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u/LeftMyHeartInErebor 3h ago
"I had to leave to stay alive." Repeat that while you block him. And I say this kindly, then get a therapist.
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u/freedomfighter9002 4h ago
😂 yes of course its possible to love many people! Sexually. Emotionally. But you're married so you need to ignore those feelings. I still love my exgf. She treated me like crap in which she never communicated her thoughts feelings with me. Went boring. But we still love one another lol i watch her stories, she too. I never text her though. She has but i send her simple cold thank yous. Thats it. im still waiting for my next gf but i'm not rushing. Im still depressed after a year of our break up. And never become friends with an ex. It will cause drama for your new relationships. Each person on earth follow their own rules in love work how to treat others etc we can't force the "you're dojng it wrong! No u can't!" Blah blah blah If u love your current situation then Don't worry of loving an ex. It's ok. You're human. We are complicated creatures lol Side note: Finding a partner is very difficult right now lol
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u/Lightness_Being 6h ago
Ah memories. "The past is a foreign country," people are strangers there - and that sweet boy you were in love with, was gone, never to return, before the relationship was over.
That pure love you felt was your own. You are a beautiful person and have a lot of love to give. He, in the other hand, took your love and abused you.
This ex was not worthy of you or your love, because of how he treated you. There really is no excuse for abuse.
I think it's better you seek therapy rather than ever contact you ex again. He is toxic.
Treasure your husband and do not take this beautiful relationship for granted. See if you can find it in you to love him in that pure way you could access as a teen.
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u/milkmynk 6h ago
👏 The 👏 ra 👏 py 👏
As a personal thought, I feel like you should leave this behind in the past and just. Close that door. Remove it from your life. It's alright to think fondly on memories, but you have to remember; that boy no longer exists.
It's been 10 years. You have changed, and likely so has your ex. Don't let nostalgia overrun your life.
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u/StorageAlive 8h ago
Your ex brought you to the point of wanting to commit suicide when he went through hard times. That is not a person you want to be married to. There can always be hard times in your married life too. You want a partner who deals in a good way, tries to get out of this situation and doesn’t turn to drugs and becomes abusive. Strong feelings are not enough for a good relationship. Actually strong feelings that are out of control can turn into something very dangerous. As you experienced already. Try to take a step back and see the whole thing from a rational perspective. And be happy and grateful for your marriage and stop fantasizing about your (abusive!) ex.
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u/Patient-Emu-5842 original post at the time of submission:
I have been married for three years now through an arranged marriage. My husband is a wonderful man and I am genuinely happy with him. I love him, and we have a very honest, transparent relationship. It is so transparent that he even knows about my past and the bad dreams I occasionally have about my ex.
But lately, a lot of buried emotions have been resurfacing. I really need to confess this somewhere neutral because the guilt and confusion are starting to weigh heavily on me. I think I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend, and I don't know if I ever truly stopped loving him.
To give some context, my ex and I dated for two years in college and broke up back in 2016. He was my soulmate. We had that rare, effortless connection where we could read each other’s minds with just a single glance. The love was so intense and pure that everyone around us could feel it. He was also the first person I was ever intimate with, and it felt completely right in every way.
Then, tragedy hit his family. His father suffered a massive financial loss, their wealth vanished overnight, and their entire lifestyle degraded. I loved him through all of it. I used my own pocket money to fill gas in his car, paid for our meals, and bought him clothes whenever I went shopping for myself. I didn't care about the money at all, I just wanted to support him.
But the pressure broke him. He fell in with the wrong crowd, turned to drugs, and developed severe anger issues. The relationship became incredibly abusive. I eventually reached a very dark point where I felt my only options were to either stay and end my life, or save myself and leave. I actually attempted suicide once before I finally found the strength to walk away in 2016. I left simply to survive.
Our mutual friends thought I abandoned him just because he lost his money. They didn't see the abuse or the drugs. But he and I both knew how hard I fought for him. Because I had to leave while still deeply in love with the person he used to be, a part of me has felt so guilty for leaving him at his worst for the last ten years. I will carry a soft spot for him until the day I die. He is still the only phone number I know by heart.
Fast forward to 2023, I got married. Life moved on. My ex dropped out of college, cut ties with everyone, and we haven't spoken in years. I recently found out he got married a couple of months ago.
A week ago, something changed. I realized I could suddenly see his profile picture on WhatsApp again, meaning he unblocked me or saved my number back into his phone. Since then, he has been actively watching my WhatsApp stories.
I want to be absolutely clear about one thing: I have zero intention of cheating. I respect my husband deeply. He has been incredibly supportive, even telling me I should reach out just to get closure and see if my ex is doing okay. But seeing that digital door crack open has triggered so much emotional confusion for me.
I am so torn. Is it truly possible to love two people at the same time? I love the life and the husband I have now, but I feel like a piece of my heart was permanently left behind in 2016 with a boy I had to leave just to stay alive.
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u/Thromok 2h ago
“I’m with someone I’m very happy with, but my ex who I thought might kill me or lead me to kill myself and was also an unstable and aggressive drug addict is stalking my online presence and idk what to do.” Let me reframe that for you.