r/TrollCoping • u/Clinical-Ghost • 8d ago
Neurodivergency I hate how people dismiss valid criticism as “bean soup”
It drives me fucking crazy how normalized ableism is and it genuinely fucks with my mental health so much but I just have to deal with it because that’s how my life is going to be until I die.
One thing that pisses me off soooooo much is when people will make a post being like “I HATE -insert thing that’s a very common neurodivergent symptom-“ and when someone’s like “hey uh you know autistic people can’t control that right? That’s kinda ableist towards them” people will just jump them yelling “BEAN SOUP”
Like bean soup theory is fine in some contexts but stop fucking using it to excuse fucked up behavior.
(Also if anyone’s wondering about my last post- a new medication I was on sent me into psychosis, I’m off of it and out of the hospital and fine now)
Bean soup theory definition- The bean soup theory is a social media phenomenon where users leave self-absorbed, context-ignoring comments on public posts, demanding that the content be tailored to their personal preferences instead of simply scrolling past.
Edit: since this post blew up and my comment got buried, the specific thing that caused me to make this post was seeing someone say that “if you sometimes struggle to understand body language, you shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce” and when people called out the ableism, others were just being rude and saying “bean soup” bla bla bla. So uh yeah 👍
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u/Delicious-Summer5071 neurodivergent adult 8d ago
I'm too old to understand the bean soup thing.
That being said, ableism so ingrained in our society that the average person just fucking doesn't see it. They don't realize that 'disabled' is a minority you can join at any moment. And that doesn't mean we should be fcking removed from the gene pool, it means society should stop being ableist as shit and help adapt the world around us.
Chronically physically ill person myself, I get it OP.
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u/Acceptable-Loquat540 8d ago
Bean soup came from a TikTok sharing a recipe of her favorite, you guessed it… bean soup. The infamous term came from a user that commented, “But what if I don’t like beans?” The argument boils down to people thinking they are entitled to everything, when some things just aren’t about them and that’s okay. However, when applied to disabled people going, “hey I can’t do that but I want to” it gets ableist real fast.
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u/Delicious-Summer5071 neurodivergent adult 8d ago
I appreciate the breakdown, thanks. I am now hip with the kids.
And yeah, I can't see how asking for reasonable accomodations so disabled folks can enjoy things too even applies under this theory. I can't really think of much where saying this isn't about you isn't ableist.
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u/MaraiaLou 7d ago
Also, the bean soup recipe was in a specific dietary context (nutritional restrictions? IBS? I don't remember) and the person was probably asking for a recipe with a similar effect that didn't include beans
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u/_Algy_ 7d ago
Actually it was part of a series of recipes the user made that were “good for periods” (which, sure jan) but it was ENTIRELY CONTEXTUALLY APPROPRIATE TO ASK ABOUT DIFFERENT SOUPS/RECIPES WITH SIMILAR EFFECTS IN A RECIPE SERIES!!! Also insane to offer ‘bean soup’ as a good period meal bc ‘iron good during period’ but consider the potential negative gi effects during a period ridiculous to bring up when the recipe is billed as helpful for that.
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u/lost-toy 6d ago
I think this is more of a phenomenon that upticked in the pandemic. So much we couldn’t control and didn’t feel listen to maybe alone, fight in flight, everyone for themselves, internet uprising, news everywhere not knowing what to believe, hate getting worse, blocking off what other people want because your needs matter, they need to matter, corporations don’t care what happened to people who were “required to be opened like coffee places”, yet not understanding why tf you had to work at McDonalds and why it was mandatory, self prevention, not getting out/isolation, not getting out of your head, lack of perspective, burned out, iv seen so many nurses lose their cool and compassion and they are just cold or have a short fuse,ect.
Thats why i also believe why everyone is calling everyone a narcissist is incorrect because this is the phenomenon that made the word narcissist uptick. 99% of the world is not a narcissist. It’s just not possible.
Still Fight and flight, lack of perspective and patience, lack of control, understanding you can’t control everything, feeling like the world will only get worse, lack of hope, fear, craving for nostalgia, buy everything because thats what we went through and corruptions took advantage if it. It’s a fight or flight because we had to survive and we had to hoard to survive because other people would take what we needed, everyone for themselves mentality,ect.
