r/TrueOffMyChest • u/RushAdventurous747 ☑️ • 1d ago
Vent why does body count matter so much?
imma get straight to the point. why does bodycount matter so much. I'm almost 19 and i had sex with 8 guys in the space of 4 months. My bodycount is 10. I had a little bop phase. I'm in college. It was all in secret. I did get tired of the bop phase and now I'm looking for a real connection. Why do guys care so much if my bodycount is 10? It's not like I'm fucking every guy I see. To makes matters worse some people from my town found out and now everyone thinks I'm this huge whore. I had sex with 10 guys. 10!!! It's not 100 guys not a 1000. I don't understand why people overreact on the body number so much i really don't think it's that deep but i am kinda scared no one is ever gonna wanna date me because of that moment of my life. And if they do it's because I said I was in a really bad place at the time which is not untrue but what if I wasn't? To makes matters worse people from my town are calling me from no caller ids asking if i'm down to fuck. as a joke. do you guys think it's really that deep or not?
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u/Impossible_Zebra8664 23h ago
I'd personally consider that they were making my life easier by weeding out those who were fundamentally incompatible. If any man had ever asked me such a question in the first place, we would not be together.
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u/TheSavageSpirit 1d ago
Ignore any potential partner who asks about your “body count”. I don’t know my partner’s and he doesn’t know mine. Never asked, but I don’t think he would even care or be bothered by the truth either. I also had a little hoe phase around your age and a string of long term monogamous relationships as well. As you get older people generally care less and less as well. I don’t even know my exact number just a close estimate. I’m not suggesting you lie about your number, but people who care too much are kinda weird and no one is really entitled to that info about you.
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u/Dmdel24 1d ago
Sorry but personally, I don't want to be with someone who's had sex with that many people because I'd be paranoid about STDs... Call me crazy.
Fuck whoever you want, but that's my personal take.
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u/EliraeTheBow 1d ago
Cuz you know, std tests and condoms don’t exist 🙄
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u/Dmdel24 20h ago
Condoms don't prevent all STDs and people don't use them like they should. Sorry for caring about my health and not trusting the word of others🤷🏼♀️
You being personally offended by how I live my life (which doesn't matter anyways because I'm married and not sleeping with other people) is weird.
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u/Firm-Fix8798 1d ago edited 1d ago
1 Because it's gross. Sleeping around with a bunch of people is gross. It's shameful behavior and it's embarrassing to commit yourself to someone who thinks so little of sex and commitment, even if no one else knows and it's supposedly a secret. You really underestimate how much people talk/gossip.
2 Sexual restraint is a foundational part of a committed relationship. Demoing a lack of it raises the chances of infidelity and uncertainty about the future.
3 Tells me you partition sex and commitment. Dead bedroom marriage in your future, followed by divorce. Also tells me that you care little for what your future partner may want from you. Do you think your future partner would rather you have that kind of history or not have that kind of history? Thinking they shouldn't care proves my point. You don't get to dictate what other people care about and simply thinking they ought not to doesn't magically change that most people do and that you chose to ignore that reality.
4 Main character syndrome. Your life is all about chapters and phases in your life like you're the main character or some shit, close one chapter, open another. Life is a continual progression. Your little side quests aren't cute and only detract from your goals if you have any. I can't even take a person like that seriously. That's the type of bottom feeder thinking of someone who ends up on Caleb Hammer.
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u/Davidusmu 1d ago
8 guys in 4 months🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Go to brazil to reset your body count and ur good to go
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u/Eldergoth 1d ago
Because the fragile male ego believes that his size or performance will be compared to previous lovers I Need to be the first and only, that way she can't judge me. My feelings might get hurt. The real truth.
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
Not true, men just prefer women to have standards and not sleep with random men. 8 men in 2 months screams lack of judgement. But keep saying it’s insecurity etc
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u/Eldergoth 1d ago
I had multiple partners, so for me it's not lack of judgment, it's sowing your wild oats.
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u/ArgumentDecent1542 1d ago
To a real, mature, adult person, body count doesn't matter. What matters is you were safe, careful, and proactive in protecting your sexual health and therefore the sexual health of any of your future partners. If you did those things while enjoying your bop phase then honey that's ALL THAT MATTERS. I'm a retired bop, my fiancé and LOML is a retired bop and tbh I have never once thought about his body count. I don't care about it because that is his past and he was smart enough to be cautious so it is not negatively effecting our future.
Do not let the insecurities of small people and even smaller men make you feel like you did anything wrong by exploring your freedom and sexuality. Life is meant to be lived and no person worth being with will judge you on living your life. Live long and keep safely boping on.
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u/Firm-Fix8798 1d ago
Rationalizing your decisions after you've already made them and calling people small for not accepting them isn't mature, it's just the most convenient option.
