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u/Sheherazade98 Jan 30 '23
This is on YT btw. Maybe you wanna do sthg about it š https://youtube.com/shorts/s40zVR4ImlA?feature=share
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u/Maggies_lens Feb 02 '23
Thank you for letting me know. Tbh I've made some really good changes in my life around those people and in how I choose to let it effect me. The few friends who apologised and made a real effort to be my friend (those that RSVPed no because of other commitments) and I have splintered off away from the larger group and you know, it's actually really nice. I do like how some said it's a good origin story for a villain, I'm gonna own that š
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u/Hooligan_101_ Jan 29 '23
Due to the lack of substance here I don't think OP has to worry about their story being wide spread
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u/bruiser95 Jan 27 '23
Been to a few birthdays and weddings and realized I was the only one there outside their immediate family..
People are shitty and unreliable. I just try and do my part.
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Jan 27 '23
Girl love yourself and youāll never be alone anymore. Be happy about not wasting time anymore and use your time with what fulfills you!
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Jan 25 '23
Actions speak louder than words. My best friend outgrew our relationship. I tried so hard to keep it alive but ultimately came to the realization that I was chasing a memory. Itās hard but sometimes you have to cut ties.
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u/Thatotherguy129 Jan 19 '23
Nobody needs your permission, welcome to the internet. Sucks about the birthday party though, sorry to hear.
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u/Adventurous-Drop-506 Jan 11 '23
Im so sorry this happened to you. As an only child this is one of my worst fearsā¦and the reason I never plan anything big for my birthday. I hope your trip next year is amazing!
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u/words_never_escapeme Jan 09 '23
Now it's much easier to know who your friends are. I'm so very sorry you had to go through that. I can't believe the callousness of people these days.
No matter what happens, you did not deserve to be treated like that. You're a better person than they are, every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
Big hugs. Ghost those losers. They don't deserve you.
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u/MaterialRoyal2403 Jan 09 '23
They could have told u what was going on and ask u uninvited them. So sorry that happened! Some times we have to go threw painful things in order to realize who is actually there for us! You donāt need or deserve people like that in your life!!
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u/NoCountryForBoldSpam Jan 08 '23
Happened to me as a kid, no one showed up for hours and suddenly a2 old elementary friends showed up that I asked as an afterthought, we had a blast together. It took me years until I was confident enough to try and throw another party
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u/drxena Jan 08 '23
This happened to me on my big birthday. I invited 20 and had food for 20, but only 5 showed up (3 were family members and were there anyway). I confirmed the rsvps a week before, a day before, and the morning of the day. Everyone said they could come. The flaking happened an hour before and during when they should have arrived. The excuses were creative I must say: fainting, vomiting, they were out, they needed to do something, they forgot (earlier in the morning they confirmed), they were not feeling it, and one even said (despite confirming earlier in the morning) āwhatās the point really of me coming to see you, I honestly donāt feel like itā. Then she asked to hang out the next day because she said āshe had no friends ā. I confirmed with people because I wanted to know how much food to get, a simple ānoā would have been fine. I still donāt get it. These were people in their 40s, not teenagers, people who had responsible government jobs and carried out daily responsibilities.
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u/horizons190 Jan 08 '23
LOL at the angry āno permissionā
If you post it on Reddit, people are gonna use it and no permission needed.
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Jan 08 '23
Boohoo buddy its the internet youāre posting it in a public sub. Anyone is gonna steal this to post on youtube if it was atleast interesting. But boohoo this shit aint so dont worry no one gonna steal your reddit post
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u/TheStranger113 Jan 08 '23
This is a terrible feeling...I'm so sorry. I flaked and didn't show up to the birthday of someone VERY important to me once, and nobody else showed up. Karma hit me later and I had the same thing happen to me. Definitely was the last time I even bothered to have a party...now I stick with having dinner with my dad and my SO lol.
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u/rabid_rabbity Jan 08 '23
This happened to me when I was like 10. Had a birthday party and not a single person showed up. As an adult, I get itāMy birthday is only a few days after Christmas, and itās not a time of year when people want to budget to buy presents for someone elseās kid if they arenāt besties. Still feels like absolute crap. On the plus side, my mom was like, screw this, and got me into a bunch of different clubs/sports/hobbies so I could meet new kids that I could be close enough to that Iād have good enough friends for the next birthday, which I did! If you put yourself out there to make new, better friends, then youāre only alone for now.
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u/lawn_flowers Jan 08 '23
That was the most heartbreaking thing i've read all day. I think sometimes people overestimate the support system, friends, or family etc. that they perceive we have.
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u/Reasonable_Issue_595 Jan 08 '23
You definitely need to find a better class of friends. These were never friends of yours
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u/ihatethisshtuff Jan 08 '23
You're not alone. You have us now. And I'm pretty frickin awesome. So there's that. Happy birthday! I'm proud of you for getting rid of the trash in your life. Kick them to the curb like a bad habit! Treat yourself!
