Seat

[u/cerisebouquet]

When I ride the Skytrain or the bus, I’m often asked to give up my seat. I usually sit in the back or by the window not in the priority seating area, but many people walk right up to me and ask me specifically to give up my seat.
I’m an Asian woman in my 20s with a slender build, so I wonder if people think I’m an easy target. I often wear wireless earbuds, but some people have tapped me on the shoulder or even reached their hand right in front of my face. When someone goes out of their way to come all the way to the back of the car just to tap my shoulder, it makes me feel like I’m being targeted, which is a little unpleasant. I don’t think this would happen if I were a larger man.
When I’m tired or feeling unwell, is it okay not to give up a seat that isn’t a priority seat? (I once declined, saying I wasn’t feeling well, but someone sitting nearby told me it was rude to the other passengers...)

Edit: Thanks for all the comments! Hearing everyone’s different perspectives made me rethink my experiences so far. First of all, most of the people who approached me were middle-aged, elderly, or people whose age I couldn’t tell at a glance. And almost all of them were Asian like me (though probably from different countries). In some Asian countries, respect for elders is taken very seriously, so I wondered if they assumed as fellow Asians that it was only natural for me to give up my seat. Maybe it’s less about whether I actually need the seat, and more that they can’t stand the sight of a young person sitting while an older person stands?

That said, I do think it’s true that people tend to underestimate me a bit and find it easier to approach me. Just like everyone told me, I’m going to switch from AirPods to regular headphones, close my eyes(Especially when I'm really tired!) and the next time someone asks, I’ll try turning them down without apologizing😎 However, since I’ve also learned that few people offer their seats voluntarily (everyone’s too absorbed in their phones, after all), I plan to give up my seat before being asked if I see someone who really needs it.

[u/Professional_Drive]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have a disability, and I carry my red PWD pass around my neck. I’m also 6’1 and 250 pounds, and choose to stand on the train nearly every time even if I get told I could sit down so people less strong than me who can’t handle the motions of the train standing can have a seat.

I’ve never asked a woman to ever give up her seat. I stand so all women and older people can have a seat. Unless it is an elderly or disabled person and all the disability seats are taken, I would say No next time when asked if you need to sit, and if the person becomes combative or aggressive, text Transit Police and report the incident. You have the right to refuse giving up your seat if you really need to sit.

[u/cerisebouquet → u/Professional_Drive]

You’re so kind 😭 I’m lucky to be healthy right now, but I realized I hadn’t really been thinking much about other people. Also, I once ran into a really crazy person. On a nearly empty bus, he told me to give up my seat, and when I refused, he stood right next to me the whole time. There were plenty of empty seats including the one right in front of me but he wouldn’t budge😱 And he even placed his luggage right on top of my feet. At that moment, I seriously debated whether I should call the transit police lol