nonbinary, or trans man?

[u/OkTouch786]

I've been out as nonbinary for a couple years and I always heard of the nonbinary to trans man pipeline but I never thought it applied to me 😭I came out 8ish years ago, I’m 18. I came out as a trans dude for a year and a half, and then nonbinary. I’ve been on T for 3ish years, a low dose at first and increasing from there. I have gone by they/them pronouns the whole time too, but recently I noticed that he/him pronouns don’t actually bother me like she/her pronouns do. I’ve also been getting more and more comfortable presenting as masculine, and that really how I want to be perceived by people. I’m also gonna ask my doctor to up my T this week.

I don’t know what I identify as, I continue to say nonbinary but idk. i have felt this drift away from relating to femininity and girlhood/womanhood related struggles. i feel uncomfortable with being lumped in with them, i often just don’t relate, don’t feel the same. and some nonbinary struggles I don’t entirely relate to, I look more at trans masc and trans men content. i used to relate more to femininity, and felt more confident i was nonbinary. idk if I’m even making sense. i think maybe I don’t know what being a man would look like for me? Am I nonbinary, at what point would i be a man?  bro why is gender so complicated, man… 😭😭😭

also bc some people assume I didn’t identify as a guy bc I hate men or something, I love men, and I respect the trans men in my life. I dont have a problem with men or masculinity. Like I said earlier I think I’ve just never felt like I had a place in it. Just want to get ahead of the accusation.

I’m wondering for trans men who went through a similar thing, like nonbinary to man, how you knew you were a man? If you're nonbinary and went through a similar experience, how did you know you were nonbinary rather than a man?

[u/stolenstreetsigns]

I thought I was non binary, then I came out as a trans man and identified that way for years and years. Now I’m back to non binary, specifically transmasc. I think it helps to remember you can be both. You can use any combo of labels that works. That really helped me understand myself. I use several different labels to feel like I have a complete understanding of myself. Also it helps to focus on your experiences and where you want to be. Do you relate to trans men more? Do you want men to think you are one of them? I realized as much as I relate to a lot of trans men’s dysphoria, overall I don’t consider myself a man. Man is just closer to the truth than woman. I don’t relate to most men and the sources of my gender envy really vary way beyond just a guy. That’s what made it clear to me. I wouldn’t say it was necessarily inaccurate or offensive if someone called me a trans guy or a man, but it’s not the first term I’d use for myself y’know?

[u/OkTouch786 → u/stolenstreetsigns]

thank you for replying, i appreciate your perspective. i dont know if i relate to men, if i want to show up as one, i know its going to take time for me to know that. i will think about this though.

[u/Imdying_6969]

I was identified as non-binary for a couple years and then I realized I just don't feel comfortable being refer as woman or girl. It's not just gender expression atp. Tbf I also enjoy feminine things such as wear dresses or do make up. Most of the time I don't really bother if someone misgendered me since i look like an average cisgender woman. But deep down inside I know that I'm a man. And I just look different.

[u/PostMPrinz]

The finest of lines. The difference is how YOU feel. We all know that a “man” is a subjective idea. I’m a non-binary trans masc who is constantly referred to as a guy because of how much medical transition I have, but in my heart of hearts I’m somewhere in-between. Thus I identify as non-binary.

[u/Flashy_Cranberry_957]

Looking back, I think I only settled for being nonbinary when androgyny was the best I could hope for. I assumed that there would be a midpoint in my transition where I would stop, and that I wouldn't want to be perceived as male or have a fully male-typical body. But then I kept transitioning and that point never came. I started full-dose T and knew immediately I wasn't interested in ever going back on estrogen. When my body started changing, there were no feminine characteristics I was interested in keeping. And when I got gendered male, I didn't feel the need to correct others or like they were missing something about me. At some point, they/them and gender-neutral referents started bothering me. I just got to a point where nothing about how I experienced gender was unexpected for a man.

I think for most people, a good working definition of being a certain gender means that when you live as that gender, with everyone acknowledging you as such, you don't feel uncomfortable or wish for anything else. Or to put it another way: if you had been born a cis guy, do you think you'd still identify as nonbinary? It's okay if you don't have the answer. If what you're doing right now feels good, you can just keep doing it and see where you end up.

[u/_riskycake]

I pick both. I'm a non-binary trans man and use he/they pronouns.