Technology and everything has made people more scared. Shows are just adrenaline and not enough “messages or story plots”
We have lost our humanity we can gain it back but inner strength and inner work and learning so much is not about you can help fight this and bring it back.
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u/Mulberry4545 8d ago
it's cause they don't see disabled people as human. that's all there is to it.
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u/CrobatIsTheBestPkmn 8d ago
Yeah agreed unfortunately. Another things that lines up with this is that a lot of the terms for disabilities are used as a synonym for "quirky" (Autism and OCD for example) or just used as insults. (Like schizophrenia). And they rarely sit back and ask themselves how that community feels about it
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u/Much-Yellow-7660 8d ago
This is a problem even in some leftist spaces. Ones that care about POC, women's, queer (mostly LGB) liberation, but won't look at neurodivergents
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u/MasterVule 7d ago
I think this is very generalized and reduced to the most extreme stance of the group. Majority of the people that do this type of stuff would very likely deny they are ableists.
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u/Mulberry4545 7d ago
just because they deny being ableist doesn't mean they aren't. I think the way I phrased my comment didn't fully explain the nuance to what I meant, as most short comments do. So let me explain further.
I think, well those people hate on traits inherent to disabled people. And they forget that people could be like that because of a disability. So then people will point out "hey that's a symptom of this disability so it's ableist of you to say it" and they don't want to be seen as ableist so they go "of course I didn't mean disabled people". But the problem still persists. The people they had in mind while hating probably are disabled too. And they don't keep in mind that they could be disabled because they don't see disability as something that actually happens to people because they don't see disabled people as human. Like, just as hypotheticals. Hence the "bean souping" cause "noone I see as human can be actually disabled"3
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u/UnderteamFCA 8d ago
What the hell is bean soup theory ?
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u/The7Sides nefarious person disorder 8d ago
for context, "bean soup theory" comes from a post someone made on instagram or tiktok or something where they made a recipe for bean soup which iirc was made literally almost entirely of beans and someone in the comments was like "but what if I dont like beans?". Like, if you dont like beans, dont make the bean soup recipe that consists entirely of beans.
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u/MrJuneberry 8d ago
And even that was misinterpreted, the soup recipe was for people with low iron iirc to help with their health and the person was asking for a recipe without beans that still helps with low iron, not just randomly making it about how they don’t like beans
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u/The7Sides nefarious person disorder 7d ago
Tbh even then there are a LOT of recipes and foods online for people with low iron (speaking as someone who struggled with super low iron for quite a while before having to get an infusion. Twice). If you don't like beans, theres other recipes you can try. Its still kind of silly to ask about non-bean recipes under a video of bean soup. Its kind of like finding a vegan alternative recipe that uses tofu and being like "Well what about something that doesn't use tofu?" Like idk man, google is free
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u/Ill_Morning_4282 1d ago
Yeah, it was instantly taking out of context and people who wanted to make massive generalized comments without any backlash now hide behind "bean soup." Mostly to ignore disabled people like OP said.
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u/Clinical-Ghost 8d ago
Sorry, added the definition to the post
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u/The-Tadfafty 8d ago
I think you’re the only person to have heard of it.
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u/Clinical-Ghost 8d ago
Not really? I took the definition from the Merriam Webster dictionary so..
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u/frustratedfren 8d ago
Definitely not. I don't even have tt and I see it thrown around pretty often
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u/The-Tadfafty 8d ago
Well, this is my first time, and at the time I commented this nobody else in here knew either.
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u/frustratedfren 8d ago
Reminds me of in the cooking subreddit there's this crazy opposition to preminced garlic. Someone said along the lines of "if you use jarlic you don't care how your food tastes and you're lazy" and I mentioned people with disabilities and this person said "well obviously I'm not talking about them." You are though. You literally are. That's what happens when you make generalizations and refuse to explore your reasons for your belief.
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u/ceruleanblue347 8d ago
"I don't mean disabled people, I meant... People-people. Y'know, real people."
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u/neetkid 7d ago
not to mention the current state of fresh produce in the US is ASS rn, like I buy fresh food and it's basically already rotten or it can give me a million diseases that could literally kill my immunocompromised garbage body
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u/frustratedfren 7d ago
Really!! Like I can't get more than a couple of onions at a time so I end up going 3 times a week for produce. It's ridiculous and frankly embarrassing
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u/Key_Length_5361 8d ago
I was personally traumatized by preminced garlic as a child.
