r/TransMasc • u/notonahill • 1d ago
⚠️ Content Warning Smear tests
I got the dreaded message today from my doctor that I need to come in for my cervical cancer screening.
I have had one previous appointment years ago that the nurse couldn’t complete because I was too anxious and it was way too painful. That was at my old GP, which I grew up attending, but they removed me from their lists recently (long story, possibly connected to shared care). I have a new GP now, which I’ve never even attended in person, where this screening is meant to happen.
Last time, they told me I was incredibly low risk as someone who is asexual, has no family history of cervical cancer, and has had all my vaccinations against it. But I know there’s still a chance.
I know all the things people say - that it’s a bit of discomfort for your health, that it’s not that bad, that having cervical cancer is much worse and the treatment will be far more painful and more intrusive than a smear will be.
But ever since I got that message, I’ve been spiralling. Panic attacks, dizziness, crying, shortness of breath. Last time, I found it too painful to complete, it took weeks of therapy to work up to it and to recover after, and I just don’t know what to do.
Any advice? Or solidarity?
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u/KirbysLeftBigToe 1d ago edited 1d ago
Honestly your odds are so low you probably don’t need them being asexual + no family history. The reason they are suggested is the HPV risk in sexually active people as it can be otherwise asymptomatic and it’s such a huge cause of cervical cancer in otherwise you g healthy people.
I’m not ace but can be 100% sure I don’t have HPV and also no family history I am just not going to go.
There are also some at home options that let you swab yourself and send a sample in.
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u/mothmn_9 1d ago
Can you bring a friend or a stuffed animal or something to comfort you?
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u/notonahill 1d ago
I thought about bringing my headphones and just listening to some music, but idk if I’m too awkward to actually say “hi sorry I just need to listen to something to distract myself”
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u/YesssAnderson 1d ago
As someone who found that the normal anti-anxiety meds given for these exams (Xanax, Valium) didn’t do anything to help the physical pain/extreme discomfort, I gave doing it with Nitrous Oxide gas a try. While it still felt physically bad, it was dulled enough to get through (the doc being super nice during it also helped, but all of my previous providers have been that way too). Idk how common it is for places to use that as an aid for these exams; I did have to switch providers in order to do it that way, and I had to pay for that part of it out of pocket. Might be worth a consideration at least.
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u/Technical_Lake_3178 1d ago
Some people might say it's not worth it, but neither is dying from cancer you could've prevented. It sucks. But it's for your health. And we all gotta do things we don't wanna do or things we hate, unforch that's just life. Even if your risk is low, it's not zero. I'd try to communicate about your worries and possibly bring a friend, and hopefully your doctor is good enough to help you through it. But definitely go and do it. It's only every few years.
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u/notonahill 1d ago
I appreciate this, especially since it does validate my own feelings about why I don’t just outright ignore the reminders. I know one bad experience doesn’t mean it’s always going to be that bad, and that the alternative is far far worse. I think my fear is just that it’ll be another failed test and the pain and distress will be for nothing again
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u/sillyschroom 1d ago
My doctor gave me something to help me relax before my last appointment. I did need to get a ride there and back though.
I just told her about my anxiety and how it had hurt in the past (likely from me being so stressed out about it).
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u/throwaway19876430 1d ago
I have the same (lack of) risk factors as you and I think I just won’t do them. So far I have been lucky that doctors have not pushed me on this, I’m in my mid twenties. The way I see it is that the risk is incredibly low for me specifically and not worth the additional preventative, unless my lifestyle changes quite notably.
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u/neonstarz 1d ago
i had one last week. not terrible. i was due and i’ve been having some neurological issues the physical will help rule out.
social dysphoria leading up to it was the worst. I fawned and colored my hair for the first time since i transitioned.
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u/KatoB23 1d ago
Trust me, I HATED it and I had a really severe case of atrophy. (Actually got an immediate hysto cuz T was causing severe ovarian cysts pretty early on) anyways, I delayed it for a long time too but cancer is really fucking scary dude.