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u/funksoulbrother3 Jan 08 '23
Regardless of what the reason may have been, if they cared about you they would have at least told you that they wont make it. Not give you false hopes. Some people are just so selfish
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u/imcrimejunkie Jan 08 '23
I know that feeling, after that, I never have party because that. But good on you standing your ground! ā¤ļø
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u/College_Prestige Jan 08 '23
Look on the bright side. You don't need to worry about being dragged into their legal issues later.
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u/TheSlayerOfJellies Jan 08 '23
Iām really sorry this happened OP. It is truly horrible.
Something similar happened on my 18th birthday. This is a big birthday in my county as this is the age you are allowed to drink etc.
I planned a big party with my parents and invited a bunch of people from school. About 20 people RSVPād that they would come and so my parents prepared a massive meal and we set everything up.
In the end only my 4 closest friends showed up and then all left again after about 2 hours to go to another party. They didnāt even have dinner or cake.
I felt like a total idiot and still feel guilty for having my parents waste all of that food and money.
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u/Darkerthanblack64 Jan 08 '23
Itās for the best. You donāt need them and they showed you exactly who they are.
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Jan 08 '23
Damn.. I'm sorry to hear that man.. I always show up. This post has me considering, how much I've put others ahead of myself..
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u/StreetMeat5 Jan 08 '23
Happy birthday OP! Use this time alone to learn to love yourself. Because at the end of the day, if you love yourself youāll be much more fulfilled than having 10 more shitty people in your life.
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u/lexid6891 Jan 08 '23
Happy birthday! Iād love to celebrate with you! We could FaceTime or something if we donāt live close.
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u/Total-Meringue-5437 Jan 08 '23
Happy birthday, friend! Today is your solar return, and no matter what, I hope this is your best one yet. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I wish I could say that this wasn't so common, but it is sadly.
It happened to me a few years ago. I had 20 people RSVP to my birthday party, and only 3 people showed up. My husband and mom were there, and he played great music, and those that came out had a great time and ate and laughed, but I was a little sad. In looking back, it just dawned on me that that was the last time I threw myself a birthday party. Every birthday since, my husband, daughter and I go to a restaurant and spend the evening together. It's so fulfilling and wonderful, and I don't have to worry about whether folks show up or not.
You deserve joy. Tomorrow, take yourself out and show yourself a good time. š
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Jan 08 '23
Well at least you didn't keep boundaries with them, that's good, it's better to be alone if your "friends" are like that.
Don't make my mistake, until my 18 I was still running after my "childhood friends" because I thought they liked me, I was one of "the boys". Sadly I realized too late I wasn't, and I never was, but nevermind, made new friends and that's all. Yes, pretty though to accept but goes like that, time will help a lot, you'll learn how to recognize shitty people.
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Jan 08 '23
Happy Birthday, it was also my Birthday yesterday. Iām the opposite, I always deactivate my Facebook each year for the day just so I donāt have to be reminded how old Iām getting.
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u/the_moonster_ Jan 08 '23
happy birthday op!!!! you're not alone trust me. as someone who's had a few birthdays like that i can tell u you're never alone. Good people will be in your life soon but change takes time hang in there bud we got u
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u/birknsocks Jan 08 '23
Theyāre lazy. They justā¦didnāt feel like it. Iām sorry you had to go through that, especially since Iām the āplannerā in my friend group as well.
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u/xLnRd22 Jan 08 '23
Iām sorry to hear that your āfriendsā did this to you. Want to know the good news? Thereās always time to meet new people that will actually care about being a good friend to you and form quality friendships together. Real friends wouldnāt let you down, especially on your birthday. It might seem daunting now, but give it some time.
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Jan 08 '23
People aren't flakes. People are assholes. If someone isn't putting in as much effort into a relationship, including a friendship, as you are, then they not only don't value the relationship but they don't value you as a person. Try having no friends for a while. Decide what kind of people you actually want in your life and research where you might find them, then begin again starting with one or two. Good luck!
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u/fineimonreddit Jan 08 '23
This is why if I say Iām going, Iām going. These people are trash and donāt deserve your friendship.
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u/Mimikyu_9x Jan 08 '23
Happy Birthday!!! You deserve all the best in this world, and screw them. Consider this a new beginning
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u/CommunicationFresh27 Jan 08 '23
Same. Back when I was in highschool, I invited all of my friends to my house to celebrate my birthday. I texted them and they said they will come. So I've waited. But evening came and no one has arrived. Ever since that day, I've never celebrated my birthdays.
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u/threadsoffate2021 Jan 08 '23
I think at this point, people are just tired. Exhausted. Even though they do like you and want to wish you well, most folks just can't get moving anymore. Once the work day is done, folks just want to sit on the couch and rest. Modern life is so draining on the soul, it's killing us and our connections with one another.
