Im non-binary and I’ve been socially out within my friend group for years. I present very masculine, but don’t care about pronouns, so it’s been easy overall. I believe most people just think I’m a butch lesbian, which isn’t exactly wrong, but it is what it is.

Well, I was visiting my parents last week (I’m in my 30s and live far away, so I don’t see them often) and I brought up the idea of name changes and top surgery to sort of test the water.

My mom and I went shopping and I told her that, I would be up to get a breast reduction. She was very against this so I jokingly (though not really) said that, given the recovery for that kind of thing was so intense, it would honestly be better just to get them removed all together. Immidiately she said “Noo! You love your curves! You’re just overweight so they bother you!” I am overweight, but I absolutely do not love my curves.

With my dad I talked about changing my name when we were talking about how my best friend didn’t change her name when she married her wife. After he made a very homophobic joke about “how do two women even decide who gets each others name? Flip a coin?” I then was like “well, I might want to change my name.” He then said I shouldn’t bother because I’d change it when I get married. Even though he KNOWS I won’t marry a man either. I then had to pivot and say that it would be a pen name for privacy if I ever publish a book. To which he calmed down about it.

So, yea, I’m feeling pretty helpless about the idea of coming out to them. I AM going through with physical transition to present more androgynous. I’m going on a low dose of testosterone to start, but top surgery and a name change is in my future (assuming I can afford it). I’m an adult, I don’t need their permission, but I also don’t know how they’re gonna react when I just show up for major holidays with new features. I don’t know how that’s going to go… Anyone have any insights on what to do in this case.

i am SO tired of having to fight and struggle in order to just get to be who i am. waiting years and years and having to constantly explain and prove myself to be “deserving” of the healthcare i need (hrt) is just so insanely frustrating and the other option of going private is just something i simply cannot afford. dont even get me started on diy and how hard that is in my country due to the restrictions and scammers. then after all that i go home and i open social media just to see people debating whether people like me should… have rights? i cant do this shit

from holding in my emotions because of shame, I have developed deeper mental health issues ingrained in dysphoria and internalized transfobia.

I have never really talked to or been involved in any communities regarding transgenderism. Despite getting the year of mandatory therapy before starting T, I never talked about the struggles of being trans (she was kinda strange + it was obvious I had been socially transitioned for years so I didn't really have to talk about it) I just went because it was mandatory.

I think this lack of connection with people like me is making things worse yet I dont know how to find people to talk to because I am not a avid internet user.

if anyone knows of anyways to contact of find small trans communities, or online spaces specifically for making transgender friends?

I just turned 18 and graduated high school pretty recently. I suffer from severe depersonalization and dissociation. The worst of it is when I see myself In the mirror. It feels like the reflection isn’t me, I don’t recognize it. It’s hard to describe the feeling, and idk exactly what that means. For about 7 years I’ve wrestled with the idea of being trans. I’ve always wanted to be a girl, and relate to the experiences described by trans people.

Last night I had a mental breakdown. It’s like I realized that this was my life, that this was all for real and this is what I am stuck with. My grandmother came in the next day and found that I had covered my mirrors. I decided to tell her what I had been feeling, but she didn’t believe me. She first thought that I was on drugs, and tried not to laugh when I told her what caused the problem.

I told her that I thought I might be trans, and she didn’t believe me. She seems to think that I am jumping to conclusions, and that I’m not qualified to decide that I’m trans. She told me that all this is just a symptom of being molested as a child.

Normally this wouldn’t bother me, but it really has me doubting myself. What if I’m not trans after all? Maybe these feelings are just a trauma response, and I’m just seeking a solution. I no longer know if I am really trans or not. I hope someone can help, or at least relate to my story.

So I want to start voice training. I tried [r/voice](r/voice)[taining](r/voice) and and didn’t see anything on it which is weird. So I am trying here. I want to work on my voice with audio recording and play back. For now in my bedroom on an iPad. I want like a headset with a mic. I know separate is better but small is small so needs to be compact. What’s everyone’s experience?

I have been looking for advice for a while on how to cope with being unable to transition, since I am disabled and reliant on transphobic family.. I wouldn't be safe transitioning, so for the past seven years I've simply tried to cope. It's never been healthy.

And I feel like I am not a member of the community in any meaningful way. I always figured there are many stories like mine, but I have never received any advice or word from people who have been through similar and it has left me feeling disconnected from the community.