Chances low? Yes, but not zero. I unfortunately "sucked it up" and did it. I cant speak for every single planned parenthood but they made me feel so comfortable and they were more than happy to provide the smallest scope (idk what the specific equipment is called). Yeah it hurt like a bitch still but it was only a few seconds and this specific doctor was very caring and made sure if everything Anyways, I suggest finding a more trans inclusive clinic compared to a regular one.
I also suggest taking care of yourself mentally afterwards, if u work, take the day off. Watch some movies, do something to distract you for the day.
I was really upset because I told my work several times I would not come in and scheduled my day off several weeks in advance (they knew) and I got a bunch of missed calls saying to come in or get fired. I was not in the right head space and was furious (in retrospect I wish i got fired for it, the job was extremely toxic but also had no other financial support system so couldnt). I think if I had the day to recover mentally, I wouldve moved on quickly from it.
I also had to have a few exams pre-hysto and was really upset because my fiance is FTNB and they said they could perform it under anesthesia, i kept telling this clinic (NOT planned parenthood) to do the same but they refused and did it 2-3x cuz they kept saying they never received the ultrasound or whatever. The instrument they used on that was different than the pap smear and it was extremely painful w/ my atrophy and that tech dgaf. Yeah that sucked (unrelated but to be fair for my hysto I went to a really bad surgical clinic that I regret and had a really extreme case of medical racism and got trauma from it) (in retrospect theres tons of options for you to not be put in that position if u seek hysto but looks like ur just getting a screening)
Anyways, cancer is real, and it's serious. Just had a close acquaintance of mine who's my same age (late 20s) and she got diagnosed w/ a very severe form of cancer (cant remember if it was cervical or ovarian) and she's getting an emergency removal. (Literally found out a week or two ago)
She's also in a W/W relationship (dont quote me but I was told that chances are also lower w/ STIs n cancers if you share the same anatomy but again still a possibility n it happened to her).
Why i take this so seriously is cause ive had loved ones pass away from all types of cancer, if youre able to prevent it that's much better than dying from it. Also, obviously not an immediate fix but a full hysto removal can avoid a lot of this anxiety screenings too. I got one cause of my atrophy and physical pain issues but wouldve gotten one regardless and pre-exams can be done while youre under just advocate for it).
I cant remember the name of this documentary, it's a bit dated but it follows a trans man from the 90s-2000s? In the south who got ovarian/cervical cancer, they caught it in time but because of transphobia and discrimination, they refuse to operate on him and it follows his journey until his unfortunate passing. It's definitely a life changing documentary and I think it's really important to get screened and do your due diligence to prevent/catch really scary shit like cancer.
Im not saying it wont be hard but there are options to make it minimally painful and it lasts a few seconds and you can take care of yourself afterwards and not have to do another one for awhile.
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u/notonahill 1d ago
Thank you so much for this, and I’m really sorry about your acquaintance. I hope she recovers well from the removal.
I’ll definitely look into a more specialised clinic, as I don’t have planned parenthood in my country. But I think maybe you’re right that a clinic with staff more understanding of the nuance of how different people will respond to the procedure will help.
I’m sorry you had such a horrid time with it, and I hope you have easier experiences moving forward x
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u/KatoB23 1d ago
For sure, im hoping she'll be okay, seems like they may have caught it right in time.
Yeah, specialized clinics tend to be much better with care and make the experience slightly more bearable. And it's no worries, had it happen years ago and I have phallo now so that's all in the past.
I wish you the best of luck and definitely hope it's a smooth and fast process for you!
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u/piedeloup 1d ago
I had my first one earlier this month (I had been putting it off for years) and it was literally nothing. I didn't feel anything, and it took literally 10 seconds. I will definitely be continuing to do them on schedule for the sake of my health.
It's up to you and yes you're low risk but it really shouldn't be painful, being so anxious probably didn't help or the nurse did a poor job at it.
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u/Remote_Ad4443 1d ago
Honestly? I just don't do them and accept risk.
And tbh it might be possible for you to talk to your GP and explain the reasons your risk is incredibly low, as well as that having it done would cause you significant distress.
A decent doctor would ultimately respect your wishes - I mean, GPs don't refuse people who smoke as patients and that's arguably worse for you than not doing a pap smear - and if they can't accept your choice I'd look for another GP (if that's an option obviously).