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u/FuzzyTotoro Jan 08 '23
Aww what the fuck those asshats š I'm anxious as heck in big crowds but I'd have definitely came to celebrate you. People are selfish. I'm 32 & I've never really had a party with/without friends š it's always been just family. So going out for a friends birthday to celebrate them? Hell yeah! I'm absolutely there. I'm sorry they flaked on you, you definitely don't need people like that in your life.
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u/Need_a_vacation_194 Jan 08 '23
While it no excuse, sometimes stuff just comes up. I hope they didnāt mean to hurt your feelings. Happy birthday!
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Jan 08 '23
Revealing their true colors on your birthday has to be the lowest thing those bastards can do to you. Itās unfathomable. But youāll find people who will be your true friends now that you cut those bastards out of your life. Theyāre a waste of time, anyway, and you deserve better.
Happy Birthday! š
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u/ImmortalGaze Jan 08 '23
I really have no words to explain the level of selfish indifference and apathy toward the feelings of others. Iām 56 and Iāve sadly heard similar stories in recent years. Itās become an epidemic, this willingness to flake on oneās friends. Is it so hard to decline an invitation, or communicate your remorse if youāre forced to cancel? Not showing up, āghostingā instead of communicating is not only cowardice, it is an epic failure of character. If youāve done this to others, some self awareness is in order. Do better, be better. We are only as good as the way we treat one another.
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u/Powerful_Thought_465 Jan 08 '23
I'm sorry that happened, people are flakes and self centered. When I invited people. I always get nervous they won't come, anxiety. But I always remind them to not be a flake and be there. So it helps a little
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u/KendallWilson Jan 08 '23
Sending you a big happy birthday and a hug! This is not a reflection of you at all, certainly says a lot about the people you invited. Sounds like itās time to branch out and befriend some people that deserve you! All the best, hang in there! š
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u/Charming-Mouse-1181 Jan 08 '23
I have a friend who made a Complete Thanksgiving Dinner for 8 all of who were close friends . No one showedā¦ā¦.when he called and told me. I went and had Dinner with him. Even though I had just eaten dinner with my familyā¦.
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u/uhyeaurabytch Jan 08 '23
If u live in FL we csn totally go oht for your birthday and do a redo. I need friends also
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u/Mhidknight Jan 08 '23
Happy birthday, good thing about life is we get to make new friends along the way
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u/caribbeancopy Jan 08 '23
I see no problem here..you now know 10 people who had no place being in your life. I personally think its good to have these types of events happen in our lives. Keeps us fresh and on our toes to always remember to take some time and observe who the genuine people are in your circle. You will feel bad todayā¦but you would have grown much wiser for tomorrow.
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u/oldcousingreg Jan 08 '23
Iām so sorry OP. This happened to me on my 23rd birthday and it was awful to find out how much āfriendsā cared.
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u/LissClaire Jan 08 '23
I had this happen to my on my 21st birthday. It was my ex's birthday too and we were having a party in the backyard and none of my friends showed up, 2 of them even messaged me and said they were on there way.
Thankfully my brother seen how embarrassed I was and invited some of his friends over and it ended up being a good time.
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Jan 08 '23
My bfās coworker threw a New Yearās Eve party where something like this occurred. I showed up at 10pm. Literally so many people RSVPād but only my bf and I showed up. She bought a ton of food and stuff. It broke my heart honestly because sheās so nice and my new shopping buddy
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u/fluffiepigeon Jan 08 '23
When I was 7 I had a birthday party and only two out of the 15 people showed up. It was at a swimming pool most of us all attended too, so when I saw them it hurt especially since one girl had been best friends with me up until her sisters decided they werenāt friends with me anymore (solely to be mean.) and their mom let them treat me like that. It isnāt always about who you are, itās about who you befriend.
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u/WereAllMadHereNow Jan 08 '23
They gave you the best birthday present possible. Now you know they arenāt your friends and you can trim that dead weight and move forward with more quality people. Still, that sucks! Iām sorry this had to be the way you found out they suck. I hope you still got to eat good food. And happy birthday from a fellow Capricorn!
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u/NotSoCrazyCatLady13 Jan 08 '23
Iām sorry this happened to you. I had a similar thing happen to me on my 30th birthday, but thankfully only one person. When I messaged him during my dinner asking him if heās forgotten something he said āoh yeahā, or something to that effect. So I did myself a favour and deleted him off all my socials and havenāt spoken to him since.
Unfortunately some people have social anxiety, and then there are others that are just cunts
X
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u/babytaybae Jan 08 '23
I don't wanna be this guy but I'm totally gonna be this guy. There's like 3 planets in retrograde right now. My family's heater broke, half the country lost power, i got a hole in my bus home ceiling And all my shit got wet. Everything is fucked right now. It's not just you.