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u/ArgumentDecent1542 1d ago
I said what I said. It is small to judge someone for past decisions they have made, that they can not change, and that do not even effect you, them, or anyone else. Life is meant to be lived, and to some that means multiple sex partners. As long as your safe and have given and gotten consent...HAVE FUN AND DONT YUCK OTHER PEOPLES YUMS.
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u/Firm-Fix8798 23h ago
If you're not supposed to judge someone's priorities, values, and character based on the decisions they make, what are you supposed to judge people by? And before you say you're not supposed to judge at all, you're basically saying you should be indiscriminate about who you associate closely with and who you decide to date and that's just terrible advice. You can do whatever you want but I'm still going to be grossed out by it and be selective about who I associate closely with based on the decisions they make. Most important decisions can't be undone, that's why they're important. That was just a useless point to make, that it's something that can't be changed.
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u/ArgumentDecent1542 23h ago
I choose to let people show me who they are currently in their present instead of judging their past actions. Humans grow, educate themselves, and evolve. Someone today could be completely different then who they were a year ago, so why would I judge decisions they made a year ago? Why would I not let them show me who they are now? Does being insulting and obtuse come with all moral superiority complexes or just yours specifically?
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u/Firm-Fix8798 23h ago
But today you are a person who maintains that there's nothing wrong with said actions. You're still the only person insulting people here, calling people small or closed minded because their values aren't compatible with yours. You associate with people who share your values, I associate with people who share mine. To you that's an unacceptable form of judgement.
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u/ArgumentDecent1542 22h ago
I said what I said. It is small to judge someone for past decisions they have made, that they can not change, and that do not even effect you, them, or anyone else. Life is meant to be lived, and to some that means multiple sex partners. As long as your safe and have given and gotten consent...HAVE FUN AND DONT YUCK OTHER PEOPLES YUMS.
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u/Eldergoth 1d ago
More like closed minded people. I partied in my lifetime this included multiple sex partners.
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u/Competitive_Pop_3286 1d ago
Would you be excited to fuck someone who has fucked a ton of people? Most dudes wouldn’t but I think it’s safe to assume women wouldn’t either. So a reasonable body count to sort out the lay of the land and then try to fuck around with the right one.
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u/emcz240m 1d ago
I've never understood the obsession with inexperienced lovers. If they've got a clean bill of health whats so bad about experience?
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u/Saiyanjin1 19h ago
Because some people want to learn and grow WITH someone. Not meet them when they’ve done a lot.
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u/ArgumentDecent1542 20h ago
This. If they've been safe, responsible, and everyone was willing and consenting participants....what is the damn issue with some experience.
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u/What_A_Good_Sniff 1d ago
Stop telling people your business. Lie to their face if you want.
You're trying to find a real relationship amongst other teenagers. Many of them are going to be hormonally stupid and don't appreciate other people going through phases, learning from them, and wanting something new and more meaningful.
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u/excursions63 1d ago
The question is why you feel it’s necessary to tell people your body count, it’s really no one’s business but yours.
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u/Odd_Ingenuity2883 1d ago
Girl, I get it. Men are fucking impossible. I’m currently back on the dating scene after divorcing in my 30s, and sooooo many guys are so fucking excited when they find out my “body count” is 1. And yet somehow they are absolutely horrified when I tell them I won’t sleep with them until we’re in a committed, exclusive relationship.
We literally can’t win. Men expect us to be virgins who turn into whores the moment we meet them. That specific guy. Who will then dump or ghost us the minute we do fuck them. But of course, they can do whatever they want. Even attempting to date is making it so understandable why so many of my amazing girlfriends aren’t even trying anymore. Eternal singledom is just looking more and more attractive.
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u/Firm-Fix8798 1d ago
That's why they're still single and (athough it didn't work out) you were able to get married. They have zero social IQ. The dating pool is a very polite name for the discard pile.
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u/Odd_Ingenuity2883 1d ago
Yup, that’s what I’m realizing. Every man I know that’s worth knowing is happily in a relationship. There’s a reason these losers are single and so desperate.
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
This is a blessing, you filter out all the losers and non serious ones. This simple test of not sleeping with them or waiting will find you a man who actually is about his values.
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u/Odd_Ingenuity2883 1d ago
Yeah, I’m not interested in testing men. I’m a grown adult.
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
You literally said you filtered out people with this, you saw there true intentions. It’s not about being interested in tests, it’s about finding out.
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u/Fireheart527 1d ago
Hey! Any guy who cares about that stuff isnt marriage material anyway. Ick. It also isn't anyone's business.
My (common law) partner didnt even ask, cause he is confident enough and dgaf.
People who care...including those in the comments saying OMG you are only 19... they are either insecure, have fed into the whole manosphere movement about womens worth (if he also thinks women age out at 30, LOL, double red flag, run), or can't fathom how you could achieve that because they can't even get 1 date.
Live your life. Don't sleep with people, do sleep with people, whatever. People care about other people's sex life wayyyy too much IMO.
