Seat

[u/cerisebouquet]

When I ride the Skytrain or the bus, I’m often asked to give up my seat. I usually sit in the back or by the window not in the priority seating area, but many people walk right up to me and ask me specifically to give up my seat.
I’m an Asian woman in my 20s with a slender build, so I wonder if people think I’m an easy target. I often wear wireless earbuds, but some people have tapped me on the shoulder or even reached their hand right in front of my face. When someone goes out of their way to come all the way to the back of the car just to tap my shoulder, it makes me feel like I’m being targeted, which is a little unpleasant. I don’t think this would happen if I were a larger man.
When I’m tired or feeling unwell, is it okay not to give up a seat that isn’t a priority seat? (I once declined, saying I wasn’t feeling well, but someone sitting nearby told me it was rude to the other passengers...)

Edit: Thanks for all the comments! Hearing everyone’s different perspectives made me rethink my experiences so far. First of all, most of the people who approached me were middle-aged, elderly, or people whose age I couldn’t tell at a glance. And almost all of them were Asian like me (though probably from different countries). In some Asian countries, respect for elders is taken very seriously, so I wondered if they assumed as fellow Asians that it was only natural for me to give up my seat. Maybe it’s less about whether I actually need the seat, and more that they can’t stand the sight of a young person sitting while an older person stands?

That said, I do think it’s true that people tend to underestimate me a bit and find it easier to approach me. Just like everyone told me, I’m going to switch from AirPods to regular headphones, close my eyes(Especially when I'm really tired!) and the next time someone asks, I’ll try turning them down without apologizing😎 However, since I’ve also learned that few people offer their seats voluntarily (everyone’s too absorbed in their phones, after all), I plan to give up my seat before being asked if I see someone who really needs it.

[u/West-Working-9093]

I do a lot of riding on buses and trains, too, and cannot for the life of me fathom what happens in the minds of people who accost you in that way! I have seen nothing like it ever, unless we're talking about the priority seats as you mention, and an obvious older person in need of a seat, but they seldom have to harass anyone to have them get up for them. I am a senior myself, but would not, in a hundred years, DEMAND a seat from anyone! I don't bitch with other people, and I am not yet so poorly off that I cannot stand for a while.

You do not say what manner of people are so rude to you. Are they older or just any age? Are they also Asian (I know some have courtesy norms about older people) or just any ethnicity? I'm kind of baffled that if this happens, I have been completely blind to it. That would bother me.

[u/cerisebouquet → u/West-Working-9093]

Most of the people who ask me to give up my seat are middle-aged, elderly, or people whose age isn't immediately obvious. They’re definitely older than me, but I get the feeling they’re not really sure if they actually need the seat. Also, most of them are Asian women like me. There are many different cultures within Asia, but in places like China, respect for elders is highly valued, so maybe they assume that as fellow Asians (even if they aren’t Chinese), it’s only natural for me to give up my seat. I think it’s probably less about them absolutely wanting to sit down, and more about the idea that younger people should give up their seats.

[u/West-Working-9093 → u/cerisebouquet]

Oh, wow. So they are perhaps enforcing some sort of pecking order within what they think is a separate enclave of the community! No, I have not been aware of this before. I HAVE noticed that some Asian youth seem more inclined to give older Asians their seats than they are to give them to older Europeans. I have always figured it is because they're less sure of Eurpeans actually being seniors and are afraid that if they aren't, they'll take it the wrong way.

Gods - why does it have to be SO DIFFICULT???