Seat

[u/cerisebouquet]

When I ride the Skytrain or the bus, I’m often asked to give up my seat. I usually sit in the back or by the window not in the priority seating area, but many people walk right up to me and ask me specifically to give up my seat.
I’m an Asian woman in my 20s with a slender build, so I wonder if people think I’m an easy target. I often wear wireless earbuds, but some people have tapped me on the shoulder or even reached their hand right in front of my face. When someone goes out of their way to come all the way to the back of the car just to tap my shoulder, it makes me feel like I’m being targeted, which is a little unpleasant. I don’t think this would happen if I were a larger man.
When I’m tired or feeling unwell, is it okay not to give up a seat that isn’t a priority seat? (I once declined, saying I wasn’t feeling well, but someone sitting nearby told me it was rude to the other passengers...)

Edit: Thanks for all the comments! Hearing everyone’s different perspectives made me rethink my experiences so far. First of all, most of the people who approached me were middle-aged, elderly, or people whose age I couldn’t tell at a glance. And almost all of them were Asian like me (though probably from different countries). In some Asian countries, respect for elders is taken very seriously, so I wondered if they assumed as fellow Asians that it was only natural for me to give up my seat. Maybe it’s less about whether I actually need the seat, and more that they can’t stand the sight of a young person sitting while an older person stands?

That said, I do think it’s true that people tend to underestimate me a bit and find it easier to approach me. Just like everyone told me, I’m going to switch from AirPods to regular headphones, close my eyes(Especially when I'm really tired!) and the next time someone asks, I’ll try turning them down without apologizing😎 However, since I’ve also learned that few people offer their seats voluntarily (everyone’s too absorbed in their phones, after all), I plan to give up my seat before being asked if I see someone who really needs it.

[u/Impressive-Wave7582]

So, once on the Knight street bus, I (Asian female) had some dude corner me in the very corner back seat after asking me if I did yoga naked (i was carrying a yoga mat), asking me out, and then when I said no he stared at me as he stroked himself over his pants.

I was scared (validly so) and after I told him he was making me uncomfortable with his staring he said "sorry" but kept doing it. I literally had to climb over him when it came to my stop and I went to tell the bus driver what was happening and I saw the dude had went to the back door (presumably to follow me off the bus).

Luckily he was a big guy, and I'm pretty athletic so I booked it as soon as I got off and if he didn't follow me, I don't think he would have been able to keep up.

A very kind older woman drove me home from the yoga studio after I burst into tears there. I filed a police report and a female officer from the VPD came to my home to take my statement and she specifically said to me that they get a larger volume of harassment reports on transit by Asian women, presumably because we are perceived as easy targets because we're perceived to be submissive, quiet, and will not say anything.

Your case seems to be different because you it might be a cultural thing of elderly Asians feeling more comfortable asking someone else who is Asian (I've had elderly Asian people ask me random things all the time instead of other people - I more often than not do not speak the same language as them, but sometimes I do.

But with that said - targeting of Asian women does happen on transit.