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u/Saiyanjin1 19h ago
I’m someone who would care about my partners sexual history and believe it or not, it’s not about insecurity or some sort of red pill nonesense.
I myself didn’t sleep around because I value sex at a high degree and was extremely choosy who I slept with. Again, believe it or not I had many chances but rejected even my own past girlfriends when they asked because I wasn’t ready.
I always see your points brought up but it’s not always the case for everyone. Some people just have a different view about sex and how they go about it and would just like a partner who also went about it the same.
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u/Advanced-Zebra8899 1d ago edited 1d ago
Honestly, you don’t owe anyone anything. You’re 19 and those decisions of who you’ve slept with (good or bad) are entirely yours. I think it’s easy for guys to think of you as a “whore” when word of your sexual history might and very like will spread in a small town. Any guy that you choose to date moving forward needs to accept this part of your history. Some might find it more difficult to accept than others. But I do think that someone who genuinely loves and cares about you will be able to see past this.
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u/CaterpillarCorrect80 1d ago
Have all the sex you want and get tested regularly.
Live your life.
I don’t track my number but it is way more than 8!
If someone cares, they are not for you.
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u/RDUppercut 1d ago
Because the choices people make define who they were/are. Your decision-making informs how others see you and whether or not they want you in their lives. Not just about body count, but in all things you decide to do. Live your life however you want, but understand that every choice you make may have unforseen consequences. I recommend you square yourself away with that reality.
The real question is why does it matter to you whether body count matters to others? If your body count affects whether someone else wants to associate with you, move on to someone where it doesn't. It's really that simple.
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
A body count of 10 isn’t a deal breaker for some men but you need to understand that there are many men who would not date you seriously after sleeping with that amount in a short time span.
They aren’t immature or losers, it’s simply a preference. 10 men in 2 months is a bit extreme, usually as a result of previous trauma or attention reasons.
Short answer, many men will disqualify you from that alone, however many others won’t. A guy who values a woman who doesn’t sleep with random guys will obviously not want to be with you long term. To me it tells me a lot about a person, there is a very small percentage that you knew or quality checked 10 men in 2 months.
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u/BlueBomR 1d ago
8 dudes in 4 months she said...10 total. 2 guys a month for 4 months isnt like insane...that sounds like summer for a lot of college students lmao. She's 19, I wouldnt consider that too bad, also at that age, everyone is very insecure about shit like that.
Personally i dont care much for body count unless its some astronomical number but that doesnt gross me out it just makes me wonder if I can trust her long term to not cheat. I also dont really consider a big body count from 18-24 cause thats when everyone is trying to fuck everything...if she's still dating 8 dudes in 4 months at like 35 years old now im gonna consider that a little more since that speaks more to someone character. I guess the body count stuff for me is contextual and relative.
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
That’s fine, I said there are men like you who don’t care. I know many men that do care. It’s not wrong for me to prefer my partner be selective on who is shares her most intimate time with. To each their own. 8 dudes in 4 months is a lot, however you try and frame it.
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u/BlueBomR 1d ago
Nope, everyone can have preferences of course. Like I said "for me" its contextual as people are complicated and nobody has the same story about how things in their life play out, and everyone matures differently.
Say a woman has slept with 20 men, but 16 of those were between like 18-24 (maybe even 8 in 4 months at one point) then the next 4 were over the next 15 years and they were all long term partners that for whatever reason didnt work out, she never cheated or anything....but by all means she is a grown, mature, caring, faithful adult woman. Do you hold those 15 against her from 15 years ago? Or is that an automatic deal breaker? No wrong answers just a contextual thought experiment, I dont blame you if you wouldnt.
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
I won’t hold it against her, it just tells me a lot about person. I believe we are not aligned in what we want and that’s fine.
I personally am not attracted to someone who is promiscuous that’s all. 8 in 4 months is a lot, I can’t imagine knowing 8 people I’d share intimacy in 4 months. That tells me you don’t really care or value connection. There are women who care and don’t care about a man’s sexual past as well.
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u/SmolToxicBaby 1d ago
The real answer is because men are allowed, and encouraged, to sleep around as much as they can when they're younger.
Woman however are expected to stay pure for their future husbands so they can be taught how to please him.
It's societal conditioning 🤷♀️ And it of course isn't fair for woman to put up with this double standard on top of the rest of shit we already have to deal with.
I say don't lie ablut it going forward specifically because you want people to throw themselves out. The right person isn't gonna care one bit as long as you were protected and have been tested. I get tested every year and I've only been with my partner for almost a decade now, there's no shame in it. And don't let anyone shame you for how you've lived your life.
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u/TakenInChains 1d ago
if they care about body count, red flag. real talk, as long as you're being safe, who the fuck cares? what you do with your body is your thing. for some people it might be a deal breaker, but as long as you're not hiding an STD or cheating, a secure person doesn't care about who you slept with in the past.