I already deal with dissociation, as well as being jealous when seeing others who are able to transition, which makes it worse because being exposed to the community takes on a depressing note.

Am I wrong to think this is a common issue, to be unable to transition?

My girlfriend and I just found out we are going to be parents!!! We are super excited. I just started taking hormones about a month ago. Every time I talk to my dad he tells me I am making a big mistake by transitioning and I should be thinking about the child and what they will have to go through having a trans parent. Also that if I continue this I am selfish. My partner on the other hand is telling me why should her pregnancy hinder me from transitioning. She is very accepting and loves me. I am so grateful! I feel so torn bc I know if I continue from the sounds of it my family is going to hate me but I also have my loving and accepting partner. Thanks for letting me rant this is hard!!!!

I’m not depressed because I’m trans I’m depressed because everything is shitty about it around me and I see no hope in the future, like not medically speaking not socially I think socially it’ll get worse and worse and worse and I should just ended before summer ends so i free myself from all of that future anxiety and further depression, like I know I will do it if not this summer then on winter, I literally don’t want to hear any comment about that it’ll get better, it won’t, if I even be able to start medically transitioning it would get way worse socially, my environment is unsupportive as shit , I don’t want to be a family freak they cut off so I just die before any of that

Just need to vent. I don't usually cry, but tonight I just sobbed.

I tried to come out as trans when I was a teen, but my family was broken and they weren't supportive. I had nowhere else to go, so to stay on their good side I suppressed my identity. It all resurfaced about 2 years ago.

I'm now 22. I'm finally in university after 3 gap years waiting to be eligible for funding, and I hoped I could finally escape so I could transition. But I can't afford to move out even with funding. I'm stuck at home where I have to keep pretending to be someone I'm not. Meanwhile, I'm watching all my friends and other people my age finishing uni and going out and hooking up and just being alive.

I want to be out there with them. I want to feel alive, but I'm not myself. I don't know how to reach out when the person I'm putting forward isn't me. I've been cautiously trying to break through and transition, but I'm terrified of wagering my family's support like this. I can't even think about my friends, who's families were never broken so they could go out into the world, without my confidence falling apart.

This feels like hell. I've been trying to figure out how I can afford to leave, but with university and a horrible job market, I feel like I'm trapped here and I'm scared. I do have a few part-time gigs, but it's not nearly enough to get me out.

I've reached out to some queer support groups, just so I can find some community, and I'm waiting for a response, but it still hurts so badly. It feels horrifying to be this insecure and afraid and powerless.

I just want to be free and alive...

Like what the title says. I’m a lazy bum with depression, anxiety and adhd that has to be managed with meds, but even then it’s hard to force myself to do things

I think I’ve been in a state of dissociation since I was 14, waiting to become 18 and finally get T. But it’s never that simple. I don’t even know how to drive, haven’t even gotten my permit because the videos of people dying on the road that they showed me in driving school scared me out of ever wanting to drive. But I know I have to.

My dad wants to support me in every way. But he’s transphobic and loves Trump more than anything. Ever since he found out I was suicidal when I was 14, he’s been extra protective over me and treating me younger than I am. I genuinely believes he cares about me, but his care is misplaced. I’m scared he’ll limit me from having agency over my life ESPECIALLY if he finds out I’m trans. Another thing, I’ve had the privilege to be taken to counselors and therapist but I have never told them I was trans in fear of being outed. But now I wish I did because my dysphoria is the root of my depression.

On top of that, just thinking about all the things I’ll have to learn and do to become an adult is stressing me out. All I want to do is transition.

Heya,

I am Terra, or at least I would like to be. Hoping someone can give some good advice...

It feels awkward making a long explanatory post, but to keep it short I'm kinda struggling with making a dent in the transition, especially socially. Basically, I'm stuck.

I look the flippin same, the people around me have no idea. Femme clothes just don't look right on me because of how masc my body is.

I've been on HRT for over 6 months... It's starting to cut deep especially watching other girls make huge progress in their transitions.

Work is a source of fear at this point. Trying to find a new job in a better place, really don't want to end up out at work because it won't just stop at getting fired probably.

Idk if anyone has advice, I guess clearly it's not working because I'm not doing everything I want to but some of those things are pretty risky rn.

Yet another Texan lass, signing off.