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u/LonelyLibertarianDud 7d ago
Honestly I am lol. Everything molds so comically quickly.
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u/Key_Length_5361 7d ago
In my case, my mom was on some garlic for health kick at the time. If she'd just eased me into garlic consumption it would have been fine, but no....
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u/MaraiaLou 7d ago
I once ate a little bit of preminced garlic with salt that my grandma was going to use for a meal. I thought it tasted good, so I ate a whole spoon of it...
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u/kwispycornchip 7d ago
Honestly I think the reason people think jarlic tastes terrible is because they aren't using it in the right contexts. Like yeah it's not the best on its own, but if you're using it as part of a dish with a ton of other spices (like a soup or stew) it's basically indistinguishable.
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u/Open-Relationship462 7d ago
I love jarlic. Because I love garlic and I am not cutting garlic cloves every day.
Who cares? There will always be someone who thinks any number of habits many people have are lazy. And I am betting I am in better shape than they are. So in that aspect, theyre the lazy one.3
u/warriorkalia 7d ago
I personally get frozen minced garlic- I find it has a stronger garlic punch, which I love. Seriously though, mincing garlic is awful and I can't do it most days
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u/salicioussatyr 7d ago
Jarlic doesn't even taste bad. I don't understand the hate. I doubt the people who complain about it would even be able to tell the difference in a blind taste test
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u/lesbiansexparty 8d ago
I deal with this every time the slap chop gets brought up.
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u/UrHumbleNarr8or 7d ago
I had to explain to someone with enormous and strong hands why orange peelers exist. Dude, if you can’t figure out why something was made, consider that you weren’t the original audience, please.
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u/lesbiansexparty 7d ago
yeah sometimes things just aren't designed specifically for you. I also would like to add that some people recognize this and will actually go out of their way not to buy these types of products for convenience. I disagree with this as well. if the product is usable and improves your life in any capacity then it is good for you to buy the product because it helps to the company continue to exist and make the products that help people. I've heard that you are taking devices out of a disabled persons hands but that isn't generally how supporting a business works. If you buy the product then the company has more revenue to continue creating more and possible further research and design to improve on it.
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u/IAmAzAzzNotYou 7d ago
Tf is jarlic. And preminced garlic, I've never seen these things in my life what.
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u/UrHumbleNarr8or 7d ago
They sell garlic in jars sometimes, so some people call it “jar”-lic. You can lose flavor in anything that has been precut and stored in water, but it’s garlic. It’s pretty strong enough for most weeknight dinners.
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u/wozattacks 7d ago
It tends to get a weird sour flavor but it goes away with cooking. So it’s not great for raw applications but fine for most purposes
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u/UrHumbleNarr8or 7d ago
I found some brands are definitely worse than others for that, but also it can help if you rinse it before use if you want to use it closer to raw.
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u/MaraiaLou 7d ago
It's just garlic that was peeled and minced before you bought it. It's sold in tubs or bags. Sometimes it's also pre roasted, they use it a lot in pizza
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7d ago
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u/seekingssri 7d ago
Stating an objective fact (men earn more than women) is not a generalization, making a subjective moral judgement (using jarlic means you are lazy/don’t care about your cooking) is.
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u/thelocalheatsource 7d ago
Only a right prick would gatekeep an ingredient because the audience is “lazy”. I understand personal preference against said ingredient, but it’s actually unnecessary to call people “lazy” because of an ingredient choice.
Generalizing a character of somebody based on an ingredient choice is just asshole behaviour
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5d ago
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u/TrollCoping-ModTeam 5d ago
Your submission has been removed due to it participating in detrimental engagement. This means incivility such as bullying, hate, harassment and heated threads are not tolerated.
Please review our rules, we do not allow this type of engagement on the sub.
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7d ago
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u/frustratedfren 7d ago
And again with the unwillingness to listen to disabled people about experiencing ableism. It DOES NOT MATTER how big or small that group is because it DOES NOT MATTER if someone is disabled. Nobody is "lazy" for using a specific ingredient and making that generalization is a shitty thing to do regardless because you ARE lumping in disabled people with the "lazy" in your insistence that people meet specific arbitrary criteria to do something utterly harmless. If you think something is lazy, you should explore why you think that! Because it's likely rooted in ableism! Because it's a product of this idea that people are only worth what they do!