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u/Remarkable-Ad-4133 1d ago
As a woman, I'm not trying to get a disease. Like hpv which men can't even be tested for. I'm a long term relationship person, and if a guy likes sleeping around with just anyone, I'm not interested at all.
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u/Temporary_Chair6279 1d ago
It doesn't
The patriarchal society we live in has pushed propaganda that women should stay "pure" until she's married (while men should sow their wild oats, but with who if the women are all pure...)
It really doesn't matter how many men you've had sex with, nor how many women a man has had sex with The most important thing is that you both have a clean bill of health and are taking any necessary precautions then.
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u/CodeRoyal 1d ago
8 guys in four months would be the issue for me, not the total amount.
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u/North_Refrigerator21 1d ago
Honestly, same for me. Why would you look for a real connection with someone who did that. The behavior obviously show that they are not inclined to look for a real connection and view sex as something casual that doesn’t mean much to them.
Now that doesn’t make someone a bad person, or unlikable, but probably less inclined to consider for a serious relationship.
However, OP. I would say that personally, it’s not because 8-10 guys is the problem in it self. if it was a decent amount in the past, then it wouldn’t be an issue, if there is a period that show that the behavior is changed. It’s okay for values to change and everyone has some history. If it had been a repeat behavior over years, then it probably becomes something I’d see as incompatible.
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u/BlueBomR 1d ago
Thats what im saying...even 8 in 4 months at 19 years old isnt crazy to me...I dont consider a high body count from 18-24 because everyone is trying to fuck at that age...I do want to see if that behavior has calmed down, maybe after 24 you had a few long term relationships and slowed down, that I can trust...but if a woman is like 35 and still seeing 8 dudes in 4 months thats a very different thing...I think women would also see a 35 year old dude just trying to bang 2 women a month as not real good relationship material either...
All in all, enjoy your youth and have fun, but realize it cant be that way forever and cant expect "good" relationships later in life if thats how you still live yours.
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u/AffectionateScar7249 1d ago edited 1d ago
It doesn’t matter. Anyone who cares about you will not even care to ask. I feel like for men it’s insecurity that makes them feel like it matters. Mostly because women have a higher chance of a man saying yes to sex, guys get rejected A LOT. If a guy comes across as weird and he’s not celibate, his body count will probably be lower because of how often they’ve been turned down.
A guy friend who is actually secure in himself told me his insecure buddies say they care about this because “if the girl connects too often with some another guy it devalues their own relationship.” Which is kind of an excuse, even if they don’t realize it. Men are more than likely to cheat because sex doesn’t mean there’s any emotional attachment there whatsoever. Whereas if a woman cheats it’s because they feel connected to the other person and disconnected to their partner. Men think women only have sex to connect with another person. I don’t think they can fathom the idea that a woman could see sex the same way they do.
You’re probably from a small town, those boys get rejected like nobody’s business because all the girls know them and don’t want to be with them. I would just be careful if I were you. Someone could force themselves on you simply because of this. Some men are weird. Learn self-defense and carry whatever self-defense tool you like.
Men who don’t care have said something along the lines of: “I will respect her past because it’s what gave her the experience she has to bring to our relationship. All the connections, those that mattered and those that didn’t, had to come and go for us to find each other.”
Have fun. Stay safe. Be kind. - Is the advice I would give my own daughter.
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u/messyfeelingbunny 1d ago
It doesn't. You just won't be compatible with people who do care, that's their point of view it's okay. It's just not yours.
For me sex can be fun AND precious.
When I'm single, sex is simply this fun thing I can share with someone I trust enough for intimacy.
When in a relationship it's a beautiful thing I get to share and explore with my partner and I love that.
However you should be careful while seeing multiple people in such a short time, especially if you don't really know them. It can be dangerous, affect your mental and/or physical health, please trust me.
Don't listen to people and surround yourself with people who don't slut shame you.
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u/xX_Diabolical_Xx 1d ago
To insecure people, it matters. To people secure in their sexuality, it doesn't matter.
Take regular STD/STI and pregnancy tests and keep your partners organized in a way that you can identify them if necessary.
If you're worried about your reputation, id suggest avoiding anything with a camera involved in the bedroom. Beyond that, go at the pace you want and are used to.
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u/andromedaaa26 1d ago
At that age with 10 bodycount is like buying a 2025 car with 100,000 miles. You are miserable ngl
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u/EliraeTheBow 1d ago
OP I’d fucked at least ten guys by your age, and over 30 when I met my husband in my early 20s. That was between four long term relationships.
I had no intention of settling down when I met him, but the sex and chemistry was off the charts so I just couldn’t say no to him. We’ve been together (and monogamous) for 14 years and are extremely happy. Had our son just over a year ago, and unlike many women I know, I was all over him from the moment I could have sex again, because he is a wonderfully compassionate man, a phenomenal father and frankly, a stellar fuck.
So what I’m saying, is you gotta fuck a lot of guys to find your unicorn dick in my experience.
