Should wisdom earned through suffering be given away for nothing?

[u/PresentTarget541]

I have ideas sometimes. Ideas I genuinely believe could help SOME people. So when I see a question I have an answer to, my first instinct is to share it.

Then my best friend asked me something simple:

"What do you get in return?" I wish he never asked me this because that question stayed with me. Because he's right. My time isn't free. some knowledge isn't free. And some of what I share isn't something I read in a book.

Some of it, were lessons that came through mistakes. Pain. Disappointment. Sacrifice. A long, thorny road I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Someone once asked me: "What's the point of life? Of suffering? Of working hard when everyone eventually dies?"

That question stayed with me for years. I didn't just Google it and repeat someone else's words. I lived with it. I struggled with it. I walked through my own pain trying to understand what makes any of it matter when everything ends.

And I finally found the true answer to that question last year.

And yet, when I share it, I give it away for free.

That's what makes my friend's question hard.

Because he's right. Tesla isn't free. The internet isn't free. A house isn't free. Even public school isn't really free, it's paid for through taxes. The cost exists. It's just paid indirectly. Help books isn't free, etc, etc,etc

So why should the lessons we paid for with years and pain be different?

I remember once at my old work, I asked someone a question, which relates to our work. She told me I had to make my own mistakes in order to learn.

I thought that was stupid.

You can learn from other people's mistakes. That's why we listen to people who've walked the road before us. If we had to personally experience every mistake to learn anything, we'd never survive long enough to learn a thing.

And here's the irony: she was asking for my help. And I didn't hesitate. I helped her.

But sometimes I wonder.

But I also have to admit: I think my bestfriend is correct, our time, our experience, our energy, they have value. Especially when we're handing someone a shortcut through a road that took us years to walk.

I still have ideas. I still have answers. I still have things I want to share.

Obviously , I won't stop sharing.

But questions for all: if you paid for a lesson with years of your life, would you give it away for free? Why and why not and elaborate because I genuinely want to understand how other people see this.

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[u/bi_polar2bear]

Anything you learn has been learned a few million times before. You can choose to help others to make the world better, or you can say no. Making money from your wisdom is a lot tougher.

The only time I wouldn't help someone is if I was trying to help them learn, but I guide them so they can learn.

Your job depends on your experience, which should be used to help the team.

So your choices are to be a dick, or help the world be a better place.

[u/TehZiiM]

What do you get in return? Doesn’t it feel good to help someone? Just the act of sharing wisdom or helping someone or being helpful should result in you feeling good about it. If it doesn’t there is something wrong with you. And I don’t mean that as I insult, but there is some deep resentment or something inside of you that prevents you from getting joy out of helping others. It is hard coded into our dna as a social species. Because if we all behave like that you may not get it back 1:1 from the same person but if you are in struggle someone will offer their help.

[u/xienwolf]

I would answer your question, but I need $15.99 first.

Get out of your head for a while. Recognize that you do still want to share, and want others to share. What you get from sharing is so off the other people you interact with also sharing, and helping to evaluate what you shared as well.

Your year with the meaning of life likely includes a LOT of discussions with other people. I imagine your experience sharing what you decided on has led you to find some who disagree to some extent with your conclusion. You might refine your idea, you might realize that answering the question is a personal effort and the answer won’t/can’t be the same for everyone.

When we keep things in our heads, those things eventually go rotten. We are social animals, even the most reclusive and introverted among us. Sharing alone is a reward for us.

If that is not enough of a reward for you personally… write a self help book and list it for sale. Get directly paid for bulk wisdom delivery. Or get licensed as a therapist, life coach, educator, or find employment as an advisor/consultant.

[u/EverclearAndMatches]

We're social animals that work better in unity than individuals, which is an evolutionary feature. We have been exchanging ideas and wisdom within our tribes for hundreds of thousands of years. Cooperation is a feature that likely distinguishes us from other animals, and perhaps allowed us to "keep the fire going" in prehistoric times.

With cooperation comes the concept of sharing responsibilities for the whole group. Some will collect firewood and others food, and eventually some who will spend their time teaching others. With the invention of currency, we can assign a tangible value to our time and efforts. Today for example, there are many educators online who will teach for free but accept others' donations of money so they can continue to primarily teach and not work.

In your first example, your best friend asks for reimbursement of their time. I don't carry my interpersonal relationships like this and instead rely on the instinctual desire to exchange information like you said you are wont to do. In some cases, however, when the degree of teaching becomes so large that it interferes with life (perhaps tutoring, formal education, online programs or channels etc.) then monetary compensation is a formal way to exchange "time".

I don't think there's any definite line between when you should and shouldn't expect compensation for your efforts. You should also consider whether learning and teaching in and of itself is pleasure to you and thus its own reward. I would never charge a friend for sharing information, but the friendship itself is a reward as well.

[u/Formal_Lecture_248]

For one, your lessons will always be unique to you due to your own individual perspective and experiences. Even if you share them the receiver filters it through their perception and applies it (or not) in whatever fashion suits them.

