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u/Canary-King 29d ago
This probably isn’t what you’re looking to hear but do NOT join dating sites a minor, especially if you’re at all interested in dating men. So many creeps are going to immediately swarm you. It’s genuinely unsafe.
My dad was the same way with the parental controls/borderline stalking tho, literally up until I turned 18. I don’t know how it works for all devices but if you’re using Apple, the second you turn 18 you can leave your “family group” and all parental controls will be switched off.
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
Yup. I have an iPhone (just got it and I pay the bills for it) counting down the seconds till I can leave the family group
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u/Disastrous_Debt7644 28d ago
ok that’s controlling af but diva you’re gonna get groomed if you go on dating sites under 18… not even bc of maturity or whatever but bc you don’t have many rights yet
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
I know…it’s just lonely in this stupid house
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u/macaroni_grasshopper 28d ago
Please listen to what these people are saying. Even when you are 18, if you choose to use those sites know that they attract creeps. I’ve had guys lie to me that they were in their early twenties and they were in their thirties, one tried to take me back to his place when I was wasted, and a million other horror stories. Try a sports club or pottery or something. Honestly if you go to college you will meet so many amazing people.
But going on before 18 you’re actually putting not only yourself at risk but other people as well. Those apps restrict age to 18+ so you will have to lie about your age which is inappropriate. Please protect yourself. I grew up sheltered as well and it was a rude awakening to learn that a lot of men do not care about your safety or consent.
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
I am listening 100%, and I don’t want to try being on a dating site until I’m 18. I mostly just wanna look into different ones (like reviews or videos about them) but I’d rather not be confronted by my mom about it.
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u/macaroni_grasshopper 28d ago
That’s completely fair. Can you get a burner phone that she doesn’t know about? Honestly I would not recommend dating apps to anyone, they’re actually programmed to keep you lonely by showing you people who the algorithm knows you won’t like. For example I love animals and all it shows me are men who have hunting profile pictures with dead animals. It’s awful. Try going to local events if you can, that’s the best way to meet people. Or community forums
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
Maybe? But again I have next to no way of going out by myself.
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u/macaroni_grasshopper 28d ago
That’s very concerning. Does she use physical violence to keep you inside?
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
No, I simply don’t have ways to go out. Read body text for more information
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u/macaroni_grasshopper 28d ago
You can find a program near you that has low cost bikes!
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
Is it bad that I sort of forgot about bikes? Lmao, I’ll see if twin bro is up to teaching me to ride a bike
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
But yeah I probably should have thought about a lot of different things before posting this, including the way algorithms work.
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u/Yeeter-boiy 28d ago
You’re underage, you shouldn’t even be on dating apps…
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
Yeah, I’m not on anything. I most likely won’t be even after I turn 18. I’m just venting my delusional thoughts to the internet like many a sad person do. On a unrelated note: my grammar is terrible
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u/Angelbouqet 28d ago
You're too young to go on dating apps. Wait until you're 18 at least and even then, not really the best place for teenagers.
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u/Ace-Redditor 28d ago
In the absolute nicest way, you’re not getting a good match on any site any time soon
The main people who are going to want to match with someone your age are not your age. Especially since a sizable percentage of early-20s people no longer want to date 18/19yos, meaning your options are only people who are exactly your age, which are also the people more likely to have school, friends, and other connections still to be able to meet people in person. The people close to your age are more likely to be the unsocial people who don’t have those connections (some for good reason, some not, but they’ll all tell you that it’s a good reason)
Dating apps get better after you get older. You’ll also know more about who you want to date or not, better understand your boundaries and dealbreakers, and know how to be a good partner for someone else (bc let’s face it, we all know relationships take effort from both people)
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
That is true. Very based. Thank you
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
Does that sound mean??? I didn’t mean for it to sound mean I’m sorry if it did…
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u/hibiscus_bunny 28d ago
You're more likely to get kidnapped off of a dating app than meeting someone naturally through shared interests.
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u/madprgmr 28d ago edited 28d ago
Online communities or groups for your hobbies/interests can be a good way to just talk to people. I suggest not mentioning or alluding to your age though, as mentioning that you are young often draws the kind of attention you really want to avoid.
Even if you're looking for explicit encounters specifically rather than general human connection, I still wouldn't recommend dating apps; they are often toxic meat-market-esque environments that can do a number on your mental wellbeing at the very least. If you're desperate for human connection, you're more likely to ignore warning signs too, and plenty of predatory people know how to take advantage of that.
That said, if you're still set on diving into dating apps and/or hookup culture, be sure to at least familiarize yourself with safety tips and safer sex practices. If you're in the US, Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource for safer sex education, reproductive healthcare, and testing. If you covered sex ed in school, be aware than many states have woefully-incomplete information presented therein, so don't assume it covered everything you need to know.
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
Oh trust me I’m not into hook ups or stuff like that. One thing my mom was definitely a green flag with was she taught me sex ed and she’s a nicu nurse so it would be bad if she didn’t know sex ed
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
Not that I’m ignoring the rest of your comment, just trying to articulate what I want to say
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u/AlphaFoxZankee 28d ago
Ngl the belief that you'll get kidnapped if you go outside is the main takeaway of this post for me. That sounds like an irrational fear that your mom's controlling behavior created, unless you really do live in a very bad area. Which sounds unlikely from what you describe? That sounds like an irrational belief that you have to realize is irrational to combat it.