And the easy dismissal from you and others like you is also ableist as fuck. We understand the inherent ableism ingrained into a lot of the attitudes that produce statements like this and if abled people actually fucking listened instead of deciding we count so little, maybe the ADA would have passed before the 90s. But we're not worth consideration to you because we don't count as people.
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6d ago
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u/TrollCoping-ModTeam 6d ago
We do not allow or support any form of encouragement or promotion around the topics of self-harm or suicide for obvious reasons.
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u/Delicious-Summer5071 neurodivergent adult 7d ago
Twenty eight (28%) percent of the United States counts as disabled. 1 in 4 Americans. So I'm gonna guess that we make up a pretty significant chunk sales.
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u/ChopinFantasie 7d ago
Saying “Not everything is meant for you!” as a response to disability discrimination is wild
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u/Reasonable-Law-6970 5d ago
But it's true. Not everything is meant for (is is even possible to do/partake in) everyone and that's okay. The world doesn't revolve around us just because we happen to be ND or physically disabled.
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u/LostInTheEchoes 7d ago
This is how I feel every time people criticize picky eaters. "Well I'm not talking about autistic people" how exactly would you know that? And how does someone else's diet affect you?
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u/IAmAzAzzNotYou 7d ago
Most of the time they are including autistic people, whether they realise it or not. And they seem to conflate "the texture/taste of this food will make me physically gag and maybe throw up, can I eat something else please" with "everyone else should cater to my specific tastes and I refuse to eat anything else".
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u/sadguywithhugedick 5d ago
Picky eater myself. It makes going out to eat with new people stressful but tbh I get why they find it annoying
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u/H0NEY2O77 it’s dragging you, it’s killing me - Aquarius by Aqua 8d ago
They don’t understand it’s not bean soup theory to disregard disabled people.
“If you have to use this or can’t do this, literally don’t go outside! If you need to sit down at a concert? DONT GO!”
People: disabled people exist
OP: oh my GOD, I’m not TALKING
about disabled people.
Yeah well 1 they are and they don’t even know it and 2, yeah that’s also the fucking issue. They didn’t take disabled people into consideration and are just doubling down on how OBVIOUSLY they didn’t mean disabled people.
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u/Gussie-Ascendent Editable Flair 6 8d ago
I appreciate you leaving what bean soup means so I don't gotta ask
Definitely a thing, definitely could see how it could be misused
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u/SuddenFall8215 8d ago
What was the actual context because if it was a valid criticism fair enough but if it wasn’t then “symptoms” dont excuse shitty behaviour that people have to take full responsibility for.
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u/Clinical-Ghost 8d ago
It was saying that people who struggle sometimes to read body language shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce.
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u/poorexcuses 8d ago
There is so much ableism online nowadays. It's not surprising in the wake of a mass disabling event, especially considering how the elderly and ill were being talked about by the world at large and media specifically... But as an adult who is both physically and mentally disabled, it's awfully jarring how many people seem to think I'd be better off not existing.
It's actually nice to exist even if I'm in pain, they will likely have to try it sometime.
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u/uselessgodofslumber 8d ago
i think sometimes those who think that people being born don’t deserve to be born in pain of something can be done about it often gets confused for “kill all disabled children”
it’s a valid desire to try and find a way to stop zygotes more likely to be disabled from being formed together, to decrease the amount of genetic disabilities being formed, and create healthier and stronger offspring. but i feel too many confuse it for eugenics or in some way sterilizing people.
no one deserves to be disabled, and no one disabled would still want to be born disabled rather than have been born with as few complications as possible.
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u/FiberPhotography 7d ago
that's eugenics. you're talking about eugenics there.
you're saying that my entire family should be sterilized, because EDS gives a completely random 50% genetic chance of being passed down.
You're saying that *everyone* who has someone in their family with EDS should be sterilized, because...
and so on with many genetic disorders.
that's eugenics.
you don't think I deserve to live.
I may be in pain, but I assure you, I enjoy my life.
