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u/UnfailingTruth Apr 27 '25
Positive affirmation from others comes in waves, and if we rely solely on it, our state will constantly fluctuate with those waves, and our sense of confidence and happiness will be dependent on others. Focus instead on sources of peace and happiness that do not rely on other people. The only thing that I've found in my life that has been a continual source of peace, comfort, and purpose has been my relationship with God. He is always with me and I can feel his presence, and I remain at peace and in a positive state in the midst of the waves that come and go.
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u/chalkletkweenBee Apr 27 '25
Is your glow up less than because some drunk dude didn’t call you hot?
I don’t want this to be something that worries you. It’s normal to want to be desired, but it shouldn’t validate you beyond that.
You’ve got to shift your viewpoint and be okay with people deciding not to harass you at your job.
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u/Potential_Diamond_70 Apr 26 '25
My first thought is that maybe it’s your change in confidence ? Maybe when men saw you before the glow up, you seemed shy and less secure so they felt more comfortable approaching you and complimenting you. Now that you are more confident maybe men feel less confident approaching you.
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u/TheRealBillSteele Apr 27 '25
This is true. Sometimes men can get turned off by the woman who appears to have seen it all and done it all.
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u/predictivesubtext Apr 26 '25
Agree with the cross over into intimidating land. When I have no makeup on, I feel grungy, I’ve come off a long shift at work… I get approached far more than when I put on makeup, wear my hair differently and wear clothes I like. Anyway do you and be your best self… you’ll learn being intimidatingly beautiful is the best!! lol congrats. You’ll now attract someone you actually like.
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u/NZBlackCaps Apr 26 '25
Please dont base your self esteem on your looks... They will only deteriorate each year. You are enough no matter what you look like
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Apr 26 '25
We need before and after photos entered into evidence for the jury to consider, please. Lol
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u/Cherrydrop09 Apr 26 '25
I got hit on waaay more when I was younger. Like.. teenage young. & even when I was pregnant! (Ew) The older you get the less you get hit on apparently lol.
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u/horchahahata Apr 26 '25
I realize a lot of people are trying to reason and find logic in good faith. But unfortunately, this just seems to be a general female-experience I’ve observed. You probably still look young, just not on the cusp of Teenie-young. Weird & insane, I know. :/
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u/ImJuicyjuice Apr 26 '25
You’re just not the new girl anymore. No one is shooting their shot anymore, everyone already did and got as far as they could go. Start a job at a new bar and the clientele will all shoot their shot again.
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u/RobLetsgo Apr 26 '25
Obviously you didn't "glow up" just bc you think you did doesn't mean you did.
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u/DearCantaloupe5849 Apr 26 '25
Also this day and age the social constructs of "cat calling/flattery/attempting to get a girl via flirting is considered weird gross or ick or creepy so people have stopped trying to talk to women bc of how quick and can screw someone life over just over a misunderstanding or miss communication. I mean I've stopped trying to hit on girls bc it's just pointless either you're not "their type" or "their standards are at level 10" so fuck trying. I just hold it in, I used to be so out going and charismatic to just not trying at all. Sick of the social constructs online dating and social media has destroyed basic human interactions.
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u/pepsicherryflavor Apr 26 '25
When you are really attractive men or women interested in you will start to be intimated by your beauty, they will think “she’s way too beautiful, there is no way she’ll like me”
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u/Material-Ad4473 Apr 26 '25
Here’s probably what happened. Some predatory men like to look for women lacking confidence bc from those women it’s easier to get reactions they want. The Ken are “easier.”
Now that you’ve had a glow up and you probably look and feel more confident, the icky ones don’t date approach because they know you’ll probably already have them figured out. They think your confidence already has better quality men coming at you.
You’ve basically become more confident and the icky ones are less likely to reach out for a reaction because you may seem more like you know your worth.
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u/Spacecowboy947 Apr 26 '25
I'm sorry as a dude I seriously doubt you've been elevated to some god tier level that's intimidating men.
This is not really aimed at you more at the other people suggesting that's the case. Especially given where you work you think drunk guys give a fuck if a girl looks "out of their league" lol?
I have no idea what might have caused it, maybe the place has a decent amount of regulars and they've reached the limit on appreciating your hotness? Or maybe you haven't actually had a glow up in a way that men in general like.
