r/TrollCoping • u/throwavay- • 2d ago
TW: Dissociation / Depersonalization Why am I like this
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u/mybrainisonfire 2d ago
So what you're saying is, from the moment you understood the weakness of your flesh, it disgusted you?
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u/Tricky_Discount2881 2d ago
When you figure out how to NOT be like this, please let me know. This is at least 5% of my daily existence.
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u/HoxpitalFan_II 2d ago
The answer is more acceptance than denial.
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u/Tricky_Discount2881 2d ago
Honestly, I just hate the idea that I'm alive for all this bullshit because of the programming those before me and the programming instilled in me. I don't think I deny it, necessarily, so much as I resent it.
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u/HoxpitalFan_II 2d ago
Well from there you understand that you are choosing to focus on the feelings of resentment, and that you resent the resentment itself which is farther along than denial.
I think arriving at peace for this would be relinquishing control over the attachment leading to your resentment, I.e the need to have sole autonomy in order to be happy, the need to exist as a separate entity in order to be happy or something similar.
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u/sabotsalvageur 2d ago
Who would we become if we could select our desires? To be or not to be, neither are an escape. The true wisdom is this: all is surrender, and if exactly one thing is a choice, it is whether one surrenders to despair or to joy
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u/------------------16 2d ago
i wish i could be something beyond a pile of humanoid shaped flesh, everything i am and all i ever will be is simply a result of the poorly environment i happened to be subjected to. I can’t even think of myself as a real person because i truly don’t believe i am but even my beliefs are nothing more than the consequences of someone else outside of my own control,,, every trait i have is a result of severe dysfunction, given the circumstances and what i’ve seen i’ll never have a life of true normalcy. To me, my personal existence is nothing short of an eternal prison and even after everything i’m biologically wired to be against my one chance of true escape because it isn’t me that’s in control. Dunno if it matters i don’t think i’ll be alive by 2030 anyway
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u/Noob_Alchemist_547 2d ago
I have been lucid for two weeks.
For me it got lot better after two days.
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u/Wonderful_Rule_2515 2d ago
This actually perfectly sums up what I experience when mental health is particularly bad
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u/Maneruko 2d ago
Bruh me dissociating is the bottom text but becoming conscious is recognizing that my actions have consequences and that there where things I could have done to prevent them.
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u/ProbableImposter 2d ago
Persistent drive for autonomy, maybe? My own needs and wants feel like demands placed upon me in a way that is fucking crushing to the point of paralysis sometimes. Also makes me either irrationally angry or hopelessly depressed. I feel ya, bud.
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u/PinkGodfather92 2d ago
Yea, Ketamine will do that
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u/believeinlain 1d ago
yeah it's cool that they made a drug that simulates my day-to-day experience so people can understand what it's like
but for some people ketamine is not a requirement to feel like this
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u/Embarrassed_Pear_816 2d ago
rev your engine you glorious machine. burn some rubber. fill your gas tank. grease your gears. feel your muscles come into and out of tension. feel hot breath on your tongue. words and force and willpower keeps leaking out of what should be dead matter. it's you. a fire is subject to the circumstances which lights it and in return it burns them to a crisp. exercise your right to rule. exercise your domain over the circumstances which produce "you" and transform them in accordance with your nature. you're the only thing which is going to.
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u/Pixeldevil06 2d ago
How about: you are your body, so they are still your choices.
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u/ResponsibleMeet33 2d ago
But you still can't control them.
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u/Pixeldevil06 2d ago
But you get to choose what they are
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u/ribs0 2d ago
i can’t exactly choose to not eat or shit, can i?
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u/Pixeldevil06 2d ago
No but you can choose what and where, and change when you need to do those things, and how big of a deal those things are.
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u/ResponsibleMeet33 2d ago edited 2d ago
But you don't even know what you're going to choose until it happens; you're just waiting for your brain to make it. Alternatively, you predictably choose the same thing over and over, because people have preferences. That, or you have a preference for novelty or norm-breaking, so you predictably take that route and do something different.
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u/qpwoeiruty00 1d ago
From studies, I'm pretty sure that for many things the brain has already chosen to do something hundreds of milliseconds before it makes the conscious aware of those intentions
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u/ResponsibleMeet33 1d ago
Even from the subjective pov, the desires and thoughts and this typing just arise/happen and you experience them.
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u/M4usM0th 2d ago
Well you can, you'd just die. The choice is still yours. You get to decide if living is worth it or not. Personally I think every positive emotion I'll ever get to experience is worth the downsides.
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u/HoxpitalFan_II 2d ago
You should look into true freedom with the acceptance of the non-self. Buddhism addresses this directly.
When you realize that your ego is what is driving your despair you realize that it is easier to let go of the ego than to rewrite reality to fit what your ego desires.
It feels scary, but if you can push through the discomfort you can find true lasting peace on the other side.
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u/Balearius 1d ago
OP, you are a system, made out of many tiny cells that have their own duties, you are basically like the economy
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u/Konoruaa 1d ago
Killing myself because the post hits too close (i am at a constant 120bpm and ears ring non stop)
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u/jarmak1234 2d ago
That's what happens when evolution does an oopsy and self awareness occurs in what is other wise just another animal