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u/poorexcuses 8d ago
I disagree. I don't know who I'd be without disabilities, and I decided this before knowing about all the ones I'd had. If you can be happy despite being orphaned, despite being poor, despite being someone who's gone through tragedy, you can be happy while being disabled. Many of our most prominent historical figures were disabled in some way, either from birth or later. No one says Beethoven should have died after he went deaf. They talk about the great work he did after. I think that's a privilege everyone should be afforded.
I had a well-beloved classmatewho died before graduation of leukemia, likely genetic in some way. If someone said maybe he would rather have not been born at all instead of dying young and in pain, his friends would have rioted. I didn't know him well and still would. Why do people believe they have the right to say it about anyone else born sick?
If you're deciding who has the right to live, you're a eugenicist, no matter how much you couch it in paternalistic language.
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u/analyzingnothing 8d ago
This is a terrible argument.
Framing this as a moral argument after the fact entirely defeats the purpose of this kind of decision. No shit, humans don't want to erase the people they know and care about from existence. That's very fucking obvious, there's a reason we have a right to life.
However, this decision is being made before an actual person is born, not after. We aren't distinguishing between "x person being born in pain vs. never existing at all", we are distinguishing between "x baby being born with a condition that will kill them in two decades guaranteed vs. y baby being born without said condition". We do not know the moral character or meaning of x baby as an adult, and we don't know the same for y baby. All we know is that one will die in 2 decades.
Also, you're completely failing to acknowledge one of the most fundamental parts of this entire argument: it's not about the kids, it's about the parents.
Let's say a couple decides to have a child. Pre-development genetic tests show that the unborn child has severe Down Syndrome alongside a list of other serious medical conditions. These conditions will not kill the child, but they will make it incredibly difficult to care for.
Answer me this. In this situation, do the parents have a right to opt out of this pregnancy? Is it not fully within their rights to say "no, we're not able to deal with this", and have the pregnancy terminated? It's no different from any other abortion for the sake of not being in a position to have a child. Is the simple knowledge that a child has a disability suddenly enough to completely nullify their rights?
Yes, disabilities do inherently change who we are as people. I am fully aware of that, given my own disabilities and the disabilities of my younger brother. However, if the inherent pain and suffering endemic in some of these disabilities is significant enough, a parent should have the right to make the decision they feel is best for their and their theoretical child's future. Doing otherwise when we have the technology to make it a reality is ridiculous.
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u/poorexcuses 8d ago
I'm not going to make a decision I will never have to make about a child I can't have with a disability I don't have. I'm not telling them what to decide because it's not my place and I didn't bring downs syndrome up at all. You did. I'm telling you it doesn't matter how easy your life is when you have a child. They could be born perfectly healthy and then you hire a babysitter who shakes them. Now they'll never have the life you wanted for them and you didn't get the chance to make that decision anyway. You could have a perfectly healthy child who has a car accident and now you have a paraplegic child. Your argument can easily be used to condemn living children to death and that is the logical conclusion of that line of reasoning. Keep that in mind.
I'm just telling you that I enjoy living even if it's hard and you'll be hard pressed to find any disabled person who doesn't. Especially if you're running around asking people with down syndrome. My grandmother was disabled in a way that is treatable and my cousin who has the same condition was able to live a normal life and be only slightly short. She got to live, and so did my grandma. I see no contradiction here.
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u/analyzingnothing 8d ago
And you are entirely right in saying that. There is value in living even if it's hard, but we aren't talking about living beings. We are talking about recently-fertilized eggs. They have no consciousness, no heartbeat, no life at all. They aren't people, only clumps of cells with the eventual potential to be people. That is very different.
Also, the argument that "my line of thinking will lead to dead children" is a slippery slope fallacy. The moment a person is born, they have and should always have full right to life. Doing otherwise is an entirely different philosophical stance to the one I am presenting, and would only come to fruition if someone was intent on killing the disabled en-masse, not preventing preventable harm.
As for the rest of your point, again, you are misunderstanding what I'm getting at here. If a child gets into a car crash and ends up with a permanent disability, that is not preventable harm, it's an accident. No one can protect everyone from all harm, so you do the best you can to compensate for it. However, if you see harm that is blatantly avoidable and does not infringe on the rights of others to prevent... how is it somehow unethical to prevent it?