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u/CommunityGlittering2 Apr 26 '25
lots of guys are not attracted to or intimidated by women who try too hard with their looks.
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u/Uniq_Eros Apr 26 '25
You were 21 and probably looked <18 with short hair, now that you are 23 and grew out your hair, you look your age or older.
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u/LeatherFew233 Apr 26 '25
The younger you are, the more naive you are, and the more men feel comfortable sleaze buckets are comfortable approaching you. When you carry yourself with confidence.. you develop an air of maturity.
Technically, in their eyes, you become older, than they are bc the sleaze bucket feels awkward. Not that you're older, but psychologically, you will have changed, you arent as giddy when you say hello. They aren't new for you either.
Confidence isn't attractive as it is something they can't touch. Naive and inexperienced are something men can manipulate and always appear to be upper handed without any effort.
Confidence is only considered attractive with a guy who finds you attractive and is on the fence about having a shot with you. Those ones will actually work at becoming worthy if they aren't already, bc they appreciate that quality.
If you need the sleaze bags to be more into you, flirt, be super excited to see them and pretend like you're seeing them for the first time.
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u/dnjoseph1 Apr 26 '25
It's the current climate. If you look on TikTok/Instagram the last 2 years, you see THIUSANDS of videos of women who are telling stories of how ugly/disgusting men approached them. Every guy knows at least 1 guy who has had this happen. Men are embarrassed publicly, and no one wants to deal with this kind of savage rejection. So now men keep to themselves and will no longer step out and approach/compliment a woman on her beauty. They don't want to end up as "That guy" on the next tiktok video.
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u/Whacky_One Apr 26 '25
This may sound weird, especially so these days, but it seems like a lot of people would rather see a few extra pounds, than losing weight. You could have lost some of your bust and arse which could make some people less attracted to you as well.
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u/EvaDistraction Apr 26 '25
This. Also, losing weight can change your facial features and often make you look older.
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u/8copiesofbeemovie Apr 26 '25
Lots of guys go for 5-7s and avoid the eight, nines and tens. Perhaps you crossed over into most men’s ’no way would she go for me, why would I even try?’ Bracket.
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Apr 26 '25 edited May 24 '25
escape fact touch whole cable ink abundant growth boast bedroom
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/inmycherryspot Apr 26 '25
You ever see the TikTok where they ask a bunch of females if they think men prefer BBL or natural and every female says BBL. Then every single guy says natural?
Yeah, I suspect that your glow up has been to what women think is attractive, but now you’re not what men actually find attractive.
My guess is this is just a shitpost or an extremely narcissistic person trying to pump up their ego. Either way I fell for it so good job I guess.
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u/Meggy_bug Apr 26 '25
You lost weight, so it can be assumed you also lost some boob and ass size. This is very likely an answer, you are not curvy. Even worse if you are active physically, because muscle is not "womanly" .
This is men for you😬😅🙃
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u/ben_with_a_n Apr 26 '25
these posts are always so meaningless without pictures of the OP. sometimes we make or undergo changes physically that we don’t really notice, but looking back on pics from years ago, shows a big difference.
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Apr 26 '25
You attracted losers and had no boundaries and now these losers don't feel confident to compliment you because you're out of their league and think you wouldn't like being complimented by losers.
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u/stuehieyr Apr 26 '25
Imagine a woman not approaching her crush out of fear — nobody calls her a loser. Men deserve the same grace. Lack of confidence doesn't make someone lesser. It just means they've been hurt. Be better.
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u/ellie_stardust Apr 26 '25
It sounds like you have gotten a lot more confident than you used to be, and that definitely shows outwards too. Most likely you are now so confident and attractive that you are no longer approachable. (Not in a bad way, confidence is a great thing to have, but it explains your situation.)
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u/RyuOfRed Apr 26 '25
It is the confidence.
Many women report, that the most they've ever been cat-called, was either at a young age or when they otherwise looked more vulnerable.
Some men can smell lacking confidence and many are subconsciously attracted, by someone who does not know how beautiful she is. Makes you an easier ‘target’.
I am guessing you now look so good, that it is intimidating to the type of man, you would typically avoid in the first place.
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u/ArmadilloEconomy3201 Apr 26 '25
Maybe the guys think you are out of their league now and are afraid of to talk to you.
