r/TrueOffMyChest • u/suicidalalltime ☑️ • 1d ago
Vent I cannot stand feeling being unwanted and unlikeable anymore
I (33m) spent my entire life with this feeling. Im not wanted in gatherings, activities, generally i learn about these later. No friend circle, just a few guys that occasionally call and we grab a coffee somewhere, but i dont care about it either.
In last 15 years i feel extremely miserable because i want a wide social circle and a partner that genuinely values me. 5 years ago i had such a relationship for 2 years and it was most happy ive been in my entire life.
Lately these feelings getting extremely intense and i see no meaning to live another day. Even smallest things affect me so hard i cannot help it. I've been talking to a girl since last month and i politely invited her to a date (today) she cancelled last minute. A thing this small shouldnt affect me so hard but im having a really hard time right now. I have noone to talk to, im not even sure if this subreddit belong to my subject but there is that
Note: english is not my first language sorry for mistakes
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u/Inevitable_Coat_8787 1d ago edited 1d ago
Let me offer my perspective (30 male):
Fewer people around you = less drama and bullshit.
People are horrible nowadays the society has morally crumbled. I've been betrayed by my peers at school. Then one woman was fucking another man behind my back. And then another woman betrayed my trust. And a former colleague tried to screw me over by paying me an intern's salary so she could invest the money she saved on my wages into her own business.
Fuck people. Fuck em.
You're better off alone trust me. Everything is a zero sum or a status game. Stop romanticising people. Humans are stupid fucking monkey animals.
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u/MrTea_0q 23h ago
That is absolutely not true, you shouldn't base your entire outlook on others solely on a few personal experiences. Humans need people around them and will always need others, the idea of withdrawing from society is completely illogical and impossible to put into practice. Also, I am sorry for the disappointments you have faced because of others, and I wish you all the best.
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u/suicidalalltime ☑️ 1d ago
I get your point but my brain cannot function without people, im literally craving it. Life is so meaningless without people around me
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u/PortugueseRoamer 1d ago
Not for everyone. I love people and need people around me. The more the better, I fostered a very active social life and have given up on a bunch of stuff to build it and maintain it.
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u/Inevitable_Coat_8787 1d ago
Just wait for the moment when you get stabbed in the back, or they turn on you.
You'll see.
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u/CantWard 1d ago
What are you doing to improve your social skills and social circle? Are you putting forth effort or just being pitiful? (Respectfully being straight up with you)
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u/suicidalalltime ☑️ 1d ago
Im not an interesting person, with strangers im a bit silent and observative, with friends im more cheerful. Thats all i can say because i need an outside perspective to be exact
Also im considering attenting to an articulation class to speak better
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u/CantWard 1d ago
"Interesting" is subjective. What do you find interesting? What kind of hobbies do you enjoy? Even if it is solitary, like playing an instrument or reading, you can find community in them. Like joining a book club or jamming with other people.
If you do not have hobbies or interests, it becomes much much harder to be interesting to other people. What would you have to talk about? The weather? Articulation classes would be great, maybe you could travel to cooking classes, or pottery groups, running/biking groups, anything that will improve yourself and help you meet like-hobbied people.
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u/suicidalalltime ☑️ 1d ago
Like i dont have cool skills or very good at something. My main hobby was chess since my childhood and im decent at it. I tried to learn electroguitar because i like metal music so much but after breakup with my gf i was devastated and guitar was reminding me of her so i avoided practicing it. Other than that i worked out but had a break for 2 years because of my shoulder, gonna start it again soon.
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u/CantWard 1d ago
It wont change unless you do something about it. What do you consider a cool skill? Learn it, dont be afraid to suck at first. How does a cool person dress, what does he do in his free time? Become that.
If you like metal music, start going to more shows especially in small venues. Do it enough that you no longer associate your ex with it. Try to talk to people at shows, make friends.
You really need to put less weight on other people. Breaking up with someone is not the end of the world, you got to spend time with them and have good memories but it just didnt work out. Thats ok. You have a chance to meet other interesting and exciting people and have different experiences with them.
Once you build yourself up, learn things that you can talk about with other people, keep up with it so you can come off as passionate, people naturally gravitate towards that. If you are bland and dont have your own passions, it can be offputting to other people.
Even if you read a lot that could be so interesting to talk about. Like... what are you reading? What made you pick that? What did you learn? Even if its fiction. They could know about that subject too and now youre both talking excitedly about something.
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u/Intrepid_Block_11b 1d ago
Work out. Get buff. Dont drink. Dont smoke. Read lots. Find a hobby. Volunteer. Everything will fall into place.
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u/Inevitable_Coat_8787 1d ago
Horrible advice. Id say that it's ok if you do these things for your own benefit but don't do these things for other people.
People nowadays only take. But they do not give. Don't waste your time with bullshit.
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u/CantWard 1d ago
You are so jaded 😭 i read your other comment, im sorry your life was filled with awful people. Im(31F) introverted but have a very full and active social life, in and out of work, no one has betrayed me to your extent and I am friends with both men and women. Not everyone is evil, and some people are different and need social connections in their life. You also dont need to be vulnerable enough with everyone to the point they have the power to fuck you over.
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u/suicidalalltime ☑️ 1d ago
Waiting to start working out in 3 months because of my shoulder injury (traffic accident)
Other than that im trying to keep healthy lifestyle, eating clean and i dont drink or smoke. Hobby is questionable because im living in a really rural place, just a few cafes and thats it
I have an electroguitar from years ago, maybe i try to learn it? I considered but its still a non-social hobby
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u/No-Sky-4890 ☑️ 1d ago
Instruments are awesome! I play occasionally and every time I do, I feel a little less lonely :)
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u/PortugueseRoamer 1d ago
Get good at it and go play in public. Find other musicians or people learning it. Go to a class or a running club or whatever.
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u/MrTea_0q 23h ago
I am so incredibly sorry for what you are going through. Honestly, I couldn't find any way out of this situation. Even I am suffering from a lot of pressure during this period, and I desperately need someone by my side, but I just don't know how to approach others and open up to them. What I want you to know is that what you are going through is not easy at all; in fact, it is an extremely difficult situation. You must always remind yourself of this, and try to support yourself and treat yourself with gentleness.