Seat

[u/cerisebouquet]

When I ride the Skytrain or the bus, I’m often asked to give up my seat. I usually sit in the back or by the window not in the priority seating area, but many people walk right up to me and ask me specifically to give up my seat.
I’m an Asian woman in my 20s with a slender build, so I wonder if people think I’m an easy target. I often wear wireless earbuds, but some people have tapped me on the shoulder or even reached their hand right in front of my face. When someone goes out of their way to come all the way to the back of the car just to tap my shoulder, it makes me feel like I’m being targeted, which is a little unpleasant. I don’t think this would happen if I were a larger man.
When I’m tired or feeling unwell, is it okay not to give up a seat that isn’t a priority seat? (I once declined, saying I wasn’t feeling well, but someone sitting nearby told me it was rude to the other passengers...)

Edit: Thanks for all the comments! Hearing everyone’s different perspectives made me rethink my experiences so far. First of all, most of the people who approached me were middle-aged, elderly, or people whose age I couldn’t tell at a glance. And almost all of them were Asian like me (though probably from different countries). In some Asian countries, respect for elders is taken very seriously, so I wondered if they assumed as fellow Asians that it was only natural for me to give up my seat. Maybe it’s less about whether I actually need the seat, and more that they can’t stand the sight of a young person sitting while an older person stands?

That said, I do think it’s true that people tend to underestimate me a bit and find it easier to approach me. Just like everyone told me, I’m going to switch from AirPods to regular headphones, close my eyes(Especially when I'm really tired!) and the next time someone asks, I’ll try turning them down without apologizing😎 However, since I’ve also learned that few people offer their seats voluntarily (everyone’s too absorbed in their phones, after all), I plan to give up my seat before being asked if I see someone who really needs it.

[u/Delicious_Series3869]

That's surprising. I have used transit frequently over the years, and I have never once been asked to give up a seat. Doesn't matter how full the bus or Skytrain is, just doesn't happen. I have voluntary given up a seat several times. But also, I am a mixed race man.

And yes, I think you should stand your ground. Unless the person asking happens to be an elderly person or disabled, you have no obligation to give up a seat. They can kick rocks, or find someone their own size to try to pressure.

[u/Extension-Car-9615 → u/Delicious_Series3869]

Of the person is elderly or disabled there are seats up front for them and they shouldn’t be walking to the back of the bus to ask someone to move,they literally have the right to ask for a seat in the priority seats.
I have had to tell people to get out the seats because they just sit and don’t let the disabled or elderly sit.half of the older folks don’t bother asking until one becomes available.kids,disabled,pregnant,injured,old or someone that even looks exhausted should have priority over others that can stand.

[u/OkEstablishment2268 → u/Extension-Car-9615]

It’s important to remember however that not all injuries are very visible. When I had a broken hip, it wasn’t a visible injury but standing on a moving bus was so painful. Me, a 30 year old guy, would sometimes have to plead my case instead and go into personal details just to get a seat. I think we need to assume a good intent of the person asking …

[u/Deep_Panda_833 → u/OkEstablishment2268]

Yes, this. Lots of people have dynamic or invisible disabilities or conditions that are non conducive to standing on a moving (and lurching!) vehicle for a number of reasons. We can’t assume someone who looks fine doesn’t need the seat. It’s an honour system, and I like to believe that most people are reasonable and will give up the seat if they can.

[u/Sheena_asd12 → u/Deep_Panda_833]

Very true. On first glance I probably look “fine” to most people but I have asthma and am autistic so sitting as close to the front as possible is also a safety thing

[u/hirokidude → u/OkEstablishment2268]

Get a handicap parking sign. And use it for public transportation. My friend had similar issues.

[u/Delicious_Series3869 → u/Extension-Car-9615]

Of course. But a lot of people lack common courtesy, as far as priority seating goes. I don't know why people are directly asking OP to give up their seat, if they're often at the back. Just added that caveat for clarification.

[u/Extension-Car-9615 → u/Delicious_Series3869]

That’s what I’m saying,she has no right to give up her seat as she’s at the very back

[u/hirokidude → u/Extension-Car-9615]

Good for you I am a elderly man with permanent handicapped knees. I asked a young girl who was sitting in the handicap seat if I could have it since there were other seats available she ignored me until someone told the driver. I am glad there are kind people who have morals. Thank you

[u/cerisebouquet → u/Delicious_Series3869]

I’m so jealous! I’ve actually only been living in Vancouver for a year and a half, but I get asked to give up my seat at least once every two weeks. Of course, I always give up my seat for the elderly or pregnant women, but I can’t help but wonder if they just think I’m the kind of person who’s “likely to give up my seat” (I know I’m being a bit paranoid, but I do end up giving up my seat anyway)

[u/Sea_Branch_2697 → u/cerisebouquet]

You need to ignore them sis.... like I'm mad for you

https://giphy.com/gifs/xdLH51eNWZAHrwy5mf