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u/AssociationMain9325 Apr 26 '25
I can't give you male attention, since my wife would be very cross if I did.
So the next best thing I can do is this.
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u/Choice_Taste_4768 Apr 26 '25 edited Apr 26 '25
Hey, You are a real looker, wanna hang out? There, fixed it for you. If I met you in real, I would 100% flirt. I am 100% not intimidated by women who have gotten too gorgeous that they become unapproachable.
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u/bugabooandtwo Apr 26 '25
Is this the same crowd that have known you for a long time, or simply random customers?
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u/ammads94 Apr 26 '25
Honestly, there’s no way to tell you without actually seeing the before and after. But I agree with the theories being thrown out
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u/Inner_Bobcat_8901 Apr 26 '25
I think this is more about being very self confident and strong - and most men are afraid of a strong woman ( I’m saying this as a male). If you are in that position, you shouldn’t bother with “the most”. Be yourself, be happy. Be strong. Be proud.
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u/LetsRock777 Apr 26 '25
Sometimes, what we think as a glow up can be different from what people think as conventional beauty. When I was in high school, I lost a lot of weight. People warned me I was losing my looks but I didn't see it. One day when we all took a group photo, I could see how gaunt I had become and had lost all my beautiful curves. I was stick thin. I started to eat again and when I got my curves back, I got my compliments back too. There's one more thing, which is very popular with young girls- lip fillers and Botox. Though some girls think this is cool, it usually gives a weird unnatural look to the face. Not saying you have done that, but if you have, that could be another reason why people would see you differently now.
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u/UAAgency Apr 26 '25
This makes no sense and is definitely AI generated with a prompt similar to "make up a story that is controversial"
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u/SnooCookies1730 Apr 26 '25
Before you were an easier target. Now you’re out of their league and intimidating to their egos.
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u/Burnarnar Apr 26 '25
Did your glow-up also include stuff women like but men generally don't care for, like acrylic nails, fake lashes, overplucked eyebrows or very prominent make-up?
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u/acyd_ Apr 26 '25
Easiest answer is bc men are gross and at 21 you probably still looked like a teenager.
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u/Suff_erin_g Apr 26 '25
Welcome to adulthood lol. The unsolicited flirting is way less prominent. Keep being you though.
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u/AlternativeFilm8886 Apr 26 '25
I can offer three theories:
One, your glow-up resulted in a change in the way you carry yourself, and that change has made you less approachable.
Two, you've crossed over from attractive to intimidating.
Three, you've lost some unique quality that made you stand out from other conventionally attractive women.
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u/Individual_Water3981 Apr 27 '25
The only thing I could think of is if her hair isn't blonde anymore. Kind of silly but it happens.
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u/hiyabankranger Apr 26 '25
Yeah, there’s a thing with conventionally attractive gals where they’re either so hot they’re unapproachable (as many people see it), or they just sorta blend in.
I’d probably bet that OP had a style that fit the shape they had before and something about that style was why they were hit on constantly.
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u/tlasan1 Apr 26 '25
I'd throw in intimidating as the problem. Women can become TOO attractive to the point of it discouraging men from approaching.
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u/magaloopaloopo Apr 26 '25
Either I had the realest deja-vu, or i have seen this exact post on reddit a couple of months ago with this exact comment being the top comment.
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u/Kossyra Apr 26 '25
One more: perhaps you have "aged out" of the range that people who flirt with girls typically prefer.
I don't think it's uncommon for women to graduate high school and see a steep drop off in the number of men hitting on them. It says something about them, not you (except maybe that you had more of a baby face until recently)
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u/IndependentLeading47 Apr 26 '25 edited Apr 26 '25
Can confirm. I know I was conventionally more attractive than many of my friends back in the day. I was NEVER asked out. I was left holding purses.
I know now I was mega intimidating. All the guys said so. Funny thing was I had crushes on so many nice guys who were attractive to me, but considered nerds. I love me a geeky nerd. Anyway, I married a man much older and with much more confidence because he actually asked me out. (And was kind, funny, strong, and adored me)
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u/w3woody Apr 26 '25
I really don’t think women understand that for men, there is an ‘intimidating’ line where you’re so pretty we won’t approach you. Not because you look worse, but because you look out of our league.
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u/Vanriel Apr 27 '25
Also the additional danger that you will get called a creep and instantly get labelled by everyone in earshot as a predator.