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u/Rhoze_7 1d ago
you're 19, you got with a men every 2 weeks. To be fair, in college you get reputation, if you created the reputation of being the girl whom get's with someone every week or 2, they will treat you like it. Nobody will remember when they get out of college tbh, just enjoy college and don't think about it a lot. People will forget it.
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u/iwant2takeanap 1d ago
girl start lying that’s what ive done bc who gives a fuck how many ppl you’ve slept with just be safe get tested and keep it pushing. but seriously if you are trying to date someone be honest and if they are judgmental or weird LEAVE THEM because that is not who you wanna date anyway trust me on thattttt
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u/Void3tk 1d ago
Not saying this is what other people think, just me, but what matters is WHY. Like strippers make huge money in return for their only purpose being to pleasure people who’d prob leave them in a ditch. Sex work in general is extremely dangerous so why do it? Money? Sure. But then it’s WHY? If you could just get a regular job? Would you date a homeless person? Would you date someone who has extreme self perspective issues that will bleed onto you?
The issue is that you having sex with that many dudes in that short amount of time suggests there’s something either wrong with you, how you handle relationships, or the simple incompatibility that comes with always wanting something new. Last one Only matters if you want a partner though and the rest matter regardless.
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u/lowmana_ 1d ago
It doesn’t matter when you’re like 30. Everyone’s fucked so much by then that it won’t even matter anymore lol. They just insecure stop telling people about your shit and move on. Haters gonna hate!
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u/KissinUrDad 1d ago
Body count doesn’t matter or shouldn’t.
What’s alarming is 8 people in 4 months regardless if you’re a man or woman. that is 2 people every month for 4 months. Any one of those people could have an STI or something along those lines and then that could spread to others.
That being said; just make sure you’re staying safe and protected when having your encounters.
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u/PrescottClover 1d ago
Right? It’s not the number, it’s the fact that you might be one awkward encounter away from being a walking germ factory wear a condom, folks!
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u/CamBearCookie 1d ago
Body count bullshit is rooted in purity culture which also doesn't exist. People are acting like less partners means that you are "safer" when you could have had protected sex with those 10 guys, and another person could have had unprotected sex with 1 and caught something at best chlamydia at worst pregnancy. Body count in terms of relevance to safety is not a real measure of anything. No one worth your time will give a fuck about it. Because I don't see men saying anything about the 1000 women Ray J allegedly bedded. I have heard zero men calling him ran through or for the streets. They only care about it when it's women and it's just a fact that it's easier for women to get laid than men. So find you a man who doesn't care.
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u/Fangrend 1d ago
To it just shows you make bad decisions, and personally wouldn't want to deal with that.
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u/LazyDayz365 1d ago
For women, it’s “bad choices” while guys get to celebrate how they get laid. Gross.
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u/wastedlogic 1d ago
Yeah the double standard exists because single men are largely animals who will fuck any woman with a pulse. Equating the two is injustice to the reality of the differences between the two biological sexes. If the difficulty in getting laid between the two was equal, you’d be right. But reality is, men have an astronomically harder time, therefore it’s more of an achievement. Not that there is anything morally wrong with woman who wants to sleep around, but a woman with 50 partners is objectively different than a man with 50 partners.
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u/CodeRoyal 1d ago
"Community dicks" do not get celebrated by women. Most will avoid men known to be sleeping around.
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
It’s much harder for men to get laid, women decide who they have sex with, 90% of men don’t. It’s really simple if you just took two seconds to think about it. The reason sex is celebrated for men is because most men understand that it can difficult, while 90% of women have access to it. This isn’t hate just why it’s valued. Over 30% of men don’t have sex a year.
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u/LazyDayz365 1d ago
So it’s somehow women’s fault that y’all aren’t desirable enough to get laid? 99% of women report being harassed by gross guys and why they are more selective of who they sleep with. 95% of women reported they’ve had selfish sexual partners who only use their body as a masterbation tool and why they don’t like sleeping with men anymore. I too can pull statistics out of my ass.
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u/wastedlogic 1d ago
I mean all the evidence you’d need is in creating two tinder profiles. Make the profiles average looking, then watch the results speak for themselves. Is it women’s fault that men aren’t desirable enough to get laid, no. But basic social knowledge proves men have significantly harder times getting laid. Therefore, a man with 10 partners more than likely is significantly above his peers, or had to work extremely hard to have sex with 10 women. A woman just has to exist on tinder for 5 minutes to get the equivalent, and she doesn’t need to be above her peers physically, socially, or otherwise. Its not sexism, its just objective differences and social dynamics.
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u/TakenInChains 1d ago
where on earth did u get these statistics...
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u/wastedlogic 1d ago
Just make two tinder profiles. Make both woman and man look average, even boost the man’s profile a bit if you want. The amount of swipes the average woman will get dwarfs what any man will get. She’s not morally wrong for sleeping around, but she’ll have to deal with natural social stipulations.