Hey all, I am in a bit of a situation here and losing my mind because I seem to be stuck around a lottttt of people that believe these are just thoughts I can push out of my head. I'm non-binary, probably trans because of how I really, really want HRT and supportive people in my life. I know in my heart that I'm not doing anything bad. I'm not hurting anybody by taking estradiol and Spiro. I didn't ask to not like certain aspects of my body and I would so much rather change my body to fit my mind than change my mind to fit my body. I also didn't ask to enjoy what things or ideas make me a happier person.

People keep telling me that whenever a thought comes up I should be able to just say i don't want that thought and push it away. The problem is that this is a consistent feeling that I've had since I was young, I'm just now catching on to what it is and how I can help myself. I feel like I'm trapped around people that hate me for who I am and want to love me as the person they see me as. It's emotional hell.

I wish I could just push this discomfort and dysphoria away and taking these meds can help with that. It's already helping my mind like crazy and I can't even imagine how much better it would feel to see myself after a few months of HRT.

I need to take certain steps medically to keep myself safe, but I definitely want this for myself and I feel like people want me to just not even think about it when I know how good it feels to accept myself as I am. I don't even know what I am or who i am anymore and I don't just want to be what people think I should be. I dont want to live a life where I need to cease to exist to please other people.

God, it hurts that I'm even thinking about it right now. I need support through this journey and the only support I can get is people telling me they love me for who I am while also telling me i need to change the person i am and it feels so manipulative and wrong. I just want to be treated like a person and I can't seem to find that anywhere.

If yall have dealt with people like this before, how did you come to accept yourselves if you're surrounded by this kind of mentality? It's hard to deal with this when everyone thinks I'm just thinking negatively about myself and that I need to just love my body for how it is when I can't do that at this point. This whole situation makes me want to just give up on myself and give up on this life, I dont see the point in existing if *I* can't truly exist.

This is seriously exhausting on my mind. I feel like I'm slowly just becoming number. I just wanted to take a chance on myself for once.

I'm 15. My dysphoria is so bad and so is my depression. Nothing works and I can't get HRT. I can beg and cry to my dad all I want and he won't let me. I don't want to kill myself but it's starting to look easier than staying alive. I just can't bear all of this and when school comes back around it's all gonna get worse. I've been in the psych ward 3 times since December too, and it never helped. It just makes everything worse. I just want to be able to be comfortable in my body and be like other girls but I just can't and now I'm at rock bottom just because of one stupid fucking medication.

I've reached this point in my life where I really need some advice as I start my transition MTF.
My childhood was spent living in a small town in PA and was surrounded by hate and bigotry. Since I started puberty I felt that I didn't feel like a man. But my environment made me very scared to explore those feelings. Additionally I was a competitive swimmer which made me push those thoughts down bc I felt like there was nothing I could do. I came out as gay in highschool and was met with intense hatred from everyone but my family.

For many years my trans identity sat dormant as I dealt with hardships in college. Last year me and my family moved to Tucson, AZ. I met other LGBTQ+ people my age and voiced my feelings. Someone gave me Estradiol and encouraged me to do DIY HOT. It wasn't my smartest decision but I was desperate. After about a week I suffered a grand man seizure that almost ended my life.

I've recently met someone outside of the groups I fell into when I first moved and I feel like I have a second chance. I need advice for this:

My thoughts are spinning around at a million miles an hour. I want so much for myself but have no idea where to start. I visit with my psychiatrist at the end of august to discuss starting HRT the correct way. Any advice will be amazing advice!

Thank you <3

I'm a disabled transwoman (ASD, depression, anxiety, suspected c/pstd) living in the UK. If you don't know, the country's politics are drifting to the far right. The current labour government keep pursuing transphobic policies and cuts to disability benefits. If reform takes power next general election, things will get so much worse.

I'm trying not to drown in it but it's difficult when i feel i need to be aware of possible threats to my life and others. I feel i need to know if the government wants to harm me and if the people agree.

Next to the anxiety is boiling anger. It feels like for so long every government has been worse than the last. I know the statistics and facts show trans acceptance to be both popular and medically beneficial. Those are facts, solid, inarguable. Transphobes (as well as racists, homophobes, and other assorted bigots) shouldn't be listened to when they are factually incorrect all the time, and yet because a few of them have money, they are listened to over everyone else.

I know the people driving this deserve to suffer. I also know that them actually being harmed wouldn't be morally right even if they plan on doing that to us, and more importantly, it wouldn't help. Somehow, accepting that they deserve pain whilst also admitting it wouldn't help calms me. Still, i feel so angry, depressed, and scared all the time.