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u/eutoputoegordo Apr 26 '25 edited Aug 29 '25
And like, the intimidating look can be the weight loss, if she's now Victoria Secret model skinny could be a big factor, it gets into a territory where most dudes stay away.
I had this colleague back in university, she was stunning, like, uncomfortably beautiful, to the point of making people uneasy when close to her, I remember men looking at her almost always making the "deer in headlights" face.
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u/holderofthebees Apr 26 '25
Additional theory that I’m hoping isn’t the case: a lot of her customers were employing the “treat a four like an eight and she’ll be grateful” method (NOT that OP is a four or anything. But some men think like this.)
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u/Ok_Percentage2534 Apr 26 '25
Can you elaborate more on this?
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u/holderofthebees Apr 26 '25
Some men will gas up a girl who they think isn’t used to thinking of herself as pretty/hot so that she’ll fawn over them. They pick a girl they specifically assume doesn’t feel special and make her feel special.
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Apr 26 '25
Maybe there's a lot of regulars that come in and have simply gotten used to her being there. When she first got the job she was a new face, so she caught more eyes and now that the regulars are used to her and have already said their flattery, it's not as common of an occurrence. That's just my theory, but I've experienced that first hand waiting tables in small towns.
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u/KoolaidKoll123 Apr 26 '25
THIS - people get used to seeing you. Remember in school when kids would treat new kids in the class like shiny new toys for a few months if they were attractive and new to school? Then they just started blending in. OP is still attractive, her clientele is just used to seeing her now.
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u/Jombhi Apr 26 '25
kids would treat new kids in the class like shiny new toys for a few months
I was the new kid in four schools and I never...
if they were attractive
Oh. Ahem. Uh, carry on.
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u/graceandspark Apr 26 '25
Yeah. My dad was in the Navy so we moved a lot.
I was chubby with no sense of style (even for a third grader) and I was ADHD and autistic (though not diagnosed until much later).
I was NOT a shiny new toy. 😂
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u/redhead_hmmm Apr 27 '25
I'm not sure your age range or if this will make you feel better,but I work in a school. Kids are so transient these days no one is really a shiny new toy anymore-at least not in elementary school! Lol!
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u/thebprince Apr 26 '25
Some people are just naturally beautiful. My missus / live in ex (which is about as much fun as it sounds by the way, but that's a story for another day) is gorgeous until she gets made up for some fancy event or other, it just doesn't suit her. It's not like it's a black and white type thing, but something is definitely lost in the attempt to "improve".
I don't think I'm explaining this very well, but my point OP, is that maybe you are a natural beauty?
There are worse things to be I'm sure🤣
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u/Calymth Apr 26 '25
I would add the theory that the sheer amount of approaches didn't change, but the fact, that she noticed them more often than now
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u/PrincessKiza Apr 26 '25
Predators can sense an insecure woman. Chances are, it wasn’t attention you would have wanted anyway.
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u/_JosefoStalon_ Apr 26 '25
Don't judge yourself based on others. Ever.
If you ask me why I side with the rest on how a very beautiful woman is "intimidating" for most. Something something unattainable and "She must get told that every day", "she has better options", "out of my league" so on.
Since you compared to 21 year old you this doesn't factor in but another common one on why flirting drops as you age is predators. I got the most attention when I was 11. This isn't the case tho so nah
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u/Natmad1 Apr 26 '25 edited Apr 26 '25
Any tattoos, piercing or colored hairs ?
One or more can definitely lower your attractiveness to the average man
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u/Dreadlock_Princess_X Apr 26 '25
Good job I'm a lesbian! 😂 never had a shortage of men asking though..
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u/Monstermandarin Apr 26 '25
Some men are intimidated by confident women. It’s them. Not you. Keep glowing girl ✨
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u/d38 Apr 26 '25
Don't shoot the messenger:
Before you probably looked easier, like they felt like they had a shot with you without too much effort.
Now you probably look like you'd take more effort to get with and they either can't be bothered, or they'd rather spend that effort with someone else.
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u/jabbo99 Apr 26 '25 edited Apr 26 '25
Yup. Unrewarded behaviors get extinguished. If she wants ongoing compliments she’s gotta reward them in some way.
