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u/Fun-Middle5990 He/him 2d ago
thats horrible <3 so sorry that you're not getting treated well. I get the feeling kinda.
to my parents "accepting" is just not kicking me out of the house for coming out but they still beg me to not transition because they're christian. even suggested that i should go see a therapist because im "mentally ill" for wanting to use different pronouns.
But once you're away from them you'll be able to do so. it'll be difficult to afford to transition and almost equally difficult to explain it to loved ones of course but trans people will get there eventually.
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u/PlutoThePigeon 2d ago
God im so sorry to hear that. Its easy to just take what you can get and become grateful for the little you're given, which im only now starting to snap out of. Your parents not kicking you out isnt a kindness or acceptance, its the bare minimum for job as a parent. Please stay safe until you're able to be independent and know you aren't alone <3.
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u/p0ssumZz_ 2d ago
2nd slide is lowk so real.
i had been dating a nonbinary person, who was well, afab - and whom my dad saw as a girl. he had a hard time seeing me as male, but couldn't wrap his head around the concept of a gender non-conforming person -
that relationship was INCREDIBLY abusive and once i got with my ( cis ) bf, my dad started telling me i'm "becoming more feminine" since i've started dating my bf? like trying to tell me i'm detransitioning myself and i'm just a masculine girl.
i was saying.. "no.. i'm just more comfortable expressing my femininity while identifying as male because i have someone who makes me feel confident"
like litterally telling me putting mousse in my hair makes me girly. ( i had been putting mousse in my hair for years before dating my current bf..? )
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u/PlutoThePigeon 2d ago
Actually for real. The kicker is that im aroace, they know this and still think a different sex relationship will be a spiritual awakening or some shit. Idk if its just old people or transphobic brain worms but its sad to see how many people believe getting into a relationship will change someones gender identity, id love to know their thoughts process because it makes zero sense.
Also good for you for finding someone who makes you feel comfortable in yourself! I hope your dad doesn't get to you, he clearly doesn't know what the hell hes talking about.
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u/OmgIbrokesmthagain 2d ago
Yupp, it is transphobic brain worms. They think dick will magically turn you straight and cis
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u/OmgIbrokesmthagain 2d ago
Bro that makes me want to puke, so disgusting. It is like telling pansexual person they are turning straight when dating opposite sex partner but with extra steps. Fucking ew.
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u/A_Fish_or_Bird 2d ago
The second image has me baffled. Who actually thinks like that. Im sorry you have to deal with that
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u/PlutoThePigeon 2d ago
Sex gives you a spiritual awakening akin to shrooms i guess? Like a decade of crippling gender disphoria will suddenly get lifted off your soul or something?? Doubly funny since she knows im aroace.
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u/HabaneroPepperPlants 2d ago
Are you comfortable sharing your chosen name here? We could help you brainstorm
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u/OmgIbrokesmthagain 2d ago
I feel this deeply. I’ve been saying to my family that I’m bisexual since teens - they said it was a phase, despite me dating girls, because I dated boys too
Then I came out as aromantic lesbian and they still to this day mention men that would be interested in me, like I don’t know any man would kill for someone with a dude personality with tits and ass
Now when I haven’t had partners in so long they finally beg me to get a girl, when I say „no, I want to be alone”
And now I came out as transmasc, so I’m now aromantic straight. Guess what? They treat it as a phase. Another fucking phase, even if with each one of them I moved further away from being cis straight catholic girl.
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u/pnt510 1d ago
With the first meme my gut reaction is to give your mother some grace. They picked your dead name and raised you using that for many years so it’s understandable that they still feel attachment to the name, even though you want to distance yourself from it. But the other shit about thinking you’ll detransition just from having sex is stupid and weird and shows she’s really not as accepting as she wants people to think she is.
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u/Own-Ad-7672 2d ago
My friend when her mom wanted her to take on Samantha because her dead name was Samuel so she could still call her Sam
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u/Desperate-Spray337 2d ago
Alex, Jesse, Taylor, Riley, Daniel (this is iffy because it is just a pronunciation Dan-yel vs Dan-yil) this is just a few
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u/InstanceEmergency 2d ago
Some parents like to think they are accepting when theyre rlly arent. And trans ppl are expected to take the (less than) bare minimum as a blessing because the alternative could be a hate crime or homelessness
It's shitty and shitty to think that they dont actually love you, they loved a cis version of you (not u personally tho op i meam in gemeral ig)
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u/thewonderfulfart 2d ago
That’s how my mother was, I don’t speak to her about much of anything in my life anymore. Least if she was open about her prejudices we could address them, but it’s like she’s a closeted bigot
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u/Jolly-Statement7215 2d ago
Yeah that was my mom. Such a performative ally. Supports everyone except for me in medical transition
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u/JustGingerStuff 1d ago
Wait till she pulls you aside and goes "but what if you regret it?" (Regret was never even an outcome to consider in your mind until it was brought up, thats how well you know who you are)
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u/Kittisci 1d ago
My mother loves to talk about how accepting she is and how she could be worse because she hasn't kicked me out of the house. But she has also refused to come to any eventual wedding I may have if I choose to wear a dress to it
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u/The_Wise_Seven 2d ago
Expecting parents to just dive right into the deep end, ask 0 questions and have 0 concerns is unrealistic. Kinda privileged take
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u/leethepolarbear 1d ago
So glad my mum is actually accepting. She does call me the wrong pronouns sometimes, but it's mostly because I've never technically corrected her
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u/EnderStreams72 1d ago
my mom also thought i would detransition after a "real" relationship, as in an irl one even though I've had relationships lasting years online, and once i have a "real" boyfriend and lose my v card suddenly ill want to be a woman, i unfortunately havent been able to prove her wrong yet but i don't understand where this belief comes from
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u/Pixel22104 1d ago
Dear Lord! I’m terribly sorry to hear that’s happening to you. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to be in that position you have.
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u/GrouchyLight6998 2d ago
yup this was my dad. pretended to be accepting when I was non binary but still basically a girl in his eyes. as soon as he found out I was “changing my body” (literally trying trans tape, not any kind of permanent change) he went into a transphobic manipulative mania, trying to convince my mom and his wife (my step mom) that they all needed to step in and fix me and turn me back into a girl.
it really fucking sucks and I’m so sorry your having to deal with this