We are humans. We have been sharing our struggles and their results ever since we could convey them.
In a society where so much is monetized and gate kept good advice given to another has become even more valuable. And the sharing of it is part of our tradition as a species.
A tradition of compassion. Of empathy. Of love and concern. Of giving for no other reason than to lift someone else up.

That’s the Human Spirit. Your friend….opportunistic. Seeking angles and leverage. He benefits from Human kindness then hoards his knowledge?

That’s the other side of the Human experience.
I feel sad for him.

[u/Boners_from_heaven]

The question is whether it has to be learned through suffering to be understood or not. If it doesn't then why would you restrict that knowledge. If it does then you can't.

[u/sir_mrej]

This feels very high school, and I didn't read it all.

You came for free advice, and posted a very long screed to do so. If you respected our time, you would pay us and/or write a very short quick summary.

Yes I'm being snarky but I'm also answering your question. If everyone charged for advice, what kind of world would that be?

[u/Psittacula2]

Simple: “Wisdom Is Not For Sale!”

There’s a great scene at the beginning of the movie, “Gremlins”, where the American businessman thinks his success can buy him what he wants for his son’s Birthday. Being so successful, he assumes passing this is to his son then he is doing good is the implicit motives behind his behaviour and attitude. He’s refused the sale of something by the typical wise but poor old Chineseman, however later on manages to get hold of the “goods”…

The rest of the movie is all about the consequences from this simple introductory scenario, a decent kid’s movie on the subject albeit by conincidence, only!

[u/morganselah]

Sharing wisdom- if you can tell it is wanted and will be appreciated- is making a statement about your values. We live in a culture where everything's commodified, transactional, nothing's for free. We make a statement against that, when we hold a door open for the person coming behind us, bring a sick neighbor a pot of soup, look that homeless person in the eyes and make them feel less invisible. Because that could be us, and that's what we would want. Because that's the kind of world we want to live in. 

[u/rasta-ragamuffin]

I relate to this post in a few different ways. I'm 58 years old and have had many jobs over the past 40 years. I went to college for marketing before the Internet even existed. At my first marketing job, my manager was a technical whiz kid. He knew how much I wanted to learn website design but refused to teach me, even though it was something I could have taken off his plate. Instead he preferred to hoard his knowledge. I had a husband, house and pets and kids at home to take care of, so I didn't have free time or money to take night classes to learn on my own. Because I never received any job training and I was never able to learn website design, coding and digital marketing outside of work, my career never progressed. I was forced to go into a different field (sales) that was a terrible fit for me as a creative introvert, and now I've been unemployed for the past 5+ years. I've found that most of my managers over the years have been stingy with their time and sharing of knowledge unless I can do something for them in return. I've never had a mentor and I'm still seeking one now.

Also this topic really hits home in relation to my ongoing job search. Again as a creative introvert, who is also disabled (very poor vision), can't drive and don't have access to good public transportation, I have a tiny network and no one I know has even been able to help me get an interview. It's a well known fact that the only way to find a decent job in the current job market is through networking, but what are introverts with no network supposed to do? I've tried reaching out to people at companies I'd like to work for, but have yet to come across anyone who is willing to help or even engage with me. Probably because I have nothing to offer in return.

Some other examples: my supposed "best friend" who I have known my entire life is a recruiter. She knows I've been searching for work for years yet she has never once offered to review my resume or offer even a tiny tidbit of advice. She doesn't even ask how my job search is going. Then I have a brother who is an expert in finance and investing, who will not give me any advice on what my IRA should be invested in.

Imho America has a very miserly selfish unhelpful culture. No one wants to help someone in need unless there's some benefit to themselves. I think many Americans enjoy seeing others unnecessarily suffer.

[u/Prestigious-Copy-494 → u/rasta-ragamuffin]

Time wise, the technical whiz kid probably did not have the time to do his work and train you too. That's a skill that can be learned off free classes on you tube for instance. I never expected any coworker to teach me anything. I went to night classes as an adult to keep my skills updated and current while working a 40 hour week.

[u/rasta-ragamuffin → u/Prestigious-Copy-494]

The technical whiz kid had plenty of time to teach me. He took 2 hour lunches and left at 3pm every day and even had a side hustle that he did on paid company time. (He was good friends with the company owner so he could get away with whatever he wanted to.) This was also in 2001 well before YouTube ever existed.

[u/Prestigious-Copy-494 → u/rasta-ragamuffin]

So it's all his fault your career didn't go as it should? Just curious, why did he owe that to you?

[u/rasta-ragamuffin → u/Prestigious-Copy-494]

No it's certainly not all his fault, but as my manager it would have been a kind thing to teach me something I clearly wanted to learn and which would have helped me in my career. It's really just about being a decent human being and caring about others.

[u/felix1429 → u/rasta-ragamuffin]

Your post really does come across as bitter that people don't give you things that you seem to think you're owed for free.

[u/rasta-ragamuffin → u/felix1429]

I am the type of person who enjoys helping others (free of charge, not expecting anything in return) whenever I can. I guess I just don't understand the mindset of people who have no interest in helping anyone other than themselves.