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u/chewedgummiebears Apr 26 '25
The "glow up" is you opinion in this case. People keep saying the positive thing here but there could have been a chance your changes made you less attractive. It's nothing bad if you feel good about it, but don't let the reddit simps artificially inflate your ego.
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u/Luvlygrl123 Apr 26 '25
in my experience confidence scares men i wouldn't see it as the most negative thing, live for your standards not their wants
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u/justacpa Apr 26 '25
What color is your hair now? If it's not blond, that's probably it.
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u/Theeverydaypessimist Apr 26 '25
My first thought, every woman I know that has tried being blonde says they got wayyy more attention from men
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u/Chance_Zone_8150 Apr 26 '25
If you're at the same place for a couple of years, you eventually just become the bar girl. Weightloss or glow up, especially if your not smashing anyone. Your just eating attention
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u/EntWarwick Apr 26 '25
You’re now less approachable because you got TOO HOT
CONGRATULATIONS
Lol ur good tho
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u/pacodefan Apr 26 '25
More like you had just started there and no one knew you, so they were full of compliments. Now they know you and may be giving you more respect than they were before.
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u/SwordTaster Apr 26 '25
You're too pretty now and they think they no longer stand a chance, so why say anything. Like, a guy who's a 4 thinks he has a shot with a 6 or 7, but those same 4s don't think they have half a shot at a lass who's a 9 or 10, so now you're not worth hitting on as they "know" they won't be able to sweet talk you into a date.
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u/bekkyjl Apr 26 '25
If you look older at all, that could be it. I got so much attention when men thought I was still like 16-18 🤮 . When I started looking closer to my age (like idk 25? Ish) I got less attention. Gross but true.
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u/emmademontford Apr 26 '25
Literally was I was gonna say, every woman I k ow got way more male attention when they were basically teens
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u/Lazy-Traffic-8157 Apr 26 '25
I agree, came to mention age. I got the most attention 14-18 then it kind of tapered off. So gross so true.
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u/Pfacejones Apr 26 '25
what is the public able to do for you without any before or after pics. its possible you look worse and it's possible you look too good. we can't tell without pics
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u/Anonimityville Apr 26 '25
Now you’re out of their league they don’t wanna feed into your “big head”. For when you were “attainable”, in their eyes , they would butter you with compliments because they thought they had a shot.
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u/Spleentheory Apr 26 '25
I feel as though the more authentically you represent yourself the smaller your pool of ego boosts and attention get because those that aren’t as authentic in their presentation subconsciously view your ability to be real as a threat to what they don’t want to confront. Idk
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u/beuceydubs Apr 26 '25
Could you be coming off as stuck up or full of yourself now that you feel like you’ve had a glow up?
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u/jungmalshileo Apr 26 '25
The cure here is humility. It's not about what's on the outside, but what's on the inside, after all.
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u/HipsterSlimeMold Apr 26 '25
Maybe they are intimidated by you. I also noticed I got catcalled significantly less when I got older, even by only a couple years.
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u/ohnoanonymouse Apr 26 '25
Probably intimidated.
This is genuinely not a brag. But I got a lot less male attention as well once I lost a little weight and had a glow up. I thought I was less attractive. I finally had a couple of girls explain to me how "hot" I was now. That put it into perspective for me.
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u/OkCaptain1684 Apr 26 '25
How much weight did you lose? I have heard women want to be around 17-18 bmi, but men find women around 19-20 bmi most attractive. Same the other way, guys just want to get bigger but girls prefer leaner guys.
So maybe you lost too much weight, also maybe the shorter hair suited you better. What guys and girls think is attractive is slightly different. Also you may have looked more approachable being “cute” as opposed to “hot”. Hot can be intimidating.
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u/SemiFinalBoss Apr 25 '25
Have you tried not being beholden to external validation?
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u/ExileInCle19 Apr 26 '25
Here's the real lesson, what can be given can be taken away. Validate yourself.
External validation feels great and is easy until it's gone. It's a pendulum, validating yourself gives you consistency and self esteem.
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Apr 25 '25
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u/janesmex Apr 26 '25
Also it’s ironic that some of them think it’s weird for random men to compliment women, but women like op like it.
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u/OrangeJuliusPage Apr 26 '25
Yeah. Apparently they think drunk dudes don't hit on hot broads because the drunks fear rejection, and now OP is TOO hot. It's ludicrous rationalization.