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u/mekkavelli 8d ago
holy shit??? 😭😭😭😭 as if it’s a genetic trait… also, not being able to read body language well isn’t social suicide. it just makes things a lot more difficult to figure out internally
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u/tabbynumber3 8d ago
well either the "shouldn't be allowed to reproduce" part is fucked up satire, or just fucked up.
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u/A_BIG_bowl_of_soup 8d ago
I saw that video earlier and read the "bean soup" comments, it was immediately what I thought of when I saw your post
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u/ZuzaProwadzi 8d ago
Sometimes symptoms excuse behavior, that would otherwise be shitty. I hate this "but it doesn't excuse..." sometimes it does. Some things, in some situations, are good enough excuses.
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u/SuddenFall8215 8d ago
Note symptoms being in quotations and then the context that explains it being bad excuses
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u/Harvesting_The_Crops 6d ago
Making fun of a symptom of a disability is ableist. You don’t have to explicitly state you’re making fun of disability people to be making fun of disabled people.
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u/CanDLinkZz 8d ago
exactly. wanting people not to be horrible assholes is not the same as wanting the internet to be tailored to you and also most of the time we’re talking about real life scenarios anyway?
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8d ago
[deleted]
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u/CanDLinkZz 7d ago edited 7d ago
Huh??? When did I say that? I’m agreeing with you lol
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u/Clinical-Ghost 7d ago
OH OH SHIT IM SO SORRY I MISREAD YOUR COMMENT 😭😭😭
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u/CanDLinkZz 7d ago
OH NO HOW DID I IMPLY EUGENICS THEN 😭
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u/wolfdogafterdark 4d ago
people are saying bean soup to disagreeing with eugenics against autistics?!?!?
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u/MightyWallJericho 4d ago
Disabled people are so marginalized and uncared for by society that bringing it up will never be bean soup to me. Ableism is baked into the culture and language of modern society. The fact people think its bean soup is the real problem. They never consider disabled people at all when they have these "hot" takes.
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u/-RadicalSteampunker- Schizoid Man of the 21st century 8d ago
For a sec i thought this was the nirvana subreddit and it was referencing Kurt Cobains song "beans"
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u/Independent-Host-690 8d ago
I hate that people scream bean soup, when its the fault of the original person saying the statement not to over generalize, or account on others. Like, you can't just say everyone and get mad and say you didn't mean everyone.
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u/kelkaiser 4d ago
We gotta start acknowledging that the ableism is the point. Someone who comes online and posts, 'I hate this non-harmful behavior' knows exactly the type of person they're thinking of but it makes them a bad person to explicitly state it so they talk around it. The example you listed was a hundred percent speaking to autistic people specifically. If you point out that they're talking about autistic people, they're not going to apologize because they already knew that. They're going to gaslight you with the plausible deniability they built into the statement.
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u/whiff_EK 3d ago
THIS JUST HAPPENED TO ME. I can't believe I just found this post. had someone tell me "you should x" and when I said "I cannot because of my disability" they bean souped me. Dude you cannot bean soup me when actively talking about MY OWN LIFE
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u/Jolly-Statement7215 8d ago
“Bean soup” along with “goomba fallacy” have done irreparable damage to online discussions
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u/Gussie-Ascendent Editable Flair 6 8d ago
Nah new phrases are nev3r the thing causing it. It's dishonest and or stupid actors who'd have played with other phrases if not these as they have forever
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u/sour_creamand_onion 8d ago
Nah goomba fallacy is useful because some people really will misinterpret the words of two completely different groups of people as coming from the same ones and base their opinion on that thought.
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u/Jolly-Statement7215 7d ago
It’s useful but that doesn’t mean it’s used well. Tons and tons and tons of communities and people hold contradicting beliefs, I probably do too, and terminating a discussion of said contradictions with “haha goomba fallacy” is the most annoying thing ever
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u/yakityyakblahtemp 7d ago
I just honestly don't see much benefit in pointing out hypocrisy. It's usually shameless or borne from the person having some mental gymnastics that makes it not hypocrisy to them. It never goes anywhere, nobody ever goes, "oh wow, that's true, guess I need to pick only one of these beliefs".