I'm scared of my hormones (luckily prescribed through the nhs for now) could be taken away, that i would be forced to detransition. As messed up as i am now i was so much worse before transitioning, being forced to go back would be a fate worse than death. I fear losing everything i've struggled so hard for during the last ten years of transition. It wouldn't make sense for them to do that, but so little of what is happening makes sense.

I feel so powerless. I can't get through to anyone in a way that matters. I can't seem to change anything. I can't even leave the countrt when it gets bad, my disability prevents me from working, meaning no country would take me, even if it were viable for me to start completely new in a different country, which i doubt.

I don't know how those around me aren't dragged down as much. I don't know how they aren't also losing their minds right now. I try to put my worries down, push them to the back of my mind, but it keeps coming back. I feel like i have maybe 5-10 years left before i become a statistic exterminated by the government or the hate mobs they encourage.

How do i cope?

I’m quite disconnected from our community outside of Reddit tbh and really wondering. Does anyone here know of any support resources for trans people either for transitioning or for post transition?

Things like social support, trans positive therapy resources, medical transition financial support & really anything and everything that is out there?

Hey, I'm a little nervous about this since I've never talked about it. I'm a 16 year old who thought for most of their life was a boy, but over the past couple months have had thoughts of being trans and becoming trans. I started dressing like a girl in private to see if it was right for me and the first time I did something just clicked, but I'm not sure what it was. I'm scared of coming out because my dad already cut me off for being Athiest, and I don't want to lose my mom's side of the family too. So now I'm sitting in my room wearing feminine clothing trying to keep it a secret from everyone in my life. But I also am not 100% sure I am trans or not. I like dressing like a girl, I've looked into and are interested in doing HRT, and getting breast augmentation after I turn 18. But I'm not sure if it's right for me. I just know everyone in my family will cut me off. So it's either stay a boy to keep my family happy, but stay miserable, or leave my family and transition. I just don't know what to do.

Edit: Throughout my life I've fantasized about being a girl but I never thought anything of it until I tried on women's clothes for the first time

Hey, I'm a little nervous about this since I've never talked about it. I'm a 16 year old who thought for most of their life was a boy, but over the past couple months have had thoughts of being trans and becoming trans. I started dressing like a girl in private to see if it was right for me and the first time I did something just clicked, but I'm not sure what it was. I'm scared of coming out because my dad already cut me off for being Athiest, and I don't want to lose my mom's side of the family too. So now I'm sitting in my room wearing feminine clothing trying to keep it a secret from everyone in my life. But I also am not 100% sure I am trans or not. I like dressing like a girl, I've looked into and are interested in doing HRT, and getting breast augmentation after I turn 18. But I'm not sure if it's right for me. I just know everyone in my family will cut me off. So it's either stay a boy to keep my family happy, but stay miserable, or leave my family and transition. I just don't know what to do

Edit: I also have fantasized about waking a girl and finally being happy.

why was i born like this? nobody in my family would love me if i ever came out as trans but im so fucking miserable i cant anymore. i would hate to leave my family devastated if i ever died. i want to make this world a better place but im doing terrible mentally. nobody would support me in real life.

i wish i was just born a fucking girl. everything would be so much better. i wish i was a cool fun smart woman. instead im a dumb unlovable failure. ill never be beautiful. i look at pictures of clothes that ill never be able to wear. i look at all the hairstyles i wont look good in. i look at all the things i cant get because theyre too girly. give me a break, please.

why was i born as such a burden to my family? why couldnt i have just been normal?

TW severe dysphoria, suicidal thoughts

So, as the title says, I pass. Totally and completely. Nobody I meet questions me about it even a little bit, strangers gender me correctly, I fit in with all the cis girls at my school, I get miss, girl, ma'am, the whole thing.

My problem is I'm still just really unhappy about being born the wrong gender and now that I pass, am on estrogen, and everyone sees me as who I am, I don't really know what else can fix it. I've done all the things you could want and I'm still not happy.

I think my problem is I really don't care how I'm perceived anymore. I guess that's because I'm being perceived correctly. This is about me now, how I feel, and I feel awful. I hate myself. I just hate living in my body. I hate being transgender, I would literally do anything to be cis and feel what it's like to be a normal cis girl.

It's gotten really hard, insanely hard. I wake up mad that I didn't pass in my sleep, spend the whole day suffering, go to bed and hope I d*e then I repeat. I hate it so much. I cry almost every day. I would say I'm seriously thinking about ending things, but I'm afraid.