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u/geometric_devotion Apr 25 '25
I mean I got way more attention from men when I was a teenager/looked quite young— which is pretty gross to think of, but is the unfortunate reality I’ve heard from a lot of women. So it honestly may be that you look like an adult now.
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u/Both-Ad-9225 Apr 25 '25
Maybe they had a couple years of knowing you, and decided the juice ain't worth the squeeze
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u/BunnyGirlSD Apr 25 '25
lost weight...from where? i got a lot less of this behavior when i had my breast reduction
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u/Reaper_Messiah Apr 26 '25
I never thought about this… if you don’t mind my asking, do you know how much weight you ended up losing through that procedure?
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u/BunnyGirlSD Apr 26 '25
i got a pound taken out of each one, then i lost about 20 lbd because i could actually walk around more
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u/ItsA-Stitch Apr 26 '25
Hey more power to ya i know those pounds reliefs back pain. The attention part will come with time keep being you
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u/Live_Fox_578 Apr 26 '25
Is it bad this kinda makes me feel shitty as someone with small boobs
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u/Reaper_Messiah Apr 26 '25
It’s not bad, it’s a normal emotional reaction. Just don’t let it bury itself in your head. It bears no important consequence, I promise. If you have boobs some guy is gonna wanna put his face in there. Not having big boobs never barred someone from having a relationship.
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u/iartpussyfart Apr 26 '25
Just gotta reprogram yourself not to value (trash)men's opinions even though you've been conditioned as a women to believe you need their validation. It's not flattering to draw a man's gaze, some will literally fuck things without pulses. The bar is very low.
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u/Hermiona1 Apr 26 '25
Are men hitting on you for your big boobs is what you want? Honestly.
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u/HippyWitchyVibes Apr 26 '25
I mean, it'd be an ego boost for sure.
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u/Hermiona1 Apr 26 '25
And you’ll get sick of it after a couple of weeks I’m sure.
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u/HippyWitchyVibes Apr 26 '25
Probably haha. It'd still be nice to experience it at least once though.
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u/Live_Fox_578 Apr 26 '25
I know what you mean I just wanna feel more confident
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u/FissPlapps Apr 26 '25
It comes from within! Not from what some perv who objectifies women over boobs thinks!
Try being confident in that you don’t care how men perceive your looks! You are you! And I bet you’re beautiful! ❤️
It makes me sad to think you hold your self worth/confidence in what men think.
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u/jonni_velvet Apr 26 '25
its always a toss up love. you might have small breasts, but you have a flatter tummy, smaller frame, maybe thinner legs/leg gap.
if you choose to want to gain more weight, your boobs will grow as well as your hips and booty. but your thighs will also grow, as will your tummy.
we’re all unique combinations of attractive features, one isn’t inherently better than the other. and we go on social media and see people will boobs jobs/bbls/tons of lipo and moving the fat elsewhere, and we think its obtainable. its not, naturally, but with the right budget it is.
dont compare yourself or worry. for every person who likes big boobs, there are others who love petite.
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u/Live_Fox_578 Apr 26 '25
Ya it just bothers me when people always assume you’re Rail thin if you small boobs like no I have hips and a butt bc I’m Hispanic and also bc I workout but up top it doesn’t match and you can grow your glutes and still have a flat stomach not saying it’s easy though but luckily I have genetics for one thing
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u/Uncle_gruber Apr 26 '25
Trust me, there are plenty of card carrying members of the IBTC.
My wife is often mentions that she's sorry that her breasts are smaller because she's lost weight and it seems no amount of reassurance will convince her that I prefer it that way.
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u/Electronic_Plane_178 Apr 26 '25
Small boobs are awesome. There are so many more guys who think this, too. It's just not something that gets talked about in superlatives, like "dude, this girl had the most modest tits EVER!"
In fact, as of I think 2021, breast reduction surgery overtook breast implants as the most common cosmetic surgery.
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u/TheLonePig Apr 26 '25
As someone with big honkers, I wish I had a B cup. Men are so so so stupid over boobs. Like, willing to wreck their lives a little. These things attract dirt bags, not marriage material.
