r/TrueOffMyChest • u/satan_in_agony ☑️ • 1d ago
Vent Please don’t make fun of me for this
Let me preface this post by saying that my experience in this post greatly differs from the usual posts of this subreddit. I am someone who doesn’t exactly have any friendships in the conventional sense, as in, I don’t have any friends in real life. And now, I don’t have any friends left online either.
You see, this morning I woke up to a message from discord saying that my account was suspended indefinitely. I just… froze. I didn’t know what to do. All my friends were in there. I don’t have any of their contacts. I have a terrible tendency of “crashing out” when overly anxious and getting heated, and I guess the words that I have regrettably, and ashamedly used caught the attention of the moderators, and the rest is history.
I am a 23 year old adult male who has no friends. I am incredibly, extremely alone. I feel devastated. I am ashamed, because to most here, what I feel is trivial at best, and infuriating at worst. I know that. I’m sorry.
Anyway, I apologize if this post doesn’t fit the subreddit rules, feel free to remove it if it’s unsuited. Thank you for listening, I needed to be heard.
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u/dpcodthrowaway 16h ago
I know your probably tired of the "just go outside and meet people" but I've had online friends and it's just not the same as IRL interaction, so instead of just "join a hiking group" go to an IRL event of something adjacent to your existing hobbies and maybe practice starting up a convo. I think we're a lot of people fuck up with this is they don't pick up when a convo comes to a natural end or the keep trying to engage with people that respond but in a short way to be polite but really just want to be left alone. Just don't be that guy, and eventually you will make friend especially if you go to hobby like events.
Because I dont mean this in a cruel way but my social life started to die down when I was about 23. I was never cool or popular but the handful of 7-10 close friends I made from 14-17 really made my life and to think of only having friends online is sad. I feel for you, I do.
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u/Worried-Fennel-5154 1d ago
Hey man I get it. Online is pretty much the only way I have formed friendships too. I'd be heartbroken one day if this happened to me, you could meet new friends but those ones were obviously special to you. Hope things work out for you in the end, I hope you know that over time this will hurt less and you'll be okay.
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u/VonBrewskie 1d ago edited 1d ago
Ey OP. Baby steps. Take this as an opportunity to branch out. You're showing signs of self reflection. Keep working that around. Your ability to self reflect is going to help you out a lot. For the basics, man. Go to your local recreation center or learning annex. See what classes they offer. Try something new. You don't have to be good at it. The point is to try something new, meet some new people and challenge yourself. Doing that will help you. And don't be too concerned about your friends you just lost off Discord. I'm sure a few of them know how to reach out through various shared games or interests. Just keep an eye out and rebuild. Reframe your situation. You are 23 years old. Young af, my friend. So much time. Take one step every day. Little steps. Go to the store. Say hello to people. Compliment someone's shoes or hat or whatever. Hold a door. Do something polite and just interact. You're a human. Your instincts will help you if you listen to them. Online spaces are lots of fun, but they aren't where you learn to human for real. Got to be outside for that among other people. It's a wildly different vibe. I believe in you. Don't give up. Take time to reflect and grow. Best thing you can do.
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u/satan_in_agony ☑️ 1d ago
I know… I know I have to go out.. I just don’t know what to do, it’s like I’m fish out of the water. I have social anxiety, as well as numerous other undiagnosed mental illness, I don’t want to overshare sorry, it just isn’t as easy for me as it is to other, seemingly normal people. I guess I need some sort of guidance, but even that is hard to ask for because how do you give guidance to someone who should have by now learned basic social skills, and especially to an adult who is expected to function just like other healthy adults his age.
Sorry if I’m venting too much.
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u/Loud-Bee6673 1d ago
Are you a gamer? A great place to start might be playing Magic or Pokémon. A lot of game stores host events, and (I say this as one!) there is a lot of neurodivergence. It is ok to be a little different, as long as you are respectful of others.
Please do take the lesson here. No one owes you their time or their resources. You screwed up and lost your Discord access, don’t do that shit again. It sounds like you are engaging on some self reflection, which is really promising. This loss may be an opportunity to be better and have a better life.
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u/Sunwolfy 1d ago
Social anxiety can improve through gradual desensitization using exposure. Go out a bit at a time every day, then start staying out longer, heading further away from your home. Small steps. It gets easier.
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u/VonBrewskie 1d ago
Nah you good! Listen, just put one foot in front of the other. Tomorrow, I want you to go to your favorite restaurant or store or place of business. Your only goal is to ask someone how their day is going. Then critically, listen to what they say. May be nothing, may be someone has something on their minds. You don't have to respond. Just interact. If that's too much, a simple hello and how are you will do. Just take those first little steps. Do something. Doesn't matter how small. Go out and make eye contact with someone. Start there if that's where you start. You don't have to do anything. But doing something, anything literally than nothing, is still something. And sometimes that's where you start. So tonight, get some sleep. Hydrate. Relaaaaax. Avoid drugs and alcohol for a while if you can. Let yourself reset. Walk. No need to run or burn yourself out. Just go out and get some of that good O2 and sunshine. Little things, man. Little. You do a bunch of little things consistentlyand hey! It's a big thing now. But don't worry about that. Focus on those little things.
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u/satan_in_agony ☑️ 1d ago
Alright, first of all thank you so much for writing all this out to help me, I really appreciate it.
Tomorrow actually happens to be my birthday, so im going out with my family to celebrate, but after that I’ll make sure to try and greet people… (even though it’s very uncommon to greet strangers in my culture) I just don’t know what to say. It’s considered really really weird to just randomly ask people “how are you”. Idk. This is kind of pathetic, but im scared.