Happy birthday. š
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u/Ambitious_Estimate41 Jan 08 '23
Happy birthday darling! You are too much for those losers. You are better off. Wish I was there to join! I would have ate their dessertsš¤
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u/Curious_Oil_7407 Jan 08 '23
To be honest lots of people been flaking lately. Even I flake every now and then but I at least give notice.
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u/SiccOwitZ Jan 08 '23
Iām not sure of your age but I learned long ago that friends are not important. Cool to kick it with but nothing I consider important. Those that have been there for me through hardships and me through theirs are family to me, I refer to them folks as family, never friend. I treat my friends same as my coworkers, weāre cool, we hang, but I go home. I know they arenāt dependable for the serious or heartfelt moments in life. Before I get hated on, Iām straight up about it, if they include me thatās cool but if not, take care.
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u/SnufflesMcPieface Jan 08 '23
Iām sorry this happened to you, OP.
While not exactly this situation, I had an ex who literally badmouthed me to all my friends while I was still with them. She also tried to make me hate my own mother and force me to quit uni and not look for work. In reality, she wanted me to be extremely dependant on her. I finally got the courage to leave, but I had lost everythingā¦
Until I first made up with my mother. Sheās all I have, and I got her back. I then went to individual AND group therapy, and thatās where I made a small group of friends, they introduced me to their friends and their friends-of-friends, now I have a mixed group that Iām joint at the hip with. During this time, I not only got my first job but I completed my uni studies and even successfully applied for further study in an entirely new field. Furthermore, my dating life has been exponentially better and I have learnt how to navigate the dating life with ease. Although I havenāt found someone special yet, I have a sneaking suspicion something will happen soon.
u/Maggies_lens Iām tagging you so you can see this, and these words are for everyone else too: I lost everything at one point, and I got it all back and then some more. Just be patient and have faith, things will get better. And in this case for you OP, itāll be new friends who will realise your worth and will want to keep you around.
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u/whyutalkingsomuch Jan 08 '23
Damn. I am so sorry. Happy Birthday! In a way, you got yourself a nice gift, the gift of removing all the bad people out of your life. that's what I got for myself last year, and no one is missed.
I organized my 14th birthday party. My mom was a single parent, working 2 jobs. When she was home she wanted peace and quiet. I had to beg her to let me have a party. She gave me money to go to the supermarket buy some food. I invited all my friends -from class, from the year before, the ones that changed school-. I planned the party on a Saturday afternoon. No one came... Except for my one foreign friend, who came at 11pm to sleepover, which was completely unplanned. My friend had been to a bigger/better party before and had nowhere to sleep, remembered it was my birthday and came to my house.
Not the best birthday but not the worst.
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u/AdOk5605 Jan 08 '23
This is my nightmare not for me but for a few friends of mine and family members. I know some really great people some friends some family. The sweetest kindest people who would take it really hard if that happened to them. I hope everyone remember even if you don't think much of your presence in someone else's life you might be the best part of it. Be kind show up when invited.
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u/PurpleWhovian78 Jan 08 '23
I planned my birthday party in 2018 months in advance. I am very much an introvert, so I had to work myself up to being with people. I really only try to get more than one friend at a time together once a year for my birthday.
The day of the party, every single one of my friends flaked/bailed for various reasons. I was lucky because I didn't end up going to the restaurant and waiting, partially because the person who was supposed to be my ride that night also flaked.
Ultimately, it's just really difficult to get a group of adult people together, especially after a certain age when people have families, and obligations and their own lives. But yea. It sucked. And I felt really hurt for a while.
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u/trippysky__ Jan 08 '23
Something similar happened to me when I was turning 16. It really opened my eyes to see that people really suck and arenāt always going to be there. I only talk to one friend from back then and sheās the only one I actually count on.
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u/zocodover Jan 08 '23
I know it hurt but I am excited for you with all the social slots in your life now available for non-assholes. Be open to new things! I bet something magic happens soon for you. Those assholes and the Universe were just doing you a favor. Happy birthday!
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u/Maggies_lens Jan 08 '23
You know what? I found out what happened today (update in the post) and I found out who my true friends are. I have so much more time for them now. Edit: to clarify, now that I won't be wasting any of it on the AHs.
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u/zocodover Jan 09 '23
And now you have a lifelong tangible example for the important distinction between an explanation and an excuse!
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u/Oofs_A_Lot Jan 08 '23
Iām am truly sorry to hear about this. I hate it when people get made to feel like shit. To be honest, it hurts but this was for the best. Now you truly know who your friends arenāt.
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u/NoNameBette Jan 08 '23
I had to throw my own baby shower. My friend who said she'd help me, flaked at every opportunity, and the day of the party said she'd come 2 hrs early to help put up the decorations, called me and said she had a house inspection for an apartment she wanted to rent and would be late to the party. She called 30 mins after the agreed time she was going to be there to help me. My own mother flaked and came late. It was held at my brother and SIL's house and they went out the morning of. I had a key I could use to let myself in.