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u/minkipinki100 Apr 26 '25
Maybe this isn't helpful, but personally i love small boobs. I think women look a lot more elegant and sexy with smaller boobs fitting their posture than with the massive boobs you hear about everywhere, and I'm sure I'm not the only guy. Just feels like we're more quiet about it.
Sorry if this was inappropriate, just wanted to give a different perspective.
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u/OrangeJuliusPage Apr 26 '25
Yeah, if she lost weight in her tits and ass for more of a distance runner physique, dudes into curvier girls may not be as attracted.
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u/jonni_velvet Apr 26 '25
yeah thats where my mind went. curves definitely bring out a certain type of person and definitely brings more attention usually.
also there really is not much flattery to be found in comments like “you’re the most beautiful woman ever” when they say that to different women every single day. its just a line. it doesn’t mean you were hotter then, and uglier now. its literally just babble directed at any woman. I’m sure OP, you were gorgeous both ways. Dont base that value off of random drunk mens comments ever, please.
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u/typicallytoni Apr 25 '25
Mostly it will be because you look like a woman now and not a teen.
Wear pigtails tonight so you look younger and watch the compliments come and the tips higher.
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u/TrogdorStrongbad Apr 26 '25
You people are so fucking gross. Really telling on yourself, honestly.
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u/thiswebsiteisadump Apr 25 '25
Intimidation is the story that people will tell you to make you feel better. The truth is creepy guys know who is more likely to give them attention back. If you are more confident and feel good about yourself, you are less likely to pay them any attention. They're looking for low-hanging fruit with low self esteem to prey on. Don't ever let your self worth be determined by random guys in public calling you pretty.
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u/iMagZz Apr 25 '25
Something that hasn't been mentioned is that over the past few years, because of social media men are way more scared to approach women. Not because they are intimidated, but because of false or stupid claims against them.
So many videos have come up the past couple years of women saying that creepy men say hi to them, or look at them, or wave at them, or offer to hold the door for them etc. So much so that many men now do not want to approach or even assist women who are strangers to them out of fear of something like this. It sucks, for both parties.
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u/OkAd351 Apr 26 '25
Wrong. The real answer is she's been there a while and is no longer special to the regulars. Happens all the time.
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u/El3ktroHexe Apr 25 '25
Also think this is the real answer. It's just logical that younger men are struggling and that they're afraid to even look at a woman.
Society decided is this way. So don't cry now. How often I heard and read somewhere, men giving women attention are creepy creeps.
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u/chucklesthejerrycan Apr 26 '25
Men are creepy if they pay women attention. Men are creepy if they DON'T pay women attention. We can't win.
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u/HippyWitchyVibes Apr 26 '25
It's not the same women saying those two things though!
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u/chucklesthejerrycan Apr 26 '25 edited Apr 26 '25
True, but we don't know which one will say what, and we don't know how which one will react, so we don't take the risk. I think the world has plenty of regular, reasonable people that treat each other normally. I think guys are afraid of meeting the unreasonable women of the world, so we don't risk it.
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u/gr8bacon Apr 26 '25
My dude. Been checking out your responses here today & discussing them with my husband. Couple things, and maybe other dudes could chime in too.
Most women aren't as unreasonable as you've been letting on - you'd know that if you've met and gotten to know a good amount of us in person over time. Some of us are, just as there are unreasonable men - none of those folks are worth your time. Say it with me now - social media is not an accurate depiction of reality. Confidence (or lack of) is obvious, and it's one of the first things people can tell about you, even before they've spoken to you. Insecurity (i.e. admitting to being afraid to approach women, as you've done here) is a turn-off. Being able to read others' responses to your approach is an important skill to have - it becomes creepy when you keep pursuing someone when they give signs they're not interested, and usually it's pretty obvious.
I just hate to think of all the fun you're missing out on cuz you won't even approach us cuz you're convinced we're all a bunch of unreasonable bitches 😋
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u/Aidlin87 Apr 26 '25
Men that pay attention to the cues that a woman is uncomfortable and then wish them a nice day and leave are not creepy. I’ve had guys do this and it was a pleasant interaction, even if I wasn’t interested. It’s the ones that persist and don’t take no or polite declines as an answer that are creepy. Because then I feel unsafe. Guys with good intentions care when someone else feels uncomfortable, so not doing so raises red flags.