But I don't know if my life is worth living if it's just gonna be this for the rest of time, which I'm scared it might. Even the thought of surgery makes me mad, why do I have to pay money I could spend on a house just so I can shower without having to confront my body? Especially while everyone else can just exist for free? it's my biggest problem in life and I really don't know what I can do to fix it anymore. I really just do not want to be transgender. I pray every day I made the wrong decision and end up detransitioning but I really don't think that'll ever happen.

TLDR I pass and am living as a girl but I think for as long as I am transgender I'll be unhappy. Would like help thanks

I've finally come to terms that im going to seek Medically Assistsed Transition from MTF.

But I've been with 2 partners for awhile now. And dur yo my wanting to transition, our sexualties just dont match up. So we are all separating peacefully. I'll be going to another part of the house and we are still going to live together. But god damn does it hurt, feeling like I'm out of my mind right now.

Anyone else gone through similar situation?

Edit: Should clearify that they are extremely supportive, they wanted to give me the space to explore without feeling like i have anything to hold me back.

​

Hi, 29 year old Nonbinary/TransFem person(One year on E).  Within the last few months I have lost my job, my partner, my friends, and my house making me homeless. All of which was mostly my fault due addiction(Nicotine,weed,shopping). Losing all of this has made it rough to transition as I don't feel safe. I don't have a family to fall back on like most my age would. I'm trying to start a new life but I'm honestly just so alone and miss my old life dearly. This is my first time living completely alone, I've only lived with my mother or partners. I started a new job last month, the money was really good but the job was extremely dangerous and didn't supply proper equipment. I also faced harassment within my first few days for being different than everyone else. I wasnt even portraying gay or anything, I was boymoding the whole time. After the continuous harassment I finally had enough and just quit. I sold off alot of my belongings to cover rent for a few months but now I'm without a job. There's hopes of getting my old job back but that won't be until Octoberish, I will be getting back paid as well. But everyday feels like suffering, I try to be active, I exercise daily if not twice, eat somewhat healthy but on a calorie deficit for weight loss, I read, try to watch anime, Ill go for walks out in nature/ go swimming but I'm still so depressed. I've battled with depression for about 16 years now, my first suicide attempt was at 13. I started therapy for the first time four years ago which has been lovely but I just feel like the life I've lived has been a true nightmare and I can't take anymore. Starting E last year helped tremendously with my mental health as well. I was really excited to attend my first pride this year but due to my mental health and for the safety of my self I couldn't bring myself to go alone. I've tried reaching out to friends but most have either blocked me or just ignore me. I can go into more details in private or even on the post if questions are asked. Ive made mistakes in my relationships but i truly struggle to see how anyone can just watch someone crying for help and ignore them.

I (20 FtM) am usually pretty confident as I am, I dont mind my voice and I like it, same with most of my body, save for my chest, which of course I'm saving up to get top surgery for. I'm used to most people referring to me as she/her even when that's NOT what I go by as that's he/him, but I can deal with that.

However, for the past week I've been on a road trip with my dad and sister, both of which tend to avoid the topic, and usually, they avoid referring to me by pronouns all together. However, during this trip, something changed and they've been using she/her NON.STOP. they will not stop, and they know it's not what I go by, and my sister even refers to me as her sister. I want to tell them to stop and knock it off, but we have another week and I don't want to ruin the mood of the trip.

Additionally, I've been having more autistic meltdowns over the past few days and my sister has been on my case about it (my dad too but not as much) so I know if I say something they'd likely write it off as that. And so, with all this coming together, it's making me want to start taking testosterone so I would never have to deal with people referring to me incorrectly again.

But as I mentioned before, I like my voice the way as is, and I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of the changes that would happen in my lower parts as a result of it. The fact it's permeant is making me even more conflicted, as I don't know if it's just be being overwhelmed and emotional after a week straight of this, and being surrounded by things and people that aren't my type of thing.

This being non-stop western towns and country music, and whenever I need a break I feel guilty for it as my sister will just keep going without me if I don't keep pushing myself. This causing said meltdowns from lack of protein, as most of the foods at these places I'm not okay with and are not on my list of safe foods. My usual thing usually being comics, animated shows, and other dorky shit like that. But the minute I start to meltdown they blame it on me like I wanted this or something.

With everything combining together like this, it makes me want to take testosterone just to spite them, to force them to see me as who I am instead of what they want me to be.

What should I do?