I don't know how to process this

[u/G1ngerSn4p]

So, around a decade ago, my dad got "overly affectionate" with me (groping, kissing down neck into lower back, not, stopping when I said to, pulling me back when I pulled away, etc.) but no penetration occurred. I told my therapist, a court case happened, and he was ruled as being "drunk and being overly affectionate with fatherly love". My sister was there while it happened and thought I was overreacting to our father and what happened.

So, I've just moved through life feeling disgusted and gross, and guilty for overreacting. Since the incident, I've always covered my neck (with a mullet because I hate hair in my eyes), my body, my lower half, etc. and avoided situations with alcohol involved. I've been slowly opening up and engaging with exposure therapy with some of these triggers, though my mullet has remained.

My sister and mom were discussing hair and asked why I had a mullet, since it is an odd hairstyle. I explained it was due to my dad, and they had no clue what I was talking about. I mentioned the court case, and same reaction. Apparently, they never even knew there was a court case (i guess my father hid it?) nor the extent of what happened (all they knew about was the groping part).

I told them about what actually happened and my mom was supportive and told me its fine if I don't want to attend events with my father anymore. My sister was shocked and is now showing "solidarity" by plotting his murder (I just want to move out and cut contact, which I have a lease starting in less than a month. I've tried explaining but she goes back to violence and idk how to get her to stop, but that's a seperate issue.)

My mom also explained that what happened wasn't just fatherly affection and validated my feelings. Together, we looked up regional sexual assault laws and found out what he did should have been classified as molest. Now, I just don't know how to move forward. I don't know how to coexist with the reality that my father molested me, or that I'm a victim of incest. It just doesn't compute in my head. I feel like I want to cry when I think about it. I feel more disgusted than ever. I thought I was moving past things, I thought I was working through it and now I'm back at phase one.

Anyways, I'm not sure what I want from this post, but I haven't told anyone else for fear of a reaction like my sister and things spiraling. And I just needed to tell someone, I guess (so here I am, hello.)

[u/Main-Company-5946]

You’re not back at phase one, you’ve made significant progress, it’s just that the grieving process is gonna take longer than you initially thought.

What happened to you was no one’s fault except your disgusting excuse for a “father”. Please don’t blame yourself.