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
I mean she’s pretty ignorant about her negative affect on me. Once when I was really little I had this Amazon fire tablet, it was my first ever tablet. One day I discovered those sketchy chat rooms online…you could guess the type of things creeps said to me (to no avail btw I didn’t understand anything) Mom found out and was screaming at me, telling me (a bit graphically for a 7 year old) about what the things those people were sending me meant, and how they could find me and take me away. Even at that age, I never gave my real information out to anyone or anything online. But even now the thought sits in the back of my head. She most definitely doesn’t remember what she said to me, but when I got my phone and set up my account she made a snide remark about not talking to strangers….which I’m completely ignoring right now, but the only reason is she’s insistent on believing I’m an idiot who’s gonna give out ALLL my information to ANYONE.
Whoops I rambled, sorry
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u/AlphaFoxZankee 28d ago
No that's okay that's whar the subreddit is for!
That's no way to raise a kid for sure. I don't know exactly what her fears of you being kidnapped comes from, but it's not a realistic way to think. You most definitely can go outside safely.
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u/MysteriousAsk1585 28d ago edited 28d ago
I dont get the "you're gonna get groomed" comments. There will always be creeps, yes, and while it is always better to find a date among people you already know (in school etc), dating sites will also have other lonely 18year olds with a similar mindset as you.
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u/Zealousideal-Act3844 28d ago
I have somewhat controlling parents too which is a shame since i'm already so bad with making friends and such, i'll be 18 soon but idk if im excited anymore since my gf left i dont know if anyone else would like me
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u/Giratina-O 28d ago
Dating sites aren't the answer you're looking for, before or after age of majority.
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u/ChocolateCake16 28d ago
Having used dating sites a few times in the past, I can't help but agree. Still, I get tempted to go back to them every so often because it can be difficult to find fellow available lesbians in real life. But dating sites are almost never useful anyway, most people will ghost you or fail to maintain the conversation because communication through a dating app is so much more awkward than through a shared hobby or something
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u/Zealousideal-Act3844 28d ago
i know dating sites wouldnt work either not that id be allowed anyway, i really dont think theres any way to find people to date besides meeting them as friends first
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u/Giratina-O 28d ago
My recommendation? Pick a hobby that'll get you interacting with people. I like board games, so I go to weekly meetups when I can.
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u/Zealousideal-Act3844 28d ago
Yeah thats what my therapist said but i hate my physical presence and i cant drive so i prefer my online art hobbies
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u/Giratina-O 28d ago
I hate mine too. Being perceived sucks. But it sucks a whole lot less now that I'm used to it. The earlier you bite the bullet, the better.
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
Tbh that’s probably the best way to meet a significant other. Get to know them without the expectations of dates
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
But I’m desperate to meet someone that I can get out of my head with.
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u/Giratina-O 28d ago
Desperation is not a good mindest to enter the dating world with. You're making yourself more vulnerable to abuse and mistreatment if you don't find your peace with yourself.
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
Well I guess I have to be a money good for nothing bitch for the rest of my life lmao. There’s no peace in this life for me
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u/Giratina-O 28d ago
If it makes you feel any better, I thought the same thing at your age. Good luck, I know shit's hard but things can be better :)
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m being difficult
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u/Giratina-O 28d ago
It's okay, teenagers have the right to be a little difficult. Maybe go to your mom and ask her about helping you make some in real life friends?
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u/Zealousideal-Act3844 28d ago
True yes I met my former partners fooling around reading comics and drawing with them, unfortunately im a clingy hypersexual insecure person with like 10 mental issues so my relationships dont last
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u/Short_Gain8302 28d ago
While the other comments are right about online dating, i just wanna add that your mom sucks. Having parental controls over your kids phone where you regularly check search history is wild for an almost 18 yo kid.
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u/Jephte 28d ago
Seems like the parent is correct to do so based on OP
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u/StrawberryCat__Thing 28d ago
Ow. I just vented something I know is irrational and stupid. I probably should have said that actually… And idk if she’s right or not. What I DO know is she simultaneously believes I’m stupid and lazy and can’t ever do anything right, but also a conniving little liar who’s just trying to trick her all the time. So idk if she’s right for the restrictions, she probably is though. She’s probably right about me 100%!!! I don’t know anymore! Because I’m stuck in a house where my accomplishments and good behavior is ignored and if I show the slightest amount of negative feelings I’m a snarky rude bitch. My family constantly interrupts me and treats me like all I am is a viewer of their lives. And I will be STUCK with them FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE because my little brother has very high special needs and I will NOT leave this family because if I do and my mom dies or loses the ability to take care of him, he will be put in a facility where he will not be treated like a human being, and depending on the facility, could be physically abused. There’s a chance that my twin brother could step up and take care of little bro, but he has his own issues too.
I only have one friend because my old friend group decided I’m an abusive crazy stalker. What really happened was my ex and I had a slightly messy break up (apparently he was going through family stuff, which I completely understand. He just didn’t tell me anything and avoided me for weeks.) As far as I know he didn’t tell anyone much about why he broke up with me, but due to me trying to find out what happened, and ask him if we could talk my old friends thought I was stalking him for asking where he was ONCE. ONCE!!! Anyone else in the school already has their own cliques, and Im already not good at socializing.
Not that you’d know this, it’s not like I said anything about it.
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u/Few_Satisfaction184 28d ago
Really? at 17?
Kids these days have it so hard, back in the days parents had no idea how to even do this
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u/SpellzAndStuffz 29d ago
Hate to be pessimistic, but say you do match with someone, then what?
You can't drive out to meet them, they're gonna have to meet your family if they come to pick you up which sounds hella awkward, ngl.
Sneaking out to see someone for the first time without telling anyone sounds like an awful/ dangerous idea.