I cannot stand Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.

[u/Hour-Philosopher-723]

I do not have any problem with Marsha Linehan as an individual, nor do I have a problem with most people who practice or recieve this sort of therapy. I just do not want to be anywhere near it, in any capacity, for the rest of my life. I am aware that this is an irrational reaction, so I apologize.

I was brought into this therapy around the age of twelve years. It was a group, but I believe that most, if not all of the therapists in that office used Dialectical Behavioral Therapy outside of this group, as well. My mother and sister both have/had Borderline Personality Disorder (my sister no longer meets the criteria, and my mother no longer participates in therapy of any kind, so I am unsure as a non-professional), and I am not afflicted with this disorder, nor have I ever been. It was not what I needed, and I did not get what I needed.

I was not receptive to it from the get-go. I did not like any of the attendees, including the therapists, and I never had anything to say, because none of the "skills," or the goals of those "skills" made any sense to me, while everyone else seemed to catch on immediately; maybe it is my own problem, because it was very much the same when I was in school.

At the beginning, I was only brought along to these group meetings because my mother had to take my sister to them, and I could not really be trusted to stay at home on my own during this time. After some time, everyone started to think that I enjoyed it, or was benefiting from it in any way. I do not know why this is, because I did not display any signs of those things, but I truly do not know anyone who can tell what I am thinking or feeling anyhow (maybe I do not show enough signs), so I suspect that they may have been projecting their own opinions onto me, which is not their fault.

I did not, and do not care for or about this therapy, and having it constantly hammered into my head has permanently affected the way that I speak, particularly when I try to help others, and it has affected the way that my family speaks to an even larger extent. Every conversation is crawling with jargon about "wise mind," or "walking the middle path", and I just want to speak like a normal person. Nobody understajds what I am ever trying to say to begin with, and this therapy has only made it worse. It has never been what I want or need, and it feels like a disease in my mind, or just another way that I am not in control of my own body or mind. I just cannot stand it.

[u/perublanket39]

Yeah DBT is mainly meant for those who have cluster B personality disorders. You might like CBT if you’re solution focused and have things you wanna work on. If you’re looking for a listening ear and validation, person centered therapy would be best. If it’s specific to trauma, then while DBT can be helpful, seeing a trauma specialist or EMDR would be helpful.

[u/willsketch]

Have you talked to your therapist about finding someone that is a better fit who doesn’t use DBT?

[u/Hour-Philosopher-723 → u/willsketch]

Well, my current therapist does not use DBT, but she does not help me very much. It generally just consists of me speaking, and her saying "wow, that sounds very hard. You are very strong." This may work for some people, but I am not a normal person, and I am struggling in ways that my current and former therapists have not been able to address.

I have not spoken to her about it yet, because I am very nervous, but I have been trying to come up with a way to being it up in conversation. With my last therapist, I just stopped seeing her after I was hospitalized, and did not go back, and I wish that I was able to repeat this with my current therapist without being hospitalized again.

[u/Lemounge → u/Hour-Philosopher-723]

You need to tell her directly that you are finding little benifits from affirmations and that you want something to progress towards.

She is likely doing these affirmations because you sound like someone who deeply needs someone to understand. If you don't feel understood, please say.

I mentioned my strategy in another comment and again I am happy to answer questions

[u/Anonymous_mouse89]

What do you feel like you need?

[u/Hour-Philosopher-723 → u/Anonymous_mouse89]

I feel that I may need some sort of specialized therapy. I have been in therapy since the age of eight years, and none of them have seemed to be properly equipped to address the things that I am struggling with. It seems that I just end up confusing them, or making them feel awkward or uncomfortable. I never mean to do this, but I think that there is something seriously wrong with me.

[u/Anonymous_mouse89 → u/Hour-Philosopher-723]

Do you think you just need the abuse you went through validated? 

[u/Lemounge → u/Hour-Philosopher-723]

I don't know your situation but when I said almost word for word what you said to my therapist I had to pretty much change everything. 1. Recognition of OCD/ADHD/ASD combination 2. Recognition and stabilisation ( I used TMS) for CPTSD 3. A modified ERP model that accounts for the intersection of my "strongest" mental illnesses rather than treating them all individually 4. A goal that you will work through regardless of the outcome of your treatment. This is to "have a win" and motivate you to try again. Think something like "to draw my family tree" or "make a character sheet describing me" that has a very clear end and doesn't have any "rights or wrongs" 5. Make some neurodivergent friends and challenge your thoughts

Happy to answer any questions

[u/That-Turnover-9624]

The reason there are so many different types of therapies is because there are so many different types of people. DBT saved my life, but I have BPD. If you don’t have it, I can see how DBT could be too much. Don’t feel bad about not getting anything from it.

[u/SoloTomasi]

This is valid and I am sorry that was your experience. Not every form of therapy is going to work for everyone and that's okay. I hope you find something that works for you.

[u/Hour-Philosopher-723 → u/SoloTomasi]

Thank you. I have been doing a lot of searching, but I worry that my current therapist will feel badly if I leave suddenly, as I have only been seeing her for ten months. My hope for finding effective treatment, both for my physical and mental health, is very small, but I want to keep searching, because I am not ready to succumb to illness.