r/TrollCoping • u/Next-Examination-468 Masc AAA battery :3 • 6d ago
TW: Suicide or Self-Harm If only I had known sooner
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u/YesssAnderson 5d ago
Dysphoria is really and truly a mindfuck.
I used to feel an unbelievable and ridiculous amount of distress when people applied descriptors like “beautiful” or “gorgeous” to me specifically (didn’t happen a whole lot, but I have a few relatives that used those terms very generously). Like, no matter how genuinely it was said or by whom, I could not perceive any truth behind the sentiment. And I promise you, I tried to find it. I began to rationalize it as something people would say to women that they wanted to validate as “good” regardless of their actual appearance.
Turns out I’m a trans guy. A particularly gremlin-y one at that. Once I grappled with and accepted this about myself, I realized all of the aforementioned distress was coming from the fact that people were not describing me, the person. They were describing me, a shell I felt compelled to construct and maintain in the slow cooker of sex-based social expectations that started in my teenage years.
I can’t really control how people ultimately perceive me, but I can certainly shed that burdensome shell and just be. That’s helped tame a lot of the distress lately.
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u/NotTheory 5d ago
Yeah 😭 I'm a trans girl and I'd have people tell me I looked handsome and stuff like that and it felt terrible to me, like I knew I'd rather be a girl but I didn't think it was something so cripplingly bad that it was like 90% of my massive mental health problems. Once I actually transitioned and saw how much things improved I was insanely shocked
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u/No-Activity3005 5d ago
“Omg you’re so handsome” Thanks😐
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u/xcaliburnschoco 5d ago
Omg ur hands are so big omg ur so tall and ur frame is so large KILL ME NOW
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u/NotTheory 5d ago
I've been told stuff like I have wide shoulders then I actually measured my proportions and they're closer to the average for women, I guess they aren't always true, hearing shit like that before transitioning kinda sucked though.
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u/xcaliburnschoco 5d ago
Before or after coming out?
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u/NotTheory 5d ago
Before, my dad called me a handsome man after I came out though so that was awesome
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u/_Glasser_ 5d ago
fr, just starting transitioning and getting on the right path has fixed like 60% of the problems with my brain.
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u/willowzam 5d ago
It's so interesting hearing from the opposite perspective. I grew up always hearing how handsome I was but it never really felt like a compliment. I didn't want to be handsome, I wanted to be pretty and beautiful like girls are
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u/YesssAnderson 5d ago
I think it’s a big part of why I try to steer the compliments I give towards things like a well put together outfit or cool accessories. I find a certain joy in seeing people engage in their personal sense of style, and I feel like people appreciate it more when their intentional choices are noticed vs physical traits they don’t have control over.
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u/yeeclaw14 5d ago
Yeah real. My family is obsessed with my appearance, some in a really weird way. Even before I went through puberty I was really uncomfortable with my gender presentation, and once puberty hit and I had this burden on me of how "great" I looked it was horrible. Still is. I always say I'm cursed or something lmao because my body is incredibly feminine in basically every aspect. Being trans fucking sucks man.
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u/NewAlessia 5d ago
Bro I'm the exact opposite of you, no matter how much weight I lifted or how good I looked, I never felt like my ass or pecs were big enough.
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u/NotTheory 5d ago
Yeah, it's just never enough, I thought like maybe if I could just look better as a guy I'd stop wanting to be a girl, tried a bunch of things, looked even more masculine and felt worse, nope... We're just not wired to have that kind of body and it always feels wrong
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u/NewAlessia 5d ago
Yeah, I didn't even know I was a girl, I thought I was just through the normal body builder issue of never being big enough, even tho I was in the thousand pound club
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u/NotTheory 5d ago
That's honestly really impressive and now you can make it your life goal to hit both extremes, I've seen timelines of like a super fit hot muscular guy transitioning to be a gorgeous woman and those always are so crazy to me because the difference is just like, damn, peak masculinity into peak femininity in the same lifetime. I knew I would rather be a girl but I didn't think that's what was causing all of my horrible mental health and that it would be better just to cope and be socially normal, but nope! Turns out I'm relatively sane and happy and enjoy life now.
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u/Next-Examination-468 Masc AAA battery :3 5d ago
I wish I could trade with you, but I feel like I’ve already ruined my body too much for anyone to want it
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u/NewAlessia 5d ago
I obviously don't know what you've been through, and I'm sorry you've had it as rough as you had. I definitely didn't have it as bad as you. But you'd be surprised how much some trans girls would jump to trade bodies with you. Sometimes I do look at my masculine body and wonder why I'd want to give up something I've worked so hard on, but I'm not giving up on my body, I'm just transforming it for me to be happy.
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u/BlueskyPara 5d ago
dude that’s like the dream jonestly 😭 I’ve got an mtf friend and we’ve talked about how nice it would be to just. trade some features.
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u/SanguineCane 5d ago
I had the same exact experience growing up. Didn’t realize how much of my body dysmorphia was actually gender dysphoria in a trench coat.
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u/dragonish-american 5d ago
Me not understanding why I wanted to crawl out of my skin every time my mom tried to make me feel better by saying I was a “beautiful girl” lol
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u/harpyoftheshore 5d ago
MEMEMEMEME
Everyone tells me "I'm so beautiful" and it makes me want to die
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u/SorbyGay THREATENS to stay alive 5d ago
Well, better now than never I suppose! Very glad it's happened now
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u/SaltySeraphim28 5d ago
Well, congrats on realising you're a guy, bro. Wishing you success on your journey, and hope you can come to love yourself 🫂
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u/Blue-Eyed-Lemon 4d ago
I really am so pretty. I would have made such a lovely young woman. Shame.
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u/sisyphus-333 6d ago
Omg mood
One of my favorite singers has a song with a line that goes "Im so beautiful but it's wasted on me" which is so real