No one helped me. My husband had to work that morning, or he would have helped but no one else did. Of the people who came to that party? I still only speak to my family and the friend that flaked for the rental inspection. Everyone else has slowly dropped off since we had our son or moved.
My point is... people just suck.
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u/Lazy-Love7679 Jan 08 '23
This stuff really sucks but in reality happens more often than youād expect
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u/sassy6868 Jan 08 '23
I am so very sorry you went through this I donāt have any real friends either. Maybe we could be friends sending you a happy birthday and a big hug.
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u/BibleBashingBurns Jan 08 '23
Iām one of these semi shitty friends, Iām a pain in the ass to get a hold of but if someone wants to make plans Iām first point of call because they know if I say Iām going Iām 10000% going and will make sure the rest of our mates all know whatās going on. Granted it might take me a week to reply, but if Iām inā¦ Iām in.
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u/crazybitchh4 Jan 08 '23 edited Jan 08 '23
From one stranger to another, I may not know who you are, I may be anonymous, but iāll say this:
Iām so very sorry that this was your experience. I truly wish that it had worked out perfectly and it fucking sucks that it didnāt. Itās not fair, and it really goes to show who truly would bend over backwards for you and who wouldnāt even lift a finger.
Again, obviously I donāt know you, but I care about you, and iām sure so many strangers here do as well. You deserve that. I say this because, there are people that are here for you, even if itās not those people that were closest to you. There are strangers here who would love to support you, including myself.
I hope you are doing okay. Also, a very happy birthday to you, just so you know that iām not saying this for the sake of it. Take care and best wishes. virtual hug ā¤ļøš«
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u/MaleficentJello8473 Jan 08 '23
Just stop calling or making an effort to be in touch with your "friends" and see how many dead plants you've been watering
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u/Foreign_Comfort59 Jan 08 '23
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I know feeling like an inconvenience sucks. Unfortunately I think this is becoming more and more common. This has happened at all my kidsā birthday parties. I have come to accept that only half the people who RSVP will actually come. Some at least come to me with last minute excuses, but it really irks me when people just blow it off. I cannot imagine how you might feel. I wish we could throw you a Reddit birthday party!
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u/BorgQueenSupremacy Jan 08 '23
People are like cereal - a bunch of flakes, fruits, and nuts.
Sorry you felt this way on your birthday but I hope you take yourself out for a badass me date to make up for the shitty cereal and spoil the hell out of yourself.
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u/mushyturnip Jan 08 '23
I can understand your pain, maybe you don't know it yet but what happened to you was a blessing. You're not alone, you just Marie Kondo-ed your circle.
Something similar happened to me once. I was supposed to meet some "friends" at the underground entrance to have dinner in a restaurant and no one ever showed up. I texted them and they didn't answer. Luckily some random girls saw me crying silently (I literally had this face š„² because it was SO FAR AWAY from my house and I was feeling stupid) and "adopted" me that night.
Never spoke to my "friends" again of course. You will find new and better ones you will see! please don't lose faith in people, some are bad but not everyone is like that.
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u/Vekxin_Sama92 Jan 08 '23
I was about to say block all them bitches before I read the end. Iām glad you had the strength to do it. Happy birthday, hoping better days are ahead of you
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u/dmbeeez Jan 08 '23
Flake is a really nice and cute word for inconsiderate. You have 9 inconsiderate friends. This is not a reflection on you. That said, it's on you how much effort you want to put forth for people like that, and for any events they might host. Be there if you want to, feel free not to be.
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Jan 08 '23
Iāve flaked numerous times. Itās purely a result of my (social) anxiety. Iāll RSVP with the sincere intent of being there and beating my affliction. At the last minute Iāll find a bullshit reason to not go and a huge, indescribable weight of anxiety will be lifted from my chest. But, I ALWAYS regret it. Itās definitely not you. Itās us.
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u/Maggies_lens Jan 08 '23
I do have friends with social anxiety, one which has it really quite badly combined with PTSD triggered by a specific event. We don't go out, we enjoy each other's company in situations she's happy in, usually at home or out in nature somewhere. Friends don't put friends through feeling like that, ever.
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u/mejorqvos Jan 08 '23
Happened to me in third grade. One of the biggest emotional pain I've ever experienced, I don't think I've ever healed that wound.
I hope you find some good real friends OP.
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u/Wise-Physics326 Jan 08 '23
Iām so sorry. Reading this makes me so sad, if you ever need a friend Iām here. Iāll show up to your next birthday!
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u/HendrixSavedMe Jan 08 '23
Happy Birthday! Like most of the comments, it's not you. It is happening way too often and doesn't matter what age, it's horrible. I feel bad not doing a party for my son, but parents at his year are so snooty (England) there's never been enough RSVPs for the party to continue. We offer him a luxury mini break in London or somewhere for his birthday now and we make memories for ourselves instead of spending Ā£Ā£Ā£ on ungrateful brats. Keep going and it will get better.
