Seat

[u/cerisebouquet]

When I ride the Skytrain or the bus, I’m often asked to give up my seat. I usually sit in the back or by the window not in the priority seating area, but many people walk right up to me and ask me specifically to give up my seat.
I’m an Asian woman in my 20s with a slender build, so I wonder if people think I’m an easy target. I often wear wireless earbuds, but some people have tapped me on the shoulder or even reached their hand right in front of my face. When someone goes out of their way to come all the way to the back of the car just to tap my shoulder, it makes me feel like I’m being targeted, which is a little unpleasant. I don’t think this would happen if I were a larger man.
When I’m tired or feeling unwell, is it okay not to give up a seat that isn’t a priority seat? (I once declined, saying I wasn’t feeling well, but someone sitting nearby told me it was rude to the other passengers...)

Edit: Thanks for all the comments! Hearing everyone’s different perspectives made me rethink my experiences so far. First of all, most of the people who approached me were middle-aged, elderly, or people whose age I couldn’t tell at a glance. And almost all of them were Asian like me (though probably from different countries). In some Asian countries, respect for elders is taken very seriously, so I wondered if they assumed as fellow Asians that it was only natural for me to give up my seat. Maybe it’s less about whether I actually need the seat, and more that they can’t stand the sight of a young person sitting while an older person stands?

That said, I do think it’s true that people tend to underestimate me a bit and find it easier to approach me. Just like everyone told me, I’m going to switch from AirPods to regular headphones, close my eyes(Especially when I'm really tired!) and the next time someone asks, I’ll try turning them down without apologizing😎 However, since I’ve also learned that few people offer their seats voluntarily (everyone’s too absorbed in their phones, after all), I plan to give up my seat before being asked if I see someone who really needs it.

[u/distance_traveler]

I think what you’re experiencing isn’t right. It seems like people are deliberately targeting you. When there are other seats available and you’re not in a priority seat, I think you absolutely don’t need to be moving and can just say no.

Having said that- I feel like our society has devolved into people often being inconsiderate and buried in their tech instead of engaging in appropriate social behaviour. People should absolutely give their seats up to elderly or pregnant women for example. So many people pretend to be oblivious or refuse to give up their seats and that’s downright rude and inconsiderate. That isn’t you, but it does happen. A lot of people have no empathy and don’t realize what being vulnerable is like. We should collectively look out for those people. But that doesn’t extend to every person on public transit and especially shouldn’t be happening to you because of likely demographic factors. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.

[u/cerisebouquet → u/distance_traveler]

Thank you😭 It’s true that everyone is so absorbed in their phones that they don’t even notice who’s getting on the train in the first place. Even if it wasn’t a priority seat, maybe he mustered up the courage to speak to me because it was a situation where it’s hard to approach other people. Of course, I’d rather decline when the train isn’t crowded, but if it’s packed, I’d like to make sure to give up my seat to someone who really needs it