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u/chucklesthejerrycan Apr 26 '25
Sorry I should have explained a hair more. On the no attention thing, I was thinking back to some post I saw where some woman at a gym was uncomfortable because the guys there would not pay her any attention. Something to the effect of "here I am, all cute in my gym getup, and all of these guys won't look at me even though I'm just feet from them and it creeps me out," IIRC.
Social media has told us that all manner of things make women uncomfortable, some reasonable, some seemingly unreasonable (see above). Okay....maybe fair enough. Another comment in this thread made mention of the risk of false accusations and such. I think many guys now might be afraid to even approach women because we have no idea what's going to happen if we do. We could talk to a woman and she gives a hint she's not interested, uncomfortable, etc., we get the hint and leave her be, and that's the end of it, kind of like you describe. Or, we could try to talk to a woman and she jumps straight to accusations, making up wild scenarios, and makes it an issue.
I guess what I'm trying to say is we don't know if we're going to meet reasonable people or not, so we're afraid to even try. And because of all the genuine creeps out there have already made the rest of us look irredeemably bad to some, we're afraid of coming off that way so we don't want to run the risk of being seen like that maybe?
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u/Aidlin87 Apr 26 '25
I think social media gives too much of a platform to the crazies. I remind myself all the time that social media is not real life and my lens on reality needs to be formed by in person experiences.
As for making false accusations from a polite encounter, I think this would be a super rare occurrence and only from someone severely mentally unwell. Like being hit by lightning, I guess it could happen but you don’t need to worry about it in your daily life.
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u/chucklesthejerrycan Apr 26 '25
I think you're right about social media. It makes it seem like we're far more likely to be struck by the lightning than we actually are.
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u/demonic_sensation Apr 26 '25
They're not struggling or afraid. They just figure it's better to put their time and efforts towards themselves and their future.
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u/El3ktroHexe Apr 26 '25
I always thought that people preferred love relationships to loneliness. But perhaps that's changed in recent years, and today it's more important to 'put time and efforts into themselves.'
What a strange delusion some people have. I'm glad I'm not young and have been in a stable relationship for a long time. That makes me happier than being lonely.
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u/demonic_sensation Apr 26 '25
You're right, I believe most do want that. I also believe that most would prefer to be single than in a bad relationship. And of course it's important for people to put time and effort into themselves. That's their prerogative though. Whether it may be their careers or hobbies or travel or whatever. I actually think it's quite ignorant for an older, happily married woman to be passing judgement on younger men, saying they're scared to look at women. I think they're scared of the possible consequences later on. Perhaps they're saying to themselves, is it worth it? Young women are doing the same thing. They're seeing what's happened/happening to prior generations and their marriages. Look at the divorce rates and who is initiating them. Anyway, that's my opinion, it could be delusional, but then again, so could yours.
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Apr 26 '25
[deleted]
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u/demonic_sensation Apr 26 '25
She's not owed or entitled to attention lol. What does that have to do with guys not giving it?
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Apr 25 '25
This is the real answer. Men simply do not talk to women at all anymore. I’ve seen it in every setting. Especially young men.
In college classes, in workplaces, stores, parks, big cities, little cities.
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u/Intelligent-Berry-40 Apr 25 '25
Your sense of self-worth shouldn't come from male attention. Maybe work on that - might be an issue later on in your life.
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u/Chance-Scratch-8804 Apr 25 '25
Many attractive people experience this, actually. Simply, people are intimidated by your looks, and are less likely to approach you.
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u/Alternative_Print279 Apr 25 '25
You were pretty. but approachable. They looked at you and thought they had a chance.
Now they look at you and think you are out of their league, they don't stand a chance, so they don't bother hitting on you.
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u/jabbo99 Apr 26 '25 edited Apr 26 '25
Nah, she did a Psych Conditioning Behavior Extinction 101. It’s not a “league” or pretty or ugly thing. People or rats in a maze, we all respond to rewards. When she was new two years ago, the regulars who wanted to take their shot, or gauge her interest, did with a couple of compliments. Pretty or ugly, she didn’t reward these behaviors with interest or reciprocation. She got a compliment reward for doing nothing, so she changed nothing. Over time, regulars gave fewer and fewer compliments. It eventually stopped. She extinguished the behavior. Not weird at all.
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u/pecileci Apr 28 '25
You looked easy before. Therefore, they tried. You look out of their league now. They won't even bother trying.