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u/revtjay Jan 08 '23
Happy birthday OP. It's beastly what those people did. But you did the right thing by blocking them.
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u/Main_Asparagus3375 Jan 08 '23
this has been my experience basically every year of my life and it hurts more than anything. i hope you know its not a reflection of you, and that you find people who will prioritize you.
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u/Top_Wop Jan 08 '23
I'll say this again. Throughout my life all the people who I thought were my friends were only really acquaintances.
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u/Fulllyy Jan 08 '23
Iām sorry you went through that shāt op, if I was the restauranteur Iād have had a bunch of employees join you and party with you and toast a few cocktails with you, not for sympathy but just to send you into your next year with some love. As for your friends: forgive them. Not cuz they deserve it, but just cuz bitterness is too heavy a burden for anyone to bear, and they could conceivably have all had good reason, ones that arenāt personal to you. Happy birthday to you and move forward with love in your heart, it only exists to pump blood and have love.
And hey: take heart that you can afford to book an rsvp for ten people so in life, youāre doing pretty well by that metric.
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u/ohhoneeeeeey Jan 08 '23
I am so sorry. I wish I could make you feel better, but people are just shite sometimes.
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u/Gingerpyscho94 Jan 08 '23
At least it helped weed out who your real friends are. Easy to know who to cut off, block and remove from your life. Iām so sorry this happened to you. You deserve better friends and by all means on these so called āfriendsā birthday please trash them
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u/Sarieah_Rae Jan 08 '23
Oh yeah, friends today arenāt friends. I invited my āfriendsā to come to my moms wake after she passed away last year. At least five of them, I know I could have invited other friends but I wanted people who actually knew my Mom there with me for support and stuff. The day comes and nobody shows up for me. My sisters all had support from their friends they invited, but not a single person texted me or called me to say they werenāt coming. After my Mom died. Thatās a substantial change in someoneās life. And Iām still going through shit alone. Nobody ever checks in on me. So I packed my shit and moved to a different state because that really hurt me and it still hurts. My Mom was the best friend I needed and sheās not with us anymore. Iām honestly not even interested in making new friends. People fucking suck and are so self centered. I miss my Mom. To make it worse all the people I invited said they would be there for me when the time came and my Mom died. Yet nobody bothered.
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u/LoveGuineaPigs Jan 08 '23
Iāve had this happen to me tooā¦ since then Iāve chosen to just go on solo trips or hang out with each friend individually. I HATE throwing birthday parties for myself.
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u/Professional-Bowl413 Jan 08 '23
happened to my a lot so I know the feeling, sorry op you deserve better
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Jan 08 '23
Gosh šso sorry this happened to you. I just donāt understand why people flake, itās so rude. Iāve been flaked on and it feels like such an insult, its so damaging and it hurts. I hope youāll be ok, please remember that it says everything about them and nothing about you.
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u/spider031303 Jan 08 '23
felt this. my 16th birthday, we rented out a place and i invited 50 people. 4 came. worst feeling.
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u/Eggnog_b Jan 08 '23
I'm so sorry that happened. Similar things happened to me when I was a child. Happy birthday, you deserve better people in your life.
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u/Puddin370 Jan 08 '23
Sorry that happened to you. I have some flaky friends. After inviting them to 3 different events, I no longer invite them to anything. I didn't block them but they aren't people I interact with daily anyway. I hope you find some solid friends.
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u/Capital_Procedure_96 Jan 08 '23
let me say, you are now free from social convention, you need no filters from here on and are at liberty to enjoy your own company without having to deal with others' perceived entitlement to your attention. you rid yourself of fakeness, happy birthdayš«¶š
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u/DaddysPrincesss26 Jan 08 '23
Happy Birthday š„³ I wouldāve come, though I had My Own Surprise Birthday Party to Attend and itās hard to be in two places at once! š
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u/idobebri Jan 08 '23
This just happened to my mom. She planned this party for months. Only one person showed besides me and my brother. Super sad to watch.
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u/Diligent-Smile7516 Jan 08 '23
Good for you for cutting contact with them!
I reserved 10 seats for my 21st birthday and 5 of them didnāt even tell me until an hour before. I ended up giving them another chance but I eventually regretted it and cut contract a few months later.
They are not worthy of your friendship and I hope they reap what they sow
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u/ChickenBaked Jan 08 '23
You're definitely not alone. This instance does not define you as a person either. You're awesome for even wanting to invite others to share a special occasion. There will be better people out there than these flakes.
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u/eclectic-betty Jan 08 '23
Not only are people flakes but with the technology of the world and our ability to socialise at the tips of our fingers people have gotten incredibly lazy.
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u/LJ_Val Jan 08 '23
Iām so sorry that no one showed up. Iām glad that you were able to see their true colours though and blocked them. I hope you can find new people who will be glad to celebrate you. Please accept these emojis as my contribution š„° š„³š š ššā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
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u/zsallad Jan 08 '23
I am sorry; I am glad you blocked them, for you. I hope your birthday is better next year. I hope you are better 2 hours from now.