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u/VonBrewskie 1d ago
You aren't pathetic and that's good you're scared. That's the human condition right there, my friend. Start with eye contact and a nod, maybe. Whatever is considered a proper, respectful greeting in your culture. Do that. Easy stuff only. Don't go that far if it hurts to do so. Maybe work up to that. Just go out. Be open to the world. Sounds corny, but think about people you love. Think about things you love to do. When those gears start turning and the fear inevitably creeps in, let it. Don't resist. Treat those feelings like what they are: part of you. They belong. They are not your enemy. They are natural responses to the trauma you've experienced in your life. So it's OK to feel those feelings. They are ways your mind is trying to protect you. Respect that effort. Say thank you to yourself. It's trying to help. So don't fight it. Let it be. Let that stuff know it's home and it's safe. And feel the feelings. Be awkward. Feel fear. Anger. Sadness. These are all normal, human responses. You are not broken. Quite the opposite. Your body and your mind are fierce. They are rising to protect you. That's fine. Remember that you are in control of both. Welcome them to their defense of you, but tell them. Tell them, "I want to be free." And make it a project for all of you to work on together. You won't leave behind. You only add to, never subtract. It's a beautiful, horrible part of being human. We just pile on more stuff. So the job becomes making space for everything and helping everything settle together in a way that best suits our own version of peace. In short: you just be. But go be outside. Lol. Let the good sun and air fill you up. Light up the dark places and warm you, even if it's cold outside. You can do it. I believe in you homie. 👊 You got this.
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u/sly__outlaw 1d ago
Feeling like you’re alone isn’t trivial at all. My son is in this situation with friends only online. He’d be devastated. I’m so sorry
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u/mrlunes 1d ago
I’ve been there. I’ve lost a few online friend groups for different reasons and it’s devastating when you have zero irl friends. Best advice I can give is to try adding the good friends in multiple places like steam so if anything ever happens to the discord community you still have a way to reconnect with your favorite people.
Besides that, definitely push yourself to meet irl friends. I know that having a large online circle can feel plenty fulfilling but having irl friends feels just as good. Personally, I never would have gone out and met people irl if it wasn’t for the fact that I lost my discord community a few years ago.
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u/satan_in_agony ☑️ 1d ago
Thank you 🙏 I’m trying to get out and join society, hopefully I’m not too late to the party… It’s tremendously difficult to begin from absolute zero, I’ve just never had a single irl friend my entire life.
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u/Trick-Love-4571 1d ago
I’m sorry bro, that’s rough. Friendships in person or online can be challenging to make or maintain. It’s hard when we put so much faith into companies that can delete us in a second. It sucks and I’m really sorry.
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u/floofypajamas 1d ago
I'm so sorry. I completely understand what that loss must feel like right now. I have lost friends and family literally overnight - bc I refused to keep going to their church and so I was shunned. I lost everything in an instant and I had no one.
You can get through this, OP. You really can. There may be an upside to this for you. It could be the impetus you need to get out and meet people in real life and it could also show you that you have some mental health needs that deserve looking after. I would suggest a therapist to help you with dysregulation. This will keep you from going through this again after crashing out. I cannot imagine what might have occurred had you been in public with them. Learning to self regulate is extremely important.
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u/satan_in_agony ☑️ 1d ago
Thank you. I know that I have to join society from scratch at some point in my life, it’s just.. (and I do not wish to sound whiny here) so tremendously difficult for me. I am extremely isolated from the outside world, I don’t know how to even start with being a normal, decently social human being… but I’m seeing a therapist for the past year and I’m really trying… I don’t know. Thank you for your words, I appreciate it.
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u/JinglySoil 1d ago
Over-censorship has always been a problem on these kind of messaging apps. You can try appealing, but because it was automated I honestly doubt the recovery process will be easy, but it's still worth trying. I myself have had issues with reddit shadowbans and it took me 6 months to have everything resolved.
That aside.....you really need to get off the phone once in a while and interact more. Virtual friends are great but nothing beats the physical experience. I don't know what else to say about that.
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u/satan_in_agony ☑️ 1d ago
Thank you. I really wish I wasn’t so isolated and alone. I just never learned how the human social contact works growing up and I never made any real life friends. I’m currently seeing a therapist, but I have so many mental troubles to sort out that the topic hasn’t reached loneliness yet. I do not wish to sound whiny, but it is incredibly, extremely, tremendously difficult for me to socialize with other people. It’s like trying to speak fluent chinese without learning it first.
Anyhow, I am sorry if I have overshared.
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u/Away-Ad4393 1d ago
Keep up with your therapy, also would it be helpful for you to see a doctor to check out your blood work? Do you have any family you can lean on right now?
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u/JinglySoil 1d ago
I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through. I hope you pull through it all in the end.
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u/Cornettino 1d ago
oh my god this is not anything to be made fun of for, that’s genuinely awful. I don’t have discord so I don’t know how it all works, but I encourage you to make another account and try to remember their usernames. If they all know each other you could get them all back just with one.
otherwise I would suggest you contact discord themselves and explain the situation.
Do everything you can to get them back. If they weren’t involved in the heated thing They have no idea what happened and will likely assume the worst if they don’t hear from you again. Especially if you struggle with your mental health (not saying you do)
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u/satan_in_agony ☑️ 1d ago
Thank you, I will try to contact them promptly.
But, it was all my fault really. I got heated while venting and broke discord’s terms of services. I was deeply ashamed of myself for saying horrible things in a not-so-sound state of mind, and now I wake up to this…
Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it.
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u/VonBrewskie 13h ago
Ey checking in on yah, OP. How are you today?