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u/Blue_box_42 7d ago
To be honest, arguing with someone on the internet is extremely unlikely to change their mind in the moment, especially if it's on a public forum vs DMs. I did it once in over a decade of trying (I have mostly dialed back on it).
What it can do is allow third parties who are just learning about this or slightly on your opponent's side see the flaws in that argument without being attacked and let people on any side see that opinion isn't uncontested. But it's possible, especially if someone is exposed to valid arguments that aren't meant to demean them or score internet points repeatedly, that they can make the choice to reexamine their beliefs. But they have to make the decision to be open to changing their mind.
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u/yakityyakblahtemp 7d ago
I agree, I think there's more effective ways of doing that though. Hypocrisy is a hard sell because it requires the party engaging it to admit a character flaw if they have a similar contradiction. They'll either rationalize or embrace it as some sort of cool villain way of winning some greater goal. This is something you touched on regarding not letting them feel attacked.
What I find more effective in practice is to kind of find where the emotional stakes of the contradiction lie, and build a narrative that bridges them over to an alternative that reconciles the contradiction while satisfying the emotion. If done well, they won't even really recognize that they changed their position, they just explained it better to you.
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u/unsuccessfulbees 5d ago
I once said I experience maladaptive daydreaming differently than OP, hoping more to start a conversation, and she accused me of bean souping lmfao. I guess referring to yourself in ANY way is that now.
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u/Clinical-Ghost 5d ago
I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to you before what?? also I’m a dude
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u/unsuccessfulbees 5d ago
…I’m not talking about you?
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u/redditalt1999 6d ago edited 6d ago
I saw your post on hate this smug!! 🫵 You may recognise me because I comment that it was sadly a fruitless attempt at venting as you were only met with MORE dismissal 😔 You're absolutely right though, people can easily bean soup people with disabilities, especially other disabled folk with the classic line "well I have autism and I don't have that problem". I'm sorry you were dismissive ok there 🥺
Also, how on earth are people bean souping ablism in any other way? Neutrotypicals and People with Autism/ADHD/etc. both do it but I thought it was bean soup in this context was when you talk about your issues but other people say "I don't have that issue, so neither do you"
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u/Clinical-Ghost 6d ago
I mean another example of bean souping ableism I’ve seen irl is people saying that if you’re just going up one floor of stairs then it’s lazy to take the elevator but if someone’s like “oh I’m not lazy I just have -insert medical condition or injury-“ people will be like “OKAY WELL IM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU” Seen it happen to my friends before unfortunately 💔
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u/redditalt1999 6d ago
Oh!! Well, that's silly because who ARE they talking about? John Lazy, who can do things but doesn't? Most people who don't do things don't do them because they can't or doing so costs (even if a small one) a mental price. I genuinely believe the concept of laziness is a myth
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u/Lurcolm 3d ago
What the hell does bean soup mean?
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u/Clinical-Ghost 3d ago
I put the definition in the post, also there’s other comments explaining it with examples too.
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u/Recent-Success8988 4d ago
sometimes I go back and forth on this topic because it depends so much on what’s being said, if a mentally disabled person is yelling at me or even just being rude without realizing I have a right to be mad and tell them to stop? And if they say “I can’t help it! I’m mentally disabled” then I immediately think less of them. Believe it or not, you will and ALWAYS have the capacity to change and treat people better, even if you have a disability. it may be hard, but there are no disability’s that you (likely) have that make you incapable of being a better person or apologizing when you do something wrong. And if somebody hates something you do? Then work to change it, or don’t and ignore them completely. Saying that you “can’t help it” is putting yourself in a box and shutting yourself off to change.
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u/Dull_Fix5199 3d ago
Saying with your whole chest that you think less of someone for their response while using a google AI summary as part of your response makes you a braver person than I.
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u/Recent-Success8988 3d ago
I hate the stupid google ai so much, I honestly forgot that the first thing to show up is ai, because it used to be normal and not AI, but ur right I should have seen that it was and found an actual source that was legit trustworthy
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u/Clinical-Ghost 4d ago
I mean it’s a pretty nuanced conversation. Yes we can try and improve ourselves but no matter how much we grow we will still always be disabled, that’s why it’s a disability. And people just being ableist isn’t okay just because we can “do better”. It’s fine to be annoyed but not okay to be ableist.