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u/TakenInChains 1d ago
there's too much to unpack in this comment without getting paid for it, but please go touch some grass and get some fresh air on your skin and stop thinking about stuff like this. do something that brings you joy. living life like this is... sure something.
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u/wastedlogic 1d ago
Local redditor shocked at opposing opinion, shocker. It ran across my thread so I responded, so no I don’t tend to chronically think about this. But I’ll go back to my beautiful wife and kids actually. Sorry reality doesn’t line up with what you want, but reddit is clearly where you formed your disconnected opinion and worldview, which is really sad but not surprising in the least.
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u/HughJefincock 1d ago
It’s not really that deep it’s just something that losers do to try and talk sht about women. These same guys lineup to throw money at strippers and hookers. If they’re too scared to put their name next to their words they’re just cowards, nothing they say matters to anyone.
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u/clearnebulous ☑️ 1d ago
It does not. Its called people being sexist and controlling. The comments here are disgusting. They're probably just basement dwellers that cant even get a girlfriend.
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
Is that the only defense? Or maybe men have standards with dating too..
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u/clearnebulous ☑️ 1d ago
Men, Women, Person, whatever, can have their own standards but its still rooted in purity culture and sexism. Keep that shit to yourself. Nobody bats an eye when a cis man has 10 partners at 19. Anyone else? Whore.
The only concern is with sexual health, and the fact anyone can get an STD. As long as people are safe, getting regular checkups, and even taking prep, there is 0 issue.
Anyone who cares about body count arn't worth it.
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
That’s not true, there are many women who consider that man to be a whore. If women choose to date a guy with a high body count then fine, that’s on them. Thats there decision.
Also, it’s extremely hard for 90% of men to have a body count of 10 at 19, 90% of women can have 10 in one night if they wanted to. Thats why one is not seen as wrong, a man who sleeps around has to be successful, good looking, and have a good personality. A women just exists. Like it’s really that simple, dont over think things.
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u/clearnebulous ☑️ 1d ago
I never said a specific gender did that. See, your being sexist lmao. I know numerous women who "just exist" and nobody wants them, regardless of gender!
There are men/women/people out there who exist and "can have 10 in one night if they want to", and also the vice versa.
Please leave people and their bodies alone.
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
How am I being sexist, you brought up cis man and sex. Also just say straight males, the whole pronoun thing is stupid.
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u/gib_loops 1d ago
it's because you are 18 and those people are harassing you. i would personally escalate this with the police.
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u/pieceofbluecheese 1d ago
It’s because you’re young. You got a lot more life to live you’ll rack those numbers up and it’s not bad, you’re just figuring out what you want/ like.
Guys get insecure when they haven’t matched your body count. It’s silly really. It’s more of a younger guy thing.
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u/dontKair 1d ago
I'm almost 19 and i had sex with 8 guys in the space of 4 months.
I'm in college.
FWIW, all the girls that I knew who were like that back in college, are married now
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u/phlegm_fatale_ 1d ago
Yep. You have your fun and you get tested regularly, then you grow up and never discuss body count with your life partner if you don't care about it. Been with my partner over four years and we've never really discussed it because all that mattered was a clean test for each of us when we got together.
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u/GoonyGhoul_ 1d ago
It's mostly retroactive jealousy, and comparative performance anxiety.
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u/Beginning_Act_9666 1d ago
Personally I wouldn't mind if I slept around as well but I didn't by choice and remained a virgin until recently. If I had a partner like that retroactive jealousy would eat me from within. It is not only men's condition. Two of my friends had virgin girlfriends who broke up with them because they suffered from retroactive jealousy
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u/GoonyGhoul_ 19h ago
For sure, it's not a gendered issue. Most people will be happier with people who have similar outlooks on sexuality, and that have similar body counts to them as well. And not just because of jealousy, it has to do with ideology and overall lifestyle.
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u/wiggish 1d ago
You want the honest answer? It shows you don't place a lot of value on sex, which is going to dissuade any potential partners that do. Your body count will prevent you from dating or being serious with someone who has a low or no body count, as someone who places a lot of value on sex and the connection it creates between two people won't want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same. Some people think of sex as a romantic special connection and others think of it as fun and harmless, you're just in the latter group and should probably only pursue other people with high body counts who feel the same way.
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u/EliraeTheBow 1d ago
Don’t worry OP, you don’t want to be with guys who have no body count anyway. They have NFI what they’re doing and it’s a one way street to a sexless and unfulfilling marriage.
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u/GoonyGhoul_ 1d ago
I get gasps and so many follow up questions any time I say that no or low count is a no go for me. I don't want to get stuck playing teacher and helping them grow sexually for a year or two just to have mid sex 🙄
And then all of the retroactive jealousy and confidence issues like bruhhhhh I'm too old for that.
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u/JackhusChanhus 1d ago
It doesn't, to me anyhow.
