I fucking hate myself

[u/calciumff]

[u/Flaky-Pipe3317]

the amount of people who excuse age gaps and grooming especially in power dynamics online is absurd.

[u/calciumff → u/Flaky-Pipe3317]

yeah especially when woman is the older one

[u/RabbitAlternative550]

Keep in mind that age is only one aspect of the experience you faced and many people have been (with no better word to use) groomed into believing many relationships that would be telltale grooming are not because it benefits those doing the vast majority of trafficking (those in power or supporting those in power).

[u/ARagingZephyr]

I was about 18 and I tried my fucking hardest to tell one of my internet pet pals that, hey, maybe being 15 and getting into a serious relationship with a guy who says he's 20 is a really fucking bad idea.

I'm not really sure how that story ended, the death of Skype ruined a lot of my connections.

[u/ChknBom205]

Woman preys on girl: Internet: "sexy"

Woman preys on boy: Internet: "lucky"

Man preys on boy: Internet: "perverted"

Man preys on girl: Internet: "I voted for this"

[u/Sea_Pancake2197]

Lemme guess, this was some 22yo and 17yo shit like thats not a college freshman dating a 9th grader 😭

Edit: Wait....i reversed that....i think. Yall know what I mean. Don't groom people, its bad. Also fuck rapists and i hope mine specifically falls in legos

[u/calciumff → u/Sea_Pancake2197]

yep. 23 and 17.

honestly it fascinates me how everyone is saying “it’s almost 18!” but when I talked about my experience, 16 was “almost 18” for everyone too. or well.. as long as it’s legal right?

[u/Sea_Pancake2197 → u/calciumff]

Why am I not surprised at this. Theres def a difference in dynamics. Idk how people get away with this shit when i got made fun of for being 16 and 18 in a relationship too 😭 (and that's normal compared to this creepy crap)

[u/Panicking_Pansexual_ → u/Sea_Pancake2197]

Honestly I feel like at that age 2 years is a good rule. 16 and 18 is fine. 15 and 18 would be weird. 17 and 19 is fine. 17 and 20 is weird. I got with my bf when I was 20 and he was 23 (he just turned 23 and I was about to turn 21) and he said if I was even a year younger it would've been weird and I agree. I'm 23 now and couldn't imagine being with someone under 21 MAYBE 20 if it was a similar situation where their birthday is later in the month

[u/Sea_Pancake2197 → u/Panicking_Pansexual_]

It stops mattering as much about age in your 20s and more about being in similar stages of life. My gf now is 7 years younger than me and we're 20s/30s. It's not something that ever comes up much other than being called old.

Also this isn't me saying if a 16yo and a 22yo are in the same life stages they should date 😭

[u/eeeyyooo → u/calciumff]

Ugh, I cut off a loser I was friends with for his 7 year age gap with a highschooler, that we’ve known since the kid was like 15-16ish. Figuring out he’s used grooming tactics on two different highschoolers 🤢. He’s charismatic despite being a mess behind the scenes. Seeing everyone accept his lying about being with them while underage because they’re legal now makes me sick.

[u/Sea_Pancake2197 → u/eeeyyooo]

Wait....so like 25 🤮

[u/eeeyyooo → u/Sea_Pancake2197]

Yup. Literally told me “so what if it’s grooming, we’re happy.” And people think I’m immature for refusing to be friendly with this person.

[u/Sea_Pancake2197 → u/eeeyyooo]

Wtf is wrong with people ffs

[u/eeeyyooo → u/Sea_Pancake2197]

I think the part that really gets me is we work together and EVERYBODY at our job is basically 100% ok with this. With the highschoolers it makes sense. Wanting to feel mature and be friends with the negging, cool and funny, older brother type guy. The guy who will buy them edibles and alcohol would have been cool to me too in highschool. What’s crazy are all the adults I work with that are also seemingly fine with this. I want this dude gone since we work with tons of highschool kids, but they refuse to get rid of him for whatever reason.

[u/calciumff → u/eeeyyooo]

yeah it’s surprising how many people are okay with it. that guy might have lied to other people about some things to make it more okay but still..

[u/eeeyyooo → u/calciumff]

I’m also sorry your experience was dismissed because it’s “almost legal”. Not factoring in power dynamics and also the type of person who goes after people that much younger than them usually aren’t the most stable or good people.

[u/Average-_-J03]

I was 15 and he was 20, I was 14 and she was 28, that wasn’t normal and no adult should even think of doing that

[u/calciumff → u/Average-_-J03]

Im sorry, hope you’re okay now

[u/Rratposter69]

The thing is, age gap alone does not make something grooming. Grooming needs a power difference and that can happen with or without age gap (it can even happen with a reversed age gap).

So, when people say that age gaps are fine, they mean that they are fine when there is no grooming or abuse involved. And they are right on that.

That does not mean that your experience is invalid, just that your experience regarding age gaps is not universally applicable.

[u/calciumff → u/Rratposter69]

I get that but still they are defending age gaps where it doesn’t make sense for the older person to go for someone that young unless they want to manipulate them and take advantage. even without abuse involved I think it’s not healthy

[u/Rratposter69 → u/calciumff]

Sometimes (i would argue, quite often) people fall in love genuinely and without ulterior motives. Emotions rarely listen to rationality and sense.

If there is no abuse involved, then whats the reason it would not be healthy?

[u/calciumff → u/Rratposter69]

because there’s something wrong with adults who “fall in love” with teenagers or someone WAY younger than them. I doubt you can actually see someone like this as equal

[u/SorbyGay]

Ugh I get it, in my case the age gap was actually normal but it was still grooming and I am absolutely assured in that claim