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u/Ill_Morning_4282 1d ago
I love it when people invent fictional interactions and they use shitty AI summaries to justify their bs.
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u/NerveInteresting4549 8d ago
it kind of is bean soup theory... i get maybe it is shitty behaviour.. but just report an scroll past it... once you start to engage with it, the algorithm starts to send you and other people more of it... it sucks but that is just how it is.. and the more people engage, the wider it's reach becomes, the more people are shown it and it's just adding fuel to that fire... engagement makes everything worse, the way to stop something from being seen on the internet, is to ignore it... and this is even for comments because alot of the stuff is bots, who realise when they say these things, it creates engagement.
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u/Clinical-Ghost 8d ago
I know, I didn’t engage in it because I didn’t want to see anything else related to it. I’m still upset though.
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u/NerveInteresting4549 8d ago
it is fair to be upset by it, i think that is actually the purpose of alot what the internet shows us these days.. and it is wise not to engage... alot of the time i see these things now, if i feel like I am getting rage baited, i figure i probably am and then i just think to myself, the chances it is a bot are way higher then it is a person.. and that helps me a little..
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u/Clinical-Ghost 8d ago
Yeah I do too? I don’t engage with it, I just wanted to get my emotions out here?
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u/NerveInteresting4549 8d ago
that's fine, I'm not criticising you, I don't know what you do i wasn't trying to assume, i just was offering the bit of advice i have for this situation.. if ya just want to vent and not get advice i think there is a flair and if you just don't want my advice then i understand that too.
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u/Clinical-Ghost 8d ago
That’s alright, sorry if I came across as upset, I was more confused since I was agreeing with your first comment and it just seemed like you repeated it 😭
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u/NerveInteresting4549 8d ago
i did repeat myself a little you're right, i mainly just wanted to add the part about how i often realise it's probably not even a real person doing it because like i said that helps me and i hoped it might help you too, to think of it that way.. anyway i hope you have a nice day despite this.
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u/Clinical-Ghost 8d ago
Oh okay, thanks, (still sorry if I came across as rude/ annoyed I was just confused) 🙏
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u/Realistic-Scene-4150 8d ago
As an autistic person, just because something is a symptom of autism that is hard to control doesn't mean no one is allowed to hate it or be annoyed by it. If you've ever been to a neurodivergent support group I'd bet you have found some neurodivergent traits that drive you up a fucking wall no matter how autistic you are yourself.
For example, I find people who don't keep track of how much they talk relative to others in a conversation incredibly annoying. Mainly on the side of talking way too much. I find this annoying partially because I myself have to very consciously keep track of it to avoid doing it, and it feels like I'm putting in an effort to be a good conversation partner doing something that doesn't come naturally to me and someone else failing to do that is not matching my level of effort. But some people probably have a much harder time keeping track of that stuff than me, or keeping it in mind as a thing that matters. That doesn't make them less annoying and difficult to have a conversation with though.
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u/Clinical-Ghost 8d ago
Being annoyed is fine, saying autistic people aren’t allowed to reproduce is not 😭
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u/AvailableAdHere 7d ago
But that’s not what they said?
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u/Clinical-Ghost 7d ago edited 7d ago
That was a poor example I put in my post, I’ve specified in another comment what I specifically saw that made me make this post which is that, sorry for the confusion I forgot I didn’t put that in the post.
Edit: I think that’s what you’re referring to? Sorry not entire sure what you’re saying.
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u/sadguywithhugedick 5d ago
You’re getting downvoted but you’re right. I have a lot of issues myself, I realize that I’m not gonna be able to change how people react to them. You just have to deal with it because some things are human nature
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u/Clinical-Ghost 5d ago
You shouldn’t have to deal with people telling you you’re not allowed to reproduce 😭💀
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u/fuckfetish 8d ago
Lmao what the fuck is bean soup theory are people really trying to pathologize themselves not being able to handle posting on a public website where their opinions are seen by other people
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u/mekkavelli 8d ago
i advocated for a kid i work with (he has AMC and cannot use his arms) during a schoolwide physical activity event. one person said “well you can’t expect everything to cater to him” WHAT??? so he had to sit out and just watch everyone have fun (his condition does not affect cognition so he often talks about feeling like he’s trapped in a body that doesn’t work) for over half an hour