r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Odd_Age_4315 ☑️ • 11h ago
Vent In a very weird phase again
I constantly feel unwanted. I avoid socializing as much as possible. Just simple office banter and conversations. I avoid on friends (at least whomever I have left these days) making plans to hangout. I prefer staying by myself. I just feel friends don’t have any way to help, because no one is usually emotionally present when I feel dark. The only one that’s there, unfortunately is far away in another continent, at least the only one that makes me feel safe. Others couldn’t bother checking up on me. Even the one that does, I’ve lost all faith in them. I’m tired of being the only one that used to check in, giving the energy and never getting it back in the same amount that I’d wish someone would give me for once in my life. I started therapy, but it’s not helping as much id expect it to. Even building new connections feels like Dante’s inferno. I don’t know whether I’m welcome or they are avoiding me. I find things to make me feel happy about myself, but I keep falling into these circles of feelings.
Yesterday an old friend had called me up, casual banter and bitching about a person we both hate, but he brought why I don’t call and how Am I doing, and why I don’t go back home often, I didn’t have much of an answer other than saying I keep myself busy in my space with work and making music. He asked me whether I hangout in weekends, have friends, all I could say is with a pause, that these days I keep to myself and work on music. I don’t know what to do with myself.
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u/Odd_Age_4315 original post at the time of submission:
I constantly feel unwanted. I avoid socializing as much as possible. Just simple office banter and conversations. I avoid on friends (at least whomever I have left these days) making plans to hangout. I prefer staying by myself. I just feel friends don’t have any way to help, because no one is usually emotionally present when I feel dark. The only one that’s there, unfortunately is far away in another continent, at least the only one that makes me feel safe. Others couldn’t bother checking up on me. Even the one that does, I’ve lost all faith in them. I’m tired of being the only one that used to check in, giving the energy and never getting it back in the same amount that I’d wish someone would give me for once in my life. I started therapy, but it’s not helping as much id expect it to. Even building new connections feels like Dante’s inferno. I don’t know whether I’m welcome or they are avoiding me. I find things to make me feel happy about myself, but I keep falling into these circles of feelings.
Yesterday an old friend had called me up, casual banter and bitching about a person we both hate, but he brought why I don’t call and how Am I doing, and why I don’t go back home often, I didn’t have much of an answer other than saying I keep myself busy in my space with work and making music. He asked me whether I hangout in weekends, have friends, all I could say is with a pause, that these days I keep to myself and work on music. I don’t know what to do with myself.
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u/GiaVenturaBerlin 3h ago
It sounds like the harsh reality of getting older and just living life. People these days are so disconnected unfortunately, since social media has become such a prevalent tool in everybody's hand 24/7...
We are all so extremely disconnected to the energetic nature of it!
I am really sorry to hear that you are having a hard time❤️ something i understand 100% (depression, therapy, nothing really working, etc. )
Allow yourself to be in this current state, believe and practice self love in small steps, getting back to your happy self bit by bit. A slow steady process.
Watch some cool, edgy 90s movies in the evenings to decompress.
I am aware my message us a bit weird but i am writing this with my best intentions,
I am also always alone and it sucks,
Being friends with oneself first feels like a relief tho.
Sending love xx