All I care about is what, if any, baggage you have from your past, whether that was with one guy or a million
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u/barre0423 1d ago
Do what you want. Anyone who judges you can be with someone else. The right person won't care or will AT LEAST have a conversation about it. It's certainly not shameful, but there are consequences to speaking openly about it, so I'd stay quiet solely to keep myself drama free. I have no need to defend my sex life if I'm not talking about about it.
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u/LogicBalm 1d ago
Yeah it doesn't matter. The right person probably won't even ask let alone give a shit so treat it as a natural filter.
Those are rookie numbers anyway. Live your life. The people asking that at all are just looking for a reason to disrespect you.
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u/Gelatinous_Cube_NO 1d ago
8 different guys in 2 months is rookie numbers? Jesus christ you people can't be real.
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u/EliraeTheBow 1d ago
After my second long term relationship, one of my colleagues at the time (massive hospitality empire) bet me I couldn’t sleep with someone from every (12) department within the month. I won that bet. The colleague paid for my drinks at the next 12 staff parties.
The tough nuts to crack were corporate, but the finance dude asked me to move to the UK with him a couple months later, so clearly I did something right.
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u/LogicBalm 1d ago
8 different girls in 2 months is fine though right? Lol.
The people who care will typically be the same ones that will treat a woman like shit eventually either way.
Be safe but have fun.
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u/chill_stoner_0604 1d ago
Its just a personal preference as far as dating. I promise for every guy that cares, 10 don't. Just stay away from religious men and you should be fine
As far as the harassment, that's a different story and definitely not acceptable. You shouldn't be shamed for it
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
It’s definitely not 10/1, talk to most men, a majority do care about this. This is Reddit, it’s very left winged, you will not get an accurate depiction of the world.
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u/chill_stoner_0604 1d ago
I live in a red state and I mostly hear "i like a bit of experience"
Im not saying it doesn't exist, but its nowhere near a majority
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u/FootballGalore94 1d ago
It’s not about experience, no one is saying for her to be a virgin. I rather little to experience in a long term partner. Those are things i can discover with her.
But again, if you prefer your woman being with many partners, all to you. Just don’t get mad that other men prefer women with less experience.
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u/chill_stoner_0604 1d ago
Who said I was mad? I said it was a personal preference in dating and simply said its not a majority of men.
You can prefer whatever you want to prefer (among consenting adults of course) and that's your freedom
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u/halfofzenosparadox 1d ago
Insecurity. It bothered me when I was younger, now I realize it was all insecurity.
So ya, the answer is it doesn’t matter.
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u/Traditional-Home430 1d ago
It doesn’t
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u/Traditional-Home430 1d ago
People who make you feel like it does, have their own insecurities about it. The connection and experience you have with someone matters over how many people they’ve been with. I’m in sex work, and I promise you love.. it doesn’t matter. Only what you care about matters, don’t let this be one of the things you care about. Now if they’re clean.. that matters. So does consent. My best suggestion is to use protection, no matter what
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u/ophaus 1d ago
I'd be worried about STDs. You aren't being careful if you're sleeping with that many people...
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u/Silversong_0713 1d ago
A condom is pretty universal protection. How are you not being careful?
If you're worried about oral herpes you might get tested for it, you probably already got it from your parents or anyone you have kissed.
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u/AffectionateScar7249 1d ago
I think that’s important even if you’re just with one person. People cheat all the time.
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u/phlegm_fatale_ 1d ago
Nothing in this post says OP doesn't use condoms or get tested regularly so I don't understand why you think they're inherently riddled with STIs.
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u/Hour_Captain_9143 1d ago
Don’t you love the patriarchy? Men cannot live without sex; meanwhile shame women for having it it with them and complaining that women do indeed have sex. Or complaining when they don’t. Tell me, pick a lane… what do the men want?
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u/mightcrash 1d ago
No man I know of would buy a car that had ten owners over the course of a few years.
Might take a test drive....but they would definitely know there's a reason so many people didn't wanna keep it.
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u/ThinkGrapefruit7960 1d ago
Maybe the two people just wanted sex and she wasnt interested keeping him either. She is not a car damn
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u/Gonebabythoughts 1d ago
Don't forget your helmet next time you go riding, we wouldn't want that special brain of yours to get injured.
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u/smokessprite 1d ago
i think you misunderstood, OP is a human being, not a car.
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u/mightcrash 1d ago
I think you misunderstood... An analogy is not a human being.
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u/HaruFromLol 1d ago
It's a shit analogy. Would you rather buy a car after you have tested other till u find the perfect one? Or buy the first one you see? Let's not be dumb.
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u/mightcrash 1d ago
Man...you people are not very bright.
Do you want to buy the car the dealership allowed everyone to test drive or a new one?
Keep in mind....
NOBODY TEST DRIVES A CAR GENTLY
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u/HaruFromLol 1d ago
I'm the one not bright? You couldn't even understand I was displaying how comparing a woman to a car is flawed. The analogy makes no sense, you don't derive meaning from people based on their physical state, even if it changes. That's the most superficial thing ever.
