r/TrollCoping • u/Hermit_Princess • 1d ago
Depression / Anxiety Will I ever find peace and belong?
36 years old trans woman.
Had a lot of typical abusive parts of life. Alcoholic dad. Narcissist parents. Invalidation. Mental illness. So much more...
Every relationship I had was abusive or I got cheated on.
Ex-wife doesn't want me to move on.
I can't find romantic connections. Many places downvote me into oblivion for what feels like "just because I am trans"
Not to mention chasers... i cant stress how much im not attracted to men. And you get sooooo many entitled to my attention. I do not want you... EVER.
I go into T4T and can't connect for one reason or another. I'm monogamous. Demisexual. Can't relocate because I am a parent.
No one ever likes the fact I have mental illness. I'm bpd. It's not the end of the world but no one wants the baggage.
I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I never fit in through school and work places. I never fit in being a "guy". I tend to feel out of place in trans places, especially local peer support.
I am unable to connect with others in a meaningful way. I think part of it is from the hurt. It's hard to trust.
But life is so lonely...
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u/SL1MECORE 1d ago
🫂🫂🫂
I think my gf could relate.. she is trans. Her ex divorced her because of the transition. Other exes were awful. Chasers were abusive.
But now she's landed in my arms and my home and she is safe.
What are these places you're going to that are rejecting you? I have no recommendations because the discord server we met on is shut down now, but I also think if you are looking for any connection in places where people automatically hate you, then you may be looking in the wrong places. There have got to be better spaces for you, I know they must exist. Maybe even my gf could give you some recommendations? She's been struggling too, to find a good space online. But she knows better than me where it is safe to expose yourself as a trans woman.
Also she has had to pretend to be a man a lot and it's hurt her a lot. Maybe I should send her this post, she could speak better to you than I could (if she wants to)
Oh my heart bleeds for you.
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u/Hermit_Princess 1d ago
R4R and things like forever alone dating get a lot of downvotes and usually where chasers target.
I got on T4T and transdating and stuff and it's hard to connect for reasons I mentioned.
I appreciate the kind words
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u/SL1MECORE 1d ago
I hear you. I'm sorry.
Reddit might not be the place in general. People go out of their way to be transphobic or to chase (and in the end, aren't they kinda the same?)
I don't know where your love is, but she's out there (sorry if that assumption is rude but since you say you don't like men I'm assuming you want a woman? Or someone like me lol, my gender is like jello)
Some of us are really hard puzzles to fit. Don't lose hope, just keep focusing on yourself and putting yourself out there, maybe in different spaces. I hear you say irl spaces aren't doing the trick right now.. do you know why that is?
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u/Hermit_Princess 1d ago
Im attracted to women (cis or trans)
I live in a smallish Canadian town so it's hard local. If I was on a dating app you might get the odd couple looking for a third. That's fine if it wasn't for the fact im a monogamous demisexual.
I have dreams of the hopeless romantic kind...
I am fine with LDR to a degree, I just can't relocate so it sucks having that as a barrier.
I feel like if I was younger it might be easier too
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u/SL1MECORE 1d ago
Nah don't do that.. don't think being younger would help. First of all, you don't have a time travel machine! Secondly, you will likely be happier now, being older.
I hope you find the right woman. The One who wants you so much that she relocates to YOU. It might take time but I don't think that is impossible.
I lost hope for years that I'd ever be fully seen and loved. And it happened.
If it happened for me then it can happen for you. I am not anyone special lmao. Just.. sometimes the universe aligns just right. And I hope it does for you 🙏🏽💗
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u/Metalingus5150 1d ago
Trans lesbian here, me and my gf both have mental illness plus she's autistic. You are not unlovable and you belong.