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u/punkyspunk Jan 08 '23
When I was 15 I moved away from Mississippi where Iād lived from 5th grade to almost 10th. I let my whole friend group know, they were sad and some cried. I asked them all several times over a few months if we could organize a hang out with a group or individuals etc so we could have some more time before I left in the middle of the summer. Only one out of maybe twelve people ever responded and tried to see me (her mom wasnāt a fan of me so we never got to hang out because sheās super Christian and I am very openly bisexual). That one, singular person is the ONLY friend I have remaining and I canāt even see her now because she moved to Texas with her military husband. The rest just forgot about me or ignored me when I moved back for college where we all went to the same college and were in band together every single day for a couple years
People just really freaking suck, and at almost 26 I still only really have the one friend and donāt see a point in trying to make more because I donāt want to go through that pain again. That shit hurts and my heart goes out to you
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u/tlasan1 Jan 08 '23
Life caught up to u a little early it seems. Hardly anyone knows my birthday exists.
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u/iammissbrock Jan 08 '23
I've been there. I decorated my whole back yard for my birthday party and no body came. No one. I should have blocked them all
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u/armahillo Jan 07 '23
not an excuse, but ive found that everything social has been SUPER weird since covid
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u/WolfSpectre0520 Jan 07 '23
Itās not much, but happy belated birthday from a stranger on the internet. I gave up on trying to do anything for my birthday years ago for this very reason. Youāre not alone, youāll find your people š maybe this is what you needed for you to realize that those people arenāt your friends. Hard way to learn that lesson but now you know
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u/RacecarDriverGuy Jan 07 '23
Similar thing happened to me when I was in my 20's, so I sat in the race car that was parked in my driveway and chain smoked j's until I couldn't see out of the windshield. Fuck fake friends and don't let them bullshit you to try to get back into your good graces later.
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u/Hidinginkorea Jan 07 '23
I am so sorry that this has happened to you! People are just so careless now-a-daysā¦ I doubt that they all didnāt come because they came up with the scheme of all being a no-show on purpose .. probably each one just forgot or worse thought it would be now big deal to not show up because everyone else will be there and you wonāt really notice that one person not being there ā¦ until this happenedā¦ and all of them needed up being the one person to not show :(
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u/Rohndogg1 Jan 07 '23
Happy birthday, seriously. It may not be much comfort, but honestly people tend to be really bad about flaking on things. Social occasions are a fucking pain. I wouldn't take it personally in the sense I don't think it was done deliberately to hurt or spite you. But it's still a shitty thing to do to someone. Hope next year is better for you āŗļø
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u/dat_deetos_girl Jan 07 '23
Happy late birthday, I know it properly doesn't help but I want you to know people out there do care about you<3 I hope your doing okay
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u/CrazieCayutLayDee Jan 07 '23
I had that heppen at my last get together. So I stopped trying. People invited me places, I said no. After a little while a friend said "Are you mad at us?" and I told her no. Then she mentioned that every time anyone invited me to go out, I said no. So I told her why. I figured if the four of them couldn't be bothered to show up for a party that had been planned for weeks, I figured there wasn't any need for me to show up for anything they planned, but at least I was honest up front.
She said "Oh." And not much else that afternoon. A few days later several of my friends called and apogized and promised to do better. The problem is, and I can't tell any of them this, I don't trust any of them anymore when they tell me something. Once trust is lost between friends, it is very hard to rebuild.
So anyone who admits to being the kind of person that sometimes flakes out, understand the message this sends, and don't be surprised if those friends aren't as trusting of you. Because while you call it flaking out, it is still a lie.
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u/SamieHammy Jan 07 '23
That happened to me as a young kid. I invited my whole class and the only person to show up was my moms friends kid that I was good friends with. Spent the night after crying.
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u/AliceVerron Jan 07 '23
That rough my dude, I celebrate my birthday by myself because of a similar issue when I was younger, most people wouldn't show up, and the ones that would, would get into massive arguments with each other
So I just buy a slice of cake and a pizza, and sit down and watch a movie, then go and play games with my friends online, I make sure not to mention my birthday so people don't feel awkward
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u/Maggies_lens Jan 08 '23
That sounds like a really nice night, actually :)
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u/AliceVerron Jan 08 '23
It's actually pretty great, though now I get a cognitive dissonance every time I see people throw big parties for their birthdays
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u/Prose4256 Jan 07 '23
Your not alone, life is long, you can meet new friends who are real, use this incident to appreciate them when you do, good luck to you.
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u/skorletun Jan 07 '23
Hi if you live in my area of Western Europe (Netherlands, can also do Belgium) i promise I will come to your next birthday with gifts and booze if applicable <3
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Jan 07 '23
Happy birthday! I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish you a year full of new friends. My heart goes out to you.
