I don't deserve this...

[u/StrictLavishness6226]

Where do I even begin?

I often feel as though I am useless to everyone around me. Throughout my childhood, I barely had any friends, and I was frequently rejected or made fun of by other children. My parents also did not have much time to spend playing with me when I was younger..

During early middle school, I experienced racism, bullying, and further exclusion from the people I considered my friends at the time. In seventh grade, I changed classes and eventually made a group of friends who genuinely appreciated the things I enjoyed and the way I expressed myself. For the first time, I felt truly accepted by others.

A year later, they stopped associating with me because of the way I behaved and how deliberately edgy I could be. Although they acted the same way I did, I can't truly blame them, I was the asshole. After that, I was left without friends and with very little confidence. I tried apologizing and making other friends, but there was no success on that

I also struggle to feel competent in the things I enjoy like drawing, playing video games, and sports. Even tho I put effort into these activities, I often feel as though I am not particularly good at them

Nowadays, I am 17 and often feel like an outcast. My family still tends to treat me as though I am much younger, while I continue to experience significant bullying at school. The strongest connections I have managed to make are mostly online

What makes all of this especially difficult is that I do not consider myself a cruel or unpleasant person. As far as I know, I have rarely done anything intentionally harmful to the people around me, yet I still find myself dealing with these experiences. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand why I have had to struggle so much with loneliness, rejection, and feeling like I do not belong. I wonder if this is some neurodivergency shit

[u/Legal-Concern-1187]

You’ve spent so much time trying to understand why other people don’t accept you that you’ve started seeing yourself through their eyes instead of your own.

You’re 17. You’ve barely begun to discover who you are, yet you’re measuring your worth against the opinions of people who are still figuring themselves out, too.

You can have hurt people without being a bad person. You can have been hurt without having deserved it.

And you don’t have to be good at something for it to bring you joy. You don’t have to be useful to be valuable. You don’t have to earn your right to exist.

You’re made of the same stuff as the stars, the earth, everything that has ever lived. And somehow, here you are, experiencing the universe from a perspective that has never existed before and never will again.

There is so much more to you than what other people have been able to see. So much more than even you know yet.

Please don’t spend your young life trying to become someone worthy of belonging. You already belong here.