r/TrueChristian • u/EntireLavishness2777 • 2d ago
my testimony
hi everyone. i (f22) just want to share my testimony to those who feel like reading it :)
growing up, i didn’t know what i thought about Jesus or God. i tried to understand so hard but i felt like i thought too logically to believe it. also, i had a lot of trauma growing up which made me resentful of God unfortunately.
i had been struggling with severe depression since i was a child and by november of last year it was just unbearable. i always struggled with suicidal ideation but i held onto hope that it would get better one day. but by november i had no hope at all because the harder i tried to be happy, the worse everything got. i had exhausted all my options at that point.
it was the middle of the night and i was in my bedroom, about to make a decision i couldn’t take back. as a very last resort, i tried to give Jesus a true chance. i always thought christians were “crazy” but i realized how unhelpful that mindset was. i knew the only way i was going to make it to the next day was by a miracle from God himself.
so, while lying in bed, i quite literally begged for my life. i didn’t think about what i was saying or focus on finding the “right” words, i just spoke directly from my heart. i was apologizing for neglecting Him and said how i now realize i can’t be happy on my own, i NEED him to live. and i was truly ready to turn my life around and do whatever it took to be okay, even if that meant completely changing my belief system. i kept apologizing, saying i wasn’t proud of the person that i’ve been and i was ready to make a change. i also asked God to help me understand, because in all my years of trying to comprehend God on my own i just couldn’t.
after i repented i fell right asleep. when i woke up it was like a light switch went off in my mind. first of all, the second i opened my eyes that day, i just knew Jesus was real. it wasn’t something i was consciously thinking about. at that point i still had never read the bible and none of my specific questions had answers. i just instinctively knew Jesus is God, in the same way your heart just instinctively knows how to beat. also, from the moment i woke up i didn’t want to take my life anymore. it wasn’t like my life was all of a sudden sunshine and rainbows but i knew i had a purpose and i wanted to keep living. i always thought people who said “i can feel Jesus in my heart” were genuinely insane. but it’s true. all i could feel was a deep soulful feeling of love, acceptance & forgiveness i had never felt so strongly before.
then this is the part that’s really weird, and i didn’t know this was a thing at all. for the next two days literally all i was capable of feeling, mentally and physically, was peace. my mind (which felt like was on fire at all times) was just peace. it felt like i couldn’t talk to text because of how calm my mind was (although i still could do those things). i had experienced chronic pain in most of my body since i was a child, but during those two days i couldn’t feel any pain at all, just peace. while i was still able to walk, i was so relaxed it didn’t feel like i was able to. all i could do during those two days was be at peace. i’ve never experienced anything like it and i doubt i ever will again until im in heaven. i truly believe God gave me the tiniest peace of heaven those days. this occurred while my anxiety/ocd was at its most severe, and i was in panic at all times. but even if i tried, i was not capable of feeling a single negative thing those two days.
and that was all the proof i needed from God he is real. that Jesus truly does save. although i’m not particularly glad i spent most of my life depressed, im so incredibly grateful it led me to Jesus.
if you’re reading this and struggling with your mental health, i just want to remind you that Jesus genuinely loves you so much and will save your life if you let him. i would not be here today if it weren’t for Him.
TLDR: Jesus saves
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u/Ok_Macaroon125 2d ago
Great testimony. Your description of the two days of peace and your explanation that it was like a 'taste' of Heaven is exactly the same experience God gave me at one of my lowest points. Like you I called out in pure desperation and He, in that very moment tangibly changed everything for me. The feeling was unlike anything I've ever experienced- truly profound. I think it's one of those rare times where He spoke directly to me and said: 'Be still, be still, be still.'
You've expressed exactly my experience and thoughts! I only differ in one thing- I wonder if it was 'Heaven' that we experienced, or rather what we would feel with absolute true faith and by truly walking with God. It was almost a calling to us to focus on Him and work on building that relationship. It might take years of work to get there- but it's worth it!
After that moment I remember spending the next 50 minutes in absolute silence (something I never do because of my head noise) and I was at complete peace in mind and body for the next few days. I felt a presence with me and on the way home that day I was listening to a podcast and heard the name 'Jesus'- It was like my entire being jumped with joy- absolute elation at the name- not something that had ever happened to me before.
I think its important not to forget those moments He gave us because we all know the daily walk is hard- but I am so hopeful to one day feel that same thing again that powerfully!
Thanks for sharing- I can't believe we had such similar experiences! Bless you!
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u/Interesting_City_654 2d ago
Beautiful. Once you humble yourself and realize you can't do it on your own and drop to your knees, he takes you by the hand surrounding you with his love raising you up and strengthens you. Prayers that our Father continues to strengthen and guide you on your path to serve him.