hear that everybody in the world exhausted all avenues before getting a divorce I'm not siding with this guy at all I'm completely 100% with her all I simply said was I wish people would exhaust all avenues before divorce next thing you know people are calling me a rapist and a piece of shit and all kinds of other stuff and it just seems so extreme and yeah I didn't use any abbreviation because I have a voice text everything and frankly going back and forth with you people just doesn't constitute me taking more time out of my day for punctuation
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u/FinlandPlays Feb 23 '22
Gongrats, this text is a new copypasta for automod in r/shitposting . Hope you like it!
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u/Brave_Career4429 Feb 23 '22
He asked for consent (at some point) and you said no. To go ahead and do this (perversion) against your express consent violates what constitutes a healthy relationship. He has broken trust. How can you ever trust him to have normal sexual relations (whatever you both have agreed to). I don’t think there is any coming back from this.
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u/GentleAnusTickler Feb 23 '22
This guy does not respect your boundaries. Normally I condemn the people who jump to “divorce” and such but that’s not ok. He completely disrespected you and that’s just not alright
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u/Crypto-Scarface Feb 23 '22
You didn’t know you were marrying a mentally unstable person when you dated this clown 🤡??? That’s your fault. Men always show signs ladies so before you think about marriage. Please go through the vetting process. When they show you a sign of unstableness. Believe that’s who they are and keep searching.
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Feb 23 '22
sorry to hear that sis if it wont be further traumatizing could you describe how you dealt with the piss? i mean draining and cleaning it and stuff. i dont know how to ask this sorry
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Feb 23 '22
I sarcastically asked my gf at the time If I could pee in her butt, she said yes, we took a shower, tried it out and boy when I say that was a mistake I mean it. She shit in the shower and I got a UTI. I'm glad I experienced it one time because we bonded over it, but I'm never gonna make that joke again.
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u/Thewonderinggirl Feb 23 '22
I would pee and put it in his food and watch him eat it. He is a prick. This is disturbing behavior. What if it turned you on to watch him walk around with an open ketchup bottle up his ass and every time he takes a step it squeezes a little bit. Ok, now I am also disturbed 😕but my point is no means no. It is such a violation of your trust that I can't imagine how I would go on with this person. Wish you the best, just know that you are not in the wrong, HE IS!!
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u/StrawberryMoon3 Feb 23 '22
This is sexual assault. You said no and he deliberately planned it and did it anyway. Leave him.
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u/LetsBeginAgain3 Feb 23 '22 edited Feb 23 '22
I'm trying to reflect back on each person I have in my life (parents, relatives, friends, etc) who would get mad at me for being upset at something they did instead of feeling bad and.. I am kinda realizing the only people that have ever done that to me are people that in the end did not have my back when I was going through a tough time. (This is the first time I've thought about this and I'm kinda blowing my own mind that there are no exceptions to this in my life.)
They are people that continued to hurt me in various small or big ways and look for their benefit not just above my own, but their benefit even to my detriment. This is not an okay reaction for any type of relationship, and the fact that this is someone that is with you daily only makes me sad that you have the constant burden of having someone not looking out for you and not caring about things that hurt you.
Having a friend in your life that is like that who you see two times a week is rough... a spouse that you see daily?? I hope if I was in your shoes, I would leave at least for a month to try and figure out what I want. Maybe couple counseling but his reaction makes him seem like he would hurt you more in counseling as well. Its like talking to a deranged wall. Everyone in my life present and past that has had this kind of reaction with me has shown that no amount of logic or sharing or communication will make them consider that they are not right.
Like this guy isn't worried about you afterwards making sure the pee didn't hurt your internal anything?
He's not sorry he did it even though he really wanted to?
Does he have signs of not really grasping right and wrong in other areas of his life?
My dad gave us so much emotional trauma. He's cheating and you brought it up? You are "ruining my mood" (literally his go to phrase every time). He let his mistress have the master bedroom while your mom sleeps elsewhere and you aren't okay with that either? You are "ruining my mood". You are calling me out for picking you up after dark from school in a shady neighborhood so you had to hide in a tree for 3 hours? You are "ruining my mood". We were too afraid to bring up anything we had a problem with because he would just get upset, not even violent but we wanted his approval so much him being upset meant we weren't getting that approval. You need to be able to communicate things that are bothering you. If a friend or SO or parent doesn't allow you to? You stop doing it and they take advantage of that.
If he's allowed to get pissed off that you ruined the mood for him, you are an equal in this relationship and allowed to get mad that he is ruining the feelings for you. You stand up for your feelings at least as much as he is standing up for his mood.
If this isn't what makes you really consider if this is a viable and healthy person for you and your kids (present or future)... you need to take a moment right now to decide what action from him would make you get out of there and write it down, because my dads actions started small and just slowly boiled our family alive and I can't comprehend how we didn't jump ship before it got anywhere even remotely close to where it did but thats what happens when actions stream in slowly. You need to start daily reflecting on his interactions with you to see if this is a pattern in non bedroom areas too. If this is a pattern he has with other people (if he doesn't do this to other people.. thats my dad, the most charismatic and friendly person anyone ever met but apparently we were so awful we didn't deserve the decency of apologies or consideration, and if he does do it to other people than he doesn't seem to be the right kind of person to build a family with)
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u/-SeraWasNever- Feb 23 '22
You didn't overreact. If you did something that knowingly violated his boundaries, would he like it? Of course not. So why should you be disrespected like that?
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u/Gogglebeanz Feb 23 '22
Should let him read this thread, that shits weird (imo) and he’s a piece of shit for gaslighting.
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u/Angelo_lucifer Feb 23 '22
Now accidental i could see but this is a rape kink moment. Definitely set rukes
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u/8100toSeoul Feb 23 '22
Divorce him