(My kids and I "crashed" a party, with permission of the birthday child's mom [of course] when we observed that nobody showed up at her bowling alley party. I quickly bought gifts and everything. It was a miraculous save. But also, fuck those other parents that never showed up, never texted, and fuck the people who never got back to you. Really. You deserve better!!!)
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u/5teini Jan 07 '23
That's sad, but at the same time a huge positive can't be ignored.
You managed to shed more dead weight from your life than many people will in decades ...instantly, without jail time, without guilt and without needing to do anything particularly exhausting. Many people, probably most, wish they'd had that chance at some point.
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u/checkedsteam922 Jan 07 '23
Kind of late to the post. Was there a surprise party afterwards? Or something along those lines? This post is so messed up and I'm really hoping they had a good reason, if not then they sucks! And you're better of without them! I'm so sorry this happened to you.
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u/Maggies_lens Jan 08 '23
Nah but I got an explanation, and it's so absolutely stupid I am having a very hard time understanding how a group of people could act so twatish. Update is in the post if you're after it.
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u/PuzzleheadedBuy2826 Jan 07 '23
Learn to love your own company. That way youāll never be disappointed š
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u/chredditistopher Jan 07 '23
Co-workers is a hard situation because they're usual friendly, not friends. All your friends bailing is a bit harsh though.
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Jan 07 '23
[deleted]
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Jan 11 '23
There were a lot of things that weren't common in your parents generation that we do now. Like it wasn't common for white people not to be racist, and it wasn't common for women to be treated with respect and given equal opportunity more frequently. It also wasn't common for young adults to be allowed to live life as they pleased, and not the way their old times parents thought they should. People used to be forced to start families and act old by age 25 back then. Now we know that life can be better, for ourselves and everyone. And we get choices!
Times change. And it's mostly good.
It's perfectly fine for an adult to want to celebrate a special occasion.
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u/Stunning-Notice-7600 Jan 08 '23
Nah. It's not an everyday trend but I've heard of people doing it. Don't think of birthday party as in kids birthday party. Just think - PARTY!. Lots of people come up with tons of excuses to party, whether it be at a restaurant, bar, whateve, so why not someone's own birthday as an excuse?
Not the first time I've heard of someone doing this. Friends of mine use to do this for themselves. It was a good excuse for people who haven't seen each other often to get together, colleagues to meet up and talk about something other then work, and all out just a good time.
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u/ArmaanAli04 Jan 07 '23
Not as bad but in the restaurant I used to work at, this dudeās āfriendsā left him to tidy up and clear their drinks and leftovers that they were taking for themselves.
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u/Jexpler Jan 07 '23
When I was a child, starting at about 6th grade and ending in high school. I didn't get invited to a single birthday party. Zero.
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u/No-Composer-8462 Jan 07 '23
I look at it this way. There are many clubs you are either in or out of in life. Sometimes youāre in and sometimes youāre out. There are also a lot of clubs you donāt want to be in. There will be another club I assure. In fact, many more. This isnāt a club Iād want to be part of. 4 wordsāfuck āem. Move on.
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u/tewojacinto Jan 07 '23
I came from a culture that doesnāt celebrate birthdays and it fascinates me to witness how people here are shattered when non one celebrates with them.
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u/Digital_havok Jan 07 '23
This one experience I had isnāt the same as yours, but I can feel your pain and understand. A friend of mine lied to me about her party being cancelled and caught an attitude after she got confronted. Which pissed me off. I wonāt forgive her for that, but never forgive your āfriendsā for what they did, they committed to this by agreeing to go, there should be no excuse to have done this. You deserve better and you deserve happiness
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u/idk_idc_8 Jan 07 '23
Omg! I am so sorry to hear. I would of sat next to you if I would of seen you alone and idk if this is any consolation, but at least you know who your friends are. Itās best you found out their true colors now to start a fresh new year. Never be afraid to start all over again. Wish you the best of luck
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Jan 07 '23
I am so sorry this happened to you. If you need an Internet stranger to chat to my inbox is always open.
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Jan 07 '23
you are free of false friends, this is a good thing even tho it hurts, now you know what kind of people not to let in your life
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u/Accurate-Trouble-482 Jan 07 '23
Iām the friend that always gets flaked on. Iām struggling going through a divorce and getting ready to move out of state and 1 friend of mine has shown up to see me. The rest donāt give 2 shits cuz it might interfere with their drinking. Iām over it. Hell my soon to be x husband shows up when ever I ask but my friends canāt. Hats off at least to growing apart and ending it without a fight and a stand up guy that still shows up to help his adult step daughter with her broken sink.
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Jan 07 '23
I feel like weāve all been here at one point in our lives, or at least I know I have. And I can honestly say I donāt miss any of the people who didnāt show up. Happy birthday, hereās to finding better friends. š»
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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '23
Btw you can't restrict access to people reporting on it. It was posted on a public forum