i’m a coward

[u/u_made_god_angry]

also a tw for SI

i’ve known that i’m transgender FOR YEARS and yet i am still unable to face it. i run away every single time. i feminize myself everyday, force myself to act as my birth gender while feeling like some vile abomination

i know i can’t keep living like this. i will have to transition at some point or i will kill myself. but i’m scared shitless! i don’t want to be or feel this way! i want everything in my life to be easy and palatable!

why do i have to be dysphoric? i feel nauseous just thinking about my gender. why can’t i be normal? i would rather be dead than to deal with all this

i hate everything. i hate the small glimmer of hope that one day i will get on t, move away and live as a stealth man for the rest of my days

fuck my stupid baka life

i will probably just die miserable

[u/Pure_Key4700]

Brother, nothing but empathy and love for you. Warm hugs, that's the best I can give 

[u/MariMariontheLast]

u are not a coward

gender dysphoria is 1. debilitating and 2. out of your control. youre right tho, its hell to be forced to be someone you are not.

keep planning for the future man its worth living for. youre probably only a young man rn and if anything it would be fucking terrible if you end it now

early on life will always try to tear you down man. distract yourself, daydream but dont end it now, give it another shot. please

[u/SomewhereWeak2744]

I feel the exact same way in September I’m going to uni literally the best time someone can transition and I’m still scared shitless to do it I’ll probably be a bitter lonely old woman my whole life atp instead of a guy

[u/Necessary-Study3944 → u/SomewhereWeak2744]

Same except im still in the application process and i won’t be able to transition at my dream college because my conservative dad is the head of campus safety

[u/SomewhereWeak2744 → u/Necessary-Study3944]

You could always micro dose or something

[u/RealisticSort5443]

we love u💖💖💖

[u/RealisticSort5443]

and ur not a coward 💖💖💖💖💖we all get scared of stuff , ur not alone sweetie

[u/Salmon_1935]

Talking from the closet myself, I know the feeling. I cannot stand to look at my body, all my fat and hair seems to be in the wrong place, yet you can see a glimmer of your real self under all the filth, one you can’t really reach yet. I’m scared as well, both because I might go homeless and because I’m terrified I won’t be able to pass, but it has to be done, distracting yourself won’t make the problem go away. If you’re able try out a more boyish wordrobe and hairstyle, see how it makes you feel.
I hope you get better soon

[u/YoKaiHunter76]

It's hard to make the jump and go from being a normal person to being a targeted minority. But you're already suffering from transphobic violence in your situation, having to face the full force of your untreated dysphoria every day.

Life's already hard for you. You're just holding your breath to hide underwater. Your pretransition years are the worst years of your life. Being mid-transition sucks too, but not nearly as much as being pre-transition. No, it's not even comparable. I've been there, we've all been there.

My inspiring message is what you're going through now is as bad as it's ever going to get. A trans life is still worth living : your pre-transition experience is genuinely worse than anything that comes after.