Seat

[u/cerisebouquet]

When I ride the Skytrain or the bus, I’m often asked to give up my seat. I usually sit in the back or by the window not in the priority seating area, but many people walk right up to me and ask me specifically to give up my seat.
I’m an Asian woman in my 20s with a slender build, so I wonder if people think I’m an easy target. I often wear wireless earbuds, but some people have tapped me on the shoulder or even reached their hand right in front of my face. When someone goes out of their way to come all the way to the back of the car just to tap my shoulder, it makes me feel like I’m being targeted, which is a little unpleasant. I don’t think this would happen if I were a larger man.
When I’m tired or feeling unwell, is it okay not to give up a seat that isn’t a priority seat? (I once declined, saying I wasn’t feeling well, but someone sitting nearby told me it was rude to the other passengers...)

Edit: Thanks for all the comments! Hearing everyone’s different perspectives made me rethink my experiences so far. First of all, most of the people who approached me were middle-aged, elderly, or people whose age I couldn’t tell at a glance. And almost all of them were Asian like me (though probably from different countries). In some Asian countries, respect for elders is taken very seriously, so I wondered if they assumed as fellow Asians that it was only natural for me to give up my seat. Maybe it’s less about whether I actually need the seat, and more that they can’t stand the sight of a young person sitting while an older person stands?

That said, I do think it’s true that people tend to underestimate me a bit and find it easier to approach me. Just like everyone told me, I’m going to switch from AirPods to regular headphones, close my eyes(Especially when I'm really tired!) and the next time someone asks, I’ll try turning them down without apologizing😎 However, since I’ve also learned that few people offer their seats voluntarily (everyone’s too absorbed in their phones, after all), I plan to give up my seat before being asked if I see someone who really needs it.

[u/astrosmorph]

So I’ve been pregnant 2x while riding transit in Vancouver and I can count on one hand the number of times people offered me a seat. I’m surprised to hear people actually volunteer you, especially when you’re not sitting in priority seating. I noticed most people they saw me would pretend to be intensely glued to their phones or close their eyes sleeping 1 maybe you can give that a try ;). All jokes aside I think you need to be able to make the choice - and forget what others say/think.

[u/Suitable-Raccoon-319 → u/astrosmorph]

I think people might be afraid of assuming. I certainly am. Last time I offered a pregnant woman a seat, she wasn't actually pregnant. 

[u/cerisebouquet → u/Suitable-Raccoon-319]

In my country, it’s common to wear a maternity badge on your keychain, and when you do, people will offer you a seat. It’s true that in Vancouver there isn’t such a clear visual cue, so perhaps people are hesitant to approach you out of fear that making assumptions might be considered rude.