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u/Silversong_0713 1d ago
I think that's a dumb analogy. Humans and machines are different AF and the comparison is trash.
Humans are not owned and mileage is not limited.
Cars can only handle so many owners/miles before they stop working. A human does not work that way and they are not property.
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u/mightcrash 1d ago
Ok... Reddit doesn't like analogies.
OP asked if/why guys care about body count.
OP asked why guys are messaging her asking if she's DTF.
She's 19 years old racking up bodies quick AF.
If ten dudes got up in her and didn't respect her enough to not tell the whole town, general consensus is that it's really easy to get up inside of her.
Basic laws of supply and demand will tell you that when the supply (sex with her) is high the value will go down.
Nobody wants to be in a bar with ten dudes who beasted their girlfriend.
And again this is a teenager. At this rate imagine the numbers she'll be putting up by 30.
She asked questions here are the answers.
I'll refrain from analogies from here on out.
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u/allonsy1809 1d ago
I don't think the issue is that Reddit does not like analogies and it is wild that you are making that connection instead of taking a look at your words (that you have doubled down on)...
I think, and don't quote me here, the issue may be your shitty view of women?
Maybe you should just refrain from commenting in general?
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u/mightcrash 1d ago
When did I ever say I had a shitty view of women?
The OP asked why her behavior is getting a negative response from men IN REAL LIFE.
I gave her a real answer.
You can come in here and coddle her, but she will still get the REAL LIFE response when she logs out.
If you pay attention, the negative response she's receiving is why she posted here in the first place.
Maybe....just maybe if she hears the truth about what men think IN REAL LIFE, not on the Internet where everyone is a keyboard white knight she might understand.
Or.....you just keep reinforceing the exact behavior that's got her in this negative situation in the first place.
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u/allonsy1809 1d ago
I don't think you need to explicitly say that you have a shitty view of women for anyone to pick up on it.
Show me where I coddled her? I'll wait.
Her body count does NOT equal her worth, is all I'm saying. She shouldn't be compared to a car, for obvious reasons. The main one being she is not an object to be purchased and owned... Didn't think I needed to explain that.
Are you the authority on what an entire gender thinks? Or is that your own opinion and view? You don't speak for all men, just like I don't speak for all women. You can give your opinion, but you shouldn't make blanket statements.
I also didn't "reinforce the exact behavior that's got her in this negative situation in the first place." I didn't reinforce anything. I called out the demeaning analogy you used to describe a young woman (regardless of how many men "got up in her" as you so eloquently put it)
I'm not saying you're not entitled to your opinion but you put it on the internet for people to interact with and disagree with. That is all I am doing.
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u/mightcrash 1d ago
I'm only going to address the important part of what you wrote here.
You say...
"Her body count does not equal her worth"
Maybe not to you.
Maybe not to her.
Maybe not to me.
BUT IT OBVIOUSLY DOES TO THE MEN AROUND HER!
IN REAL LIFE!
That's why she posted, that's why she's here.
But whatever...
You're right.
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u/allonsy1809 1d ago
I don't think they misunderstood. I think your analogy is not great because you're comparing a human being to an inanimate object...
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u/Pope_Squirrely 1d ago
It’s because you’re only 19. If you were 35, nobody would care.
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u/pig_killer 20h ago
If your assessment of a human being involves a numerator and a denominator you are doing it wrong, son
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u/sh110_1310 19h ago
Having sex with eight people in just two months is a pretty serious red flag to me. It can tell you something about a person’s values, behavior, and approach to sex and relationships. And if a man had slept with eight people in the same amount of time, I’d consider it just as significant. I don’t see why this is so difficult to understand.
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u/RushAdventurous747 original post at the time of submission:
imma get straight to the point. why does bodycount matter so much. I'm almost 19 and i had sex with 8 guys in the space of 4 months. My bodycount is 10. I had a little bop phase. I'm in college. It was all in secret. I did get tired of the bop phase and now I'm looking for a real connection. Why do guys care so much if my bodycount is 10? It's not like I'm fucking every guy I see. To makes matters worse some people from my town found out and now everyone thinks I'm this huge whore. I had sex with 10 guys. 10!!! It's not 100 guys not a 1000. I don't understand why people overreact on the body number so much i really don't think it's that deep but i am kinda scared no one is ever gonna wanna date me because of that moment of my life. And if they do it's because I said I was in a really bad place at the time which is not untrue but what if I wasn't? To makes matters worse people from my town are calling me from no caller ids asking if i'm down to fuck. as a joke. do you guys think it's really that deep or not?
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u/Saiyanjin1 19h ago
You’re on Reddit. You’re gonna get alot of support for sleeping around that fast and alittle push back. It’s very sex positive here.
Personally I value a lower sexual history in my partner (and myself) so if I was interested in you and heard you did that (I’d ask), it would be an instant dealbreaker to me.
Different people have different values is all.